Re: Bad Mommy? What to do?!!!

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't worry too much about that book.  14 is the new 20!  at least he

thought enough to explain his " problem " and gave you the option of saying no to

him reading it, how awesome is that. that they actually listen to our constant

harping about things that we think go in one ear and out the other is a miracle

and we have to realize that as they get older, we have to trust them to make

good decisions and that yes...they have been listening.  My son the other day

was going into a store with me, stopped and held the door for another woman and

said " let ladies go first...right mom? " darn near passed out!

 

My husband and I are right where you are now in that, when says something

bad, we correct him then we both walk out of his eyesight and high five each

other.  " honey, he said #@?#@ and he used it properly! "  

this journey is so full of amazing things like that, and I feel really good at

disciplining him for something so " normal " !

sometimes you just have to " ride the wave " !

sandy

________________________________

From: kiddietalk <kiddietalk@...>

Sent: Wed, September 22, 2010 1:37:20 PM

Subject: [ ] Bad Mommy? What to do?!!!

 

I wrote here awhile ago how I don't know what to do with my now 14 year old son

Tanner who has SO dramatically surged on NV that I'm living with a different

child. I go into his room late at night and his light is on and he is reading

and I feel bad saying " time to turn the light off and go to bed " and he's

pleading " Let me just finish this chapter " and I'm thinking " am I actually

asking my son to stop reading?!! "

Here's the bad mommy part. Yesterday Tanner walks up to me with a very well

thought out proposal. He says " Mommy can you take me back to and Noble

today? I want to buy another book " Now this is a child that I know first of all

I should be taking to the library more than and Noble as he's going

through books so quickly -but right now I'm still in a bit of shock and of

course willing to spend money on books -are you kidding?!!

So I said " Sure why what book do you want to buy now? " And Tanner said " Well

there is a bit of a problem about the book and that is why I wanted to talk to

you about it " So I asked what the problem was...and Tanner said " It's a book

about vampires and you know how I have an interest in reading books about

vampires but the dilemma is that there is a movie to this book and it's rated R

and I'm not sure if the book is rated R as well. But I really want to read this

book mom. "

The book is called Let Me In- just came out in paperback....I bought it

yesterday and it's around 500 pages and since after school yesterday he's read

1/4 to 1/2 of the book already. I decided to send this message out here because

before I had children I decided I would never let my children use video games as

they are too addictive- and for sure NEVER any violent ones. Then I became a

parent of speech impaired children and learned that not only do video games help

with motor planning and hand eye coordination and socialization because it's how

boys play together today as well...but the Live versions I also thought " never! "

for security reasons has taught my son Tanner so much confidence in talking to

strangers- talking on the phone is never an issue for him (and this was even

prior to NV)

So...not sure how many of you have older children that would even be interested

in Let Me In...and out of those of you with older children how many have their

children on NV where they all of a sudden over the past few months just continue

to surge beyond belief in academics in addition to all else.

The good news is that Tanner likes all kinds of books- not just books about

vampires -but would love to hear from others on this subject. I was an avid

reader throughout childhood and I know for a fact I read books meant for adult

readers when I was in the library- in fact those books interested me more! But

unlike Tanner I didn't ask my mom to buy the book for me -I was at the library-

so Tanner's leaving this up to me to decide but if he was at the library he

could just get the book and sit down and read as I used to.

As far as my reaction? I'm so mixed on this. It's to me kind of like when your

apraxic child first says " shut up " and instead of scolding them you are thrilled

they said a two word sentence and your parenting goes out the window...or is it

bad?!! See I'm not sure!

Here's what the book is about -2 children who become friends...one is a vampire

http://www.amazon.com/Let-Me--Ajvide-Lindqvist/dp/0312656491/ref=sr_1_1?s=bo\

oks & ie=UTF8 & qid=1285176782 & sr=1-1

OK see while I question whether letting Tanner read the book is OK...two parents

let their children that look younger than Tanner star in the movie of the same

name hmmm

=====

[Guest guest]

Thank you Sandy!!! I know your son is on NV too -don't even tell me he got

better at cursing on NV?!!! Can you imagine me adding that up on the surge page

here

Cursing better able to use curse words properly in a sentence

http://pursuitofresearch.org/pursuit.html

Seriously however you are correct in that I was so impressed about how he came

to me with a well thought out proposal- explained to me what the issues were

-and even used the word " dilemma " correctly in a sentence. Because you know

what -from the cover of the book I'd never know it was about vampires- and if he

didn't tell me I wouldn't have known there was a rated R movie linked to this

book.

