Re: Are you a honey or vinegar parent?

[Guest guest]

It's my experience that being nice alone doesn't necessarily mean our children

will receive the therapy they need. I'm not saying not to volunteer and be

nice, but that alone does not secure one on one therapy or enough days of

therapy, or pull out from mainstream classes instead of them putting him in

their contained classes as they wanted to or all the other things that I have

had to work hard for my son to get into his IEP for years now. Maybe being nice

alone works for other parents but I have found that the squeaky wheel gets the

grease, and the nice wheel's needs are ignored. I don't agree with that point of

this message. So I guess I am both a honey parent when it comes to helping out

for my son's school as I always do, and a vinegar parent when it comes to making

sure my son gets the therapy he needs. I hope people don't read this and think

just because you help out at school and are nice that your child will get the

services he needs from that alone. I wish it was that easy. It does not work

that way, or at least at zero of my son's 2 schools. Am I the only one? Beth

>

> Project Manager Series:

> Are you a honey parent or vinegar parent?

>

>

>

> As special needs parents we ask a lot of our child's school and rightfully so.

But how much do we give back? In our last article from our Project Manager

series, we had you put on a hard hat for special education. Now we ask you to go

deep in the school trenches and find out what your team needs. Helping out in

big and small ways can earn you respect from both school staff and

administration. Plus it has the extra benefit of teachers who would like to

return the favor and help you.

>

> by Dawn Villarreal, One Place for Special Needs, July 2010

>

>

>

> Tale of two managers

> Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at two managers. The adversarial project

manager dictates and demands. This creates a stressful work environment with a

manager who is never pleased. These employees will get the job done but only the

bare minimum. No one will go out of his or her way to help this manager.

>

> The helpful project manager takes time to listen and support his team members.

Workers in this environment will want to do their best because they genuinely

like their manager. They’ll go above and beyond expectations because the helpful

manager has shown he cares.

>

> Now consider two special needs children in the same school—one with an

adversarial parent and the other with a helpful parent. The job of teaching your

child will be done. But for school staff, one will be a HAVE to do while the

other will be a WANT to do. Which teacher is more likely to go the extra

mile—the one with a confrontational parent or a caring parent? I think you know

the answer.

>

> Transference

> What we are talking about is transference. The process by which emotions and

desires originally associated with one person are unconsciously shifted to

another person. As parents, we cannot underestimate the effect that our positive

and negative actions have on the desire of school staff wanting to work with us

as well as our child. Another way to look at this is the very old and popular

adage, “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

>

> So how to become a “honey” parent? First, remember that true giving means not

expecting anything in return. Going in with the attitude of, “If I do this, I

expect that” is no different than being an adversarial project manager.

>

> All schools need help. State budgets have been slashed. School districts are

owed millions of dollars that aren’t coming. Teachers are given little if any

stipend to turn four white walls into a warm and inviting learning environment.

Decide on your strengths and how much time you can give. Then offer your

assistance.

>

> Help your child’s teacher or school in a small way

>

> Ask your teacher if she can use extra school supplies. There will always be a

use for Kleenix, sanitizer or pencils.

>

> If your school has a book fair, get your teacher’s wish list and purchase a

book or two for the classroom.

>

> Pick up a kid friendly book about your child’s disability for the classroom.

>

> Purchase a book that can assist your teacher in understanding your child’s

disability.

>

> Some schools are hot in August and September. Purchase a cheap oscillating fan

to cool both kids and teacher.

>

> Doing a little Spring cleaning? Before you discard or give your used items to

charity, think about what items school staff can use. Send them an email to see

if you can drop it off in their room or leave in the teacher’s lounge for all

teachers. Remember to put a note that says, Donated by (your child’s name).

>

> Here are some donation suggestions:

> Teachers – board games, dollhouse, pretend clothes, pretend kitchen and

food items, markers, crayons, construction paper, books

>

> Special ed teacher – disability books, board games, fidget items, calming

room items

>

> SLP – board games that encourage talking, conversation and categorizing

>

> Social worker – board games that encourage cooperation and conversation

>

> OT – Legos, Play-doh, Lite Brite, small items that can be put together

(e.g. screws and washers), shirt with buttons, belt

>

> Art teacher – just about anything! Craft items, paper towel rolls, paints,

poster board, magazines, etc.

