Guest guest Posted September 8, 2006 Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 Hi Noel, I'm pretty new to this too but I have learnt that with my son it can seem to be something unrelated to me. I'll try and explain............if my son is feeling anxious or had a bad experience a few days ago, just looking at him the wrong way can set him off. He is usually very remorseful afterwards and *knows* what he did wrong - he just has no control at the time. The hardest thing I find is getting him to open up and let me know what is going on - of course it's very difficult for him too as he doesn't know how to express himself! A lot of advice I have received is to find out what the triggers are and work on avoiding them/teaching coping to my son. My son had a blow up at school today and struck another student (quite violently) which appeared unprovoked to the teachers etc. The problem is, this student has been tormenting my son for months, in C's words ' J gets sent to Mr B and only gets talked to. He comes back to class and keeps teasing me' - so to the teachers because there wasn't a specific incident at the time of the blow up it was 'unprovoked' to them but seemed like justice to my son (who is 13). It obviously isn't okay for C to be hitting students but the upside is the school has finally admitted they aren't trained in the area and are calling in people with experience with Asperger's. Finally!! it's only taken 11 months (since Cs diagnosis was only 11 months ago - we'd never heard of Asperger's before!). I think my letter writing this week has had some results too - the District Office and Director of Schools is now involved <grin>. I guess what I'm trying to say (in my long winded way) is each of our kids are individual - however the message I'm getting is that we need to look at what our kids are 'reacting' too and start dealing with those issues. I also find giving my son an alternative can help because just saying 'you can't do that' doesn't work. For example, one time he came home from school using the 'f' word - we explained to him that it's not nice to use that word and when he gets frustrated he can say 'bottoms' (my dad's suggestion <grin>). It actually worked well 'cause he found it so funny to say it actually distracted him at the same time and quite often got a smile! I've also learnt to avoid using the phrase 'in a minute' because by crikey it better be in a minute or there is a tantrum!! <grin> Good luck and let us know how you get on! Although it's hard sometimes, persistence is very important! On the whole C is a kind, loving kid - we just have a few hiccups occassionally and the tantrums have become much less frequent! Hugs, ( ) tantrums Good Morning all, well im new to all of this. Last nite was the worse my son had a very bad tantrum, even broke his bed. I am so beside myself with what to do with him sometimes. I know that he did not do it intentionally, for the bed wasnt that sturdy, but he still had a tantrum. We havn't had an outburst like that in months!. Do you all have experience with this and what do you do with the after math. I want him to learn from this experience that it isn't okay. He is a highly functionally AS kid, and I think he understands what he did was wrong. But then again, he acted so strange this morning that I'm sure if he really got it. Any suggestions? Noel Marvin 9 1/2 AS ADD/ADHD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2006 Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 doesn't really get tantrums any more, but he does get MOODS. And one thing that I've found that helps with that is FOOD and LISTENING. He rants, I listen, and say uh huh a lot. Then I feed him. When he's done eating, he usually apologizes for his bad mood and says that he guesses that he was just hungry. We are working on recognizing the need to eat regularly. Liz > Hi Noel, > > I'm pretty new to this too but I have learnt that with my son it can seem > to be something unrelated to me. I'll try and explain............if my son > is feeling anxious or had a bad experience a few days ago, just looking at > him the wrong way can set him off. He is usually very remorseful > afterwards and *knows* what he did wrong - he just has no control at the > time. The hardest thing I find is getting him to open up and let me know > what is going on - of course it's very difficult for him too as he doesn't > know how to express himself! A lot of advice I have received is to find > out what the triggers are and work on avoiding them/teaching coping to my > son. My son had a blow up at school today and struck another student > (quite violently) which appeared unprovoked to the teachers etc. The > problem is, this student has been tormenting my son for months, in C's > words ' J gets sent to Mr B and only gets talked to. He comes back to > class and keeps teasing me' - so to the teachers becaus > e there wasn't a specific incident at the time of the blow up it was > 'unprovoked' to them but seemed like justice to my son (who is 13). It > obviously isn't okay for C to be hitting students but the upside is the > school has finally admitted they aren't trained in the area and are > calling in people with experience with Asperger's. Finally!! it's only > taken 11 months (since Cs diagnosis was only 11 months ago - we'd never > heard of Asperger's before!). I think my letter writing this week has had > some results too - the District Office and Director of Schools is now > involved <grin>. > > I guess what I'm trying to say (in my long winded way) is each of our kids > are individual - however the message I'm getting is that we need to look > at what our kids are 'reacting' too and start dealing with those issues. I > also find giving my son an alternative can help because just saying 'you > can't do that' doesn't work. For example, one time he came home from > school using the 'f' word - we explained to him that it's not nice to use > that word and when he gets frustrated he can say 'bottoms' (my dad's > suggestion <grin>). It actually worked well 'cause he found it so funny to > say it actually distracted him at the same time and quite often got a > smile! > > I've also learnt to avoid using the phrase 'in a minute' because by crikey > it better be in a minute or there is a tantrum!! <grin> > > Good luck and let us know how you get on! Although it's hard sometimes, > persistence is very important! On the whole C is a kind, loving kid - we > just have a few hiccups occassionally and the tantrums have become much > less frequent! > > Hugs, > > > ( ) tantrums > > > Good Morning all, well im new to all of this. Last nite was the worse > my son had a very bad tantrum, even broke his bed. I am so beside > myself with what to do with him sometimes. I know that he did not do > it intentionally, for the bed wasnt that sturdy, but he still had a > tantrum. We havn't had an outburst like that in months!. Do you all > have experience with this and what do you do with the after math. I > want him to learn from this experience that it isn't okay. He is a > highly functionally AS kid, and I think he understands what he did was > wrong. But then again, he acted so strange this morning that I'm sure > if he really got it. Any suggestions? > > Noel > > Marvin 9 1/2 AS ADD/ADHD > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2006 Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 Hi Noel, If it were me, I would probably take his bed out of his room and put his mattress on the floor, saying that he could have his bed back " when I have the time to fix it properly. " Then make sure he hellps you fix it. Teach him how to use a screw driver, hand saw, and whatever else it takes (minus the electric drill). Just my three cents. Liz > Good Morning all, well im new to all of this. Last nite was the worse > my son had a very bad tantrum, even broke his bed. I am so beside > myself with what to do with him sometimes. I know that he did not do > it intentionally, for the bed wasnt that sturdy, but he still had a > tantrum. We havn't had an outburst like that in months!. Do you all > have experience with this and what do you do with the after math. I > want him to learn from this experience that it isn't okay. He is a > highly functionally AS kid, and I think he understands what he did was > wrong. But then again, he acted so strange this morning that I'm sure > if he really got it. Any suggestions? > > > > Noel > > Marvin 9 1/2 AS ADD/ADHD > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2006 Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 Thanks, that is what i was thinking too. > > Hi Noel, > > If it were me, I would probably take his bed out of his room and put his > mattress on the floor, saying that he could have his bed back " when I have > the time to fix it properly. " Then make sure he hellps you fix it. Teach > him how to use a screw driver, hand saw, and whatever else it takes (minus > the electric drill). Just my three cents. Liz > > > Good Morning all, well im new to all of this. Last nite was the worse > > my son had a very bad tantrum, even broke his bed. I am so beside > > myself with what to do with him sometimes. I know that he did not do > > it intentionally, for the bed wasnt that sturdy, but he still had a > > tantrum. We havn't had an outburst like that in months!. Do you all > > have experience with this and what do you do with the after math. I > > want him to learn from this experience that it isn't okay. He is a > > highly functionally AS kid, and I think he understands what he did was > > wrong. But then again, he acted so strange this morning that I'm sure > > if he really got it. Any suggestions? > > > > > > > > Noel > > > > Marvin 9 1/2 AS ADD/ADHD > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2006 Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 Hi, My sons bed has been off the frame for so long he's doesn't even want it back now he's 18. Meg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2009 Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 I was just