Re: Can you take another RANT?/Toni

April 27, 2006

Subject: ( ) Can you take another RANT?

If you have managed to get this far in this

rambling, not making any sense, explaining what I'm trying to say

rant... Thanks Toni

Hi Toni!

Oh yes, I know where you are coming from! I have a 17 yo with HFA and he is

depressed and refuses to go to school. If you are in the USA, you need to

go to the school and talk to them about other ways he can get his education.

If he does not have an IEP, you want one - request an educational evaluation

be done ASAP. Be sure to request they test in areas of pragmatic language

and self-care skills.

The school should be able to provide alternative options for his education.

They could provide help during the regular school day if you can get n

back to school at all. Otherwise, you could request home tutoring. If your

area school is large, there may be more options such as specialized schools

or night classes. My ds will be tutored the rest of this school year and we

will have to see about next school year and how we handle that.

One area you can definitely get help with at the school with an IEP is

future job skills. The school needs to provide him help for future work and

living independently. This is not to say that schools do so or are good at

it! Lol. Not all are. But you need to go down that road, ask questions

about transition plans and get as much as you can from your local resources.

Ask them where else you could look for help as they might be able to help

you find other local resources to tap into. Here in Ohio, we have MR/DD

systems and they are pitiful here in my county but other counties do better

with being helpful for kids with HFA/AS. At the least, you could apply for

services and get someone to help you find resources in your area or respite

care.

As for the meds, oh my I know how hard that one is! I finally talked my ds

into trying a med for depression. He took it for a while. He was awake

during the daytime and much more pleasant to be around. I remember one time

he was in the room with his siblings and nobody was screaming. That never

happens! Wow! Then everything went back to " normal " and I realized he

stopped taking the med because it " doesn't help " and he " doesn't want to. "

So he is up half the night, sleeps all day long, is grouchy constantly and

you can't reason with him at all. He is exhausting! I so understand when

you said you can't get a 17 yo out of bed for school. That is the truth.

Most people could bribe or punish their typical kids to do it but our kids

don't see how their actions are in their control and how that relates to the

outcomes.

I try to be understanding but it's hard, I know! You should not try

threatening him that you will leave because that will only escalate his

behavior and teach him new skills (bad ones) to use when he is upset. And

it does not solve the problem. If you need a break, you need to calmly plan

a visit to your mom's and not let him know it's because of him and you are

going crazy. Just smile and say you want to visit your mom and will be back

tomorrow. That is, if you can leave the boys unattended overnight.

I agree the big thing right now is the meds - finding the right med and

getting him to take it. There are a lot of them out there and you might

want to see the doc and tell him you need help asap. Let him know that your

ds is afraid of revealing his feelings and why. Also let him know how hard

it is for you to deal with these guys. It is terribly difficult when they

are that age.

Work on the school end to arrange things for his education. Talk to the doc

about changing meds or adding something to calm him down. Hang in there!

You are not alone and I know it is really tough.

Roxanna

April 27, 2006

Roxanna,

Are you having tutors come to the house yet? I finally left a message

with 's case manager, saying he hasn't been to school in six

weeks and his school principal has discouraged me from requesting an

iep. I got a return call today. The case manager was furious. After TWO

WEEKS of non=attendance there should be an iep, he said! Yesterday I

went to visit a school that I think will take him until the end of the

year. It's got lots of structure. It teaches the academics, also

teaches job skills, daily living skills, and social skills. The school

year ends at the end of July, which would be perfect for us, as we

leave for Massachusetts in August sometime. We'll probably have

's iep at the end of next week.

Liz

> Hi Toni!

>

> Oh yes, I know where you are coming from! I have a 17 yo with HFA and

> he is

> depressed and refuses to go to school. If you are in the USA, you

> need to

> go to the school and talk to them about other ways he can get his

> education.

> If he does not have an IEP, you want one - request an educational

> evaluation

> be done ASAP. Be sure to request they test in areas of pragmatic

> language

> and self-care skills.

>

> The school should be able to provide alternative options for his

> education.

> They could provide help during the regular school day if you can get

> n

> back to school at all. Otherwise, you could request home tutoring.

> If your

> area school is large, there may be more options such as specialized

> schools

> or night classes. My ds will be tutored the rest of this school year

> and we

> will have to see about next school year and how we handle that.

>

> One area you can definitely get help with at the school with an IEP is

> future job skills. The school needs to provide him help for future

> work and

> living independently. This is not to say that schools do so or are

> good at

> it! Lol. Not all are. But you need to go down that road, ask

> questions

> about transition plans and get as much as you can from your local

> resources.

