Guest guest Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 You have every right to have your "time". We all have it.....and will continue to have it. Sigh...... Kaye and Roxanne were sooooo right........I think we all agree. It sucks for all of us at times. Go on and vent. Thats why we're a SUPPORT GROUP. hee hee. RobinSuzanne <suzannex6@...> wrote: I know I'm lucky in the sense that it could be worse. And I am careful not to wish for anything different but this week I am tired and he has been trying. The school year has ended and I feel like he went no where academically and although for the most part except for the past 6 weeks he did better then last year with his behavior issues. But all the things we told this school not to let happen with his obsessions they let happen and I feel like all the possible progress we were making was totally undone since Easter. And now I'm looking for things I need to possibly do to make things better but no one can tell me what to do or how to change things. It is exhausting to listen to a 10 year old go on and on and not get through to him with reality. I know we all have these moments and I'm having my" I don''t feel lucky moment now". I don't mean to upset anyone because I know things could be worse. Suzanne -- Re: ( ) discipline It may not always feel "lucky" but trust me, you are lucky. I spent my morning trying to teach my 5 yo friend how to answer "yes" and "no" questions. So anyone with a child who is higher functioning or has AS, is very lucky. RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) discipline> > > , I just know with my daughter I have to> try to> really be understanding. It's so easy to label> some> of the stuff they do as manipulative or deliberate> misbehavior. With mine, many times the> "misbehavior"> is really a complete overload. She is overloaded> emotionally, sensorily, God knows how. If I can> understand the difference between when she is> completely overloaded due to her issues and when> she> is cutting up on purpose, then I can respond> appropriately. If she is having a fit because she> is> somewhere too loud or she is stressed out, I try> to> ignore whatever comes out of her mouth, I try to> get> her calmed down, and we can talk about it later.> If> it is a true meltdown she is not at all in control> of> herself. I think the most important thing we can> do> is understand when they are having a problem due> to> their disability. It's certainly not fair to> punish> them for that stuff. At the same time you have to> have limits. And teach them the right things to do> when they are stressed out. And when they are just> misbehaving like any other kid, they need to get> the> same kinds of consequences. It is not at all easy.> I> feel bad that I did not understand her issues> better> when she was smaller. I am sure I punished her for> things she could not help at all. And now that she> is> a "snotty middle school kid" the challenge is> making> s! ure I do not let her off the hook for something> that> needs consequences. I have four kids, my AS child> is> my youngest, I am sure glad she was not my first. > They are very hard to parent effectively. All we> can> do is the best we can do. > > Kaye> --- stepfiesgirl <stepfiesgirl > wrote:> > > Any advice on discipline for an aspergers child?> > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 I don't think that is necessarily true. ASD kids are kids with autism. I also didn't say that life with a kid who has HFA or AS is simple or easy or without problems that are serious. But if you have a child with classic autism, you would say people with kids who are high functioning or have AS are lucky. And they are. People also do not get understanding just because they have a child with low functioning autism. They still get stares and glares like anyone else. Sure, they may get more understanding when people can see that the child is obviously impaired because he's humming and hand flapping away. But at the end of the day, he's still handflapping all the way home. He doesn't get over that. Often times, it's a constant behavior. You can grab a sensory diet and make it stop. So it's not that much of a bargain after all, IMO. It's fine to feel bad for yourself at times - we all do that. But in the grand scheme of life, having a child who is high functioning or AS is damn lucky! I think sometimes it is good to go out and look around and take stock in your blessings. Now, having said that, we all come here to share and whine and cry and laugh together. I don't think our lives in general are easy at all. I know mine is not easy and I am often overwhelmed with just what I have to deal with alone. You can actually feel bad for your own situation while still acknowledging that there are others who have a tougher life with autism. I would not be mad at someone for saying you are lucky because their child has low functioning autism. I can easily see, from that perspective, we are lucky!! I don't think anyone means to say having a disability of any sort is a good thing or a lucky thing. Just that having a milder form of a disability is lucky. I often think this when I remember back to when my two boys were little. They have HFA and they had severe speech delays. At the time, we never knew if they would improve or stay at a lower level of functioning. So I feel lucky a lot in that they both improved and learned to use language, etc. RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) discipline> > > , I just know with my daughter I have to> try to> really be understanding. It's so easy to label> some> of the stuff they do as manipulative or deliberate> misbehavior. With mine, many times the> "misbehavior"> is really a complete overload. She is overloaded> emotionally, sensorily, God knows how. If I can> understand the difference between when she is> completely overloaded due to her issues and when> she> is cutting up on purpose, then I can respond> appropriately. If she is having a fit because she> is> somewhere too loud or she is stressed out, I try> to> ignore whatever comes out of her mouth, I try to> get> her calmed down, and we can talk about it later.> If> it is a true meltdown she is not at all in control> of> herself. I think the most important thing we can> do> is understand when they are having a problem due> to> their disability. It's certainly not fair to> punish> them for that stuff. At the same time you have to> have limits. And teach them the right things to do> when they are stressed out. And when they are just> misbehaving like any other kid, they need to get> the> same kinds of consequences. It is not at all easy.