Re: play dates with the apraxic child

[Guest guest]

Sad Mommy not sure if you read The Late Talker book but there are some

suggestions in there. You may not have noticed but I'm also the archive queen

when it comes to topics like this that come up often. I know there are tons of

archives about this- suggestions such as you calling up other parents in his

preschool class to arrange one on one playdates....starting a support group and

asking your child's SLP to invite other parents to attend so you can find others

to get your child together with. In general...I didn't care if my son Tanner

hung out with " normal " children when he was in preschool because he appeared to

be aware that he couldn't communicate with them and was shy in group situations

-did very well in one on one. My other former late talker child Dakota could

care less what children he was around and loved to be in large groups even when

he couldn't speak yet -and so for him I did want him around lots of other

" normal " kids. As parents we have to follow our children's lead at times -and

if this situation is breaking your heart it means to me that he's not in the

right situation yet. Below is just one (very long) archive but there is so much

more I could say on this subject. Bottom line today is both my boys who were so

polar opposite in the preschool years are very popular and friendly with

everyone in their class today. They both took different roads to end up in the

same happy place. (so you can be a happy Mommy!!)

It's late and not sure where the best archive is- so here's a bunch:

Hi and Elena,

Elena over the years if you check the archives I'm all for special

needs preschool (not mainstream) and then not special needs but

mainstream K through 12. The goal to me is to get them up to speed

in the preschool years while keeping their self esteem high.

In a situation like this Elena you can't blame the children or the

parents -because this is a clear case of misunderstanding and it

needs to be addressed with a circle of friends. The more the

children and parents understand about your daughter the more she'll

be accepted. I'd also recommend trying to find at least one parent

you can try to arrange a one on one playdate with. Be proactive.

Also I found the children at the two special needs preschools that

Tanner attended -the school program as well as the out of district

placement program to be accepting of Tanner's lack of speech or

speech impairment. They were free to just be themselves without the

frustrations of trying to keep up with the " normal " verbal children.

If being put into a class of normal verbal children helped an apraxic

preschool child in most cases you wouldn't see the issues that come

up here time after time in these situations.

And apraxia in itself is not a social disorder but if not

handled right just like any special need in the wrong situation there

can be exclusion and teasing. Phelps had no friends and was

teased growing up and his mother blames his ADHD (but we know from

2007 and older articles about him it was due to his " lisp and large

ears " and it's clear he is dyspraxic with all the articles about how

clumsy he was and still is. Breaking his arm just getting into his

car -come on!)

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/02/sports/othersports/02phelps.html?pagewanted=pr\

\

int

But just because a child has no friends doesn't mean s/he has a social disorder.

Sometimes they just need a circle...of friends!

(And maybe Annie's advice too)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nnjkb4q6FKU

Here's a bunch of archives:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Circle of Friends part!

" Since I don't believe in getting upset with children, especially

kindergarten age children, and don't believe lectures would work for

this age anyway, I scheduled a " circle of friends " which the school

SLP also took part in. I went into the class and with Tanner

sitting right there I opened up with a question. " If someone from

the cartoon Scooby Doo was out in the hallway right now...who would

you want it to be? Scooby? Velma? Shaggy? " (knowing of course

that just about all kids would choose Scooby which of course they

did)

I then let them know that Scooby doesn't talk like everyone else -

" but he's lots of fun and a cool dude to hang out with right? " Then

I read a short Winnie the Pooh book about feelings -and used quick

examples they could relate to for each feeling. When I came to sad -

I talked about Tanner....and how he is sad when someone laughs at

the way he talks. I explained to the class about how Tanner had

high fevers as a baby that put a boo boo in his brain -but that he

is very smart and has been working hard at learning to talk for

years now. I talked about children that are deaf or that have other

impairments (and the SLP and OT had brought in some of the children

in the school in wheelchairs)

By this time -all the children were surrounding Tanner and putting

their hands around him hugging him. We then went around the room

and each child talked about something that they had trouble doing at

first -and did anyone ever laugh at them while they were learning.

All the children brought up something that they had to learn -and

some talked about how someone laughed at them when they fell off the

bike, etc. However when we got to the little boy that had teased

Tanner he could not think of anything that he didn't know how to do -

he was the only one. The teacher said " Oh come on ____ when you

were a little tiny baby you didn't know how to skateboard now did

you? You had to learn that. " He agreed. I then talked about all

the things that Tanner is really good at, and that " just like

Scooby " Tanner may not talk like everyone else -but that doesn't

mean he's not a cool dude to hang out with.