> Ask them where else you could look for help as they might be able to

> help

> you find other local resources to tap into. Here in Ohio, we have

> MR/DD

> systems and they are pitiful here in my county but other counties do

> better

> with being helpful for kids with HFA/AS. At the least, you could

> apply for

> services and get someone to help you find resources in your area or

> respite

> care.

>

> As for the meds, oh my I know how hard that one is! I finally talked

> my ds

> into trying a med for depression. He took it for a while. He was

> awake

> during the daytime and much more pleasant to be around. I remember

> one time

> he was in the room with his siblings and nobody was screaming. That

> never

> happens! Wow! Then everything went back to " normal " and I realized he

> stopped taking the med because it " doesn't help " and he " doesn't want

> to. "

> So he is up half the night, sleeps all day long, is grouchy constantly

> and

> you can't reason with him at all. He is exhausting! I so understand

> when

> you said you can't get a 17 yo out of bed for school. That is the

> truth.

> Most people could bribe or punish their typical kids to do it but our

> kids

> don't see how their actions are in their control and how that relates

> to the

> outcomes.

>

> I try to be understanding but it's hard, I know! You should not try

> threatening him that you will leave because that will only escalate his

> behavior and teach him new skills (bad ones) to use when he is upset.

> And

> it does not solve the problem. If you need a break, you need to

> calmly plan

> a visit to your mom's and not let him know it's because of him and you

> are

> going crazy. Just smile and say you want to visit your mom and will

> be back

> tomorrow. That is, if you can leave the boys unattended overnight.

>

> I agree the big thing right now is the meds - finding the right med and

> getting him to take it. There are a lot of them out there and you

> might

> want to see the doc and tell him you need help asap. Let him know

> that your

> ds is afraid of revealing his feelings and why. Also let him know how

> hard

> it is for you to deal with these guys. It is terribly difficult when

> they

> are that age.

>

> Work on the school end to arrange things for his education. Talk to

> the doc

> about changing meds or adding something to calm him down. Hang in

> there!

> You are not alone and I know it is really tough.

>

> Roxanna

>

April 28, 2006

It must be the time of year or something in the water....I'm also having

trouble getting to school. He is currently failing 4 classes...but the

guidance counselor sat me down and told me " let's look at this

positively " ...I responded... " o.k. " . It just shocks me that all these schools

care about is

that the kids pass and get the credits. They think a situation is positive

if a student passes with a 64 average. I suggested an IEP for him also (he

only has a 504) and was told that any services they would provide him at this

point would be the same IEP or 504. I have to say that this is probably the

most frustrating thing I have ever dealt with in parenting....yet. Pam

April 29, 2006

You are absolutely right about me not threatening to leave. I know this

does not teach him good coping skills. But, unfortunately my own coping

skills are naught. Thats what I am going to look into next. Is finding a

psychologist to help us ALL. as far as an iep , I requested testing

last fall and they are just now testing them. They have finished Noah's

testing and n is going to finish the rest of his on Monday.

(hopefully he will still be 'up' and will go to school Mon) so we have

not gotten too far in ' the process' yet and are trying to play catch

up.Thanks for the great suggestions though. I am taking notes and trying

to get all my ducks in a row and be as informed as possible when we do

get to that point. Toni

Roxanna wrote:

> Subject: ( ) Can you take another RANT?

>

> If you have managed to get this far in this

> rambling, not making any sense, explaining what I'm trying to say

> rant... Thanks Toni

>

> Hi Toni!

>

> Oh yes, I know where you are coming from! I have a 17 yo with HFA and

> he is

> depressed and refuses to go to school. If you are in the USA, you need to

> go to the school and talk to them about other ways he can get his

> education.

> If he does not have an IEP, you want one - request an educational

> evaluation

> be done ASAP. Be sure to request they test in areas of pragmatic language

> and self-care skills.

>

> The school should be able to provide alternative options for his

> education.

> They could provide help during the regular school day if you can get

> n

> back to school at all. Otherwise, you could request home tutoring.

> If your

> area school is large, there may be more options such as specialized

> schools

> or night classes. My ds will be tutored the rest of this school year

> and we

> will have to see about next school year and how we handle that.

>

> One area you can definitely get help with at the school with an IEP is

> future job skills. The school needs to provide him help for future

> work and

> living independently. This is not to say that schools do so or are

> good at

> it! Lol. Not all are. But you need to go down that road, ask questions

> about transition plans and get as much as you can from your local

> resources.