> I> feel bad that I did not understand her issues> better> when she was smaller. I am sure I punished her for> things she could not help at all. And now that she> is> a "snotty middle school kid" the challenge is> making> s! ure I do not let her off the hook for something> that> needs consequences. I have four kids, my AS child> is> my youngest, I am sure glad she was not my first. > They are very hard to parent effectively. All we> can> do is the best we can do. > > Kaye> --- stepfiesgirl <stepfiesgirl > wrote:> > > Any advice on discipline for an aspergers child?> > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 I am not going to debate .. Luck or unlucky in the autism spectrum.. However I will point out one thing. Maybe the lady was just saying HEY its a blessing.. Instead of the traditional " I am so sorry" like it was the worst diagnoses in the world. I hate it when my child gets that. I also hate it when they judge my high functioning child and say.. "he doesn't LOOK autistic" and therefore write off any trials a parent with a HF child is going through. I have also volunteered with special Olympics and provided respite for many children who were very low functioning..( and runners!!) I sympathize and do appreciate that I can communicate with my child. OH and if you don't vent.. You explode LOL so like you said its great to vent! For fantastic AUTISM awareness gear go here! http://www.cafepress.com/autismawarenes Got pets? Go here for great items! http://www.cafepress.com/petloversrus and Ribbons of Hope.. breast cancer,support our troops etc http://www.cafepress.com/ribbonsofhope GO Veggie!!! Great vegitarian gear here! http://www.cafepress.com/vegetarianrus For Fun attitude gear look here! http://www.cafepress.com/stronggear For more attitude! Go HERE! http://www.cafepress.com/alteredattitude -- Re: ( ) discipline I don't think that is necessarily true. ASD kids are kids with autism. I also didn't say that life with a kid who has HFA or AS is simple or easy or without problems that are serious. But if you have a child with classic autism, you would say people with kids who are high functioning or have AS are lucky. And they are. People also do not get understanding just because they have a child with low functioning autism. They still get stares and glares like anyone else. Sure, they may get more understanding when people can see that the child is obviously impaired because he's humming and hand flapping away. But at the end of the day, he's still handflapping all the way home. He doesn't get over that. Often times, it's a constant behavior. You can grab a sensory diet and make it stop. So it's not that much of a bargain after all, IMO. It's fine to feel bad for yourself at times - we all do that. But in the grand scheme of life, having a child who is high functioning or AS is damn lucky! I think sometimes it is good to go out and look around and take stock in your blessings. Now, having said that, we all come here to share and whine and cry and laugh together. I don't think our lives in general are easy at all. I know mine is not easy and I am often overwhelmed with just what I have to deal with alone. You can actually feel bad for your own situation while still acknowledging that there are others who have a tougher life with autism. I would not be mad at someone for saying you are lucky because their child has low functioning autism. I can easily see, from that perspective, we are lucky!! I don't think anyone means to say having a disability of any sort is a good thing or a lucky thing. Just that having a milder form of a disability is lucky. I often think this when I remember back to when my two boys were little. They have HFA and they had severe speech delays. At the time, we never knew if they would improve or stay at a lower level of functioning. So I feel lucky a lot in that they both improved and learned to use language, etc. RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) discipline> > > , I just know with my daughter I have to> try to> really be understanding. It's so easy to label> some> of the stuff they do as manipulative or deliberate> misbehavior. With mine, many times the> "misbehavior"> is really a complete overload. She is overloaded> emotionally, sensorily, God knows how. If I can> understand the difference between when she is> completely overloaded due to her issues and when> she> is cutting up on purpose, then I can respond> appropriately. If she is having a fit because she> is> somewhere too loud or she is stressed out, I try> to> ignore whatever comes out of her mouth, I try to> get> her calmed down, and we can talk about it later.> If> it is a true meltdown she is not at all in control> of> herself. I think the most important thing we can> do> is understand when they are having a problem due> to> their disability. It's certainly not fair to> punish> them for that stuff. At the same time you have to> have limits. And teach them the right things to do> when they are stressed out. And when they are just> misbehaving like any other kid, they need to get> the> same kinds of consequences. It is not at all easy.> I> feel bad that I did not understand her issues> better> when she was smaller. I am sure I punished her for> things she could not help at all. And now that she> is> a "snotty middle school kid" the challenge is> making> s! ure I do not let her off the hook for something> that> needs consequences. I have four kids, my AS child> is> my youngest, I am sure glad she was not my first. > They are very hard to parent effectively. All we> can> do is the best we can do. > > Kaye> --- stepfiesgirl <stepfiesgirl > wrote:> > > Any advice on discipline for an aspergers child?> > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 I have a shirt here.. That has the autism ribbon.. And "-parenting advice NOT wanted.. Unless you have a child with autism!" LOL ~ Usually shuts them up! For fantastic AUTISM awareness gear go here! http://www.cafepress.com/autismawarenes -- Re: ( ) discipline Very well spoken. Boy can I feel your pain with others ignorance.... Greene <sgreenesusangreene (DOT) net> wrote: Oh, Lord, don't even let me get on this soap box. I'm so tired of having to explain to rude and ignorant people that no, I do NOT need to take my ten year old daughter hom e and beat her. She is not a "bad" child, nor am I a "bad" parent. I've got two perfectly normal, relatively well-adjusted children who behave fine in public. It's NOT me. And it's not HER fault that she cannot handle being overstimulated to the point of melting down. I'd love to have some of those cards. For right now, when people offer unsolicited advice, I generally just ask if they are the parent of an autistic child. If they say no, then I tell them very