I then walked out to the hallway and got a bag of Scooby Doo party

favor type toys and said " Scooby left these for all of you guys! "

The above was quick - but huge wonderful impact.

Rest of message here

/message/43442

Re: bad experience!

just a quick update on Tanner who also got his share of rude

comments -but mostly before I learned how to prevent them. Tanner's

first grade (mainstream) teacher called me tonight to tell me how

well Tanner is doing in class -and how happy she is with him.

What's most shocking is that I was also told today he is more

advanced than many of the other children in the class(this is an

accelerated academics school -and he is one of the new kids) Everyone

I talk to now describes Tanner as " very bright " Tanner's teacher told

me that all the children understand it takes Tanner a bit longer to

talk at times -and they just sit and wait patiently. They know he

knows the answers and it sometimes just takes a bit longer to get it

out. Parents are calling me to tell me that their child wants a play

date with Tanner -he's made lots of friends already!

OK here are some suggestions:

Next time someone says " Is your child deaf? " or a similar statement

you can figure there is a chance they are headed towards a " what's

wrong with him? " type question next. Just smile and say " He's

learning to talk and he's doing great! " Then ignore the person that

asked and bend down to be on eye level with your child and say right

in front of the person that (you know) isn't going to stop there with

inappropriate comments and say to your child " Aren't you doing great

you sweet little thing?! "

For the particularly rare dense people who don't pick up the verbal

cue the above sends of " I don't want to talk about this in front of

my child -he understands! " I suggest you learn the simple sign for

eat and drink and ask your child if they are hungry (while doing the

sign for eat) or thirsty (while doing the sign for drink)

We had one cashier ask Tanner " Hello. Hello. Hello? Can you say

hello? Can you talk at all? " I'm there not wanting to say he can't

say hello and thinking of what to say while she turns to me - " Does

he ever talk? Why isn't he saying hello? Is there something wrong

with him? " I used sign language to ask Tanner if he was thirsty and

she stopped asking and said " oh "

In that one no way to run away -didn't yet pay for the groceries,

and I was to shocked to answer quick enough -but the sign worked. The

only good news about this is that I was only caught off guard for

that to happen once -and now you know the trick too! Works like a

charm -they figure your child is deaf and stop prying.

Here is my favorite response -a bit long but funny -

http://www.cherab.org/information/familiesrelate/whatswrong.html

Since however this was a caretaker -and if I may add probably a good

one since your son is enjoying it so much -she is even perhaps just

as horrified that she put her foot in her mouth like she did. This

is what you can do next time something like this comes up which is

nice to the person making the inappropriate comment -as well as

respectful and loving to your child. After you say " He's learning

to talk and he's doing great! " instead of ignoring the person that

made the comment -just hug your child while adding " I'll talk to you

later -I really can't right now " Almost all will catch your

underlying meaning of 'I don't want to discuss this in front of him -

he understands "

A tough one to deal with? Children who ask " why can't he talk? "

innocently.

Here is a recent post on this:

From: " kiddietalk " <kiddietalk@...>

Date: Tue Jul 22, 2003 10:42 pm

Subject: Re: Why do you talk funny?

Hey !

Kids are tougher than adults -because they are not old enough to

realize that their innocent question can hurt so much. (if not our

kids yet -us) For a child that is older than three -a simple

explanation of " everyone learns to talk and walk at a different age "

usually answers their question. Of course if you catch a younger

child during the " why? " stage -best to change the subject or throw a

question or remark back at them like " So did you love Finding Nemo? "

or make a joke out of it and say " I can talk really funny watch

this.. " and change your voice to sound like Duck or a little

old lady -then talk about how they do voice overs for animated

movies, or commercials, or comedy shows and how many people make

tons of money just for talking funny! Easy to think of after the

fact -you'll only be caught off guard like that once. I was too.

