Re: Re: does anyone have a family member in denial of child's issues?

[Guest guest]

think this struck a chord with everyone. one of my reasons for stopping

contact with my family is for the same reasons. Either they act like he has

no brain (perfect example, when Cody was 5, my mother applauded him for

wiping himself..), or they insist that 'he'll talk when he's ready'.

On Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 5:47 PM, cvtchvac <cvtchvac@...> wrote:

> Hello Alyssa,

> I havent had the troubles you have had with your ex-husband being in

> denial but most of my family except me and my husband are in denial of

> my son's apraxia. I have tried to explain it simply to them but they

> still dont get it. They all just think he is a late talker and he's

> too busy to talk and we give him everything he wants so why would he

> have to talk. This really aggravates me, especilaly when they are

> around him and he says a new word and they dont even think its a big

> deal.(even though it is such a huge deal). I think its hard for most

> people to understand it especially when its their own child or family

> member. I just try to stay focused on my son and getting him what he

> needs for therapy and treatment. I know I know my son better than

> anyone so i try not to worry about what other family is saying. I am

> not in denial about it so i figure that is the really important thing.

> hopefully your ex will come around in the future. I wish you all the

> luck and am glad you came here for support.

> Jenn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

that is tough.

 

My dead mom told me my 4 year old had " no future " and I was wasting my time.

I told her to & ^* & ^ & ^$ & ^ herself, and I love my precious daUGHTER

 

From: <lulusmom98@...>

Subject: [ ] Re: does anyone have a family member in denial of

child's issues?

Date: Thursday, October 23, 2008, 4:11 PM

This is a tough situation. I really feel for all of you who may have

similar situations. At first, my husband was in denial. He, like most

of the family did feel I was overeacting and that would just

" start talking " . I knew that wasn't true. I just would smile and

shrug my shoulders and reply that I hoped they were right. I didn't

get angry because I really had to deal with it all myself and process

what it all meant (i'm still working on that!). My husband started to

come around when he hit two (and over) and still had NO WORDS at all,

but made up his own sign language. I said that no child will devise

their own language instead of talking, unless they couldn't talk for

some reason. I also made the mistake of taking thomas to the DR's

appointments without my husband. Now, I know that for important evals

and such we both go. I want him to hear what the DR says so that he

doesn't have to take my spin on it. As far as extended family

memebers, I made it clear to my mother-in-law (who spreads the word to

all!) that he was not to be asked to say a word in order to get

something. I instructed that if he could say the sound, ask that, if

he could approximate the word, ask that , and if he could sign , ask

that etc. She made it clear to all and all of them followed suit.

It's important to educate the person who " rules the roost " if you know

what I mean. They " enforce " the others to follow along.

I'm sorry this is so long, I guess I had a lot of opinions!

To all of you working so hard for your kids without their father to

help- keep going and try to find someone (or two!) to help you. I

really hope that you do have other people to count on.

keep up the good work!

erin

[Guest guest]

My ex, also, was in denial, sort of.  Instead of believing the diagnoses that

were coming in when Josh was an infant/toddler (hypotonia, apraxia, sensory

integration dysfunction, developmental delays), my ex was convinced Josh had CP

and none of the other diagnoses were correct (docs kept telling him it

definitely was not CP or MR or MD or any of the other " name " conditions).  In

fact, I think he still believes Josh has CP.  My ex's family lives life on the

fringes of the spectrum - either things are " glorious, fantastic, marvelous " or

they are " terrible, life-threatening, horrendous. "   Nothing in between.  Josh's

stuff is " in between " as far as I'm concerned - stuff to deal with on a daily

basis that my ex just couldn't do.  His words when he decided to walk out -

" this isn't what I bargained for. "   So, he's remarried to someone who never

wanted to be a parent, is a parent to Josh when it's convenient for him, won't

take him on visitation days or

weekends if there's something else going on in his world since it would require

thought and effort on my ex's part in order to include Josh.  Sorry, I'm still a

bit bitter that he's acting this way toward Josh and it's three years since he

walked out.  If he doesn't have to deal with it on a daily basis, I guess that's

denial.

Sherry and Josh

________________________________

From: jennifer Meyer <guineveremaire@...>

Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 8:05:52 AM

Subject: [ ] Re: does anyone have a family member in denial of

child's issues?

Did we happen to marry the same man? JK. All joking aside, my ex is in denial as

well. We have two special needs kids. The oldest is on medication for his

behavior/mood swings, etc.... The ex didn't believe the r/x even from the

countless Dr's. He also has asthma, but he wold not believe our son had that.

Until my ex saw a difference in the behavior off of medication. Until my son

went into an asthma attack.... Even now with our oldest on meds, he still likes

to blame my poor parenting as to why our son has a behavior problem. If it were

only that simple! Now add in child # 2. Our youngest is going through apraxia

testing. Since he was 2 I have been signing with him, to ease in the frustration

and to communicate. My ex was told he needed to learn some basic signs. He

refused. Our youngest is even lactose intolerant, and the ex won't remove the

dairy from the diet or give Ike the pills. Ohvey! So if you ever need a sounding

board, let me know. I have

been there.

" Normal is a setting on a dryer "

[Guest guest]

Now that I am separated, my ex-to-be seems a little more clued in. He took

a sign class over the summer, wakes up in the middle of the night with our

son (when he has little man), and has (inhale sharply) actually used 2 days

of leave to take our son to appointments! (I have burned over 80 days of

leave in 5 years for appointments, hospitilizations, illnesses, etc) I

supports the supplements but (as far as I know) doesn't understand the

reasoning behind them. I have to be the general driving force behind most

things, there are a bunch of IEP meetings he hasn't been to. It is a

frustrating and challenging road we walk with our children, even harder when

someone is rolling boulders in our way.

Chin up young person!

Noelle

On Wed, Oct 29, 2008 at 9:05 AM, jennifer Meyer <guineveremaire@...>wrote:

> Did we happen to marry the same man? JK. All joking aside, my ex is in

> denial as well. We have two special needs kids. The oldest is on medication

> for his behavior/mood swings, etc.... The ex didn't believe the r/x even

> from the countless Dr's. He also has asthma, but he wold not believe our son

> had that. Until my ex saw a difference in the behavior off of medication.

> Until my son went into an asthma attack.... Even now with our oldest on

> meds, he still likes to blame my poor parenting as to why our son has a

> behavior problem. If it were only that simple! Now add in child # 2. Our

> youngest is going through apraxia testing. Since he was 2 I have been

> signing with him, to ease in the frustration and to communicate. My ex was

> told he needed to learn some basic signs. He refused. Our youngest is even

> lactose intolerant, and the ex won't remove the dairy from the diet or give

> Ike the pills. Ohvey! So if you ever need a sounding board, let me know. I

> have

> been there.

>

> " Normal is a setting on a dryer "

>

>