Parents ask for tolerance when dining out with kids with special needs

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Parents ask for tolerance when dining out with kids with special needs

By Roseann Keegan

SOUTH LAKE TAHOE, Calif. — Visiting a restaurant as a family is often one of

life's little pleasures. Parents get the night off from cooking and cleaning the

kitchen, and children learn important lessons on manners and behaving in public.

But for the families of children with special needs, including autism, the cost

of a dinner out can include stares and criticism from others and sometimes a

battle to have their child treated with patience and respect.

“For parents of children with special needs, we feel like we're walking on

eggshells when we're out,” said Yaghlegian of South Lake Tahoe, whose

10-year-old son, Keegan, has autism. She and her husband try to take Keegan to a

restaurant at least once a month so he is used to being in public.

Yaghlegian's family recently walked out of a South Lake Tahoe restaurant so her

son could eat his dinner.

Keegan is on a dairy- and gluten-free diet, which is increasingly common for

autistic children.

Yaghlegian brought a specialty pre-heated pizza for Keegan to the restaurant —

which she would like to be unnamed as to not hurt the business. The adults in

their party planned to order off the menu. When Yaghlegian asked for an extra

plate for Keegan's pizza, she was told that outside food was not allowed into

the restaurant. After explaining Keegan's needs, they were told he would not be

able to eat his pizza in the restaurant at all. The family left so the boy could

eat his dinner.

“We were not trying to be cheap and not buy him a meal,” Yaghlegian said.

“There's nothing on the menu he can eat.”

On another occasion, a fellow diner criticized Keegan. As Keegan loudly recited

his colors — he was younger then and getting excited that he was remembering the

names — a man called over, “I'm trying to enjoy my meal.”

Yaghlegian said he apologized when they explained their son was autistic.

“It would just be nice if people would give it some time before they expressed

their displeasure,” Yaghlegian said. “Hopefully people will have a little more

compassion and understanding and use a little more discretion before criticizing

parents who are giving their best efforts to have their special needs children

behave appropriately in public places.”

Autism spectrum disorders are a group of developmental disabilities that can

cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges, according to

the Centers for Disease Control. The CDC estimates that an average of 1 in 110

children in the U.S. have an ASD.

Wendi Fauria of Gardnerville is the founder of Families for Effective Autism

Treatment of Carson Valley, known as FEAT. Her son Dave, 8, has autism, and, for

many years, the family just stayed out of restaurants altogether.

“It's so hard for us,” Fauria said. “For a lot of autistic kids, one of the

therapies that works well is to have them on a special diet — no gluten, no

casein. We have to bring his food wherever we go.”

When Dave was younger, the restaurants would trigger an outburst.

“He would just freak out, start screaming. It wasn't worth it. It's almost not

even worth it to leave the house,” she said.

Today, Dave does better at restaurants, usually with the help of items to keep

him distracted.

Many autistic children are sensitive to noise, as Dave is. So Fauria brings

headphones if the noise level in a restaurant is too loud.

She also relies on the “highest reinforcer,” a toy or game she knows Dave really

enjoys.

“I use that as leverage for behavior,” she said. “He has this Leapster toy; I

know he really likes it. If he starts to get bored, I give him that.

“I bring lots of other toys and use that as a last resort,” she added.

She is also sure to put Dave on the inside of a booth so he can't run off.

In the Carson Valley, she said Chili's Grill & Bar Restaurant in South Carson

City is always accommodating, as well as Indigo Restaurant in Minden.

Yaghlegian said her family receives great service and understanding from the

staff from several South Lake Tahoe restaurants, including The Cantina Bar and

Grill, Ernie's Coffee Shop, Freshies Restaurant, Orchid's Authentic Thai Food

and Scusa on Ski Run.

“I have had positive experiences from people who seem to know that we are

dealing with a special child,” Yaghlegian said. “We are always appreciative when

people go out of their out of their way to show kindness towards our children.”