>

> Music teacher – any musical items

>

> Social studies teacher – cultural themed item

>

> Help your child’s teacher or school in a big way

>

> Some schools encourage parent helpers. If this is not done in your school, you

can ask a teacher if you can assist her for two hours. She can write a list of

tasks such as prepping materials for a class project, changing out a hallway

bulletin board and even helping out with circle time activities. While you are

there for the teacher, it’s also a nice opportunity to view how your child is

doing in the classroom.

>

> If you can’t help out in school, you can always ask if there’s a project you

can do at home and return. If you’re good at modifying homework for your child,

you might consider making your own modified worksheets for weekly Dolch words,

highlighted reading vocabulary or math facts. These can be emailed to your

support teacher who can use them for years to come.

>

> Use your special skills

> Are you a handy person? Consider creating a book nook for the school library

or a reading loft for a classroom. If you are a painter, you might consider

painting a common area or doing a mural. If you are a gardener, the next time

you are separating plants, you might offer to plant the extras at your school.

>

> This type of work usually takes place in the summer. It’s a perfect way to

have your child help out while also acclimating him to the school. Depending on

the project, teachers and even the principal stop by to say hi and spend some

one on one time with you or your child. And it’s also a nice conversation

starter and point of pride when your child can express to classmates, “My dad

made this.” or “My mom planted these flowers.”

>

> Here’s an example: I took a bland library reading nook and turned it into a

rainforest ranger station with some leftover paint, my art skills and a few

jungle accessories I no longer needed. The students loved it and it’s even been

used as a sensory break area.

>

> reading nook before reading nook after

>

> Like taking pictures?

> If you are a photographer, you might offer to take photos of the student clubs

or class parties for yearbook. Your child will make it in yearbook for sure! If

you would like more opportunities to view your child in the classroom while

helping out, you might consider one of these ideas.

>

> Get your teacher on board to create a picture calendar or keepsake book for

each student. Bring in a prop to represent each month (e.g. American flag

backdrop for July, paper snowflakes and knit cap for December). Come in and take

a photo of each child once or twice a month. At the end of the school year the

kids have a gift for dad on Father’s day; a fun keepsake book or calendar.

>

> Teacher garage sale

> Having a garage sale this summer? Send an email to the teachers at your local

school and tell them some sale items you think they might like. Offer 50% off

for teachers. You can be extra generous by giving them a time to come by after

your sale ends and let them take remaining items for free. You didn’t want to

bring those items back in the house anyway!

>

> Volunteer

> Many schools can’t afford enough administrative staff. Volunteer to help out

in the front office for a few hours. This gives you a chance to say hi and be

seen by all the staff at the school.

>

> There are myriad ways to help out at school. Giving makes you feel good about

yourself. School staff also feel good about you. And that’s a good position to

be in when you want to suggest an accommodation or ask a teacher to do a little

more for your child. Chances are they will want to help you too.

>

> More reading:

>

> I Love Schools - Encourage your teacher, school or district to create a wish

list on this free site.

>

> National PTA - Get involved with your local PTA or set up a special needs PTA

for your district.

>

> National PTO - Get involved with your local PTO or set up a special needs PTO

for your district.

