Re: Ignorance in the family

[Guest guest]

you don't say how old grandma is - maybe it's just hard for her to understand if

she's of an age or mental state that makes it difficult.  I think if my

grandma(s) had been alive now, I'd be in your position of having to explain

things to them over and over.  As it is, even my mom and dad (who are in their

80's) need explanations now and again.  But, I think it's because they want to

learn and to help as much as they can.  Maybe that's a tactic you can take with

your grandma - look at the situation as if (and this very well could be the

case) she wants to help you, and find something that she can do to help.  If you

are going to be doing therapy with your son while visiting with family, maybe

there's a way she can get involved, and doing something you trust her to do.  My

mom loves to play cards with Josh so they play with speech cards - " Let's Talk "

cards, the Kaufmann cards, and so on.  Josh likes to play games - my dad plays

some but he's

really not a game player so mom plays board games with Josh (dad likes to cook

and do computer stuff - so he talks to Josh while he's in the kitchen, sometimes

giving Josh things to do - OK, dad is kind of a stickler about his kitchen so

giving Josh something to do is pretty infrequent!  LOL!).

 

Instead of looking at the visit as something to dread, maybe there is a way to

find the upside - if there are things you trust family members to do with your

son, it's a way for you to have a break.  There will inevitably be conversations

and you will talk about apraxia and anything else that is going on with your

son.  But maybe focusing on how far he's come and what he can do, instead of

letting family lead the conversation to what he can't do, might be a way to

educate family members.  Personally, I hate it when one of my brothers (who is a

doctor and is married to a doctor!), if Josh does something or has difficulty

finding his words, says something like " well, Josh has problems. "   Nope, my bro

has the problems if that's how he looks at Josh.  So, turn it around on the

family and focus on the good and accomplishments.

 

just a suggestion!

 

Sherry and Josh

From: kalihi76 <kaliki76@...>

Subject: [ ] Ignorance in the family

Date: Thursday, May 28, 2009, 11:26 AM

I'm going to visit my family in a few weeks. I have kept a lot from my

grandmother about my son's apraxia. Mainly b/c she gossips about it to every

family member & friend - but also b/c she can be very ignorant & make

conclusions about my son that aren't accurate - and I get very tired of trying

to correct her..

So my sister told me she's been saying to a few different people that my son was

such a difficult baby - hence concluding that's where the apraxia is coming

from.

Yes, my son had colic the first 3 months of his life..it was difficult.. but

beyond that, he was a very happy baby who hardly ever cried unless he was hungry

or sick (of course). I am aware of the connection of lack of oxygen causing

neurological damage. The thing is, I can't pinpoint the " why " he has apraxia..

and I don't want to focus on that. My entire efforts on not on " why " but " what "

we are going to do now. We are in therapy 3x a week - we work at home, this is

where my focus lies..

So how do I gently go about conversing with my grandma who will no doubt, bring

it all up. I've already talked to her about once, I don't want to sit there why

the family analyzes my son.

I'm already nervous b/c they havent seen him in 1.5yrs, and they're going to be

watching & listening to everything he says...

ugh..

any advice?

[Guest guest]

My advice is to be proud of your little guy and positive in your interactions.

The Bible even says not to get into foolish arguments and I believe that's great

advice. My dad used to say something like " a smile burns your enemy's

heart " ...not that your grandma is your enemy, but it will be hard for her to say

anything negative or judgmental if you remain positive and are not debating with

her.

If you don't want to talk about it, change the topic and hopefully they get the

hint. Let us know how it goes!

>

> I'm going to visit my family in a few weeks. I have kept a lot from my

grandmother about my son's apraxia. Mainly b/c she gossips about it to every

family member & friend - but also b/c she can be very ignorant & make

conclusions about my son that aren't accurate - and I get very tired of trying

to correct her..

> So my sister told me she's been saying to a few different people that my son

was such a difficult baby - hence concluding that's where the apraxia is coming

from.