politely thanks, but no thanks on the advice. & nb sp; And when one of my neighbors down the street had the nerve to tell me my daughter was extremely rude and that I should teach her better. (She'd told her child to mind her own business when she asked about a wart on my daughter's hand) I smiled and told her she really ought to get down on her knees at night and thank God that all her children were normal and so very perfect, and that until she lived with a child with ASD 24/7 for a while, to please keep her parenting advice to herself. She hasn't said much to me since. (Not that I care.) GreeneEditor, Cobblestone Press LLCPrograms Director, Carolina Romance Writers "A blank page is God's way of showing you how hard it is to be God." ~ Anonymous Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 10, 2007 Report Share Posted June 10, 2007 Suzanne, I really feel for you. I think the whole concept of " lucky, " as in comparing people's experiences and saying this one has it better than this one, is so divisive and pointless. When you're having a really hard time, you're having a really hard time and there's no way you're going to be feeling " lucky " about it. Willa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 10, 2007 Report Share Posted June 10, 2007 You're welcome and I know with your help and encouragement he can pass the civil service exam. Good luck! Toni Re: ( ) discipline> > > > > > , I just know with my daughter I have> to> > try to> > really be understanding. It's so easy to label> > some> > of the stuff they do as manipulative or> deliberate> > misbehavior. With mine, many times the> > "misbehavior"> > is really a complete overload. She is> overloaded> > emotionally, sensorily, God knows how. If I> can> > understand the difference between when she is> > completely overloaded due to her issues and> when> > she> > is cutting up on purpose, then I can respond> > appropriately. If she is having a fit because> she> > is> > somewhere too loud or she is stressed out, I> try> === message truncated ===__________________________________________________________Get your own web address. Have a HUGE year through Small Business.http://smallbusiness./domains/?p=BESTDEAL No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/837 - Release Date: 6/6/2007 2:03 PM No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/837 - Release Date: 6/6/2007 2:03 PM No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/837 - Release Date: 6/6/2007 2:03 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 10, 2007 Report Share Posted June 10, 2007 Yes! Vent R us! LOL RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) discipline> > > , I just know with my daughter I have to> try to> really be understanding. It's so easy to label> some> of the stuff they do as manipulative or deliberate> misbehavior. With mine, many times the> "misbehavior"> is really a complete overload. She is overloaded> emotionally, sensorily, God knows how. If I can> understand the difference between when she is> completely overloaded due to her issues and when> she> is cutting up on purpose, then I can respond> appropriately. If she is having a fit because she> is> somewhere too loud or she is stressed out, I try> to> ignore whatever comes out of her mouth, I try to> get> her calmed down, and we can talk about it later.> If> it is a true meltdown she is not at all in control> of> herself. I think the most important thing we can> do> is understand when they are having a problem due> to> their disability. It's certainly not fair to> punish> them for that stuff. At the same time you have to> have limits. And teach them the right things to do> when they are stressed out. And when they are just> misbehaving like any other kid, they need to get> the> same kinds of consequences. It is not at all easy.> I> feel bad that I did not understand her issues> better> when she was smaller. I am sure I punished her for> things she could not help at all. And now that she> is> a "snotty middle school kid" the challenge is> making! > s! ure I do not let her off the hook for something> that> needs consequences. I have four kids, my AS child> is> my youngest, I am sure glad she was not my first. > They are very hard to parent effectively. All we> can> do is the best we can do. > > Kaye> --- stepfiesgirl <stepfiesgirl > wrote:> > > Any advice on discipline for an aspergers child?> > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 I hope so. I just have to keep encouraging him and not let him get too discouraged when the studying gets hard. Donna Re: ( ) discipline> > > > > > , I just know with my daughter I have> to> > try to> > really be understanding. It's so easy to label> > some> > of the stuff they do as manipulative or> deliberate> > misbehavior. With mine, many times the> > "misbehavior"> > is really a complete overload. She is> overloaded> > emotionally, sensorily, God knows how. If I> can> > understand the difference between when she is> > completely overloaded due to her issues and> when> > she> > is cutting up on purpose, then I can respond> > appropriately. If she is having a fit because> she> > is> > somewhere too loud or she is stressed out, I> try> === message truncated ===__________________________________________________________Get your own web address. Have a HUGE year through Small Business.http://smallbusiness./domains/?p=BESTDEAL No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/837 - Release Date: 6/6/2007 2:03 PM No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/837 - Release Date: 6/6/2007 2:03 PM No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/837 - Release Date: 6/6/2007 2:03 PM No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.13/844 - Release Date: 6/11/2007 5:10 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 I was at an Autism walk in the Bay Area over the weekend and I saw a family with a child that was ill (cancer/leukemia maybe?) and I for a brief moment I truly felt "lucky". Roxanna <madideas@...