wondering if anyone else's child(ren) have extreme temper tantrums? My son whose 3 1/2 years old, he only has a vocabulary of 5-10 words. He's currently attending an early childhood education program in our local school district, seeing an SLP 2 times a wk for 20 minutes each, and seeing one at an institute 2 times a wk for 30 minutes. He's made great progression since school has begun with social skills, etc, but no improvements in speech. I understand him getting frustrated when trying to tell us something, but if something doesn't go his way, he goes into these fits where he screams, kicks, hits, anything. I know this is typical toddler behavior, but it takes so much to get him out of one. I'm just curious as to whether other families experience these as well, and what works. Any opinions I will listen to! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2009 Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 we absolutely had this behaviour and time-outs would make it worse! We worked with a behavior therapist and he suggested a few things. the one thing that did wonders was verbal praise every 5 minutes. If he was playing nicely with something, we'd go right up to him and say " nice quiet playing " or something like that. The therapist had us telling him something positive every 5 minutes, it didn't have to be a big thing, just something positive. We also used a visual timer alot for switching from a preferred activity starting at 2 minutes and counting down from there about every 30 seconds so that he could both see how much time was left and also had the verbal countdown. We sometimes (rarely) used 3 smarties. We always had to have something ready in our minds to help him switch from his preferred activity to what it is we needed him to do. I.E. gave a 2 minute warning for dinner, then gave smarties when he came to the table promptly. I say we used the smarties rarely, because my son loved the positive verbal praise. I was so afraid that everytime i would go give the verbal praise, he'd latch on to me, the old leave a quiet child play kind of thing. But he really responded well to it and after the first week, we never had to give smarties again. Now, when he does something that i know he knows is wrong, i take away an activity. I know now when he's doing something wrong because he's frustrated vs just doing something wrong period! just one way we've found that worked for us. hth sandy ________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2009 Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 Yes yes yes..My now 11 year old daughter had extreme temper tantrums!!!! Nothing could placate her and it all seemed so irrational..But with her lack of speech her frustration level set her off on these tantrums.with prompt therapy,,signing and holding her firm in an embrace helped her calm..That's about all I can suggest also I would always marvel after the tantrum when we talked out how she felt how much she seemed to understand and it eventually helped us to say see this is what I mean and she understood..her cognitive was higher than her emotional outbursts ..if that makes any sense..Good luck and lots of patience to you. Roxanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2009 Report Share Posted November 6, 2009 My son is now four ... and boy can he have tantrums! Which, yes, is due to his age and compound that with the fact he is not understood 100% of the time ... well, FRUSTRATION TO THE EXTREME! I will try to talk calmly, and softly, so he has to strain to hear me. I have walked away from him too if he won't listen at all. But the trick is to not let him have a tantrum. Not easy ... but learn the triggers. For example, he loves video games (yes, I am a bad parent) and is obsessed with them. To limit his time ... I make him to a lot of GOOD things. So last night, I explained he could play but he had to 1. put PJs on 2. brush teeth 3.... you get the picture. He did all that (totally by himself too I might add) and I let him play until bedtime (30 minutes). I explained prior to letting him play that when I said it was bedtime, he had to stop without a fight. That would let him be able to play tomorrow ... and the cycle continues. Well, this has worked for the last few nights anyway.... Good luck. It isn't fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2009 Report Share Posted November 6, 2009 I didn't think I had anything to say as my 2 year old is very opinionated. But I do notice a difference in his behavior when I take the time to prepare him for the coming events. I'll say something like, in a few moments we are going to get ready for bed. Then 5 minutes later, let's go get some water and put it by the bed. and 5 minutes later, turn off the TV, it's time to put on PJ's and go to bed. By that time, he complies happily unless he is overtired or still hungry. He always has fits with my husband, b/c he just forgets to give the little boy time to adjust. I feel like I'm always having to plan ahead and always talking to him, but it does