Re: NEEDING HELP from fellow Adult Aspies

[Guest guest]

!!

I was just speaking with a friend about last nights adventures in my son's

school... I am coming to the realization that you have just described me!!!!

The buzzing of the lights.. The over stimulation... Amen

No meltdowns.in public... I manage to make it home .. To my " Den " and say

Leave ME ALONE I NEED QUIET TIME!

It really came to me when we were getting ready to go to my family

Christmas dinner ( stressful no matter what LOL) and my husband asked.. Do

you want me to pack your special cup? OMG YES Pack my special cup.. Its the

only one that fits my mouth just right ! LOL seriously.. It seems weird

when you put it on paper.. But.. Look at the other Neuro-typicals of the

world.. And wonder.. Are they lying to themselves?

Or are they managing their stress other ways..?? ( bungee jumping.. Scary

rides at the fair?? LOL)

-- ( ) NEEDING HELP from fellow Adult Aspies

Hello all,

and especially fellow Aspies!!!

As if I have not had enough problems lately.....

I was told that I am an Atypical Aspie. On one hand, I say THANKS.

ON the other hand, I think of my life as an Aspie, YIKES. The things

I go through.

Any of you fellow Aspies do well in public, like me?

I am looking for some idea of all of you, as far as what other

people preceive you as, and how you h andle yourself.

I KNOW I am not the only one, in fact, I don't think I am of a 'few'

that function well in public, but still have issues that make life

difficult for me.

For example, I don't meltdown in public, only my family has seen

that, WHEN it happens, and it doesn't happen WELL, TOO often.

Another is, when being 'constructively' criticised, I have a tough

time sticking up for myself. I have to 'process' what has been told

to me, before I can really reply. Otherwise, my reply won't mean a

thing.

I don't pace, Well, ok I do at home, but only under high stress. I

don't stim. I don't do hand flapping, I do shake my leg like crazy

when sitting. (No not restless leg syndrome. *grin*)

I don't get the non verbal stuff, forget the expressions on peoples

faces. They say (The NT's) they make a lot of expression, but if you

pay attention, they REALLY DON'T sometimes! Talk about confusing.

I usually am the last to get a joke, *though I am usually first to

laugh. hahaha talk about fitting in...

anyway, please tell me that a lot of you are just like me:)

Hope to hear from lots of you. I am having a meeting with this

person in the next couple of weeks, and I want to be able to tell

her the WIDE variety of me, or something like me, that are out

there!!!

Oh, and you know what, I know this person is wrong!!!!!

*hugs*

[Guest guest]

OH YEAH and.. Your * smiles.. And ( bracket explaination of expression)

OMG that's me too!! Nothing wrong with making things clear! ( I Know too I

find it very hard to navigate the forum which is why I know I reply

this way... Thank god the managers haven't kicked me out yet.. I know they

understand.. That there is something probably odd about it.. Not just

willfully ignoring their rule...)

-- ( ) NEEDING HELP from fellow Adult Aspies

Hello all,

and especially fellow Aspies!!!

As if I have not had enough problems lately.....

I was told that I am an Atypical Aspie. On one hand, I say THANKS.

ON the other hand, I think of my life as an Aspie, YIKES. The things

I go through.

Any of you fellow Aspies do well in public, like me?

I am looking for some idea of all of you, as far as what other

people preceive you as, and how you h andle yourself.

I KNOW I am not the only one, in fact, I don't think I am of a 'few'

that function well in public, but still have issues that make life

difficult for me.

For example, I don't meltdown in public, only my family has seen

that, WHEN it happens, and it doesn't happen WELL, TOO often.

Another is, when being 'constructively' criticised, I have a tough

time sticking up for myself. I have to 'process' what has been told

to me, before I can really reply. Otherwise, my reply won't mean a

thing.

I don't pace, Well, ok I do at home, but only under high stress. I

don't stim. I don't do hand flapping, I do shake my leg like crazy

when sitting. (No not restless leg syndrome. *grin*)

I don't get the non verbal stuff, forget the expressions on peoples

faces. They say (The NT's) they make a lot of expression, but if you

pay attention, they REALLY DON'T sometimes! Talk about confusing.