> wrote: I don't think that is necessarily true. ASD kids are kids with autism. I also didn't say that life with a kid who has HFA or AS is simple or easy or without problems that are serious. But if you have a child with classic autism, you would say people with kids who are high functioning or have AS are lucky. And they are. People also do not get understanding just because they have a child with low functioning autism. They still get stares and glares like anyone else. Sure, they may get more understanding when people can see that the child is obviously impaired because he's humming and hand flapping away. But at the end of the day, he's still handflapping all the way home. He doesn't get over that. Often times, it's a constant behavior. You can grab a sensory diet and make it stop. So it's not that much of a bargain after all, IMO. It's fine to feel bad for yourself at times - we all do that. But in the grand scheme of life, having a child who is high functioning or AS is damn lucky! I think sometimes it is good to go out and look around and take stock in your blessings. Now, having said that, we all come here to share and whine and cry and laugh together. I don't think our lives in general are easy at all. I know mine is not easy and I am often overwhelmed with just what I have to deal with alone. You can actually feel bad for your own situation while still acknowledging that there are others who have a tougher life with autism. I would not be mad at someone for saying you are lucky because their child has low functioning autism. I can easily see, from that perspective, we are lucky!! I don't think anyone means to say having a disability of any sort is a good thing or a lucky thing. Just that having a milder form of a disability is lucky. I often think this when I remember back to when my two boys were little. They have HFA and they had severe speech delays. At the time, we never knew if they would improve or stay at a lower level of functioning. So I feel lucky a lot in that they both improved and learned to use language, etc. RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) discipline> > > , I just know with my daughter I have to> try to> really be understanding. It's so easy to label> some> of the stuff they do as manipulative or deliberate> misbehavior. With mine, many times the> "misbehavior"> is really a complete overload. She is overloaded> emotionally, sensorily, God knows how. If I can> understand the difference between when she is> completely overloaded due to her issues and when> she> is cutting up on purpose, then I can respond> appropriately. If she is having a fit because she> is> somewhere too loud or she is stressed out, I try> to> ignore whatever comes out of her mouth, I try to> get> her calmed down, and we can talk about it later.> If> it is a true meltdown she is not at all in control> of> herself. I think the most important thing we can> do> is understand when they are having a problem due> to> their disability. It's certainly not fair to> punish> them for that stuff. At the same time you have to> have limits. And teach them the right things to do> when they are stressed out. And when they are just> misbehaving like any other kid, they need to get> the> same kinds of consequences. It is not at all easy.> I> feel bad that I did not understand her issues> better> when she was smaller. I am sure I punished her for> things she could not help at all. And now that she> is> a "snotty middle school kid" the challenge is> making> s! ure I do not let her off the hook for something> that> needs consequences. I have four kids, my AS child> is> my youngest, I am sure glad she was not my first. > They are very hard to parent effectively. All we> can> do is the best we can do. > > Kaye> --- stepfiesgirl <stepfiesgirl > wrote:> > > Any advice on discipline for an aspergers child?> > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 OH EXACTLY!!!!! Amen! -- Re: ( ) discipline I was at an Autism walk in the Bay Area over the weekend and I saw a family with a child that was ill (cancer/leukemia maybe?) and I for a brief moment I truly felt "lucky". Roxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: I don't think that is necessarily tr ue. ASD kids are kids with autism. I also didn't say that life with a kid who has HFA or AS is simple or easy or without problems that are serious. But if you have a child with classic autism, you would say people with kids who are high functioning or have AS are lucky. And they are. People also do not get understanding just because they have a child with low functioning autism. They still get stares and glares like anyone else. Sure, they may get more understanding when people can see that the child is obviously impaired because he's humming and hand flapping away. But at the end of the day, he's still handflapping all the way home. He doesn't get over that. Often times, it's a constant behavior. You can grab a sensory diet and make it stop. So it's not that much of a bargain after all, IMO. It's fine to feel bad for yourself at times - we all do that. But in the grand scheme of life, having a child who is high functioning or AS is damn lucky! I think sometimes it is good to go out and look around and take stock in your blessings. Now, having said that, we all come here to share and whine and cry and laugh toget her. I don't think our lives in general are easy at all. I know mine is not easy and I am often overwhelmed with just what I have to deal with alone. You can actually feel bad for your own situation while still acknowledging that there are others who have a tougher life with autism. I would not be mad at someone for saying you are lucky because their child has low functioning autism. I can easily see, from that perspective, we are lucky!! I don't think anyone means to say having a disability of any sort is a good thing or a lucky thing. Just that having a milder form of a disability is lucky. I often think this when I remember back to when my two boys were little. They have HFA and they had severe speech delays. At the time, we never knew if they would impr ove or stay at a lower level of functioning. So I feel lucky a lot in that they both improved and learned to use language, etc. RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) discipline> > > , I just know with my daughter I have to> try to> really be understanding. It's so easy to label> some> of the stuff they do as manipulative or deliberate> misbehavior. With mine, many times the> "misbehavior"> is really a complete overload. She is overloaded> emotionally, sensorily, God knows how. If I can> understand the difference between when she is> completely overloaded due to her issues and when> she> is cutting up on purpose, then I can respond> appropriately. If she is having a fit because she> is> somewhere too loud or she is stressed out, I try> to> ignore whatever comes out of her mouth, I try to> get> her calmed down, and we can talk about it later.> If> it is a true meltdown she is not at all in control> of> hersel f. I think the most important thing we can> do> is understand when they are having a problem due> to> their disability. It's certainly not fair to> punish> them for that stuff. At the same time you have to> have limits. And teach them the right things to do> when they are stressed out. And when they are just> misbehaving like any other kid, they need to get> the> same kinds of consequences. It is not at all easy.