When Childhood Symptoms Come Back

[Guest guest]

When Childhood Symptoms Come Back

As told to: Klein

Many people assume attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) plagues only

children. But up to 10 million adults suffer from this real, treatable disorder,

which often goes undiagnosed. Rich , a 45-year-old sheet-metal worker

living in Weimar, Calif., deals with the frustrations of ADHD every day.

I'm a happily married guy, a loving father, and a dedicated worker who enjoys

his job. I like to paint, write poetry, and work with my hands. But here's the

thing: I can rarely sit still. I have trouble sitting at a computer, filling out

paperwork, or following written instructions. A nine-to-five desk job would

never be for me. But it's not because I'm lazy or irresponsible. It's because my

brain works a little bit differently. I have attention deficit hyperactivity

disorder (ADHD).

When I was in the second grade, I was diagnosed with hyperactivity, which is now

officially called ADHD. After a few years of poor test grades, lack of

concentration at school, and frequent behavior problems, I spent two weeks

undergoing tests at a local children's hospital. My doctor finally put me on

Ritalin & #151;and, to offset the negative side effects of the Ritalin, like

sleeplessness and restlessness, he also prescribed Stelazine, an antipsychotic

often used to treat anxiety. I took both of those pills twice a day.

It can be a little embarrassing to be the kid in school who has to go to the

nurse's office before lunch to take pills. It felt like everyone who knew I took

medication was thinking, " There's the crazy kid, " or was worried I would lose

control if they made me mad. When I got to junior high, I didn't want to be

considered crazy anymore, so I stopped taking the medication. I still did well

in school, getting As and Bs, so I thought I'd outgrown my ADHD.

Distraction remained a lingering problem

I finished high school, but didn't go to college. My parents split up, and I

decided to join the Navy. After the Navy, I went to work as a sheet-metal

worker, and I've been doing that ever since. But about six or seven years ago, I

felt like I was experiencing some lingering ADHD symptoms. Maybe I hadn't grown

out of it after all. When I was younger, people expected less from me & #151;I

could put down whatever I was doing and go have a few beers with the guys, and

no one really ever called me on it. But as I was evolving in my career and I had

to be more professional, I started to notice that I still had a problem.

The best way I can describe what ADHD feels like, without you experiencing it

yourself, is to think about when you're in school and you're doing a sheet of

math problems. After about the third one, you think you already know how to do

it and you don't want to do it anymore. But practice makes perfect, and you have

to finish your work.

Most people have the willpower to trudge through the problems and get their work

done. But with me, it's almost like my mind won't let me finish my work. Take

that feeling of not wanting to finish the work, and multiply it by 100. I'll

think to myself, " Look at that yellow bird; look at that ant crawling. " My brain

picks up on anything and everything else going on around me & #151;anything to

take my focus away from the task at hand.

As an adult, it's harder to ignore

& #8232;Now that I've got a wife and kids and I hold a lot of responsibility at

work, my difficulty focusing became something I could no longer push to the back

burner and ignore. Now it's an issue that I have to take care of, because it

started to affect the way I want to live my life.

I once built a machine for my company from the ground up, and after it was

finished I was supposed to do some tedious computer work. I'm used to working

with my hands, so to sit still and program codes, I just had a heck of a time

staying in that chair. I saw a doctor who decided I do still have ADHD. The

doctor prescribed Concerta, which is basically a time-released capsule of

Ritalin, which I take five times a week.

Any kind of monotony is difficult for me to deal with. I like variety. I'm the

kind of person who throws away the instructions when I have to put together one

of my daughters' Christmas presents. I might have to dig them out of the trash

after I've put the thing together incorrectly the first time, but that's just

the way I do things. I'm definitely a very creative person. I paint with oils, I

write poetry, and I build all sorts of sculptures out of leftover steel from

work. It seems like some of the only times I can really sit in one place for

very long is when I'm physically creating something & #151;which is probably why

so much of my free time is spent on these types of hobbies.

Fitting in and living with stigma

As a male in this society, you're supposed to be able to control your emotions.

I'm lucky in that I only need to take my medication five days a week to stay in

control. I don't take any medication on weekends, because my home life has never

caused any problems; it's only been in school or at work that I've had

difficulty. The pills help me focus and get my work done during the day, but

once I get home I can relax and do things at my own pace, keeping myself

occupied with different activities. If society was built a little differently, I

could probably fit in a lot better. For example, the 40-hour work week? Not for

me.

I don't think there's a lot of room for people like me in this society. If

you're in certain professions, you're stuck in a box. The creativity and

idealism of some people with ADHD lets us really think outside of the box.

Someone with ADHD could come up with an idea no one's ever had before. But it

would be hard to make money, as most people aren't too hot on hiring someone who

lets their creativity run wild like that.

A few of my friends and coworkers have come to me with questions about ADHD.

It's not a secret that I take medication; if you know me, you probably know I

have ADHD. Some people have even told me that they'd always wondered if they

themselves had the disorder. I gave them a couple of books to read, so they

could decide if they needed to see a doctor.

I guess I never did outgrow it, but I never really let having ADHD bother me too

much. I'm a little different than your average person, but I'm happy for who I

am and for what I've made of it.