I usually am the last to get a joke, *though I am usually first to

laugh. hahaha talk about fitting in...

anyway, please tell me that a lot of you are just like me:)

Hope to hear from lots of you. I am having a meeting with this

person in the next couple of weeks, and I want to be able to tell

her the WIDE variety of me, or something like me, that are out

there!!!

Oh, and you know what, I know this person is wrong!!!!!

*hugs*

[Guest guest]

Hi!

My son, Max, is only 6, but he seems to be very alone

in his situation (it makes me feel alone, too!). I've

also been told that he atypical. I, also, on one hand

say THANKS. On the other hand, he's so close to

" normal " , that people expect him to behave normally,

and when he doesn't he's treated as a " weirdo " .

Like you, he does very well in public. Pretty good

with eye contact (85%), and is " on-topic " in his

responses (for the most part). But he is " off "

sometimes. He draws " buffos " (they look like flowers,

but that's what he calls them. Not just once: time and

again).

" ...as far as what other people preceive you as, and

how you handle yourself. "

I tell everyone as much as I can that he's on the

spectrum, so that people will understand. I even

taught a " class " to the kids he sees about what he

has, so they'll know he's not just " weird " .

" I don't meltdown in public, only my family has seen

that "

For him it's mostly with his family. It seems to be

more frequent when it's someone he's familiar with

(family friends, etc.). It's been in public at times,

but directed at his family.

" I don't stim " .

Neither does he. Never did.

" I don't get the non verbal stuff " ,

He doesn't seem to, either.

It's great to hear from an adult who is high

functioning. There aren't many people at all who are

like him: at least I don't know any. You are very

articulate, and it encourages me to read what you

write.

If you have any advice for me about anything: meds,

school, education, etc. I'd love to hear it.

Thanks,

Adrienne

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

During the process of getting our son diagnosed. My husband and

myself have realized that he too has AS. Both and my DH are alot

a like in many many ways. My dh said now knowing this his childhood

makes sense. Like puzzle pieces. (ironically the symbol for austism is

a puzzle piece) He says it makes sense now the way he reacts to

situations.

My hubby has to stays to himself. I am the social butterfly, not him.

Although once he knows you he is fine. He is at times OCD about things

that he does and things around him. He is routine and is off if not

followed. It is more obvious now of course knowing this, he is not

actually diagnosed by a professional. But he does fit the discription

of Aspergers.

Cori

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to that. My ex-husband is a carbon copy of my

son. My son however is more severe. My ex has little irritating

things that he does such as manipulating objects, having one area of

interest, and reading incrediably boring things and memorizing them

like television history and program schedules from ten years ago. My

son is going to be the same way. He loves trivia and daily plays it

with the remote at the end of his DVD's. You know the extra footage

and stuff, well there is usually trivia there. I never knew that

until my son let me know at age 5. We bought my son a video now and

he is obsessive about star wars, the movie that he got has trivia on

it and my son has it memorized and yet he still plays it almost

daily. Anyway, back to my ex, he is not affectionate, he never

really enjoyed physical contact and always said that everything

tickled. My son is the same. He has no concept of real compassion,

everything is superficial. A conversation with my ex that I had last

year may suddenly pop up tomorrow again because he didn't understand

what I meant and he has been thinking about it for " a long time " .

He also takes everything literally and can not understand joking. He

has not been diognosed either and is currently in the Army. He only

calls the kids about once every three months ( He is in Iraq), and

has to be reminded to send e-mails and letters. I promise if it were

not for me, he would just forget the kids exsist. I wish he could

get some help as well.

Janie

>

> During the process of getting our son diagnosed. My husband

and

> myself have realized that he too has AS. Both and my DH are

alot

> a like in many many ways. My dh said now knowing this his

childhood

> makes sense. Like puzzle pieces. (ironically the symbol for

austism is

> a puzzle piece) He says it makes sense now the way he reacts to

> situations.