>

> Teacher Wish Lists - Encourage your teacher to create a wish list on this free

site

>

>

>

> Dawn VillarrealAbout the writer

>

> Dawn Villarreal runs One Place for Special Needs, a national disability

resource that lets you find local and online resources, events and even other

families in your neighborhood plus over 3,000 online resources! Stay awhile and

check out the site. She is also moderator of Autism Community Connection, a

group for families in Illinois. Reprint permission granted by including:

Reprinted with permission from One Place for Special Needs

http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com

> http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_honey_vinegar.html

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with both of you...sort of. I do think it is great to offer you

school help and make charitable donations, I do NOT think it is necessary to

spend money in doing so. As a parent of a special needs child and two

others, my budget is already stretched. I would hate for people (therapists

and teachers) to think I was " buying " their dedication to my child. On the

other hand I think it is great to show kindness and appreciation for the

people that are helping your child. My children and I do baking throughout

the year and love dropping off a loaf of bread or a plate of homemade

cookies to their teachers now and then with a little note saying " I

appreciate all you do " I also stop into school to say hello from time to

time and touch base with her therapists. I open the door for them to talk

to me about their lives/frustrations/celebrations. I also ask and listen to

their ideas on how to work with my daughter. In a nut shell, I show them

that I care about them because I do really appreciate all that they do for

my daughter. When/if there is ever a time I have to take a stand I am

normally joined by her teacher/therapists instead of me against everyone.

Barbara

[ ] Re: Are you a honey or vinegar parent?

> It's my experience that being nice alone doesn't necessarily mean our

> children will receive the therapy they need. I'm not saying not to

> volunteer and be nice, but that alone does not secure one on one therapy

> or enough days of therapy, or pull out from mainstream classes instead of

> them putting him in their contained classes as they wanted to or all the

> other things that I have had to work hard for my son to get into his IEP

> for years now. Maybe being nice alone works for other parents but I have

> found that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and the nice wheel's needs

> are ignored. I don't agree with that point of this message. So I guess I

> am both a honey parent when it comes to helping out for my son's school as

> I always do, and a vinegar parent when it comes to making sure my son gets

> the therapy he needs. I hope people don't read this and think just because

> you help out at school and are nice that your child will get the services

> he needs from that alone. I wish it was that easy. It does not work that

> way, or at least at zero of my son's 2 schools. Am I the only one? Beth

>

>

>

>

>>

>> Project Manager Series:

>> Are you a honey parent or vinegar parent?

>>

>>

>>

>> As special needs parents we ask a lot of our child's school and

>> rightfully so. But how much do we give back? In our last article from our

>> Project Manager series, we had you put on a hard hat for special

>> education. Now we ask you to go deep in the school trenches and find out

>> what your team needs. Helping out in big and small ways can earn you

>> respect from both school staff and administration. Plus it has the extra

>> benefit of teachers who would like to return the favor and help you.

>>

>> by Dawn Villarreal, One Place for Special Needs, July 2010

>>

>>

>>

>> Tale of two managers

>> Don't believe me? Let's take a look at two managers. The adversarial

>> project manager dictates and demands. This creates a stressful work

>> environment with a manager who is never pleased. These employees will get

>> the job done but only the bare minimum. No one will go out of his or her

>> way to help this manager.

>>

>> The helpful project manager takes time to listen and support his team

>> members. Workers in this environment will want to do their best because

>> they genuinely like their manager. They'll go above and beyond

>> expectations because the helpful manager has shown he cares.

>>

>> Now consider two special needs children in the same school-one with an

>> adversarial parent and the other with a helpful parent. The job of

>> teaching your child will be done. But for school staff, one will be a

>> HAVE to do while the other will be a WANT to do. Which teacher is more

>> likely to go the extra mile-the one with a confrontational parent or a

>> caring parent? I think you know the answer.

>>

>> Transference

>> What we are talking about is transference. The process by which emotions

>> and desires originally associated with one person are unconsciously

>> shifted to another person. As parents, we cannot underestimate the effect

>> that our positive and negative actions have on the desire of school staff

>> wanting to work with us as well as our child. Another way to look at this

>> is the very old and popular adage, " You can catch more flies with honey

>> than with vinegar. "

>>

>> So how to become a " honey " parent? First, remember that true giving means

>> not expecting anything in return. Going in with the attitude of, " If I do

>> this, I expect that " is no different than being an adversarial project

>> manager.

>>

>> All schools need help. State budgets have been slashed. School districts

>> are owed millions of dollars that aren't coming. Teachers are given

>> little if any stipend to turn four white walls into a warm and inviting

>> learning environment. Decide on your strengths and how much time you can

>> give. Then offer your assistance.

