Guest guest Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'm not sure if you read The Late Talker but there is an entire chapter on dealing with your child's frustration (and one on dealing with parent frustration too!) Does your child have an alternative way to communicate? Typically that helps relieve frustration. Below is a long archived message but there are so many other reasons and methods to share...we'll help you get to the bottom of it! Hi Grandma a! You've already received some wonderful advice, but wanted to jump in to add a bit more. Just a few questions first: Who is paying for your grandson's speech therapy? Private / insurance or Early Intervention through the State, or both? Is your grandson suspected of just having a simple delay in speech, or is he suspected of having a possible impairment if you know? Are there any soft signs? http://www.cherab.org/information/speechlanguage/parentfriendlysoftsigns.html Here is some online info on late talking: http://www.cherab.org/information/latetalkerhandout.html http://www.speechville.com/diagnosis-destinations/latetalker/late-talker.html Here's an article written by Neurodevelopmental Pediatrician Dr. Marilyn Agin that was featured as a cover article in Contemporary Pediatrics -a trade magazine for hundreds of thousands of pediatric medical professionals across the US. (I wrote the parent guide) " The " late talker " —when silence isn't golden Not all children with delayed speech are " little Einstein's " or garden variety " late bloomers. " Some have a speech-language disorder that will persist unless warning signs are recognized and intervention comes early. Includes a Guide for Parents. " Cover feature article by Late Talker co-author Marilyn Agin MD http://www.contemporarypediatrics.com/contpeds/article/articleDetail.jsp?id=1327\ \ 20 Parent guide of article by Late Talker co-author Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 I can't speak for the group, but as for myself I think I saw that because my son wasn't talking yet (and had no hair) as he got bigger I was still treating him like he was younger. My son will be 3 in January. I noticed this a few months ago and started changing things and treating him his age in terms of expectations. I have an older child so I was able to recognize that how I was treating my child with apraxia's behavior was different than how I would have treated his brothers behavior at the same age. I think a lot of almost 2 years olds have moments of temper and agression. I am POSITIVE this gets further compounded when a child has no way to get their voice heard. I only add the part about how you handle it because I'd hate for you to make my mistakes of not placing the expectation to behave well because you see him as younger due to the lack of talking. Wtih apraxia the child will understand every word you say and I believe it has helped me a lot these last months to use age appropriate ways to address these issues. At age almost 2 that is always hard (apraxia or not). I have found that for each child an effective way to address issues is different. I can usually find something that for their personality is hard for them to have as a punishment when they act inapproriately. For example, my older son stops the behavior when I take something he likes away (like a toy), my apraxic child doesn't like it if he has to sit in his room by himself for two minutes. It is just my personal opinion, but I think the expectation needs to be the same as that of any 2 year old unless possibly you suspect that there are other components that may be causing the behavior. Just because someone cannot talk doesn't mean it is appropriate as they get older to lie on the floor and have a tantrum or to hit others or throw things. If it is just crying from frustration we need to have compassion of course and let them cry it out. I just would hate to see you end up like me and allowing everything just because you feel sad for their pain. I think the earlier on that they learn this the better. AGAIN, if you have a child with some medical issue beyond just the apraxia, these outbursts may be out of their control so my advice may not be good. I'm not an expert, just a fellow mom telling you what I've seen. My son has less and less of the agression the more I hold him accountable. Good luck! Sue [ ] Unhappy Baby Hi, I posted here about a week ago and I was impressed with the info I recieved. I have an almost 2 year old that has " some form of verbal apraxia " . I am not sure what this means but that is not why I am posting. My concern is that my son has always (since birth) had a temper and agression. It is getting worse as he gets older. I feel that he is unhappy or angry or stressed most of the time. How do you deal with this and tell me your story so I have something to compare to. I am getting very frustrated!!! We are going to see a neurologist on December 21st. I hope there is something we can do to improve his behavior and make him " happy " like my sweet baby boy deserves to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Thank you Sue. This does make sense, I do treat him as a younger child (probably a 1 yr old). I do feel some guilt, maybe that is why he is treated differently. I DONT KNOW!! I'm so frustrated and exhausted. Thank you for your input, I really appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Thank you. I will be getting the book. I really appreciate the info you gave me. > > I'm not sure if you read The Late Talker but there is an entire chapter on dealing with your