Tanner when he was around 3 and a half with a complete stranger who

happened to be another three year old. We were trick or treating

and we were going from house to house where I would model each word

and Tanner (alias purple Telly Tubby at the time) would attempt to

repeat " trick " = " ti " " or " = " ah " " treat " = " teet " At most houses the

adults would smile and hand Tanner the candy. Then one house a

child answered the door and asked us " Why can't he talk? " and I said

in as bubbly a voice as I could (while horrified inside) " Oh -he's

learning to talk still and he's doing great " The catch phrase I

highly recommend that works for almost any situation...well except

this one. The child then asked (again as clear as a bell) " How old

is he? " and I answered still smiling (but now wondering where

this child's mother was!!) " He's 'only' three " and

quickly the child said " Well I'm three and I can talk " so I quickly

said " Well you are obviously very advanced for you age aren't you! "

Thankfully the mother then came to the door to shoo her son away

just when the child started to inform us about all the other three

year olds in his preschool...

And yes -when Tanner was three I kept him away from those situations

whenever I could, he was schooled with children that were all

special needs in an oral based school for the hearing impaired

(Summit Speech School) and I arranged one on one play dates with

children that I knew would not tease. Today he has no self esteem

issues, and is mainstreamed and popular with (any) other kids. I

know some parents believe that children need to be preschooled with

other children to learn how to socialize -but tons of adults like our

parents grew up without preschools for " learning " how to socialize

just fine. Self esteem, or lack of - on the other hand is something

that will carry for life. As long as you handle these uncomfortable

hopefully rare situations in a way that shows no embarrassment and

move on -your child will probably not even recall it. As a child

reaches school age (Kindergarten) -I recommend sharing with your

child more and more about what his impairment is. Nothing to be

ashamed of -some people need glasses to see because they are vision

impaired -some need hearing aids because they are hearing impaired

some need crutches or wheelchairs because they have a body that is

impaired in some way, doesn't mean they can't become whatever they

want in life.

Tanner knows (because I tell him all the time) that he has the " most

amazing brain " because he's learned to talk in a different way than

most people -so he uses more of his brain than everyone else! Today

at 7 -anyone can talk to Tanner about his speech -and it's OK if

they ask him why he talks funny -he knows he has a speech

impairment -and that he's learning to overcome it and he's doing

great - just like I always said (even when others didn't think he was

doing that great)

=====

[Guest guest]

I know exactly where you're coming from! It's absolutely heart breaking!!!

My son is 5 and he still struggles to make friends! I have noticed that my son's

'regular' friends have gotten used to his speech disorder and don't really mind.

I usually tell other kids that he is still learning to talk and doing a

fantastic job at it!! If we are at the park or the mall, I will tell the kids

that my son wants to play cat or dog games, then everyone is barking or meowing!

 I also do that with songs, like jingle bells would go ......woof, woof,

woof..... ect...!

My advice to you is to keep on believing in your amazing little guy and don't

ever give up! He is so young and sounds like he is on the right track and it's

encouraging that he is speaking in sentences! 

He will hit those milestones and make lots of friends, it might just take a

little more time!

Best wishes

From: cr1975 <cm2003uh@...>

Subject: [ ] play dates with the apraxic child

Date: Sunday, December 6, 2009, 8:47 PM

 

Hello,

My diagnosed son is 3 1/2. I would say his speech is that of an 18 month old at

this point. When he tries to speak in long sentences or speaks fast, it is

completely unintelligible. However he has been in intense therapy for a few

months now and has come a really long way.

As a parent, I feel for him so much especially when he is trying to play with

other children. It seems that since he can't speak well enough the other

children don't want to play with him. My heart breaks for him because he loves

kids and I know he would love to interact with them but since he can't speak

well its really hard to initiate or carry a conversation.

Just need some support or advice....

From a Sad Mommy

[Guest guest]

I don't know your son's size, but have you considered placing him in groups with

younger children? My son is 2 years 9 months and I have him go to school one

morning a week. Normally he would have been placed in an older 2's class but

I knew in his class his speech would be behind. Thankfully my son is a little

on the smaller size so I placed him in the younger 2's/older 1's class. No

one notices he is older and I think at this age talking isn't a big deal because

the kids are young and many of them are still shy and not talking even if they

can. The teacher says he is mature enough to be in the older class and could

keep up but we've kept him right where he is because of the speech. He seems

to be having a good time.

I'm not suggesting you hold him back but having taught Sunday school for many

years in both 2s and 3s I've noticed that most 2 year olds wouldn't notice

speech but by the time you get to the mid 3's most kids are playing together and

talking a lot.