> I> feel bad that I did not understand her issues> better> when she was smaller. I am sure I punished her for> things she could not help at all. And now that she> is> a "snotty middle school kid" the challenge is> making> s! ure I do not let her off the hook for something> that> needs consequences. I have four kids, my AS child> is> my youngest, I am sure glad she was not my first. > They are very hard to parent effectively. All we> can> do is the best we can do. > > Kaye> --- stepfiesgirl <stepfiesgirl > wrote:> > > Any advice on discipline for an aspergers child?> > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 That's a good one. No one can argue that phrase. It's not confrontational either.<cmcintosh5@...> wrote: I have a shirt here.. That has the autism ribbon.. And "-parenting advice NOT wanted.. Unless you have a child with autism!" LOL ~ Usually shuts them up! For fantastic AUTISM awareness gear go here! http://www.cafepress.com/autismawarenes -- Re: ( ) discipline Very well spoken. Boy can I feel your pain with others ignorance.... Greene <sgreenesusangreene (DOT) net> wrote: Oh, Lord, don't even let me get on this soap box. I'm so tired of having to explain to rude and ignorant people that no, I do NOT need to take my ten year old daughter hom e and beat her. She is not a "bad" child, nor am I a "bad" parent. I've got two perfectly normal, relatively well-adjusted children who behave fine in public. It's NOT me. And it's not HER fault that she cannot handle being overstimulated to the point of melting down. I'd love to have some of those cards. For right now, when people offer unsolicited advice, I generally just ask if they are the parent of an autistic child. If they say no, then I tell them very politely thanks, but no thanks on the advice. & nb sp; And when one of my neighbors down the street had the nerve to tell me my daughter was extremely rude and that I should teach her better. (She'd told her child to mind her own business when she asked about a wart on my daughter's hand) I smiled and told her she really ought to get down on her knees at night and thank God that all her children were normal and so very perfect, and that until she lived with a child with ASD 24/7 for a while, to please keep her parenting advice to herself. She hasn't said much to me since. (Not that I care.) GreeneEditor, Cobblestone Press LLCPrograms Director, Carolina Romance Writers "A blank page is God's way of showing you how hard it is to be God." ~ Anonymous Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 Sadly, sometimes others' "sadder" situations help to put us in a better frame of mind. Thanks for sharing the observation. Robin Haskin <babydoll_haskin@...> wrote: I was at an Autism walk in the Bay Area over the weekend and I saw a family with a child that was ill (cancer/leukemia maybe?) and I for a brief moment I truly felt "lucky". Roxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: I don't think that is necessarily true. ASD kids are kids with autism. I also didn't say that life with a kid who has HFA or AS is simple or easy or without problems that are serious. But if you have a child with classic autism, you would say people with kids who are high functioning or have AS are lucky. And they are. People also do not get understanding just because they have a child with low functioning autism. They still get stares and glares like anyone else. Sure, they may get more understanding when people can see that the child is obviously impaired because he's humming and hand flapping away. But at the end of the day, he's still handflapping all the way home. He doesn't get over that. Often times, it's a constant behavior. You can grab a sensory diet and make it stop. So it's not that much of a bargain after all, IMO. It's fine to feel bad for yourself at times - we all do that. But in the grand scheme of life, having a child who is high functioning or AS is damn lucky! I think sometimes it is good to go out and look around and take stock in your blessings. Now, having said that, we all come here to share and whine and cry and laugh together. I don't think our lives in general are easy at all. I know mine is not easy and I am often overwhelmed with just what I have to deal with alone. You can actually feel bad for your own situation while still acknowledging that there are others who have a tougher life with autism. I would not be mad at someone for saying you are lucky because their child has low functioning autism. I can easily see, from that perspective, we are lucky!! I don't think anyone means to say having a disability of any sort is a good thing or a lucky thing. Just that having a milder form of a disability is lucky. I often think this when I remember back to when my two boys were little. They have HFA and they had severe speech delays. At the time, we never knew if they would improve or stay at a lower level of functioning. So I feel lucky a lot in that they both improved and learned to use language, etc. RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) discipline> > > , I just know with my daughter I have to> try to> really be understanding. It's so easy to label> some> of the stuff they do as manipulative or deliberate> misbehavior. With mine, many times the> "misbehavior"> is really a complete overload. She is overloaded> emotionally, sensorily, God knows how. If I can> understand the difference between when she is> completely overloaded due to her issues and when> she> is cutting up on purpose, then I can respond> appropriately. If she is having a fit because she> is> somewhere too loud or she is stressed out, I try> to> ignore whatever comes out of her mouth, I try to> get> her calmed down, and we can talk about it later.> If> it is a true meltdown she is not at all in control> of> herself. I think the most important thing we can> do> is understand when they are having a problem due> to> their disability. It's certainly not fair to> punish> them for that stuff. At the same time you have to> have limits. And teach them the right things to do> when they are stressed out. And when they are just> misbehaving like any other kid, they need to get> the> same kinds of consequences. It is not at all easy.> I> feel bad that I did not understand her issues> better> when she was smaller. I am sure I punished her for> things she could not help at all. And now that she> is> a "snotty middle school kid" the challenge is> making> s! ure I do not let her off the hook for something> that> needs consequences. I have four kids, my AS child> is> my youngest, I am sure glad she was not my first. > They are very hard to parent effectively. All we> can> do is the best we can do. > > Kaye> --- stepfiesgirl <stepfiesgirl > wrote:> > > Any advice on discipline for an aspergers child?> > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 14, 2007 Report Share Posted June 14, 2007 , I made the cards myself. I just wrote my message and printed them out on business cards. Then they were easy to carry around. I don't have any at present and can't find my file on my computer. My boys are now teenagers and though I probably need to give them out more than ever, I have to do it very secretly or they will really have a meltdown because they do not want others to know that they are different. I can't get through to them that their behavior makes it obvious. As soon as I find the file, I will send it. Donna Re: ( ) discipline Very well spoken. Boy can I feel your pain with others ignorance.... Greene <sgreenesusangreene (DOT) net> wrote: Oh, Lord, don't even let me get on this soap box. I'm so tired of having to explain to rude and ignorant people that no, I do NOT need to take my ten year old daughter home and beat her. She is not a "bad" child, nor am I a "bad" parent. I've got two perfectly normal, relatively well-adjusted children who behave fine in public. It's NOT me. And it's not HER fault that she cannot handle being overstimulated to the point of melting down. I'd love to have some of those cards. For right now, when people offer unsolicited advice, I generally just ask if they are the parent of an autistic child. If they say no, then I tell them very politely thanks, but no thanks on the advice. And when one of my neighbors down the street had the nerve to tell me my daughter was extremely rude and that I should teach her better. (She'd told her child to mind her own business when she asked about a wart on my daughter's hand) I smiled and told her she really ought to get down on her knees at night and thank God that all her children were normal and so very perfect, and that until she lived with a child with ASD 24/7 for a while, to please keep her parenting advice to herself. She hasn't said much to me since. (Not that I care.) GreeneEditor, Cobblestone Press LLCPrograms Director, Carolina Romance Writers "A blank page is God's way of showing you how hard it is to be God." ~ Anonymous Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/838 - Release Date: 6/7/2007 2:21 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2007 Report Share Posted August 31, 2007 We love that show. Sometimes we see ourselves,,,,but I mostly watch it so I can see others who are more messed up than we are. Ha ha, Anyway,,,,,my kids copy JoJo and will tell eachother to go to the "nawty conah". They've never seriously sat alone anywhere.....haha.RobinDee DiMemmo <craftychick70@...> wrote: we've been using the naughty corner for discipline for our son. I guess I've been using it too much because my son just put ME in the corner. I was trying so hard not to laugh!! Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! - their life, your story. Play Sims Stories at Games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2007 Report Share Posted August 31, 2007 On Apr 29, 7:09pm, Dee DiMemmo wrote: } we've been using the naughty corner for discipline for our son. I guess I've been using it too much because my son just put ME in the corner. I was trying so hard not to laugh!! Today I wouldn't let my son watch a video and he told me, " You're going to be in big trouble and only get potty treats you don't like for the rest of your life. " Willa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 This reminds me of when was in 3rd grade and at a Girl Scout function. I wasn't even there; she was with her troop and her leader. I walked in to pick her up and her leader came up to me and told me to be prepared because hit a little girl in the eye with her hands ( said it was an accident - I don't know what she was doing with her hands). The mother came over to me screaming and yelling and asked me why I couldn't control my own child! Which was stupid to say because I was at home! Her daughter was crying and holding an ice pack over her eye. I apologized to the girl and I did yell at and told her to be careful what she is doing! She said it was an accident and she didn't know the girl was there. This mother still hates me and it is 6 years later. Deb In a message dated 12/7/2007 7:17:04 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, ginniehoover@... writes: As a mom new to Aspergers, I'm in need of some tips and resources for discipline with an Asperger child. My take is that discipline = teaching/guidance, not punishment per se. Should it be different than with a typical child? Specifically, how should I handle it when my 6-yo son hurts someone (both intentionally or unintentionally), or when he's defiant? That's the way his Asperger's manifests itself right now. I'm having a really hard time with this right now, because I like to be proactive rather than reactive, but to do so I have to be next to my son at all times when my other (younger) children are in the house, and that is literally impossible. Any help at all with discipline would be appreciated. Thanks!Ginnie with (age 6, Asperger's) Debbie SalernoMaine Coon RescueBoard MemberDNA ManagerEastern Regional DirectorVice Presidentwww.mainecoonrescue.netCheck out AOL Money Finance's list of the hottest products and top money wasters of 2007. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 My idea on discipline and Asperger is that behavior that is directly related to the Asperger is dealt with differently than deliberate behavior. Any deliberate behavior is dealt with and there is a consequence. However, typically the aggression occurs because of overstimulation. A logical consequence that teaches self control would be to tell him that he has to spend time alone (not necessarily in time out) since he can’t control himself when he is with other people. It may sound rather extreme but a way of dealing with the defiance by “teaching” is when he is defiant the next time he asks you to do something come back at him with the same attitude. When he is shocked use it as a teaching moment and explain how you feel when he is like that to you. When mine were little they were going through a phase of lying. I got tired of it and told them that since I never knew when they were telling the truth they weren’t going to know when I was telling the truth either. The next day I told them that we would go to Mcs for lunch while we were out. We went home. When they said something I told them “I lied”. A day or two I did it again with something else. Then I asked them if they liked it when I lied to them and explained that