Not to change subjects -but I also find it interesting how Tanner is now

discussing current events with me that he's finding in the news (online) His

interests have very greatly expanded from just a year ago -so you must be

correct -14 must be the new 20! (at least with NV!!!)

=====

[Guest guest]

I can so relate!!!! My daughter is 12 and does seem to be able to put all the

questionable words and phrases in the appropriate but unlady like places. Still

homeschooling her and searching for a school she can go to for all her subjects.

We are going to a private school for resources PE, Beginning Spanish, art drama

and Choir???don't know how this will go so far choir classes have been moved to

different times or cancelled so Friday we will have the first class.

Roxanne

('s Mom)

From: sandy lehmann

Sent: Wednesday, September 22, 2010 2:37 PM

Subject: Re: [ ] Bad Mommy? What to do?!!!

I wouldn't worry too much about that book. 14 is the new 20! at least he

thought enough to explain his " problem " and gave you the option of saying no to

him reading it, how awesome is that. that they actually listen to our constant

harping about things that we think go in one ear and out the other is a miracle

and we have to realize that as they get older, we have to trust them to make

good decisions and that yes...they have been listening. My son the other day

was going into a store with me, stopped and held the door for another woman and

said " let ladies go first...right mom? " darn near passed out!

My husband and I are right where you are now in that, when says something

bad, we correct him then we both walk out of his eyesight and high five each

other. " honey, he said #@?#@ and he used it properly! "

this journey is so full of amazing things like that, and I feel really good at

disciplining him for something so " normal " !

sometimes you just have to " ride the wave " !

sandy

________________________________

From: kiddietalk <kiddietalk@...>

Sent: Wed, September 22, 2010 1:37:20 PM

Subject: [ ] Bad Mommy? What to do?!!!

I wrote here awhile ago how I don't know what to do with my now 14 year old son

Tanner who has SO dramatically surged on NV that I'm living with a different

child. I go into his room late at night and his light is on and he is reading

and I feel bad saying " time to turn the light off and go to bed " and he's

pleading " Let me just finish this chapter " and I'm thinking " am I actually

asking my son to stop reading?!! "

Here's the bad mommy part. Yesterday Tanner walks up to me with a very well

thought out proposal. He says " Mommy can you take me back to and Noble

today? I want to buy another book " Now this is a child that I know first of all

I should be taking to the library more than and Noble as he's going

through books so quickly -but right now I'm still in a bit of shock and of

course willing to spend money on books -are you kidding?!!

So I said " Sure why what book do you want to buy now? " And Tanner said " Well

there is a bit of a problem about the book and that is why I wanted to talk to

you about it " So I asked what the problem was...and Tanner said " It's a book

about vampires and you know how I have an interest in reading books about

vampires but the dilemma is that there is a movie to this book and it's rated R

and I'm not sure if the book is rated R as well. But I really want to read this

book mom. "

The book is called Let Me In- just came out in paperback....I bought it

yesterday and it's around 500 pages and since after school yesterday he's read

1/4 to 1/2 of the book already. I decided to send this message out here because

before I had children I decided I would never let my children use video games as

they are too addictive- and for sure NEVER any violent ones. Then I became a

parent of speech impaired children and learned that not only do video games help

with motor planning and hand eye coordination and socialization because it's how

boys play together today as well...but the Live versions I also thought " never! "

for security reasons has taught my son Tanner so much confidence in talking to

strangers- talking on the phone is never an issue for him (and this was even

prior to NV)

So...not sure how many of you have older children that would even be interested

in Let Me In...and out of those of you with older children how many have their

children on NV where they all of a sudden over the past few months just continue

to surge beyond belief in academics in addition to all else.

The good news is that Tanner likes all kinds of books- not just books about

vampires -but would love to hear from others on this subject. I was an avid

reader throughout childhood and I know for a fact I read books meant for adult

readers when I was in the library- in fact those books interested me more! But

unlike Tanner I didn't ask my mom to buy the book for me -I was at the library-

so Tanner's leaving this up to me to decide but if he was at the library he

could just get the book and sit down and read as I used to.

As far as my reaction? I'm so mixed on this. It's to me kind of like when your

apraxic child first says " shut up " and instead of scolding them you are thrilled

they said a two word sentence and your parenting goes out the window...or is it

bad?!! See I'm not sure!