> Yes, my son had colic the first 3 months of his life..it was difficult.. but

beyond that, he was a very happy baby who hardly ever cried unless he was hungry

or sick (of course). I am aware of the connection of lack of oxygen causing

neurological damage. The thing is, I can't pinpoint the " why " he has apraxia..

and I don't want to focus on that. My entire efforts on not on " why " but " what "

we are going to do now. We are in therapy 3x a week - we work at home, this is

where my focus lies..

> So how do I gently go about conversing with my grandma who will no doubt,

bring it all up. I've already talked to her about once, I don't want to sit

there why the family analyzes my son.

> I'm already nervous b/c they havent seen him in 1.5yrs, and they're going to

be watching & listening to everything he says...

> ugh..

> any advice?

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I don't have advice really, just keep your chin up. It is hard when you

know other's are judging your child. So odd though ... my son had 'colic' also

- found out it was acid reflux. Also he never cried much either after we got

him on meds for it. Is that common for apraxic children?

Anyway, I will send mental hugs your way. It isn't easy dealing with difficult

family members who are a bit judgmental.

>

> I'm going to visit my family in a few weeks. I have kept a lot from my

grandmother about my son's apraxia. Mainly b/c she gossips about it to every

family member & friend - but also b/c she can be very ignorant & make

conclusions about my son that aren't accurate - and I get very tired of trying

to correct her..

> So my sister told me she's been saying to a few different people that my son

was such a difficult baby - hence concluding that's where the apraxia is coming

from.

> Yes, my son had colic the first 3 months of his life..it was difficult.. but

beyond that, he was a very happy baby who hardly ever cried unless he was hungry

or sick (of course). I am aware of the connection of lack of oxygen causing

neurological damage. The thing is, I can't pinpoint the " why " he has apraxia..

and I don't want to focus on that. My entire efforts on not on " why " but " what "

we are going to do now. We are in therapy 3x a week - we work at home, this is

where my focus lies..

> So how do I gently go about conversing with my grandma who will no doubt,

bring it all up. I've already talked to her about once, I don't want to sit

there why the family analyzes my son.

> I'm already nervous b/c they havent seen him in 1.5yrs, and they're going to

be watching & listening to everything he says...

> ugh..

> any advice?

>

[Guest guest]

It is a shame you have to be so nervous around family. Sometimes older

people are ignorant. I know how you feel about thinking that everyone will be

watching him and listening to what he says or doesn't say, but try not to

focus on that, a lot of times we think that people are analyzing us more

then they really are. Go and be supportive to your son and let the chips fall

where they may. All you have to say is he is doing great and he is making

progress, he is just fine thanks for asking. Don't try to convince anyone of

anything, be pleasant if you can and be prepared. Don't let anyone make

you feel uncomfortable. Jen

In a message dated 5/29/2009 9:38:32 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

elizabethsoliday@... writes:

My advice is to be proud of your little guy and positive in your

interactions. The Bible even says not to get into foolish arguments and I

believe

that's great advice. My dad used to say something like " a smile burns your

enemy's heart " ...not that your grandma is your enemy, but it will be hard for

her to say anything negative or judgmental if you remain positive and are

not debating with her.

If you don't want to talk about it, change the topic and hopefully they

get the hint. Let us know how it goes!

>

> I'm going to visit my family in a few weeks. I have kept a lot from my

grandmother about my son's apraxia. Mainly b/c she gossips about it to every

family member & friend - but also b/c she can be very ignorant & make

conclusions about my son that aren't accurate - and I get very tired of trying

to correct her..

> So my sister told me she's been saying to a few different people that my

son was such a difficult baby - hence concluding that's where the apraxia

is coming from.

