Re: does anyone have a family member in denial of child's issues?

[Guest guest]

On Oct 22, 2008, at 7:34 AM, stevenfmom wrote:

Hi Alyssa: My son is 9 yrs old now and was diagnosed w/ apraxia,SID

and hypotonia when he was 3. When he was 6 we got another eval and

PDD-NOS and mild ADHD was added to his diagnosis. I have definitely

been the driving force in the the diagnosis and treatment for our son

( like many moms). More recently my husband has become more receptive

to Collin's issues because he has identified w/ some of his

difficulties.He remembers some milder symptoms that he had as a

child. He recognizes now that this issue is not going away, he has

been w/ our son during difficult social situations and physical

challenges( martial arts class). It wasnt until he experienced it

first hand on a consistent basis what our son's challenges are that

he became more receptive. My first hand accounts to him about our son

didnt hit home. He hasnt gotten involved w/ Collin's speech therapy

until more recently( unfortunately) but has helped him w/ reading and

things he is comfortable with. It's not a perfect situation but I

have become more cognizant of how he can help Collin and what my role

must be, Collin's primary advocate/mother. Good luck, Kris W

> hi, I have an ex-husband that is in total denial of my son's issues.

>

> My 4.5 year old son has apraxia, sid, hypotonia, pragmatic/expressive

> speech disorder and lack of eye contact.

>

> he is in special education and has been seen by many doctors that all

> confirm these diagnoisis.

>

> He has bought me into court for Medical child abuse because he is in

> such denial. (he did not win)

>

> It is either EGO or money that is making him behave this way.

>

> I would love to talk to others that have a similar issue. I am

> exhausted and would love hear how others deal with this matter.

>

> thanks,

>

> Alyssa

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Alyssa,

I havent had the troubles you have had with your ex-husband being in

denial but most of my family except me and my husband are in denial of

my son's apraxia. I have tried to explain it simply to them but they

still dont get it. They all just think he is a late talker and he's

too busy to talk and we give him everything he wants so why would he

have to talk. This really aggravates me, especilaly when they are

around him and he says a new word and they dont even think its a big

deal.(even though it is such a huge deal). I think its hard for most

people to understand it especially when its their own child or family

member. I just try to stay focused on my son and getting him what he

needs for therapy and treatment. I know I know my son better than

anyone so i try not to worry about what other family is saying. I am

not in denial about it so i figure that is the really important thing.

hopefully your ex will come around in the future. I wish you all the

luck and am glad you came here for support.

Jenn

[Guest guest]

My situation isn't totally the same. My husband moved out in July. He

couldn't handle the attention our son takes. He told me at one point " just

get over it, he is mentally retarded and autistic, he will never be able to

do anything by himself. " Well, he is apraxic, and not autistic. He IS

learning, growing, and doing things. I feel (at least some) of your pain!

Noelle

On Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 10:34 AM, stevenfmom <alyroch@...> wrote:

> hi, I have an ex-husband that is in total denial of my son's issues.

>

> My 4.5 year old son has apraxia, sid, hypotonia, pragmatic/expressive

> speech disorder and lack of eye contact.

>

> he is in special education and has been seen by many doctors that all

> confirm these diagnoisis.

>

> He has bought me into court for Medical child abuse because he is in

> such denial. (he did not win)

>

> It is either EGO or money that is making him behave this way.

>

> I would love to talk to others that have a similar issue. I am

> exhausted and would love hear how others deal with this matter.

>

> thanks,

>

> Alyssa

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Even if your son were autistic I don't see that or any other reason

to justify the abandonment of a child.

>

> > hi, I have an ex-husband that is in total denial of my son's

issues.

> >

> > My 4.5 year old son has apraxia, sid, hypotonia,

pragmatic/expressive

> > speech disorder and lack of eye contact.

> >

> > he is in special education and has been seen by many doctors that

all

> > confirm these diagnoisis.

> >

> > He has bought me into court for Medical child abuse because he is

in

> > such denial. (he did not win)

> >

> > It is either EGO or money that is making him behave this way.

> >

> > I would love to talk to others that have a similar issue. I am

> > exhausted and would love hear how others deal with this matter.