Here's what the book is about -2 children who become friends...one is a vampire

http://www.amazon.com/Let-Me--Ajvide-Lindqvist/dp/0312656491/ref=sr_1_1?s=bo\

oks & ie=UTF8 & qid=1285176782 & sr=1-1

OK see while I question whether letting Tanner read the book is OK...two parents

let their children that look younger than Tanner star in the movie of the same

name hmmm

=====

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Well I looked at some of the reviews on that book and to be honest(although I

dont have a 14yo) I wouldnt even read that book. There were many references of

the author having an interesting knack for making even the most reprehensible

characters (worse than the vampire) sympathetic, including a zombie pedophile,

sadistic violent children, and a crew of pathetic alcoholics. Personally I have

no interest nor would I want my children to read such material. If my daughters

were of that age and asked to read such material, I would explain to them how

that type of material is very inappropriate to read. Its glorifying lifestyles

that we do not agree with both morally and spiritually. If the movie is R rated

than most likely than book contains such content as well. Of course this is just

my opinion....

In all I would say that you and your husband view the material yourself and see

if its appropriate. Look at reviews online about the book. And no you are not a

bad mommy. The fact that you are concerned about your child's interest makes you

a wonderful mommy; and not one to just let their child do whatever they want

with no boundaries... : )

>

> I wrote here awhile ago how I don't know what to do with my now 14 year old

son Tanner who has SO dramatically surged on NV that I'm living with a different

child. I go into his room late at night and his light is on and he is reading

and I feel bad saying " time to turn the light off and go to bed " and he's

pleading " Let me just finish this chapter " and I'm thinking " am I actually

asking my son to stop reading?!! "

>

> Here's the bad mommy part. Yesterday Tanner walks up to me with a very well

thought out proposal. He says " Mommy can you take me back to and Noble

today? I want to buy another book " Now this is a child that I know first of

all I should be taking to the library more than and Noble as he's going

through books so quickly -but right now I'm still in a bit of shock and of

course willing to spend money on books -are you kidding?!!

>

> So I said " Sure why what book do you want to buy now? " And Tanner said " Well

there is a bit of a problem about the book and that is why I wanted to talk to

you about it " So I asked what the problem was...and Tanner said " It's a book

about vampires and you know how I have an interest in reading books about

vampires but the dilemma is that there is a movie to this book and it's rated R

and I'm not sure if the book is rated R as well. But I really want to read this

book mom. "

>

> The book is called Let Me In- just came out in paperback....I bought it

yesterday and it's around 500 pages and since after school yesterday he's read

1/4 to 1/2 of the book already. I decided to send this message out here because

before I had children I decided I would never let my children use video games as

they are too addictive- and for sure NEVER any violent ones. Then I became a

parent of speech impaired children and learned that not only do video games help

with motor planning and hand eye coordination and socialization because it's how

boys play together today as well...but the Live versions I also thought " never! "

for security reasons has taught my son Tanner so much confidence in talking to

strangers- talking on the phone is never an issue for him (and this was even

prior to NV)

>

> So...not sure how many of you have older children that would even be

interested in Let Me In...and out of those of you with older children how many

have their children on NV where they all of a sudden over the past few months

just continue to surge beyond belief in academics in addition to all else.

>

> The good news is that Tanner likes all kinds of books- not just books about

vampires -but would love to hear from others on this subject. I was an avid

reader throughout childhood and I know for a fact I read books meant for adult

readers when I was in the library- in fact those books interested me more! But

unlike Tanner I didn't ask my mom to buy the book for me -I was at the library-

so Tanner's leaving this up to me to decide but if he was at the library he

could just get the book and sit down and read as I used to.

>

> As far as my reaction? I'm so mixed on this. It's to me kind of like when

your apraxic child first says " shut up " and instead of scolding them you are

thrilled they said a two word sentence and your parenting goes out the

window...or is it bad?!! See I'm not sure!

>

> Here's what the book is about -2 children who become friends...one is a

vampire

http://www.amazon.com/Let-Me--Ajvide-Lindqvist/dp/0312656491/ref=sr_1_1?s=bo\

oks & ie=UTF8 & qid=1285176782 & sr=1-1

>

> OK see while I question whether letting Tanner read the book is OK...two

parents let their children that look younger than Tanner star in the movie of

the same name hmmm

>

> =====

>

[Guest guest]

Since Tanner read the entire book in 2 and a half days I read it right after

him. Yes it does have all you said in the book -but you'd have to know what the

implications were to understand. For example the pedophile was a teacher who

" liked the students too much " Most 14 year olds would not know what that meant

and they never ever go into details. In fact even when he has the chance in the

book to do something to a child- he does not. Tanner didn't pick up on any of

that aspect and I wish I didn't bring it up!!!