> My hubby has to stays to himself. I am the social butterfly, not

him.

> Although once he knows you he is fine. He is at times OCD about

things

> that he does and things around him. He is routine and is off if

not

> followed. It is more obvious now of course knowing this, he is not

> actually diagnosed by a professional. But he does fit the

discription

> of Aspergers.

>

> Cori

>

[Guest guest]

That's funny, I can relate to what you said as well. My ex was so

similar. He never liked affection. Getting a hug out of him was always

awkward and unpleasant and I had to pester him to be like that. He was

a wiz at knowing about darn near every comic book and SciFi show ever

made. He was obsessed with Egyptology. He was not at all empathetic

(much worse than my son). He only calls my son about once every 3

months as well and when he does they only talk for a couple minutes as

they don't know what to say to each other. He was rude, gregarious and

socially awkward, to the point that I was extremely embarrassed almost

every time we went out. Unfortunately he is also dangerous, deceptive,

has no moral compass, and has a host of other bad qualities. Because of

that I can't tell my son that " Daddy has similar problems to you " as I

do not want him to associate Aspergers and his other problems with that

sort of person. I wish I could explain better to my son but due to his

Dad's basically evil actions over the years, I don't think he really

deserves that kind of understanding. I feel kind of (just a teensy

smidge) bad for the man as he was never diagnosed, never given a loving

or understanding home and his parents hate him because he is so weird

and so unsuccessful (plus he's stabbed them in the back a time or two).

I can only imagine how differently he might have turned out if he'd had

the same kind of interventions and love my son is getting. But, in the

end, he still made the decisions he did as an adult that have got him in

the mess he's in. Regardless of our problems we still all have the

capacity to choose between good and evil. I just have to work extra

hard to make sure my son is nothing like his father, ever. I feel

especially bad for my son who today informed me that his father is no

longer his father. All the years of neglect and idiocy and insanity

have finally caught up with him and he is losing the love of his child.

If that isn't the ultimate consequence, I don't know what is. My poor

son also can't understand why I can't finance a trip to his Dad's over

the summer and do all the work and basically force his Dad to be his

father. I've done it every time in the past but no more. I just lost

it when he said that and I started explaining that his Dad has never

helped with anything, ever. He's never sent a penny, never worked for

visits, never taken advantage of his partial custody, never called to

check on him, nothing worth anything. I am done forcing my son onto

this man and my son is just going to have to face the reality of who his

father is. Of course, I try hard not to defame the man or give my son

too much information but sadly his lack of actions speak louder than a

thousand words. Anyway, considering the conversation I had with my son

earlier, your post really struck a nerve with me. Guess I wasn't done

venting from earlier . Hope you have a lovely Sunday. Best wishes,

Tabitha

Re: ( ) NEEDING HELP from fellow Adult Aspies

I can totally relate to that. My ex-husband is a carbon copy of my

son. My son however is more severe. My ex has little irritating

things that he does such as manipulating objects, having one area of

interest, and reading incrediably boring things and memorizing them

like television history and program schedules from ten years ago. My

son is going to be the same way. He loves trivia and daily plays it

with the remote at the end of his DVD's. You know the extra footage

and stuff, well there is usually trivia there. I never knew that

until my son let me know at age 5. We bought my son a video now and

he is obsessive about star wars, the movie that he got has trivia on

it and my son has it memorized and yet he still plays it almost

daily. Anyway, back to my ex, he is not affectionate, he never

really enjoyed physical contact and always said that everything

tickled. My son is the same. He has no concept of real compassion,

everything is superficial. A conversation with my ex that I had last

year may suddenly pop up tomorrow again because he didn't understand

what I meant and he has been thinking about it for " a long time " .

He also takes everything literally and can not understand joking. He

has not been diognosed either and is currently in the Army. He only

calls the kids about once every three months ( He is in Iraq), and

has to be reminded to send e-mails and letters. I promise if it were

not for me, he would just forget the kids exsist. I wish he could

get some help as well.

