Re: Thanskgiving

[Guest guest]

Hi: Just wondered if anyone can help me feel more relaxed. My son is on the

autism spectrum and has apraxia. We usually spend most holiday's with my

family but we have to go to my husband's families tomorrow. They are all lovely

people and I love them all, but feel so agitated that someone may ask about

's talking or I always feel like people are looking at him, even if they

are not, and if they were it would be because he is so cute. I feel like I

can't relax. Thanks Jen

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[Guest guest]

Jen

Bless your heart! I went through this for so many years. And although Shyann's

holiday was always remembered as happy, mine wern't. All I know to say from

experience is that now, after 5 years of the same ol' stuff every holiday, We as

a family, (me and husband with Shyann and little brother) decided to have our

holiday alone. Just this past year Shyann began to pick up on the tension and ,

well, too much has happened. The last straw was about a week ago after Shyann

came home from " Nana " and said to me " Did you know Daddy was a rape-baby?? " She

had an idea what it meant, but got a better idea that it meant " that's why nana

hates daddy so much " . Then she asked " is that why nana hates me because I'm

daddy's? " So, when the tension gets to bad and can not be defused, do as we did

and get out before it hurts YOUR child!!

Joy

Re: [ ] Thanskgiving

Hi: Just wondered if anyone can help me feel more relaxed. My son is on the

autism spectrum and has apraxia. We usually spend most holiday's with my

family but we have to go to my husband's families tomorrow. They are all

lovely

people and I love them all, but feel so agitated that someone may ask about

's talking or I always feel like people are looking at him, even if they

are not, and if they were it would be because he is so cute. I feel like I

can't relax. Thanks Jen

**************Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW

AOL.com.

(http://www.aol.com/?optin=new-dp & icid=aolcom40vanity & ncid=emlcntaolcom00000002)

[Guest guest]

Whiskey?  - Just kidding!

 

The old addage " You don't get to chose your family, but you do get to chose your

friends " (certainly not verbatim)  is so true, as family members can be known to

be insensitive, rude, or downright mean at times, feeling like they have

liberties that they don't really have.  It doesn't sound like that is the case

here though.  None the less, it can be very stressful to go to inlaws to begin

with.  One can easily feel like the odd man out.  I encourage you to talk to

your husband about your anxieties and ask him if he can make a point of coming

to your aide when you need it (you could even make some sort of special sign,

look, or password.)  My inlaws didn't like me, and I would feel so insecure when

I knew they were coming for a visit.  I had to start reminding my husband to say

only positive things about me in front of them - even to the point of being

overboard.  It made me feel so loved and supported - I didn't care what they

thought - I had

the love of my hubby!

 

To continue, -just because someone asks about your child's speaking doesn't mean

that they mean anything mean or disrespectful.  Maybe they just truly want to

know how things are going - just like if they asked you about anything else, but

it sounds like you might be a little sensitive about this particular topic.  It

is understandable, don't get me wrong.  Raising a special needs child is not an

easy task!  The momma bear instinct comes out during times when you feel that

your child is threatened.  It sounds to me like you to need to do some positive

thinking (and practicing) -a thing called  " self-talk " .   I'm sure that you heard

that you become what you are called, (ie: if you call someone lazy, they'll

become lazy, but if you call someone something positive, they strive to be

that.)  - You can do this for yourself as well. 

 

Think ahead of time for responses that you would like to say - being positive

and respectful.  Then practice saying your response.  It enpowers you and

enpowerment makes you feel less insecure!  Then start thinking positively

instead of negatively.  If you see someone looking at your child - don't assume

the worse - think that they are probably admiring him as much as do.  If you are

going to assume what others are thinking - give them a benefit of a doubt and

assume they are thinking positive thoughts.  Life is hard enough - don't make it

harder!

 

Now there are stress reduction means too - like taking a deep breath and

exercising.  It actually does something to your physiology to help reduce

stress.  You can easily deep breathe anywhere and if the stress of the day gets

to be too much, you could always go for a walk.  I hope this helps!!!!