The alcoholics in the book were the main character's dad who didn't live with

Oskar as Oskar lived with his loving mother. Oskar loved his dad and his father

loved him -but he had a problem with drinking if his friend came over who was an

alcoholic -Oskar knew if this friend came over their time together was gone and

he thought of his father as the " Werewolf " because his father was loving and

sweet when sober but a completely different person that was moody and only cared

about liquor when drunk. The way Oskar deals with his father is actually well

thought out and the book does give one time to understand the standpoint of the

father, the son and the son's not wanting his mother to be upset that his dad

once again is drunk. Oskar thinks much in his head as much of the story is

written from Oskar's view point -and again Oskar is a child younger than my son

dealing with divorced parents who both love him...but one has a problem with

drinking. And outside of that Oskar had become an outcast at school -teased and

bullied -head stuck in the toilet -that kind of thing to the point that he lived

in terror going to school -that was the scariest part of the book!!! The

bullies!!!

The vampire friend/girl in the story was actually one of the best friends Oskar

ever had, and there was zero sexual aspect to anything with her -or anyone for

that matter. There was other than mention of the penis of the pedophile (gross)

no mention of sex. The closest Oskar and Eli the vampire came to anything

sexual was twice they kissed. In fact Oskar didn't want anything from Eli but

friendship and that is all she wanted from him. They were 12 year olds!!! But

they discussed about her being a vampire. She was a 12 year old and didn't want

to hurt others- Oskar figures out a way where she doesn't have to -but some that

she did kill got infected -and that included the pedophile -who is probably the

book's biggest monster and not because of anything he may or may not have done

as a teacher as again all they say is " he liked the students too much " He kind

of becomes a zombie vampire -and Eli has to protect Oskar and others from him.

Again to be honest other than the pedophile who as far as in this book is

concerned we never know if he really ever touched a child or just wished he

could have -the biggest monster was not the vampire -it was the school bullies!

And while the little girl vampire could have hurt them or even killed them- she

only advises Oskar to stand up to them and then they will stop bullying him.

She's actually a very wise 12 year old as she's lived for 200 years as a 12 year

old. She loves games and misses her family and is very alone until she finds

Oskar.

It wasn't a book I'd recommend to other parents to let their children read

unless you know the child -but I actually thought the book would be much worse

than what it was and I was able to skip over any parts that were about killing

-which there were 4 attacks by Eli to get blood before she learns there are

other ways- no murders other than the pedophile. There were many lessons in it

that Tanner and I had a chance to talk about. Again they showed alcoholism as a

sickness, that Oskar's dad really loves him -and it clearly showed real life

issues that may not happen in our home -but happen in other's. My son does read

current events and does see the news -so in comparison I'd say for the most part

the news is worse...really. I mean what about that family that was murdered in

Connecticut that they had all over the media?!! Those were real life monsters

and you can't shelter your children forever even if you think you can.

Today I had to drive Tanner over to one of his friends who lives around a half

hour away and we talked about this book (again) for the entire half hour and

Tanner said he couldn't believe how quickly we got to his friend's house. It

was because he was just as engaged in the conversation about this book as he was

the book. To him -his focus was on the friendship of the boy and the vampire

-and you know what that was pretty cool. I wouldn't want to see the movie as

I'm sure they really embellished some of the vampire attack scenes as they do,

but again it was bad in some parts, but not as bad as I thought and for sure not

as bad as the news typically is on any given day. And actually....I'm taking

Tanner back to the book store tomorrow when I pick him up so he can buy another

book that I'll read after him so we can discuss that too.

For school right now (Tanner's in 8th grade) he's reading both To Kill a

Mockingbird and The Sea-Wolf -and he really likes both of them too...and he said

" but both are small books in comparison to the books he's reading on the side "

(Let Me In again is about 500 pages -and he again read that in about 2 and a

half days...again prior to NV...OMG he would have looked at any one of these

books and would have wanted me to " help him " read them! (I would have had to

read pages out loud to him -and pretty much all that know Tanner from prior NV

know this -complete change in academics

http://pursuitofresearch.org/pursuit.html )

=====

[Guest guest]

Having not read all the responses, I think it was great that you read it after

him. It's better to know what's going on and be prepared to discuss what's

written - both for his education and your bonding.

As far as the subject in general goes, I'm just happy to see kids reading - even

if the subject is a bit sketchy, like this book, it's better than seeing the

same images on TV. Now I'm not saying to allow him to read the Sookie Stackhouse

series (True Blood) next - the sex is much more graphic than the violence, but

it's still good to expand his horizons.

Chances are, he'll be reading a lot of questionable stories soon - look at

Catcher in the Rye (dropping out, drinking, visiting a prostitute, etc), Romeo

and t (sexuality and suicide), Hamlet, MacBeth, etc... At least, those were

some I did in high school. And there will be plenty he learns outside of school.