help. I don't do Time Outs as they aren't effective here. > > My son is now four ... and boy can he have tantrums! Which, yes, is due to his age and compound that with the fact he is not understood 100% of the time .... well, FRUSTRATION TO THE EXTREME! > I will try to talk calmly, and softly, so he has to strain to hear me. I have walked away from him too if he won't listen at all. > But the trick is to not let him have a tantrum. Not easy ... but learn the triggers. > For example, he loves video games (yes, I am a bad parent) and is obsessed with them. To limit his time ... I make him to a lot of GOOD things. So last night, I explained he could play but he had to 1. put PJs on 2. brush teeth 3.... you get the picture. He did all that (totally by himself too I might add) and I let him play until bedtime (30 minutes). I explained prior to letting him play that when I said it was bedtime, he had to stop without a fight. That would let him be able to play tomorrow ... and the cycle continues. Well, this has worked for the last few nights anyway.... > Good luck. It isn't fun. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2009 Report Share Posted November 6, 2009 that's exactly how you should be doing it!!! good for you! one thing that might help with you husband (it did mine) is a visual timer. I ordered one online and it works wonders for both my husband and son. you put the timer on 10 minutes and it shows up red. as the time counts down, the red disappears. I never knew how visual my son was until we started this. my son (and most kids) really need to know what to expect and i've found that the timer as a visual aid as well as pecs so he can see what's coming up really helped the tantrums. I even put a little enveloppe beside the pecs strip so that as he finished one task, he could put it in the " all done " file. It amazes me still how something that now seems so simple, really made our lives so much easier! _______________________________ From: liralendoncov <liralendoncov@...>  I didn't think I had anything to say as my 2 year old is very opinionated. But I do notice a difference in his behavior when I take the time to prepare him for the coming events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 12, 2010 Report Share Posted March 12, 2010 Timeouts saved my life when my son was younger. If he did something inappropriate, I'd tell him to stop. If he did it again, I'd warn him if he did it again he'd have to be in a timeout, if he did it again, he would have to go to timeout. Our timeout area was in the hallway, sitting on the floor with the doors to all rooms closed so he couldn't look at anything or anyone. He had to sit for 2 minutes, quietly. If he got up or made noise, the timeout started over. It took a very short period of time before he was able to do this. I could not believe it. My little impulse-control-challenged child was able to be in a timeout! I think him being in an environment w/ no visual stimulation helped him calm down, besides it taught him a boundary for his behavior. I was just amazed at how well this worked and how quickly he adapted to it. It was a life-saver for both of us b/c I was at the end of my rope and he felt completely out of control. We only stopped with the timeouts when he turned 13 (and I still use them on occasion.) "Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out." From: <rachelfran@...> Sent: Fri, March 12, 2010 5:42:03 PMSubject: ( ) Tantrums What to do for tantrumy behaviors?My son is 8 1/2 and gives us a hard time daily .. mostly about cutting back on hisvideogame, t.v. or computer time... not giving him dessert... saying no to just about anything... typical kid things but responses could entail yelling, crying, pushing and sometimes hitting... Usually these responses come and go quickly though sometimes result in a time out for cooling off purposes... We discuss this behavior constantly but it doesn't seem to make any change in his future behavior in reaction to the exact same circumstance.He's currently on intuniv and vyvanse. The intuniv seems to be helping this frustration in school as I'm told he's tantruming less there... Do people use other meds for this behavior? or behavior therapy? or something else I don't know about?Thanks in advance, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2010 Report Share Posted March 13, 2010 My dds was controlled at school but worse than you describe at home. We used straterra and it helped for about 6-9 month before things picked up and then eventually fell apart and went back to much worse. At that point she was put on a mood stabilizer and that helps a LOT. Tantrums aren't really age appropriate past 5-6 except at your sons age when the eye rolling, foot stomping, door slamming can start but when it resembles a toddler tantrum more than that it is definitely not appropriate On 3/12/10, <rachelfran@...