I didn’t like it when they lied to me either. From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Ginnie Hoover Sent: Friday, December 07, 2007 3:34 PM Subject: ( ) Discipline As a mom new to Aspergers, I'm in need of some tips and resources for discipline with an Asperger child. My take is that discipline = teaching/guidance, not punishment per se. Should it be different than with a typical child? Specifically, how should I handle it when my 6-yo son hurts someone (both intentionally or unintentionally), or when he's defiant? That's the way his Asperger's manifests itself right now. I'm having a really hard time with this right now, because I like to be proactive rather than reactive, but to do so I have to be next to my son at all times when my other (younger) children are in the house, and that is literally impossible. Any help at all with discipline would be appreciated. Thanks! Ginnie with (age 6, Asperger's) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 My biggest question is going to be...how do I know what is related to Aspergers and what is deliberate? Will I learn that over time? Ginnie Jolinna wrote: > > My idea on discipline and Asperger is that behavior that is directly > related to the Asperger is dealt with differently than deliberate > behavior. Any deliberate behavior is dealt with and there is a > consequence. However, typically the aggression occurs because of > overstimulation. A logical consequence that teaches self control would > be to tell him that he has to spend time alone (not necessarily in > time out) since he can’t control himself when he is with other people. > It may sound rather extreme but a way of dealing with the defiance by > “teaching” is when he is defiant the next time he asks you to do > something come back at him with the same attitude. When he is shocked > use it as a teaching moment and explain how you feel when he is like > that to you. > > When mine were little they were going through a phase of lying. I got > tired of it and told them that since I never knew when they were > telling the truth they weren’t going to know when I was telling the > truth either. The next day I told them that we would go to Mcs > for lunch while we were out. We went home. When they said something I > told them “I lied”. A day or two I did it again with something else. > Then I asked them if they liked it when I lied to them and explained > that I didn’t like it when they lied to me either. > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > *From:* > [mailto: ] *On Behalf Of *Ginnie Hoover > *Sent:* Friday, December 07, 2007 3:34 PM > *To:* > *Subject:* ( ) Discipline > > As a mom new to Aspergers, I'm in need of some tips and resources for > discipline with an Asperger child. My take is that discipline = > teaching/guidance, not punishment per se. Should it be different than > with a typical child? Specifically, how should I handle it when my 6-yo > son hurts someone (both intentionally or unintentionally), or when he's > defiant? That's the way his Asperger's manifests itself right now. I'm > having a really hard time with this right now, because I like to be > proactive rather than reactive, but to do so I have to be next to my son > at all times when my other (younger) children are in the house, and that > is literally impossible. Any help at all with discipline would be > appreciated. Thanks! > > Ginnie with (age 6, Asperger's) > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 Yes, you will learn over time. I'm a single mom of an 11-yr-old boy who was just diagnosed w/ Aspergers. He has also been diagnosed as ADHD and then ADD. I never thought either of those were right on the money, but they got him special services at school so I got over the label. I've always tried to get him help for his symptoms and not so much for his diagnosis since I didn't think it was accurate in the first place. My son is a big mama pleaser. He's like for most of the adults in his life. Really didn't feel like that when he was younger though. I used to be so scared at how he was going to "turn out". I thought he'd have to live w/ me for the rest of his life and that made me very sad (for both of us.) He continued to have tantrums into 2nd and even 3rd grade a bit. On occasion he'll still have one, but they are very, very rare. And now I can tell it's more the frustration of not being understood and not being able to communicate what he wants/thinks/feels for people to understand him immediately (this was probably going on when he was younger too but at the time, I just didn't have all the education and answers I have now. Instead, for awhile there, I was just almost constantly exasperated.) He used to cry and throw some level of tantrum when I picked him up from daycare (2-5 years old) and the after-care programs at his elementary school (K-3rd grade.) It was so embarrassing to have a 7-yr-old having a total meltdown when I walked in from having a long day at work. He would do this 80% of the time. It was so hard to not take it personally. Now it all makes sense though. As he gets older, I see him maturing more and more and realize maybe this is all going to turn out okay after all. I know he's super smart and is very compassionate when he's able to stop and think about how others feel. That's just not an inherent thing for him to do like most people; he's had to learn it and it's a work in progress. One of the things I think I've done the most "right" is to praise him when he does something right. Constantly giving him positive affirmations. Since he wants to please, even at the age of 11, those affirmations motivate him to make the right decision. And he has a time out spot that I still use when he doesn't make the right choice. I'm as calm as I can be about it. You have to keep in mind how the "real world" works. If Dylan makes the wrong choice, even if I think it's directly related to Asperger's, I'll still give him some type of feedback, maybe even a time out. The real world isn't going to be able to make those allowances; there will be real world consequences. So I don't think I'm necessarily doing him any favors by going easy on him. I always sit down and explain to him what he did, why it wasn't the right choice, and give him some options for the future. You have to be consistent with how you discipline too. It's hard, but do the best you can. It's all you can do. I really think the timeouts have helped him learn how to calm himself down and be a little introspective of the situation. My son is emotionally/socially probably about a 4th grader but intellectually in many ways, he's already in high school. Put those two traits together and you've got an awkward (but