If a book isn't overly sexual or violent, it's better to be prepared to discuss

the subject with him than not allow it.

>

> Since Tanner read the entire book in 2 and a half days I read it right after

him. Yes it does have all you said in the book -but you'd have to know what the

implications were to understand. For example the pedophile was a teacher who

" liked the students too much " Most 14 year olds would not know what that meant

and they never ever go into details. In fact even when he has the chance in the

book to do something to a child- he does not. Tanner didn't pick up on any of

that aspect and I wish I didn't bring it up!!!

>

> The alcoholics in the book were the main character's dad who didn't live with

Oskar as Oskar lived with his loving mother. Oskar loved his dad and his father

loved him -but he had a problem with drinking if his friend came over who was an

alcoholic -Oskar knew if this friend came over their time together was gone and

he thought of his father as the " Werewolf " because his father was loving and

sweet when sober but a completely different person that was moody and only cared

about liquor when drunk. The way Oskar deals with his father is actually well

thought out and the book does give one time to understand the standpoint of the

father, the son and the son's not wanting his mother to be upset that his dad

once again is drunk. Oskar thinks much in his head as much of the story is

written from Oskar's view point -and again Oskar is a child younger than my son

dealing with divorced parents who both love him...but one has a problem with

drinking. And outside of that Oskar had become an outcast at school -teased and

bullied -head stuck in the toilet -that kind of thing to the point that he lived

in terror going to school -that was the scariest part of the book!!! The

bullies!!!

>

> The vampire friend/girl in the story was actually one of the best friends

Oskar ever had, and there was zero sexual aspect to anything with her -or anyone

for that matter. There was other than mention of the penis of the pedophile

(gross) no mention of sex. The closest Oskar and Eli the vampire came to

anything sexual was twice they kissed. In fact Oskar didn't want anything from

Eli but friendship and that is all she wanted from him. They were 12 year

olds!!! But they discussed about her being a vampire. She was a 12 year old

and didn't want to hurt others- Oskar figures out a way where she doesn't have

to -but some that she did kill got infected -and that included the pedophile

-who is probably the book's biggest monster and not because of anything he may

or may not have done as a teacher as again all they say is " he liked the

students too much " He kind of becomes a zombie vampire -and Eli has to protect

Oskar and others from him.

>

> Again to be honest other than the pedophile who as far as in this book is

concerned we never know if he really ever touched a child or just wished he

could have -the biggest monster was not the vampire -it was the school bullies!

And while the little girl vampire could have hurt them or even killed them- she

only advises Oskar to stand up to them and then they will stop bullying him.

She's actually a very wise 12 year old as she's lived for 200 years as a 12 year

old. She loves games and misses her family and is very alone until she finds

Oskar.

>

> It wasn't a book I'd recommend to other parents to let their children read

unless you know the child -but I actually thought the book would be much worse

than what it was and I was able to skip over any parts that were about killing

-which there were 4 attacks by Eli to get blood before she learns there are

other ways- no murders other than the pedophile. There were many lessons in it

that Tanner and I had a chance to talk about. Again they showed alcoholism as a

sickness, that Oskar's dad really loves him -and it clearly showed real life

issues that may not happen in our home -but happen in other's. My son does read

current events and does see the news -so in comparison I'd say for the most part

the news is worse...really. I mean what about that family that was murdered in

Connecticut that they had all over the media?!! Those were real life monsters

and you can't shelter your children forever even if you think you can.

>

> Today I had to drive Tanner over to one of his friends who lives around a half

hour away and we talked about this book (again) for the entire half hour and

Tanner said he couldn't believe how quickly we got to his friend's house. It

was because he was just as engaged in the conversation about this book as he was

the book. To him -his focus was on the friendship of the boy and the vampire

-and you know what that was pretty cool. I wouldn't want to see the movie as

I'm sure they really embellished some of the vampire attack scenes as they do,

but again it was bad in some parts, but not as bad as I thought and for sure not

as bad as the news typically is on any given day. And actually....I'm taking

Tanner back to the book store tomorrow when I pick him up so he can buy another

book that I'll read after him so we can discuss that too.

>

> For school right now (Tanner's in 8th grade) he's reading both To Kill a

Mockingbird and The Sea-Wolf -and he really likes both of them too...and he said

" but both are small books in comparison to the books he's reading on the side "

(Let Me In again is about 500 pages -and he again read that in about 2 and a

half days...again prior to NV...OMG he would have looked at any one of these

books and would have wanted me to " help him " read them! (I would have had to

read pages out loud to him -and pretty much all that know Tanner from prior NV

know this -complete change in academics

http://pursuitofresearch.org/pursuit.html )

>

> =====

>