There Goes Yet Another Autism Myth

[Guest guest]

http://autism.change.org/blog/view/there_goes_yet_another_autism_myth

There are so many autism myths floating around out there that debunking them

often seems a constant aspect of advocating about autism. (And look out, too,

for those autism cults.)

One myth that always rankles me is that autistic children don't change and that

they can't; that a child will always be a two-year-old inside even when he is

six feet tall. It is the case that it's often not easy for my son to deal with a

new situation or a change in circumstances. This leads to some occasionally

interesting moments when the inevitable new situation or change occurs (his

favorite diner is closed for renovations; there's a different bus driver or new

aide; he's tall enough to reach the top shelf of the cabinet). While Charlie

often expresses maximum hesitancy to plunge into the new, he is not entirely

resistant to change, not at all. What's tricky to ascertain is what Jim calls

" the lag, " the time between when Charlie realizes there's a change or something

new going on, and when he assents to it and accepts it.

For quite a long time, Charlie's maintained a collection of CD and DVD cases and

some CDs and DVDs. " Some " because many of the CDs and DVDs have been discarded;

most have been so smudged and scratched that they are not playable; more than a

few were secreted away down a certain crack in the stairs. There were two

Beatles albums along with some Barney ones, some Disney ones, a (truth be told)

Teletubbies album cover, and a smattering of jazz and blues and the Byrds.

Charlie would spread them all out or stack them into piles of indeterminable

organization and look at them absorbedly; at moments of extreme agitation,

everything went flying.

After the most recent instance of the latter, I gathered everything up and put

them into a big white trash bag. I heard the voice of some consultant whispering

in my ear about the " inappropriateness " of Charlie " stimming " on all those

things and how letting him do it would be (was clearly) an antecedent for

" behaviors " and what was wrong with us, kiddie stuff should have gone o-u-t a

long time ago.

And I remembered how years ago, when everytime we turned on a Barney video

Charlie asked for, he smiled and went to watch it and headbanged, we put all the

Barney videos and a stuffed Barney himself into a plastic trash bag and threw

them away. In those days Charlie equated something going into the garbage as

being gone, gone forever, and, with many tears, that was the end of it. But ever

since, we've felt that wasn't the best way to proceed with these

stims/obsessions/absorptions. Obviously Barney (and the CDs and DVDs) meant

something to Charlie and how would we feel to see our parents toss things away

all while saying " I am doing this because it is good for you. "

Ah, parenting.

We left the big white trash bag of CD and DVD cases and CDs and DVDs sitting in

Charlie's room. For a couple of weeks he left it there, only dumping out

everything last weekend. Wednesday afternoon, his babysitter came and while she

and I chatted, Charlie went to his room. I heard a few random noises but nothing

untoward, and then looked up and saw Charlie with the big white trash bag, fully

loaded. " Garbage, " he said to me and held out the bag for me to tie up. After I

did so, he carried out and, while the babysitter and I watched, put it into the

garbage, smiled a bit, and walked away.

Change happens. Parents (like this one) often want it to happen faster and when

we feel, or are told, it's time. But there's more than something to be said for

letting the person in whom you'd like to see the change---one's

child---undertake that change himself, when he knows he is re

Love, Gabby. :0)

http://stemcellforautism.blogspot.com/

http://www.facebook.com/gabby911

http://twitter.com/stemcell4autism

 

" I know of nobody who is purely Autistic or purely neurotypical. Even God had

some Autistic moments, which is why the planets all spin. " ~ Jerry Newport