>>

>> Help your child's teacher or school in a small way

>>

>> Ask your teacher if she can use extra school supplies. There will always

>> be a use for Kleenix, sanitizer or pencils.

>>

>> If your school has a book fair, get your teacher's wish list and purchase

>> a book or two for the classroom.

>>

>> Pick up a kid friendly book about your child's disability for the

>> classroom.

>>

>> Purchase a book that can assist your teacher in understanding your

>> child's disability.

>>

>> Some schools are hot in August and September. Purchase a cheap

>> oscillating fan to cool both kids and teacher.

>>

>> Doing a little Spring cleaning? Before you discard or give your used

>> items to charity, think about what items school staff can use. Send them

>> an email to see if you can drop it off in their room or leave in the

>> teacher's lounge for all teachers. Remember to put a note that says,

>> Donated by (your child's name).

>>

>> Here are some donation suggestions:

>> Teachers - board games, dollhouse, pretend clothes, pretend kitchen

>> and food items, markers, crayons, construction paper, books

>>

>> Special ed teacher - disability books, board games, fidget items,

>> calming room items

>>

>> SLP - board games that encourage talking, conversation and

>> categorizing

>>

>> Social worker - board games that encourage cooperation and

>> conversation

>>

>> OT - Legos, Play-doh, Lite Brite, small items that can be put

>> together (e.g. screws and washers), shirt with buttons, belt

>>

>> Art teacher - just about anything! Craft items, paper towel rolls,

>> paints, poster board, magazines, etc.

>>

>> Music teacher - any musical items

>>

>> Social studies teacher - cultural themed item

>>

>> Help your child's teacher or school in a big way

>>

>> Some schools encourage parent helpers. If this is not done in your

>> school, you can ask a teacher if you can assist her for two hours. She

>> can write a list of tasks such as prepping materials for a class project,

>> changing out a hallway bulletin board and even helping out with circle

>> time activities. While you are there for the teacher, it's also a nice

>> opportunity to view how your child is doing in the classroom.

>>

>> If you can't help out in school, you can always ask if there's a project

>> you can do at home and return. If you're good at modifying homework for

>> your child, you might consider making your own modified worksheets for

>> weekly Dolch words, highlighted reading vocabulary or math facts. These

>> can be emailed to your support teacher who can use them for years to

>> come.

>>

>> Use your special skills

>> Are you a handy person? Consider creating a book nook for the school

>> library or a reading loft for a classroom. If you are a painter, you

>> might consider painting a common area or doing a mural. If you are a

>> gardener, the next time you are separating plants, you might offer to

>> plant the extras at your school.

>>

>> This type of work usually takes place in the summer. It's a perfect way

>> to have your child help out while also acclimating him to the school.

>> Depending on the project, teachers and even the principal stop by to say

>> hi and spend some one on one time with you or your child. And it's also a

>> nice conversation starter and point of pride when your child can express

>> to classmates, " My dad made this. " or " My mom planted these flowers. "

>>

>> Here's an example: I took a bland library reading nook and turned it into

>> a rainforest ranger station with some leftover paint, my art skills and a

>> few jungle accessories I no longer needed. The students loved it and it's

>> even been used as a sensory break area.

>>

>> reading nook before reading nook after

>>

>> Like taking pictures?

>> If you are a photographer, you might offer to take photos of the student

>> clubs or class parties for yearbook. Your child will make it in yearbook

>> for sure! If you would like more opportunities to view your child in the

>> classroom while helping out, you might consider one of these ideas.

>>

>> Get your teacher on board to create a picture calendar or keepsake book

>> for each student. Bring in a prop to represent each month (e.g. American

>> flag backdrop for July, paper snowflakes and knit cap for December). Come

>> in and take a photo of each child once or twice a month. At the end of

>> the school year the kids have a gift for dad on Father's day; a fun

>> keepsake book or calendar.