child's frustration (and one on dealing with parent frustration too!) > > Does your child have an alternative way to communicate? Typically that helps relieve frustration. > > Below is a long archived message but there are so many other reasons and methods to share...we'll help you get to the bottom of it! > > Hi Grandma a! > > You've already received some wonderful advice, but wanted to jump in > to add a bit more. Just a few questions first: > > Who is paying for your grandson's speech therapy? Private / > insurance or Early Intervention through the State, or both? > > Is your grandson suspected of just having a simple delay in speech, > or is he suspected of having a possible impairment if you know? > > Are there any soft signs? > http://www.cherab.org/information/speechlanguage/parentfriendlysoftsigns.html > > Here is some online info on late talking: > http://www.cherab.org/information/latetalkerhandout.html > http://www.speechville.com/diagnosis-destinations/latetalker/late-talker.html > > Here's an article written by Neurodevelopmental Pediatrician Dr. > Marilyn Agin that was featured as a cover article in Contemporary > Pediatrics -a trade magazine for hundreds of thousands of pediatric > medical professionals across the US. (I wrote the parent guide) > > " The " late talker " —when silence isn't golden > Not all children with delayed speech are " little Einstein's " or > garden variety " late bloomers. " Some have a speech-language disorder > that will persist unless warning signs are recognized and > intervention comes early. Includes a Guide for Parents. " > > Cover feature article by Late Talker co-author Marilyn Agin MD > http://www.contemporarypediatrics.com/contpeds/article/articleDetail.jsp?id=1327\ \ > 20 > Parent guide of article by Late Talker co-author Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Hello ,  My son has always had a bad temper as well, especially when he was 2 years old because he was completely non-verbal. When he would get mad, he would throw the first thing he could find. One time it was a glass egg that I had out for Easter. He would also scream till his face turned red. Sometimes I thought I was going to go crazy! It is very frustrating for them when they cannot express themselves verbally. You have to see it from their perspective. Imagine if you could not talk or when you would say something no one would understand you. You have to think about what is triggering the tantrums and anger, for my son it was when he couldn't tell me what he wanted from the pantry or when he wanted to watch a movie. I finally created a binder of pictures of favorite foods and movies and he learned to go to the binder and show me what he wanted. It helped alot. Now my son is 3 1/2 and his tantrums are not as bad because he can express himself with words a little bit. He still has transitioning issues and behavior problems such as hitting and throwing. I just took him to a Developmental Ped. and he diagnosed him with PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder). I was expecting it. In order to have a PDD diagnosis, there are three criteria - language delay, a-typical behavior, and lack of social skills. He also has features of Oral Apraxia and Dysarthria. From: <daug4@...> Subject: [ ] Unhappy Baby Date: Monday, December 14, 2009, 6:15 PM  Hi, I posted here about a week ago and I was impressed with the info I recieved. I have an almost 2 year old that has " some form of verbal apraxia " . I am not sure what this means but that is not why I am posting. My concern is that my son has always (since birth) had a temper and agression. It is getting worse as he gets older. I feel that he is unhappy or angry or stressed most of the time. How do you deal with this and tell me your story so I have something to compare to. I am getting very frustrated!! ! We are going to see a neurologist on December 21st. I hope there is something we can do to improve his behavior and make him " happy " like my sweet baby boy deserves to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Play Therapy is a good way to work with young children with anger, anxiety, fustration etc. Some Early Intervention programs have it and if not, there are therapists that work for either through a center or in private practice. Hope this helps a little! - Holly On Dec 14, 2009, at 7:15 PM, " " <daug4@...> wrote: Hi, I posted here about a week ago and I was impressed with the info I recieved. I have an almost 2 year old that has " some form of verbal apraxia " . I am not sure what this means but that is not why I am posting. My concern is that my son has always (since birth) had a temper and agression. It is getting worse as he gets older. I feel that he is unhappy or angry or stressed most of the time. How do you deal with this and tell me your story so I have something to compare to. I am getting very frustrated!!! We are going to see a neurologist on December 21st. I hope there is something we can do to improve his behavior and make him " happy " like my sweet baby boy deserves to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2009 Report Share Posted December 15, 2009 Thank you all for your help! ________________________________ From: <cm2003uh@...