Also, maybe if you want him to interact with the other kids you could put him in

an activity that is more physical and leaves less time for talking. Maybe

something like a soccer or gymnastic class?

Best of luck!

Sue

[ ] play dates with the apraxic child

Hello,

My diagnosed son is 3 1/2. I would say his speech is that of an 18 month old at

this point. When he tries to speak in long sentences or speaks fast, it is

completely unintelligible. However he has been in intense therapy for a few

months now and has come a really long way.

As a parent, I feel for him so much especially when he is trying to play with

other children. It seems that since he can't speak well enough the other

children don't want to play with him. My heart breaks for him because he loves

kids and I know he would love to interact with them but since he can't speak

well its really hard to initiate or carry a conversation.

Just need some support or advice....

From a Sad Mommy

[Guest guest]

I just want to say been where you are. My son is 6 and like to use 2 words no

more then 4 words sentences. What I found out is that 2-3 years and some 4 years

olds are less likely to accept him. Children his age realize he doesn't say

much and play with him more. A few of these children use his speech delay to

blame him for things they done wrong since he doesn't know how to speak up for

himself. A week ago, I had him blow his nose then lay down so I can clean it

out good before giving him his nasal spray. He told me " don't push me " I

was very happy. My suggestion, stay near with outdoor/indoor play just in case

you need to intervene. 

My heart still breaks sometime but not as much,

Tracey

________________________________

From: cr1975 <cm2003uh@...>

Sent: Sun, December 6, 2009 9:47:26 PM

Subject: [ ] play dates with the apraxic child

 

Hello,

My diagnosed son is 3 1/2. I would say his speech is that of an 18 month old at

this point. When he tries to speak in long sentences or speaks fast, it is

completely unintelligible. However he has been in intense therapy for a few

months now and has come a really long way.

As a parent, I feel for him so much especially when he is trying to play with

other children. It seems that since he can't speak well enough the other

children don't want to play with him. My heart breaks for him because he loves

kids and I know he would love to interact with them but since he can't speak

well its really hard to initiate or carry a conversation.

Just need some support or advice....

From a Sad Mommy

[Guest guest]

Hi Sad Mommy,

I just wanted to add to this post although you did get wonderful

information...Usually when my son is interacting with other children they are

playing a sport like just tumbling , running around or playing catch. When my

son says something and it seems unintelligible , I just repeat what he said

....without saying that he had problems saying it. For example, if my son says I

want the ball please. I say to whoever he is playing with Oh Now its Aidans

turn, Or if Aidan says Great job . I say to both of them...that was really fun

you both did a great job. I am supervising and interpreting the situation

without explaining his talking skills. I have not noticed any bad comments and

the kids are older , usually. Since they are older , they might still think he

is younger and is trying to talk and dont realize he is supposed to be saying

more. I heard some comments from my oldest sons friends , who are sixth graders

....but most of them love my son .They hug him and tickle him and he can still

say yay and laugh a lot . He is very happy that they take care of him . Again. I

think most of them think he is just younger .The ones that do wonder and have

asked my son...but not in a mean way, just trying to understand the situation

The one that treats him the best seems to also have had speech issues so it is

good to find support with other people that have had similar experiences. Keep

my fingers crossed that it is going well so far. Ali

>

> Hello,

>

> My diagnosed son is 3 1/2. I would say his speech is that of an 18 month old

at this point. When he tries to speak in long sentences or speaks fast, it is

completely unintelligible. However he has been in intense therapy for a few

months now and has come a really long way.

>

> As a parent, I feel for him so much especially when he is trying to play with

other children. It seems that since he can't speak well enough the other

children don't want to play with him. My heart breaks for him because he loves

kids and I know he would love to interact with them but since he can't speak

well its really hard to initiate or carry a conversation.

>

> Just need some support or advice....

>

> From a Sad Mommy

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone.  I appreciate the advice and support.  I do have him in a

preschool with 2 1/2 - 3 year olds and I wanted him to move up to the 31/2 - 4

year old class but now I'm thinking that I will leave him where he is at.  He

has been very happy to go to school lately and I'm wondering if its because he

is talking a little more and able to communicate a little more with them.

I love the idea of putting him in sports and plan on doing that this Spring.

I guess as a mother (speech disorder or not) we will always hurt for our

children and want to protect them.  Thanks...