>>

>> Teacher garage sale

>> Having a garage sale this summer? Send an email to the teachers at your

>> local school and tell them some sale items you think they might like.

>> Offer 50% off for teachers. You can be extra generous by giving them a

>> time to come by after your sale ends and let them take remaining items

>> for free. You didn't want to bring those items back in the house anyway!

>>

>> Volunteer

>> Many schools can't afford enough administrative staff. Volunteer to help

>> out in the front office for a few hours. This gives you a chance to say

>> hi and be seen by all the staff at the school.

>>

>> There are myriad ways to help out at school. Giving makes you feel good

>> about yourself. School staff also feel good about you. And that's a

>> good position to be in when you want to suggest an accommodation or ask a

>> teacher to do a little more for your child. Chances are they will want

>> to help you too.

>>

>> More reading:

>>

>> I Love Schools - Encourage your teacher, school or district to create a

>> wish list on this free site.

>>

>> National PTA - Get involved with your local PTA or set up a special needs

>> PTA for your district.

>>

>> National PTO - Get involved with your local PTO or set up a special needs

>> PTO for your district.

>>

>> Teacher Wish Lists - Encourage your teacher to create a wish list on this

>> free site

>>

>>

>>

>> Dawn VillarrealAbout the writer

>>

>> Dawn Villarreal runs One Place for Special Needs, a national disability

>> resource that lets you find local and online resources, events and even

>> other families in your neighborhood plus over 3,000 online resources!

>> Stay awhile and check out the site. She is also moderator of Autism

>> Community Connection, a group for families in Illinois. Reprint

>> permission granted by including: Reprinted with permission from One Place

>> for Special Needs http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com

>> http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_honey_vinegar.html

>>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

No, you aren't the only one.. I have found that being the " squeaky

wheel " is what helps my daughter. Mostly because I am able to get more

information from the them when I am vocal. I am always nice, but very

inquisitive and involved in her education.

Meyer

[ ] Re: Are you a honey or vinegar parent?

It's my experience that being nice alone doesn't necessarily mean our

children will receive the therapy they need. I'm not saying not to

volunteer and be nice, but that alone does not secure one on one therapy

or enough days of therapy, or pull out from mainstream classes instead

of them putting him in their contained classes as they wanted to or all

the other things that I have had to work hard for my son to get into his

IEP for years now. Maybe being nice alone works for other parents but I

have found that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and the nice wheel's

needs are ignored. I don't agree with that point of this message. So I

guess I am both a honey parent when it comes to helping out for my son's

school as I always do, and a vinegar parent when it comes to making sure

my son gets the therapy he needs. I hope people don't read this and

think just because you help out at school and are nice that your child

will get the services he needs from that alone. I wish it was that

easy. It does not work that way, or at least at zero of my son's 2

schools. Am I the only one? Beth

>

> Project Manager Series:

> Are you a honey parent or vinegar parent?

>

>

>

> As special needs parents we ask a lot of our child's school and

> rightfully so. But how much do we give back? In our last article from

> our Project Manager series, we had you put on a hard hat for special

> education. Now we ask you to go deep in the school trenches and find

> out what your team needs. Helping out in big and small ways can earn

> you respect from both school staff and administration. Plus it has the

> extra benefit of teachers who would like to return the favor and help

> you.

>

> by Dawn Villarreal, One Place for Special Needs, July 2010

>

>

>

> Tale of two managers

> Don't believe me? Let's take a look at two managers. The adversarial

> project manager dictates and demands. This creates a stressful work

> environment with a manager who is never pleased. These employees will

> get the job done but only the bare minimum. No one will go out of his

> or her way to help this manager.

>

> The helpful project manager takes time to listen and support his team

> members. Workers in this environment will want to do their best

> because they genuinely like their manager. They'll go above and beyond

> expectations because the helpful manager has shown he cares.

>

> Now consider two special needs children in the same school-one with an

> adversarial parent and the other with a helpful parent. The job of

> teaching your child will be done. But for school staff, one will be a

> HAVE to do while the other will be a WANT to do. Which teacher is more

> likely to go the extra mile-the one with a confrontational parent or a

> caring parent? I think you know the answer.