> Sent: Mon, December 14, 2009 9:26:11 PM Subject: Re: [ ] Unhappy Baby  Hello ,  My son has always had a bad temper as well, especially when he was 2 years old because he was completely non-verbal. When he would get mad, he would throw the first thing he could find. One time it was a glass egg that I had out for Easter. He would also scream till his face turned red. Sometimes I thought I was going to go crazy! It is very frustrating for them when they cannot express themselves verbally. You have to see it from their perspective. Imagine if you could not talk or when you would say something no one would understand you. You have to think about what is triggering the tantrums and anger, for my son it was when he couldn't tell me what he wanted from the pantry or when he wanted to watch a movie. I finally created a binder of pictures of favorite foods and movies and he learned to go to the binder and show me what he wanted. It helped alot. Now my son is 3 1/2 and his tantrums are not as bad because he can express himself with words a little bit. He still has transitioning issues and behavior problems such as hitting and throwing. I just took him to a Developmental Ped. and he diagnosed him with PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder). I was expecting it. In order to have a PDD diagnosis, there are three criteria - language delay, a-typical behavior, and lack of social skills. He also has features of Oral Apraxia and Dysarthria. From: <daug4 (DOT) com> Subject: [childrensapraxiane t] Unhappy Baby @groups. com Date: Monday, December 14, 2009, 6:15 PM  Hi, I posted here about a week ago and I was impressed with the info I recieved. I have an almost 2 year old that has " some form of verbal apraxia " . I am not sure what this means but that is not why I am posting. My concern is that my son has always (since birth) had a temper and agression. It is getting worse as he gets older. I feel that he is unhappy or angry or stressed most of the time. How do you deal with this and tell me your story so I have something to compare to. I am getting very frustrated!! ! We are going to see a neurologist on December 21st. I hope there is something we can do to improve his behavior and make him " happy " like my sweet baby boy deserves to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2009 Report Share Posted December 15, 2009 Our special needs son (age 12) is our 4th child. He is like a 2 year old in his understanding and behavior (completely non-verbal). My husband is stricter than I am with him so he obeys his dad better than his mom! It is clear to me that when we have made excuses for his tantrums then he does them even more. So we work hard at letting him know what is acceptable behavior and what is not. It's not easy and of course we deal with him differently than our older kids (they're all grown up now) but I think what I've learned is it's better to expect the child to understand about obeying his parents rather than make excuses for him due to his developmental delay. And when a child is obedient he's happy! > > > I can't speak for the group, but as for myself I think I saw that because my son wasn't talking yet (and had no hair) as he got bigger I was still treating him like he was younger. My son will be 3 in January. I noticed this a few months ago and started changing things and treating him his age in terms of expectations. I have an older child so I was able to recognize that how I was treating my child with apraxia's behavior was different than how I would have treated his brothers behavior at the same age. I think a lot of almost 2 years olds have moments of temper and agression. I am POSITIVE this gets further compounded when a child has no way to get their voice heard. > > I only add the part about how you handle it because I'd hate for you to make my mistakes of not placing the expectation to behave well because you see him as younger due to the lack of talking. Wtih apraxia the child will understand every word you say and I believe it has helped me a lot these last months to use age appropriate ways to address these issues. At age almost 2 that is always hard (apraxia or not). I have found that for each child an effective way to address issues is different. I can usually find something that for their personality is hard for them to have as a punishment when they act inapproriately. For example, my older son stops the behavior when I take something he likes away (like a toy), my apraxic child doesn't like it if he has to sit in his room by himself for two minutes. > > It is just my personal opinion, but I think the expectation needs to be the same as that of any 2 year old unless possibly you suspect that there are other components that may be causing the behavior. Just because someone cannot talk doesn't mean it is appropriate as they get older to lie on the floor and have a tantrum or to hit others or throw things. If it is just crying from frustration we need to have compassion of course and let them cry it out. I just would hate to see you end up like me and allowing everything just because you feel sad for their pain. I think the earlier on that they learn this the better. AGAIN, if you have a child with some medical issue beyond just the apraxia, these outbursts may be out of their control so my advice may not be good. I'm not an expert, just a fellow mom telling you what I've seen. My son has less and less of the agression the more I hold him accountable. > > Good luck! > Sue > > [ ] Unhappy Baby > > > > > Hi, I posted here about a week ago and I was impressed with the info I recieved. I have an almost 2 year old that has " some form of verbal apraxia " . I am not sure what this means but that is not why I am posting. My concern is that my son has always (since birth) had a temper and agression. It is getting worse as he gets older. I feel that he is unhappy or angry or stressed most of the time. How do you deal with this and tell me your story so I have something to compare to. I am getting very frustrated!!! We are going to see a neurologist on December 21st. I hope there is something we can do to improve his behavior and make him " happy " like my sweet baby boy deserves to be. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2009 Report Share Posted December 15, 2009 here's an article I just found that may be useful as well: Tantrums, Tears, and Tempers: Behavior Is Communication What’s really going on when a child throws a tantrum at a store or cries incessantly before bedtime? The child is trying to express something that he or she can’t say in words. In the first case, it might mean the child wants a candy bar or toy. In the second, it might mean the child is afraid of the dark For young children, behavior is communication that’s used to meet needs. It’s how they let you know they either want something or want to avoid something. The reason they sometimes use such challenging behaviors is because it works. By understanding what your child is trying to express, you can better respond to his or her needs and help your child learn more positive ways to communicate. Behavior Has a Purpose To determine the purpose of your child’s behavior, start by looking at what is happening before and after it begins. Consider changes in routines, times of the day it happens, and social situations that seem to trigger it. If you can identify the purpose of your child’s behavior, you can determine strategies to address his or her needs and encourage positive behaviors. Try to keep your focus on what your child is communicating and avoid labeling the behavior or your child as “bad.†When you do, you’ll be able to better put the behavior in perspective and focus on strategies to help your child acquire needed skills. Factors that Affect Behavior Your child’s developmental stage, temperament, and disability all affect his or her behavior. Here’s how. Child Development Stages Child development guidelines suggest the ages at which children typically develop various physical, reasoning, social, and emotional skills. Being familiar with these guidelines can help you pinpoint major areas where your child might be lagging. Developmental delays can affect your child’s ability to communicate with you. Temperament Temperament describes the way a child tends to react to people, places, and experiences. Children who are easygoing usually are quick to adapt to new situations and are comfortable with new experiences. Children who are intense tend to react dramatically, take longer to adapt, and can be easily frustrated. Children who are fearful are cautious, slower to adapt, and may take longer to be comfortable with new experiences. For example, if your child is intense, moving immediately from one activity to another might trigger an outburst. Careful planning on how to transition your child slowly from one activity to another will be key to fostering positive behavior. Disability Your child’s disability also may affect his or her behavior. A child with sensory disorders, for example, may not be able to handle noisy spaces with many people. A child with autism might find making eye contact and being around other children stressful. As a result, such children may communicate their feelings through tantrums. Encourage Positive Behaviors Knowing that behavior has a purpose and is affected by other factors, you can help your child build the necessary skills to communicate more effectively. Here are some strategies to try. Reinforce Good Behavior Be sure to praise your child for appropriate behavior. Provide Structure and Consistency Young children need consistent schedules and ground rules. Such stability helps provide a safe and predictable environment for them to learn appropriate behaviors over time. Collect Data Keep a log that documents challenging behaviors. Note when the behavior occurs, what the child is doing before and after it happens, and what is going on in the child’s environment when the behavior takes place. If you see a consistent pattern, then you can devise strategies to address that behavior. Name the Behavior You’re Encouraging By naming the appropriate behavior for your child, you are helping him or her reinforce it. For example, you might say, “Sharing your toys with Sally is a nice thing to do.†Give Words for Emotions Help your child identify emotions and needs in certain situations by teaching simple phrases such as “I don’t like that!†or “Help me!†Also give your child the language to explain feelings and bring a conclusion to them. For example, you might teach him or her to say, “I’m all done being mad.†Change the Environment If you can change the environment so a behavior is reduced or eliminated, it will help your child. Give Choices Give your child a sense of control by offering basic choices. To keep things simple, it’s best to give only two options, such as, “Do you want to wear your blue shirt or yellow shirt?†Avoid Power Struggles Try to compromise with your child. For example, you might say, “I’ll pick up one toy and you pick up one toy.