 

Blessings to You,

 

********************************************************************************\

***********************************************************************

 

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you:  not as the world giveth give

I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 

14:27

 

From: jennyjudy@... <jennyjudy@...>

Subject: Re: [ ] Thanskgiving

Date: Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 6:23 PM

Hi: Just wondered if anyone can help me feel more relaxed. My son is on the

autism spectrum and has apraxia. We usually spend most holiday's with my

family but we have to go to my husband's families tomorrow. They are all lovely

people and I love them all, but feel so agitated that someone may ask about

's talking or I always feel like people are looking at him, even if they

are not, and if they were it would be because he is so cute. I feel like I

can't relax. Thanks Jen

************ **Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW

AOL.com.

(http://www.aol. com/?optin= new-dp & icid= aolcom40vanity & ncid=emlcntaolco

m00000002)

[Guest guest]

Dear Jen: Do you believe in prayer or affirmations? I tell myself my

son and I are enough, do enough and have enough. Families

expectations and our own expectations can be difficult to handle but

you are not alone. You have all of us in your pocket. I will also

journal a little before meeting w/ family to air some of the fears I

am feeling. Once I put it out there on paper or w/ someone I can

trust it usually lessens. Good luck and I am praying for you and your

family. Kris

On Nov 26, 2008, at 6:23 PM, jennyjudy@... wrote:

> Hi: Just wondered if anyone can help me feel more relaxed. My son

> is on the

> autism spectrum and has apraxia. We usually spend most holiday's

> with my

> family but we have to go to my husband's families tomorrow. They

> are all lovely

> people and I love them all, but feel so agitated that someone may

> ask about

> 's talking or I always feel like people are looking at him,

> even if they

> are not, and if they were it would be because he is so cute. I feel

> like I

> can't relax. Thanks Jen

[Guest guest]

Dear Jen,

I know it feels awkward. I know it feels like everyone 'whispers' about your

child secretly behind your back. When they are little and are not doing well,

this is what happens.

BUT.... through the years I have discovered that Mark's cousins on both sides

have been the kids who have accepted him no matter what. They are the people

that matter most to your child... his cousins. It is quite amazing to watch

that essential element of family bonding at play. I used to worry that they

would injure Mark. I used to worry that they would abuse him or 'something' but

they did not. Mark loves his cousins so much even the ones who were older and

who 'saw' that things were not quite right. They were playmates, coaches and

family who in the end, displayed phenomenal amounts of patience with him. If

they made a mistake and things got ugly (which they did when he was little), I

never chastised the cousin.... only explained what Mark was feeling or what he

was trying to say or 'whatever' in the moment. In essence, these kids grew up

with Marks' dyspraxia and only really noticed the difference when he got better!

They just accepted him for who he was. They did so because I made his

disability an 'open' subject. If anyone had any questions, they were free to

ask and did not have to make any pretense. This later developed into a

wonderful family bond.

One of the things that I used to do was to take the bull by the horns and " out "

the elephant in the room. I would just talk about it... without tears, without

remorse and without guilt or shame. I have been very upfront about the foods

that Mark can eat or not eat and I haven't sweated it when my inlaws have made

mistakes and allowed him 'garbage' that I cringe at.

I will tell them a little about the therapies that we do, the progress we are

seeing and I give them hope for the future. I make it 'okay' to see and speak

of his issues.

Today, with all of the therapy and the biomed we have done, everyone is so proud

of Mark and his accomplishments. They have been rooting for him all the way and

have been an integral part of his personal support group. He never had much

time for the adults, it was the other kids that he cherished! It is amazing how

accepting other children can be of their family.