> wrote: > What to do for tantrumy > behaviors? > > My son is 8 1/2 and gives us a hard time daily .. mostly > about cutting back on his > videogame, t.v. or computer time... not giving him > dessert... saying no to just about anything... typical kid things but > responses could entail yelling, crying, pushing and sometimes hitting... > Usually these responses come and go quickly though sometimes result in a > time out for cooling off purposes... We discuss this behavior > constantly but it doesn't seem to make any change in his future behavior > in reaction to the exact same circumstance. > > He's currently on > intuniv and vyvanse. The intuniv seems to be helping this frustration > in school as I'm told he's tantruming less there... > > Do people > use other meds for this behavior? or behavior therapy? or something > else I don't know about? > > Thanks in advance, > > > > > > -- Sent from my mobile device -mommy to Emma, Becca, , and Girl Scout cookies are coming! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2010 Report Share Posted March 13, 2010 We ignore Dillon's tantrums but can no longer send him to his room when he's having them. He's broken picture frames with glass in them. He's kicked holes in walls, in doors, in his dresser, he has a huge picture window in his bedroom that I just know one day he's going to break. We let him kick and scream in front of us as long he isn't hurting us, himself or our pets. If he begins to put someone in danger then we immediately intervene. If we're outside and he begins to throw one, we walk away from him. Not too far, we can still see him but far enough away that he thinks we're ignoring him. He can kick and scream and hollar all he wants outside. The only ones he's bothering out there are the chickens, ducks, geese, and guineas. Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2010 Report Share Posted March 13, 2010 Don't respond in any way to a tantrum. Lock yourself in a room if you have too. Noone in the family should give attention to the tantrum or try to reason with the child. This is the first step. AS kids are so ridgid and impulsive. My daughter does the same things. Devise very ridgid rules for your home that you don't change. playing with toys with mom is from 1-3 on weekends. buying toys and easy bake oven stuff is on Sat if she earns points for being calm etc Pam > > How do you all handle tantrums? > > A little bit ago I was in the hot kitchen cooking dinner when I > heard Carole yelling at me from the basement. She'd spied her Easy > Bake Oven that she got for Christmas and has never used and > apparently picked that time to start raking me over the coals for > not doing it with her. But the times I've gone to do it, she's > found other things to do and the one time I took her to ToysRUs to > get mixes to replace those that have been destroyed by her since > Christmas she didn't see anything she wanted and instead insisted on > a new Gameboy game. > > So she was yelling at me and I'm hot and sweaty and in no mood to > argue with her. Nothing I said made any difference, so I sent her > upstairs to get her out of my hair while I finished dinner. And of > course, she's sobbing like her life is over and I frankly don't have > the time or inclination to deal with this at the moment. > > So how would you handle it? > > Debbie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2010 Report Share Posted March 13, 2010 Sorry, but for some kids that's crazy, if you left them alone during a tantrum they'd hurt themselves and/or destroy the house. If I locked myself in my room (after somehow closing the door in my dds face without any limbs getting stuck in the door) she would absolutely break the door (as she has her own door when we tried keeping her in it during tantrums) On 3/13/10, Pamela <susanonderko@...> wrote: > Don't respond in any way to a tantrum. Lock yourself in a > room if you have too. Noone in the family should give > attention to the tantrum or try to reason with the > child. This is the first step. > > AS kids are so ridgid and impulsive. My daughter does the same > things. > > Devise very ridgid rules for your home that you don't > change. > > playing with toys with mom is from 1-3 on weekends. > buying toys and easy bake oven stuff is on Sat if she earns > points for being calm > > etc > > Pam > >> >> How do you all handle tantrums? >> >> A little bit ago I was in the hot kitchen cooking dinner when I >> heard Carole yelling at me from the basement. She'd spied her Easy >> Bake Oven that she got for Christmas and has never used and >> apparently picked that time to start raking me over the coals for >> not doing it with her. But the times I've gone to do it, she's >> found other things to do and the one time I took her to ToysRUs to >> get mixes to replace those that have been destroyed by her since >> Christmas she didn't see anything she wanted and instead insisted on >> a new Gameboy game. >> >> So she was yelling at me and I'm hot and sweaty and in no mood to >> argue with her. Nothing I said made any difference, so I sent her >> upstairs to get her out of my hair while I finished dinner. And of >> course, she's sobbing like her life is over and I frankly don't have >> the time or inclination to deal with this at the moment. >> >> So how would you handle it? >> >> Debbie >> > > > -- Sent from my mobile device -mommy to Emma, Becca, , and Girl Scout cookies are coming! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2010 Report Share Posted March 13, 2010 I hate to see families suffer. We suffered greatly. I would contact the Yale Parent and Child Clinic. This center is one of the few nationwide that is set up for oppositional defiant kids and conduct disorders (the ones that set fires, break down doors, destroy the house). They will help you over the phone. http://www.yale.edu/childconductclinic/ If you reinforce the negative you will continue to get the negative. If this is bipolar rage the bipolar child has to be treated with medication. Or else these issues will just get worse. You aren't doing anyone a favor. AS children sometimes look like bipolar rage when they have a meltdown. I have seen this in my daughter. NEVER NEVER lock a child up. But the parent must protect themselves from a raging child if the child is yelling in mom's face or her pulling or hitting her. etc. If a child can't control their rage and Mom has been trained to NOT escalate the child. Then it is time to seek medication for outbursts. I would first get parent training from some place that knows kids like ours. Yale has been in this area of specialty for over 20 years and if that does not work see a psychiatrist. I speak from experience. The police have stopped my daughter in public from hitting me twice in the last year. Yale has been helpful in changing her tantrums and medication has helped too. She is not bipolar but the rage looks like it. Pam > >> > >> How do you all handle tantrums? > >> > >> A little bit ago I was in the hot kitchen cooking dinner when I > >> heard Carole yelling at me from the basement. She'd spied her Easy > >> Bake Oven that she got for Christmas and has never used and > >> apparently picked that time to start raking me over the coals for > >> not doing it with her. But the times I've gone to do it, she's > >> found other things to do and the one time I took her to ToysRUs to > >> get mixes to replace those that have been destroyed by her since > >> Christmas she didn't see anything she wanted and instead insisted on > >> a new Gameboy game. > >> > >> So she was yelling at me and I'm hot and sweaty and in no mood to > >> argue with her. Nothing I said made any difference, so I sent her > >> upstairs to get her out of my hair while I finished dinner. And of > >> course, she's sobbing like her life is over and I frankly don't have > >> the time or inclination to deal with this at the moment. > >> > >> So how would you handle it? > >> > >> Debbie > >> > > > > > > > > -- > Sent from my mobile device > > -mommy to Emma, Becca, , > and > > Girl Scout cookies are coming! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2010 Report Share Posted March 13, 2010 My daughter use to try and break her glasses when she was mad to get back at me. We have a very strict plan now of points. I don't escalate her anymore. We have a ridgid schedule so there is not so much to fight over. If my daughter breaks things she has to do a chore. She does not get TV etc until the chore is done. I keep it simple. Something she can do easily like dust. Or fold some towels I even help her. The point is that the bad behavior is not ignored. I am not trying to hurt her I am trying to teach her I don't want to see those behaviors. I don't buy my daughter stuff unless she earns it. We may role play something hard for her for points to get pokeman cards. On holiday's we just give her stuff no earning them. On school holiday's I take her places. So we do loving things too just for the fun not for points. But the routine it you have to earn things by good behavior. It is working like nothing else has. Pam In , lakombert@... wrote: > > We ignore Dillon's tantrums but can no longer send him to his room when > he's having them. He's broken picture frames with glass in them. He's > kicked holes in walls, in doors, in his dresser, he has a huge picture window in > his bedroom that I just know one day he's going to break. > > We let him kick and scream in front of us as long he isn't hurting us, > himself or our pets. If he begins to put someone in danger then we > immediately intervene. > > If we're outside and he begins to throw one, we walk away from him. Not > too far, we can still see him but far enough away that he thinks we're > ignoring him. He can kick and scream and hollar all he wants outside. The only > ones he's bothering out there are the chickens, ducks, geese, and guineas. > > > Laurie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2010 Report Share Posted March 14, 2010 Ahhh, the benefits of living on a FARM!!! Hi Laurie, sounds like things are still a struggle for Dillon but you've found a great way to adjust safely while still allowing him to vent. Good to see you back posting !! Kate From: lakombert@... <lakombert@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Tantrums Date: Saturday, March 13, 2010, 7:21 PM We ignore Dillon's tantrums but can no longer send him to his room when he's having them. He's broken picture frames with glass in them. He's kicked holes in walls, in doors, in his dresser, he has a huge picture window in his bedroom that I just know one day he's going to break. We let him kick and scream in front of us as long he isn't hurting us, himself or our pets. If he begins to put someone in danger then we immediately intervene. If we're outside and he begins to throw one, we walk away from him. Not too far, we can still see him but far enough away that he thinks we're ignoring him. He can kick and scream and hollar all he wants outside. The only ones he's bothering out there are the chickens, ducks, geese, and guineas. Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2010 Report Share Posted March 14, 2010 When D was younger and would throw a tantrum, I'd give him a few chances to stop or he'd be in a timeout. If he didn't stop, he'd have to have a timeout. I didn't want him to learn that it's an acceptable practice to throw yourself on the floor, kicking and screaming, when he was disappointed, frustrated, angry, etc... The usual mantra would be to ask him to stop, if he keeps it up, ask him again or warn w/ a timeout and if he doesn't stop, timeout. The other good point was to count to 5 slowly in my head each time before I moved on to the next step. If I saw him tryng to pull himself together, I would wait a bit to see if he was going to stop. Then when he was done, we talked about why he got so upset, I would acknowledge his feelings, we'd talk about other things he could do next time when he felt that way, and if he was able to stop w/out a timeout, I'd praise him for being able to stop on his own. Either way (timeout or no timeout) it would end up with a hug and an "I love you." "Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out." From: "lakombert@..." <lakombert@...> Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010 7:21:28 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Tantrums We ignore Dillon's tantrums but can no longer send him to his room when he's having them. He's broken picture frames with glass in them. He's kicked holes in walls, in doors, in his dresser, he has a huge picture window in his bedroom that I just know one day he's going to break. We let him kick and scream in front of us as long he isn't hurting us, himself or our pets. If he begins to put someone in danger then we immediately intervene. If we're outside and he begins to throw one, we walk away from him. Not too far, we can still see him but far enough away that he thinks we're ignoring him. He can kick and scream and hollar all he wants outside. The only ones he's bothering out there are the chickens, ducks, geese, and guineas. Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2010 Report Share Posted March 14, 2010 Hi Kate, thank you. Life gets hectic. We've had some real struggles with Dillon. He stole money from my wallet, took it to school and handed it out to his friends. $88. His teacher saw him with money, saw him giving it out to classmates, yet never thought it important enough to call home to ask if we were missing money. The money is gone, we only got $20 of the money back. The other children denied that he gave it to them. He's been having monster rages and his psychiatrist said this last one she would deem as a "psychotic break" of sorts. He was told he needed to do his homework. We went over his spelling words with him. He had to write them 3 times each. He lost it, completely. Threw himself onto the kitchen floor screaming he wanted his mommy, he wanted to live with his mommy, why didn't she love him, he wanted to die. It was bad. I was in tears. It's never been this bad before. All contact with his mother has now been taken away. She had been continuously making promises to him and not following through with them. His psychiatrist has suggested residential placement for him for a while at a place called the Kings Daughter School for Autism in Columbia, TN. I told her that I don't want him residentially placed. They don't want to change medications because he is slight for his age. He's 61 lbs and 51 inches tall. They're afraid of the side effects of other meds so he's on 10 mgs of Prozac daily. Since that huge meltdown or "psychotic break", he's been very quiet, sullen, barely eating. He hasn't asked for his mother in weeks. There's been no combativeness at all. Once in a while he'll stomp his foot if he's upset but that's it. He seems broken. Life goes on. He sees a social worker 3 times a week. A counselor every 2 weeks, and a psychiatrist every 6 weeks. Some days we feel like we're treading water, others we're making small progress. But Spring is here and along with new life on the farm, I'm hoping that it'll bring new hope to all of us here. One thing....we took Dillon on 7 year ago in June. We promised him that we would take care of him. We're not giving up on that promise. Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2010 Report Share Posted March 15, 2010 Hey … BOY does this sound familiar. We live the very same things here at our house (HA as I typed this, he just did, because I told him he couldn’t sleep in the playroom on a school night lol). ANYWAY… something we have ALWAYS done, and it’s been refined and changed over the years… is explaining that that’s not how we deal with feelings. And that it’s absolutely ok to feel (angry, frustrated, sad, etc) but that it’s not OK to ACT that way. If it escalates past a certain point, and he can’t seem to pull himself together on his own, or without lashing out, hitting, kicking, swear words, etc… then he’s directed upstairs, and told that he can be angry, but can’t act it and the rest of us don’t want to share it… so he has to go upstairs and be angry, and come down when he’s had time to get more calm. Lately, he just goes all on his own – and LATELY, he’s been coming back saying “I’m sorry for <insert over the top reaction here>” WITHOUT being prompted. Yes, I am VERY proud We removed Concerta, which he was on for “ADHD” (which we knew he didn’t have, yet the WORLD insisted it) – but the thing is, he doesn’t struggle with “ADHD” type symptoms. We also know this now, because my youngest has ADHD, and the differences between the two are STRIKING! I am SO glad we did, too, because it was making his anxiety THROUGH THE ROOF! But, I also know ALL too well, that my son cannot (at this time, anyway) function without SOMETHING to help with his “outbursts”. We took him off Concerta for a month this past summer, and he wasn’t on anything else during that time… one evening, he got SO upset and frustrated, angry, etc… that he threw a kitchen chair across the room. My 70yr old father was visiting us at the time, and it scared the CRAP out of him to see so angry. (Scared me too, knowing that he’s getting bigger, and stronger, etc…) SO now he’s taking Risperdal (Risperidone, whatever). I hate it in some ways, because he’s gained a bunch of weight, and he’s hungry ALL the time. But on the other hand… he’s much more “level”. I see a relationship with my younger son, which ISN’T easy for either of them (let’s face it, I have Tigger and Eeyore LOL)…. re-building. I see increased self-awareness, patience, etc. I hear more attempts to explain how things are for him “Mom, I don’t LIKE tickling in the night time” or “My head is spinning and I can’t make it stop” or “things are TOO loud in here, I am going where it’s quiet!” (in the past, he’d just scream, hit, punch, throw, tear, kick, etc…) I don’t know if the weight gain thing will taper off… or if the appetite thing will… but I hope so – because I’m VERY pleased with the results from these meds, and I’m really unsure as to what our other med options would be. He’s also in a good place, school wise – because I’ve sent him off with some GREAT forms I came up with, to help encourage him, and hold him accountable for his own behavior… his teacher is INCREDIBLE, too – infinite patience with him, and SO supportive. She is ALL about positive reinforcement, and calm discussions during times when things aren’t acceptable. Ok – another thing we’ve recently added… is explaining to him that part of the problem with him “getting big feelings, and not knowing what to do with them when he feels them”, is the result of his Asperger’s, and explaining that that’s not how we deal with things, that we do things differently. You could insert a social story or comic strip type explanation here, too, to solidify understanding. I have found that increasing ’s knowledge of his Asperger’s, while maintaining that it is an EXPLANATION but never an EXCUSE… has made a big difference for him. Might not work for everyone, but it works for us. WOW this ended up way longer than intended haha Hope you got some help out of my ramblings!! =) From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Sent: Friday, March 12, 2010 8:12 PM Subject: ( ) Tantrums What to do for tantrumy behaviors? My son is 8 1/2 and gives us a hard time daily .. mostly about cutting back on his videogame, t.v. or computer time... not giving him dessert... saying no to just about anything... typical kid things but responses could entail yelling, crying, pushing and sometimes hitting... Usually these responses come and go quickly though sometimes result in a time out for cooling off purposes... We discuss this behavior constantly but it doesn't seem to make any change in his future behavior in reaction to the exact same circumstance. He's currently on intuniv and vyvanse. The intuniv seems to be helping this frustration in school as I'm told he's tantruming less there... Do people use other meds for this behavior? or behavior therapy? or something else I don't know about? Thanks in advance, Error! Filename not specified.Error! Filename not specified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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