>

> Transference

> What we are talking about is transference. The process by which

> emotions and desires originally associated with one person are

> unconsciously shifted to another person. As parents, we cannot

> underestimate the effect that our positive and negative actions have

> on the desire of school staff wanting to work with us as well as our

> child. Another way to look at this is the very old and popular adage,

> " You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. "

>

> So how to become a " honey " parent? First, remember that true giving

> means not expecting anything in return. Going in with the attitude of,

> " If I do this, I expect that " is no different than being an

> adversarial project manager.

>

> All schools need help. State budgets have been slashed. School

> districts are owed millions of dollars that aren't coming. Teachers

> are given little if any stipend to turn four white walls into a warm

> and inviting learning environment. Decide on your strengths and how

> much time you can give. Then offer your assistance.

>

> Help your child's teacher or school in a small way

>

> Ask your teacher if she can use extra school supplies. There will

> always be a use for Kleenix, sanitizer or pencils.

>

> If your school has a book fair, get your teacher's wish list and

> purchase a book or two for the classroom.

>

> Pick up a kid friendly book about your child's disability for the

> classroom.

>

> Purchase a book that can assist your teacher in understanding your

> child's disability.

>

> Some schools are hot in August and September. Purchase a cheap

> oscillating fan to cool both kids and teacher.

>

> Doing a little Spring cleaning? Before you discard or give your used

> items to charity, think about what items school staff can use. Send

> them an email to see if you can drop it off in their room or leave in

> the teacher's lounge for all teachers. Remember to put a note that

> says, Donated by (your child's name).

>

> Here are some donation suggestions:

> Teachers - board games, dollhouse, pretend clothes, pretend

> kitchen and food items, markers, crayons, construction paper, books

>

> Special ed teacher - disability books, board games, fidget items,

> calming room items

>

> SLP - board games that encourage talking, conversation and

> categorizing

>

> Social worker - board games that encourage cooperation and

> conversation

>

> OT - Legos, Play-doh, Lite Brite, small items that can be put

> together (e.g. screws and washers), shirt with buttons, belt

>

> Art teacher - just about anything! Craft items, paper towel rolls,

> paints, poster board, magazines, etc.

>

> Music teacher - any musical items

>

> Social studies teacher - cultural themed item

>

> Help your child's teacher or school in a big way

>

> Some schools encourage parent helpers. If this is not done in your

> school, you can ask a teacher if you can assist her for two hours. She

> can write a list of tasks such as prepping materials for a class

> project, changing out a hallway bulletin board and even helping out

> with circle time activities. While you are there for the teacher, it's

> also a nice opportunity to view how your child is doing in the

> classroom.

>

> If you can't help out in school, you can always ask if there's a

> project you can do at home and return. If you're good at modifying

> homework for your child, you might consider making your own modified

> worksheets for weekly Dolch words, highlighted reading vocabulary or

> math facts. These can be emailed to your support teacher who can use

> them for years to come.

>

> Use your special skills

> Are you a handy person? Consider creating a book nook for the school

> library or a reading loft for a classroom. If you are a painter, you

> might consider painting a common area or doing a mural. If you are a

> gardener, the next time you are separating plants, you might offer to

> plant the extras at your school.

>

> This type of work usually takes place in the summer. It's a perfect

> way to have your child help out while also acclimating him to the

> school. Depending on the project, teachers and even the principal stop

> by to say hi and spend some one on one time with you or your child.

> And it's also a nice conversation starter and point of pride when your

> child can express to classmates, " My dad made this. " or " My mom

> planted these flowers. "

>

> Here's an example: I took a bland library reading nook and turned it

> into a rainforest ranger station with some leftover paint, my art

> skills and a few jungle accessories I no longer needed. The students

> loved it and it's even been used as a sensory break area.

>

> reading nook before reading nook after

>

> Like taking pictures?