> >

> > thanks,

> >

> > Alyssa

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

This is a tough situation. I really feel for all of you who may have

similar situations. At first, my husband was in denial. He, like most

of the family did feel I was overeacting and that would just

" start talking " . I knew that wasn't true. I just would smile and

shrug my shoulders and reply that I hoped they were right. I didn't

get angry because I really had to deal with it all myself and process

what it all meant (i'm still working on that!). My husband started to

come around when he hit two (and over) and still had NO WORDS at all,

but made up his own sign language. I said that no child will devise

their own language instead of talking, unless they couldn't talk for

some reason. I also made the mistake of taking thomas to the DR's

appointments without my husband. Now, I know that for important evals

and such we both go. I want him to hear what the DR says so that he

doesn't have to take my spin on it. As far as extended family

memebers, I made it clear to my mother-in-law (who spreads the word to

all!) that he was not to be asked to say a word in order to get

something. I instructed that if he could say the sound, ask that, if

he could approximate the word, ask that , and if he could sign , ask

that etc. She made it clear to all and all of them followed suit.

It's important to educate the person who " rules the roost " if you know

what I mean. They " enforce " the others to follow along.

I'm sorry this is so long, I guess I had a lot of opinions!

To all of you working so hard for your kids without their father to

help- keep going and try to find someone (or two!) to help you. I

really hope that you do have other people to count on.

keep up the good work!

erin

[Guest guest]

Noelle and Alyssa, I must say your posts made me feel sick to my

stomach. I am SO SORRY to hear that you have had to experience that

from the one person who should be offering more support than anyone

else in the family.

I thank God that I don't have family members that are that bad... My

family is very accepting of my son's issues (helps in a way that my

nephew has learning disabilities and that my SIL is a behavior

therapist). My husband's family has issues all over it, speech,

learning, etc, but with my daughter (not apraxic), they kept

insisting that she would grow out of it, or that she talked well

enough, so it wasn't a problem. By the time my son wasn't speaking, I

still got the occasional " his uncle didn't talk until he was 3; his

cousin was delayed too " , or better yet " well, he does say some stuff,

he's not as bad as you make it sound " . There was also " I want HIM to

say his name, you don't need to say it for him " . GAH! You'd think in

a family where there are issues, that they would be the first people

to understand.

>

> > hi, I have an ex-husband that is in total denial of my son's

issues.

> >

> > My 4.5 year old son has apraxia, sid, hypotonia,

pragmatic/expressive

> > speech disorder and lack of eye contact.

> >

> > he is in special education and has been seen by many doctors that

all

> > confirm these diagnoisis.

> >

> > He has bought me into court for Medical child abuse because he is

in

> > such denial. (he did not win)

> >

> > It is either EGO or money that is making him behave this way.

> >

> > I would love to talk to others that have a similar issue. I am

> > exhausted and would love hear how others deal with this matter.

> >

> > thanks,

> >

> > Alyssa

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tahnk you everyone for all your support. It is horrible thing when

every decision is made by you alone and a fight every step of the

way. I only want the best for my child.

Fortunately, I made him my x-husband for this reason and many other

reason. Unfortunatly the court feels he should have the same amount

of say that I have, even with all the denial. Stinks!

thanks again for everything!

alyssa

>

> hi, I have an ex-husband that is in total denial of my son's

issues.

>

> My 4.5 year old son has apraxia, sid, hypotonia,

pragmatic/expressive

> speech disorder and lack of eye contact.

>

> he is in special education and has been seen by many doctors that

all

> confirm these diagnoisis.

>

> He has bought me into court for Medical child abuse because he is

in

> such denial. (he did not win)

>

> It is either EGO or money that is making him behave this way.

>

> I would love to talk to others that have a similar issue. I am

> exhausted and would love hear how others deal with this matter.

>

> thanks,

>

>

> Alyssa

>

[Guest guest]

Did we happen to marry the same man? JK. All joking aside, my ex is in denial

as well. We have two special needs kids. The oldest is on medication for his

behavior/mood swings, etc.... The ex didn't believe the r/x even from the

countless Dr's. He also has asthma, but he wold not believe our son had that.

Until my ex saw a difference in the behavior off of medication. Until my son

went into an asthma attack.... Even now with our oldest on meds, he still likes

to blame my poor parenting as to why our son has a behavior problem. If it were

only that simple! Now add in child # 2. Our youngest is going through

apraxia testing. Since he was 2 I have been signing with him, to ease in the

frustration and to communicate. My ex was told he needed to learn some basic

signs. He refused. Our youngest is even lactose intolerant, and the ex won't

remove the dairy from the diet or give Ike the pills. Ohvey! So if you ever

need a sounding board, let me know. I have

been there.

" Normal is a setting on a dryer "

[Guest guest]

I am glad that your ex finally came around. I have not seen signs of

improvement with mine yet. We have been divorced since 2004, and I have been

dealing with these issues since then. Not signs of change in the near future,

but the kids have not graduated from school yet.

" Normal is a setting on a dryer "