Re: behavior therapy

[Guest guest]

The fundamentals of behavior therapy are easy to understand and implement, even

without the help of a therapist. Have you ever given your child a time-out for

talking back - or a " heads-up " before taking him someplace that is likely to

challenge his self-control? Then you already have a sense of how behavior

therapy works.

 

" A lot of behavior modification is just common-sense parenting, " says

Pelham, Jr., Ph.D., director of the Center for Children and Families at the

State University of New York at Buffalo. " The problem is that none of us were

trained how to be good parents, and none of us expected to have children who

needed parents with great parenting skills and patience. "

 

The basic idea is to set specific rules governing your child's behavior (nothing

vague or too broad), and to enforce your rules consistently, with positive

consequences for following them and negative consequences for infractions. Dr.

Pelham suggests these seven strategies:

 

1. Make sure your child understands the rules.

Telling a child to " do this " or to " avoid doing that " is not enough. To ensure

that your child knows the rules cold, create lists and post them around the

house. For example, you might draw up a list detailing the specific things your

child must do to get ready for school.

 

Make sure the rules are worded clearly. Go over the rules to make sure he

understands, and review them as necessary. Stick with the routines until your

child has them down.

 

2. Give clear commands.

First, say your child's name to make sure you have his attention. Then tell him

exactly what you want him to do. If you're in the checkout line at the grocery

store, for instance, you might say, " Steve, stand next to me and do not touch

anything. " It's not enough to tell your child to " be good, " because he may not

know what that entails. Finally, state the consequences for disobeying the

command-and always follow through.

 

3. Don't expect perfection.

Strike a balance between praising your child and offering criticism. A good rule

of thumb is to praise your child for doing something well at least five times as

often as you criticize bad behavior.

 

You'll only set your child up for failure if you expect immediate and perfect

results. Instead, focus on rewarding small steps-and gradually work your way

toward the desired outcome.

 

If you notice that you are criticizing too much, lower your standards a bit.

You'll only drive yourself-and your child-crazy if you nitpick.

 

4. Use " when/then " statements to encourage good behavior and reward your child.

If your child asks for permission to do a desirable activity before completing

his chores or assignments, say, " Yes, when you finish cleaning the garage, then

you can go out with friends. " With younger children, it's important that the

rewarding activity take place immediately after the chore or assignment is

completed.

 

5. Set up a point/token system for rewards and consequences.

One effective system for encouraging your child to comply with your commands

involves a jar and a supply of marbles. Each time your child does what you ask,

put a marble in the jar. Each time he doesn't, take two marbles out of the jar.

At the end of the day, he earns a small reward based on the number of marbles

that remain in the jar, and then starts over again.

 

6. Tweak your discipline techniques as your child gets older.

Certain measures, including time-outs, may not work as well with tweens and

teens as they do with younger kids. If your high-schooler breaks a rule, you

might give him a five-minute chore - such as straightening up the family

room-rather than a five-minute time-out.

 

With older children, it's useful to negotiate the terms and rewards for good

behavior. For example, your child may request access to the family car or time

spent with friends if he is helpful around the house and does well at school.

 

7. Ask your child's teachers to set up a similar behavioral system at school.

One of the best tools for parent-teacher cooperation is the daily report card).

Meet with the teacher to determine desired classroom behaviors- " completi ng

assignments within the designated time " or " contributing to discussion. " At the

end of each school day, the teacher can fill out a quick evaluation of your

child's adherence to these behavioral goals, and send the document home with the

child. Reward him for a good day at school with time to play outside or control

over the car radio.

 

If your child is in middle school or high school, ask his guidance counselor to

discuss a daily report card with all of your child's teachers. Use pages in her

assignment notebook for the daily reports.

 

Many parents incorporate these strategies into family life without professional

assistance. If you are having trouble achieving the results you seek, consider

signing up for a parent-training program. A typical program consists of two-hour

sessions, in which a therapist works with parents-typically in a group

setting-to give them the support and guidance they need to cultivate good

behavior.

 

  Four Good Books About Behavior Therapy

-Behavior Modification: What It Is and How to Do It, by Garry and ph

Pear (Prentice Hall)

 

-Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Clinically Proven Five-Week Program for

Parents of Two- to Six-Year-Olds, by Rex Forehand, Ph.D., and Long,

Ph.D. (McGraw-Hill)

 

-Your Defiant Child: Eight Steps to Better Behavior, by A. Barkley,

Ph.D., and M. Benton (Guilford)

 

-Homework Success for Children with ADHD: A Family-School Intervention Program,

by J. Power, L. Karustis, and Dina F. Habboushe (Guilford)

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Sharon Lang

From: Jeanne Buesser <jbmistletoe@...>

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