INCREDIBLE) kid. I try to explain it to him like this though...math and science come pretty easy for Dylan. The concepts, theories, etc...are a piece of cake usually. He thrives in that type of thinking, but socially, he needs help learning the right ways to respond to other kids, his little sister, his environment. Just like some kids might do great socially but struggle in math. We all have things we need to work on, some are just more obvious than others. This was long! Hope it helps... * ( ) Discipline>> As a mom new to Aspergers, I'm in need of some tips and resources for> discipline with an Asperger child. My take is that discipline => teaching/guidance, not punishment per se. Should it be different than> with a typical child? Specifically, how should I handle it when my 6-yo> son hurts someone (both intentionally or unintentionally), or when he's> defiant? That's the way his Asperger's manifests itself right now. I'm> having a really hard time with this right now, because I like to be> proactive rather than reactive, but to do so I have to be next to my son> at all times when my other (younger) children are in the house, and that> is literally impossible. Any help at all with discipline would be> appreciated. Thanks!>> Ginnie with (age 6, Asperger's)>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2007 Report Share Posted December 8, 2007 You can tell a lot of time when he is overwhelmed or over stimulated. It is fairly safe to treat most behaviors, other than defiance as Asperger related simply because you are giving logical consequences for actions. Just because a behavior is Asperger relater however, doesn't excuse him abusing his siblings. After he has calmed down, a logical consequence might be to have him play a game with them that the other child wants, or make him do the other child's chore. It is important though to wait until he has gotten himself under control before other consequences. I like consequences that build sibling relationships. One consequence I used to like when they weren't getting along was " lessons in cooperation " . This consisted of taking a pair of my husbands socks and tying them together at the wrist and ankle (not too tight but tight enough that they can't get out) and making them stay that way until they learn to work together to do things. One day I even made them feed each other lunch. This is an activity that you must stay in the room at all times for to avoid them getting angry with each other. They would end up not wanting me to separate them. They would start out just sitting on the couch being stubborn for 20 or 30 minutes, until one wanted something bad enough. I wouldn't bring them anything. I would set it across the room. It does eventually become a game. My son's face gets red. When you learn to recognize what it looks like (either physically or behaviorally or both) you can work on getting him to recognize how he feels before he gets that way. Then he can learn to control himself so you don't have to control him. When I would tell my son to control himself when we first started (he was a very compliant child and wanted very much to be good) it was very funny. He would get a very concentrated look on his face (he was just 2 1/2), ball up his fists, then say ok mommy. I realize most Aspies are not compliant children. I also have a daughter with bipolar, ODD, ADHD, etc. This technique works on her also. When she was little she would get completely out of control to the point that she would need to be restrained for the safety of everyone (her, me and my other children). I would explain to her that I had to control her because she was not doing a very good job controlling herself. As soon as she could control herself I would let her. It sounds like your son is in the middle of these two extremes though. Simply separating him from the stimulus to something that he can use to calm himself (that is why I suggest his room, as long as it doesn't have a tv). Suggest things he can do (refer to sensory diet) to calm himself. * ( ) Discipline > > As a mom new to Aspergers, I'm in need of some tips and resources for > discipline with an Asperger child. My take is that discipline = > teaching/guidance, not punishment per se. Should it be different than > with a typical child? Specifically, how should I handle it when my 6-yo > son hurts someone (both intentionally or unintentionally), or when he's > defiant? That's the way his Asperger's manifests itself right now. I'm > having a really hard time with this right now, because I like to be > proactive rather than reactive, but to do so I have to be next to my son > at all times when my other (younger) children are in the house, and that > is literally impossible. Any help at all with discipline would be > appreciated. Thanks! > > Ginnie with (age 6, Asperger's) > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2007 Report Share Posted December 8, 2007 Hi Ginnie, I am actually in the same boat but with my "classically" autistic child. I do breathing exercises with him when he's not angry several times a day so possibly one day he'll immediately do this when stressed. Not there yet, for sure. When does something like hit out of frustration or anger I do discipline him but I also sit down with him to make sure he understands why he's going to his room to calm down or whatever. If it was over something specific like the computer use, he loses the computer for the rest of the day. Sometimes I wonder if it's sinking in. I do the same with my AS child. ( ) Discipline As a mom new to Aspergers, I'm in need of some tips and resources for discipline with an Asperger child. My take is that discipline = teaching/guidance, not punishment per se. Should it be different than with a typical child? Specifically, how should I handle it when my 6-yo son hurts someone (both intentionally or unintentionally) , or when he's defiant? That's the way his Asperger's manifests itself right now. I'm having a really hard time with this right now, because I like to be proactive rather than reactive, but to do so I have to be next to my son at all times when my other (younger) children are in the house, and that is literally impossible. Any help at all with discipline would be appreciated. Thanks!Ginnie with (age 6, Asperger's) Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 Not sure if this will work for you or not... but I have a pack and play that I use for time out... my son has hypotonia so he can't get out of it... YET! The pack in play is in the front room where there is nothing engaging to look at... works like a charm! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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