article How to help your child face a bully

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How to help your child face a bully

By RHONDA RABOW, September 6, 2010

The new school season has spurred calls from parents regarding their children's

safety at school. Many parents are rightfully concerned about their child being

bullied and have many questions, including whether it could really happen in a

" good school, " what can they do about it, and what constitutes " bullying "

behaviour. Here is some information to help you understand what your child may

be dealing with and to give you some suggestions on how to support and protect

your child.

Statistics

According to Young Canadians in a Wired World, a research project initiated by

the Media Awareness Network, 34 per cent of students in Grades 7-11 report

having been bullied within the school year. Among those, 27 per cent say that

have also been bullied over the Internet. Girls are far more likely to be

cyber-bullied than boys.

Some studies indicate that bully victims are two to nine times more likely to

suffer from depression, have increased suicidal thoughts, and are more likely to

develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (PTSD).

Some studies indicate that up to 58 per cent of children don't report the

bullying to their parents. How will this abuse affect your child's self-esteem

and sense of self-power?

What is bullying?

Bullying is an oppressive or negative act intended to hurt someone else. It may

include many different types of behaviour, including physical harm, verbal

abuse, isolating behaviour, acts of humiliation, threats and intimidation.

A bully's power can come from physical strength, social status or intimidating

behaviour.

Bullying is a complex social issue. Whether your child is behaving as a bully or

feels like a victim, or is simply a bystander while someone else is bullied, it

is important to take the situation seriously.

Many parents as well as educators tend to minimize bullying behaviour -they see

it as " kids just being kids. " Maybe that was the case in our childhood, but

things have changed. With the popularity of Facebook, MySpace, chat rooms and

texting, bullying has become easier, more frequent, with more devastating

effects.

How can you help your child avoid being bullied?

- ¦Encourage your child to stay around other people. Most bullies pick on kids

who are alone and look vulnerable.

- ¦Encourage your child to speak up to a bully. Teach your child how to assert

himself. He is not to be aggressive, that will only make the situation worse.

- ¦Encourage your child to tell you, or a teacher or a counsellor when he/she is

being bullied. Many children think that adults can't do anything or that it will

get worse for him if they do tell. However, many schools have zero tolerance

toward bullying, but can do nothing if they are not informed.

- ¦ When a child is ready to report he is being bullied, make sure he reports it

using the word " bullied " so that the teacher will take him seriously. If a child

reports he is being annoyed, or someone is being mean to him, the teacher or

parent may not take the complaint as seriously.

- ¦ Inform yourself about your child's school's policy regarding bullying

- ¦Bullies are looking for victims. Make sure your child does not fit the

profile, by encouraging confident posture and body language.

- ¦ If your child says nothing, for fear of being seen as a " tattletale, " let

him know that saying nothing only gives the message that the bully's behaviour

is acceptable. If there are no consequences for the bully, why should he stop

his behaviour? It will just encourage the bully to continue or even escalate.

I hope this information will empower you to help your son or daughter have a

safe and bully-free school year.

Rhonda Rabow is a psychotherapist in Montreal. Her website is

www.helphelpmerhonda.ca.

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