> If you are a photographer, you might offer to take photos of the

> student clubs or class parties for yearbook. Your child will make it

> in yearbook for sure! If you would like more opportunities to view

> your child in the classroom while helping out, you might consider one

> of these ideas.

>

> Get your teacher on board to create a picture calendar or keepsake

> book for each student. Bring in a prop to represent each month (e.g.

> American flag backdrop for July, paper snowflakes and knit cap for

> December). Come in and take a photo of each child once or twice a

> month. At the end of the school year the kids have a gift for dad on

> Father's day; a fun keepsake book or calendar.

>

> Teacher garage sale

> Having a garage sale this summer? Send an email to the teachers at

> your local school and tell them some sale items you think they might

> like. Offer 50% off for teachers. You can be extra generous by giving

> them a time to come by after your sale ends and let them take

> remaining items for free. You didn't want to bring those items back in

> the house anyway!

>

> Volunteer

> Many schools can't afford enough administrative staff. Volunteer to

> help out in the front office for a few hours. This gives you a chance

> to say hi and be seen by all the staff at the school.

>

> There are myriad ways to help out at school. Giving makes you feel

> good about yourself. School staff also feel good about you. And

> that's a good position to be in when you want to suggest an

> accommodation or ask a teacher to do a little more for your child.

> Chances are they will want to help you too.

>

> More reading:

>

> I Love Schools - Encourage your teacher, school or district to create

> a wish list on this free site.

>

> National PTA - Get involved with your local PTA or set up a special

> needs PTA for your district.

>

> National PTO - Get involved with your local PTO or set up a special

> needs PTO for your district.

>

> Teacher Wish Lists - Encourage your teacher to create a wish list on

> this free site

>

>

>

> Dawn VillarrealAbout the writer

>

> Dawn Villarreal runs One Place for Special Needs, a national

> disability resource that lets you find local and online resources,

events and even other families in your neighborhood plus over 3,000

online resources! Stay awhile and check out the site. She is also

moderator of Autism Community Connection, a group for families in

Illinois. Reprint permission granted by including: Reprinted with

permission from One Place for Special Needs

http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com

> http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_honey_vinegar.html

>

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

I agree it's a combination. I have always been involved in my children's

schools and volunteer, and yes have donated monies for the school's fundraisers

(and don't see that as bribing as I'm doing nothing different than any other

parent in the school)

I tended to be more sarcastic when during an IEP meeting things were said that I

knew were not right rather than confrontational, and yes did go above my IEP

team's heads to the superintendent of schools to meet with her and discuss

everything rather than jumping to due process (I don't know if I ever admitted

that in writing before but Tanner's now 14 so it's awhile ago now)...and used

professional outside evaluations from doctors and therapists to help secure what

was appropriate. So I guess I wouldn't be either honey or vinegar -I am a

strong advocate for my children but work with the school...why does it have to

be black or white? Honey or vinegar? And I agree being nice alone will in no

way secure appropriate services!!! Whomever wrote this must not have been

clear, or is writing with experience with a deaf or blind child or some other

disability that is so well protected today that parents don't really have to

advocate...not like speech disabled from what I've seen either.

=====

[Guest guest]

After I wrote that, I added an extra paragraph (not shown in the previous post)

called When Honey Isn't Enough. I included a link to the article but for some

reason the post just included the text version. The article assumes that your

school or district is providing the basic services of IDEA2004. But that is not

the case in all schools. And definitely in those cases I think we'd rather tar

and feather rather than apply honey.

Here's the link and the paragraph that was omitted:

http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_honey_vinegar.html

When honey isn't enough

This article assumes that your child is receiving the basic services as mandated

by IDEA 2004. But what do you do when your district or state ignores IDEA?

What if their idea of IDEA includes restraints or otherwise undermines your

ability to determine or secure services for your child? We'd like to hear the

experiences of parents who are having a difficult time with their district or

state as well as from parents who have fought and secured change on an

individual, district or state level. Share your expertise on our special

education discussions forum under the title: When honey isn't enough. Your

comments can help others in similar situations around the country.