†Summary Behavior is how a child tells you something he or she cannot tell you in words. It is affected by the child’s developmental stage, temperament, and type of disability. To understand behavior, it is helpful if you are aware, insightful, and use effective skills in managing the behavior. You can use the strategies recommended in this handout to build on your own knowledge about your child. Related Information PACER Material “Young Children with Challenging Behavior†This handout provides guidelines for typical behavior of children from birth to 5 years and gives suggestions on ways to encourage positive behaviors. Download PHP-c106 for free at PACER.org. Web Sites • PACER Center: PACER.org • Center for Early Education & Development (University of Minnesota): http://cehd.umn.edu/ceed/ • Center for Evidence-based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior: challengingbehavior.org. • Minnesota Parents Know: mnparentsknow.com http://www.pacer.org/parent/php/php-c154.pdf ===== Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2009 Report Share Posted December 15, 2009 This is my only child and so it is hard for me to know what is normal toddler behavior and what is frustration. Before I started my son on fish oils, he had only about 10 words at 31 months. He also is a breath holder and so sometimes he would get so upset he would cry out and never breath until he was totally blue and stiff. It's pretty scary. He also throws things, and hits his head on the floor or wall or any hard surface he can find. At 24 months when he wasn't talking we started learning baby sign. We checked out Signing Time from the library and would watch it two to three times a day. It really helped with the frustration levels. I also found that he was much worse when he was hungry, thirsty or tired. So I tried to keep snacks on hand and to not go anywhere during nap time and enforce a stable bedtime. I also expected him to obey and not throw these fits. We take away toys he throws and he can't get what he wants. He's been on fish oils for about three weeks and is talking up a storm. Unfortunately, it seems that when he's frustrated, he loses all his language and reverts to toy throwing and head banging. My suggestion is stop feeling sorry for him and start making sure his life is as full as it can be. He may be picking up on your feelings and turning them into anger. When my son had his first breath holding episode, I thought I can't live with a child who stops breathing for about a minute and turns stiff and blue and grinds his teeth. I just was so afraid, but once I faced that fear and put strategies into place to deal with these episodes, I was able to deal with him better. The weeks it took me to work through my fears, though, my 10 mo old son behaved so badly. It was like he knew I was afraid and was trying me on top of it. Once I was mentally prepared to deal with his issues, he returned to the mostly happy little guy I knew. Liralen > > Hello , >  > My son has always had a bad temper as well, especially when he was 2 years old because he was completely non-verbal. When he would get mad, he would throw the first thing he could find. One time it was a glass egg that I had out for Easter. He would also scream till his face turned red. Sometimes I thought I was going to go crazy! It is very frustrating for them when they cannot express themselves verbally. You have to see it from their perspective. Imagine if you could not talk or when you would say something no one would understand you. > You have to think about what is triggering the tantrums and anger, for my son it was when he couldn't tell me what he wanted from the pantry or when he wanted to watch a movie. I finally created a binder of pictures of favorite foods and movies and he learned to go to the binder and show me what he wanted. It helped alot. > Now my son is 3 1/2 and his tantrums are not as bad because he can express himself with words a little bit. He still has transitioning issues and behavior problems such as hitting and throwing. I just took him to a Developmental Ped. and he diagnosed him with PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder). I was expecting it. In order to have a PDD diagnosis, there are three criteria - language delay, a-typical behavior, and lack of social skills. He also has features of Oral Apraxia and Dysarthria. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2009 Report Share Posted December 15, 2009 Hi , My son has verbal apraxia and we struggle with the same emotions he exhibits. The nurse at Early On basically told us that since he cannot verbally express himself, the frustration and anger set in. He will scream, hit us and throw himself to the ground. As he learns to speak, we will see a decrease in the negative behavior. It is an ongoing battle, but we must take it one day at a time. Please let me know what your neurologist says, my son hasn't been to one yet, we had an appt in September but I relunctently cancelled due to my husband's urging. It took three months to make and now I regret that I listened to him, there may be other issues as well but I will have to start from square one again. > > Hi, I posted here about a week ago and I was impressed with the info I recieved. I have an almost 2 year old that has " some form of verbal apraxia " . I am not sure what this means but that is not why I am posting. My concern is that my son has always (since birth) had a temper and agression. It is getting worse as he gets older. I feel that he is unhappy or angry or stressed most of the time. How do you deal with this and tell me your story so I have something to compare to. I am getting very frustrated!!! We are going to see a neurologist on December 21st. I hope there is something we can do to improve his behavior and make him " happy " like my sweet baby boy deserves to be. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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