> Yes, my son had colic the first 3 months of his life..it was difficult..

but beyond that, he was a very happy baby who hardly ever cried unless he

was hungry or sick (of course). I am aware of the connection of lack of

oxygen causing neurological damage. The thing is, I can't pinpoint the " why "

he has apraxia.. and I don't want to focus on that. My entire efforts on not

on " why " but " what " we are going to do now. We are in therapy 3x a week -

we work at home, this is where my focus lies..

> So how do I gently go about conversing with my grandma who will no

doubt, bring it all up. I've already talked to her about once, I don't want to

sit there why the family analyzes my son.

> I'm already nervous b/c they havent seen him in 1.5yrs, and they're

going to be watching & listening to everything he says...

> ugh..

> any advice?

>

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[Guest guest]

I feel for you. My husband's parents are 76 years old and his mother isn't very

understanding about many subjects. She usually gets facts mixed up or makes

assumptions and judgments which render our entire relationship strained most of

the time. And that's just one person.

I've found that even something as " mild (usually it's everyone else in the world

who considers it mild) " as apraxia can make for some isolation as far as friends

and family understanding you. I've found that most people want to brush it off,

especially because a young child not " speaking " is thought of to either have

nothing wrong with them (little Einstein), or willful or have some sort of

cognitive deficiency. I've had " educated " friends literally argue with me about

what they heard my daughter say. We were at a birthday party once and since she

asked how things were going with my daughter's therapy (whole other

story--everyone else began to view it as therapy for a bad child--she used to

bite, etc...), I began to explain her condition and how slow progress is going.

She replied with her assessment that indeed my daughter was talking a lot more,

so that was good. She even told me that she heard her say " Happy Birthday, " I

replied that it couldn't be

true because she CAN'T say that, instead she says " hoppy-do. " She disagreed,

saying she heard " happy birthday. " I mean, the audacity! And like I said, she

always referred to it as if my kid was receiving behavioral therapy for being

" out of control. " So needless to say, I didn't talk about it much. Or I always

talked about it briefly and positively (even if it was 'gilding the lily' a

little)...like " oh, everything's going fine! she's adding more and more *words*

to her vocab! "

Truth is, most people don't listen closely enough either to your children or

even to what you tell them about your children. And even if they do, they're

going to process all that information through the filters of their own

understanding. So maybe it would be best to just keep the explanations very

short, and encourage a subject change afterwards. I've found this to be a very

emotional issue for me, and as a mom, we're likely to begin to get defensive

about it the longer we have to explain it.

I'm really sorry that you're feeling nervousness about it. I think I understand

how you feel. It can be hard and even feel kinda lonely, which is why the book

and this site is a LIFESAVER! I think we all might have gone insane without it!

I know I've kind of rambled, sorry, but I hope it was helpful, even a litlte bit

for you. Have a great weekend!~

-abby

________________________________

From: kalihi76 <kaliki76@...>

Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 12:26:43 PM

Subject: [ ] Ignorance in the family

I'm going to visit my family in a few weeks. I have kept a lot from my

grandmother about my son's apraxia. Mainly b/c she gossips about it to every

family member & friend - but also b/c she can be very ignorant & make

conclusions about my son that aren't accurate - and I get very tired of trying

to correct her..

So my sister told me she's been saying to a few different people that my son was

such a difficult baby - hence concluding that's where the apraxia is coming

from.

Yes, my son had colic the first 3 months of his life..it was difficult.. but

beyond that, he was a very happy baby who hardly ever cried unless he was hungry

or sick (of course). I am aware of the connection of lack of oxygen causing

neurological damage. The thing is, I can't pinpoint the " why " he has apraxia..

and I don't want to focus on that. My entire efforts on not on " why " but " what "

we are going to do now. We are in therapy 3x a week - we work at home, this is

where my focus lies..

So how do I gently go about conversing with my grandma who will no doubt, bring

it all up. I've already talked to her about once, I don't want to sit there why

the family analyzes my son.

I'm already nervous b/c they havent seen him in 1.5yrs, and they're going to be

watching & listening to everything he says...

ugh..

any advice?