> Ask them where else you could look for help as they might be able to help

> you find other local resources to tap into. Here in Ohio, we have MR/DD

> systems and they are pitiful here in my county but other counties do

> better

> with being helpful for kids with HFA/AS. At the least, you could

> apply for

> services and get someone to help you find resources in your area or

> respite

> care.

>

> As for the meds, oh my I know how hard that one is! I finally talked

> my ds

> into trying a med for depression. He took it for a while. He was awake

> during the daytime and much more pleasant to be around. I remember

> one time

> he was in the room with his siblings and nobody was screaming. That never

> happens! Wow! Then everything went back to " normal " and I realized he

> stopped taking the med because it " doesn't help " and he " doesn't want to. "

> So he is up half the night, sleeps all day long, is grouchy constantly and

> you can't reason with him at all. He is exhausting! I so understand when

> you said you can't get a 17 yo out of bed for school. That is the truth.

> Most people could bribe or punish their typical kids to do it but our kids

> don't see how their actions are in their control and how that relates

> to the

> outcomes.

>

> I try to be understanding but it's hard, I know! You should not try

> threatening him that you will leave because that will only escalate his

> behavior and teach him new skills (bad ones) to use when he is upset. And

> it does not solve the problem. If you need a break, you need to

> calmly plan

> a visit to your mom's and not let him know it's because of him and you are

> going crazy. Just smile and say you want to visit your mom and will

> be back

> tomorrow. That is, if you can leave the boys unattended overnight.

>

> I agree the big thing right now is the meds - finding the right med and

> getting him to take it. There are a lot of them out there and you might

> want to see the doc and tell him you need help asap. Let him know

> that your

> ds is afraid of revealing his feelings and why. Also let him know how

> hard

> it is for you to deal with these guys. It is terribly difficult when they

> are that age.

>

> Work on the school end to arrange things for his education. Talk to

> the doc

> about changing meds or adding something to calm him down. Hang in there!

> You are not alone and I know it is really tough.

>

> Roxanna

>

April 29, 2006

I wonder if it is that school is coming to an end and they feel more

anxiety? I don't know...What ticks me off at our school is that a

teacher told me (she doesn't fit in with the clique of other teachers)

that the head mistress has asked her to modify grades for the jocks but

some of the teachers can't modify anything for my kids!Ranting

again.... Toni

ppanda65@... wrote:

> It must be the time of year or something in the water....I'm also having

> trouble getting to school. He is currently failing 4

> classes...but the

> guidance counselor sat me down and told me " let's look at this

> positively " ...I responded... " o.k. " . It just shocks me that all these

> schools care about is

> that the kids pass and get the credits. They think a situation is

> positive

> if a student passes with a 64 average. I suggested an IEP for him

> also (he

> only has a 504) and was told that any services they would provide him

> at this

> point would be the same IEP or 504. I have to say that this is

> probably the

> most frustrating thing I have ever dealt with in parenting....yet.

> Pam

>

April 30, 2006

Subject: Re: ( ) Can you take another RANT?/Toni

It must be the time of year or something in the water....I'm also having

trouble getting to school. He is currently failing 4 classes...but

the

guidance counselor sat me down and told me " let's look at this

positively " ...I responded... " o.k. " . It just shocks me that all these

schools care about is

that the kids pass and get the credits. They think a situation is positive

if a student passes with a 64 average. I suggested an IEP for him also (he

only has a 504) and was told that any services they would provide him at

this

point would be the same IEP or 504. I have to say that this is probably

the

most frustrating thing I have ever dealt with in parenting....yet. Pam

Pam,

It is not true that the services would be the same with a 504 as with an

IEP. I think the school DO believe this is true for the upper grades! They

do not like to provide services in high school unless you have an obvious

disability. Of course, looking " normal " means you could do it if you just

tried harder and also that nobody has as yet bothered to teach you some

" responsibility. " Lol. But in the end, it's still our kids being AS or HFA

and it can get harder as they older and closer to having so many put so much

on them, as if they can suddenly handle adulthood.

So I would push forward for testing towards an IEP and then get the

appropriate supports in place so he can actually learn! I would give him

most supports and let the supports be faded after he can show he can do it

on his own (if he starts doing it on his own.) Do not be fooled by how

" mild " he is or how " smart " he is.

I say this now that my ds is living in the basement. I should have gotten

more supports going sooner. I saw it coming but I didn't think he would

give up so soon.

Roxanna

April 30, 2006