This summer my kids went to a family reunion 'without' me (as I have been split

from by kids dad for some time now) and they had a blast. Mark 'muscle-tested'

(an acupuncture technique) all of his cousins to determine whether or not they

should consume milk! As a matter of fact, there are quite a few on his Dad's

side who actually cannot tolerate the stuff and they knew about it prior to the

muscle-testing! As Mark is one of the youngest cousins, he is cherished and

loved by all. I 'know' that if anything should ever happen to me, they would

step in and ensure that his life was full of family.

Don't be nervous. It's okay. Your child is young yet and has many years of

recovery ahead of him. You are here, learning from other moms and teaching

other moms too.... and because of that you're boy is going to be the best he can

be. It is amazing how our children can progress! Mark is a very different boy

today from who he was at age 7.....

Take care. ENJOY your Thanksgiving and don't be afraid to discuss autism or

apraxia. Be the teacher and eventually your family will see beyond the

disability to the beautiful soul that lies within. They really, really will!

Janice

Mother of Mark,13

[sPAM]Re: [ ] Thanskgiving

Dear Jen: Do you believe in prayer or affirmations? I tell myself my

son and I are enough, do enough and have enough. Families

expectations and our own expectations can be difficult to handle but

you are not alone. You have all of us in your pocket. I will also

journal a little before meeting w/ family to air some of the fears I

am feeling. Once I put it out there on paper or w/ someone I can

trust it usually lessens. Good luck and I am praying for you and your

family. Kris

On Nov 26, 2008, at 6:23 PM, jennyjudy@... wrote:

> Hi: Just wondered if anyone can help me feel more relaxed. My son

> is on the

> autism spectrum and has apraxia. We usually spend most holiday's

> with my

> family but we have to go to my husband's families tomorrow. They

> are all lovely

> people and I love them all, but feel so agitated that someone may

> ask about

> 's talking or I always feel like people are looking at him,

> even if they

> are not, and if they were it would be because he is so cute. I feel

> like I

> can't relax. Thanks Jen

[Guest guest]

Jen, I know exactly how you feel about wondering if people are looking at my two

boys because at age four they are still only babbling and certainly do not act

like four year olds.  They are sweet natured but it is obvious that they are

very, very, very developmentally delayed. 

 

So, what I have finally done is just be open with the people that will be

exposed to them.  So, they won't have expectations of my boys to act like a four

year old in play skills and language and socially.  And for strangers, I just

tell myself " we won't see them again.  So, who cares what they think "

 

Did you have a good Thanksgiving with your husband's family?

 

Dana

> Hi: Just wondered if anyone can help me feel more relaxed. My son

> is on the

> autism spectrum and has apraxia. We usually spend most holiday's

> with my

> family but we have to go to my husband's families tomorrow. They

> are all lovely

> people and I love them all, but feel so agitated that someone may

> ask about

> 's talking or I always feel like people are looking at him,

> even if they

> are not, and if they were it would be because he is so cute. I feel

> like I

> can't relax. Thanks Jen

[Guest guest]

Dana: Yes we did have a nice Thanksgiving and the children behaved

wonderfully. I didnt have one question about 's speech, I just realized

what a

good boy he is and how much I love him and that it is good to get him out and

get him exposed to certain social situations and it went fine. Thanks Jen

**************Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW

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[Guest guest]

-Ditto

 

In a case like this (Joy's case), separation is the only answer!  Start your own

holiday traditions - make it really fun and meaningful, so that your children

don't feel like they are missing out (though they probably will to a degree

anyway when they are young because let's face it wouldn't it be nice to have a

wonderful time with our families on the holidays -and everyday for that

matter).  Life isn't always that easy though!  Enjoy YOUR family (and family can

be friends as well.)

Blessings to You,

 

********************************************************************************\

***********************************************************************

 

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you:  not as the world giveth give

I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 

14:27

 

[Guest guest]

>

> Dana: Yes we did have a nice Thanksgiving and the children behaved

> wonderfully. I didnt have one question about 's speech, I just

realized what a

> good boy he is and how much I love him and that it is good to get him

out and

> get him exposed to certain social situations and it went fine.

Thanks Jen