Janie

>

> During the process of getting our son diagnosed. My husband

and

> myself have realized that he too has AS. Both and my DH are

alot

> a like in many many ways. My dh said now knowing this his

childhood

> makes sense. Like puzzle pieces. (ironically the symbol for

austism is

> a puzzle piece) He says it makes sense now the way he reacts to

> situations.

> My hubby has to stays to himself. I am the social butterfly, not

him.

> Although once he knows you he is fine. He is at times OCD about

things

> that he does and things around him. He is routine and is off if

not

> followed. It is more obvious now of course knowing this, he is not

> actually diagnosed by a professional. But he does fit the

discription

> of Aspergers.

>

> Cori

>

[Guest guest]

LOL!

That is soooo cool!

I love your special cup!!! I have mine too,,, it changes

occasionally, but I LOVE my big PLASTIC Walmart cup, filled with Ice

chips (Not Cubes!!!) and then water. As the day goes, I drink it and

LOVE it!hehehehe.

Yes! I have had to have my quiet time, too. I just flip if I am over

worked, over stimulated, whatever. Thank goodness my kids get it.

They are very good at leaving me alone, at least a little bit, once

I ask them. I do tell them it is because " mommy is a little

stressed, or over used! " hehehe.

Yeah! I am wondering a lot about those so called NT's. Hmmmmm!

*hugs*

B

>

> !!

> I was just speaking with a friend about last nights adventures

in my son's

> school... I am coming to the realization that you have just

described me!!!!

> The buzzing of the lights.. The over stimulation... Amen

> No meltdowns.in public... I manage to make it home .. To my " Den "

and say

> Leave ME ALONE I NEED QUIET TIME!

> It really came to me when we were getting ready to go to my family

> Christmas dinner ( stressful no matter what LOL) and my husband

asked.. Do

> you want me to pack your special cup? OMG YES Pack my special

cup.. Its the

> only one that fits my mouth just right ! LOL seriously.. It seems

weird

> when you put it on paper.. But.. Look at the other Neuro-typicals

of the

> world.. And wonder.. Are they lying to themselves?

> Or are they managing their stress other ways..?? ( bungee

jumping.. Scary

> rides at the fair?? LOL)

>

> -- ( ) NEEDING HELP from fellow Adult Aspies

>

> Hello all,

>

> and especially fellow Aspies!!!

>

> As if I have not had enough problems lately.....

>

> I was told that I am an Atypical Aspie. On one hand, I say THANKS.

> ON the other hand, I think of my life as an Aspie, YIKES. The

things

> I go through.

>

> Any of you fellow Aspies do well in public, like me?

> I am looking for some idea of all of you, as far as what other

> people preceive you as, and how you h andle yourself.

>

> I KNOW I am not the only one, in fact, I don't think I am of

a 'few'

> that function well in public, but still have issues that make life

> difficult for me.

>

> For example, I don't meltdown in public, only my family has seen

> that, WHEN it happens, and it doesn't happen WELL, TOO often.

> Another is, when being 'constructively' criticised, I have a tough

> time sticking up for myself. I have to 'process' what has been told

> to me, before I can really reply. Otherwise, my reply won't mean a

> thing.

>

> I don't pace, Well, ok I do at home, but only under high stress. I

> don't stim. I don't do hand flapping, I do shake my leg like crazy

> when sitting. (No not restless leg syndrome. *grin*)

>

> I don't get the non verbal stuff, forget the expressions on peoples

> faces. They say (The NT's) they make a lot of expression, but if

you

> pay attention, they REALLY DON'T sometimes! Talk about confusing.

> I usually am the last to get a joke, *though I am usually first to

> laugh. hahaha talk about fitting in...

>

> anyway, please tell me that a lot of you are just like me:)

>

> Hope to hear from lots of you. I am having a meeting with this

> person in the next couple of weeks, and I want to be able to tell

> her the WIDE variety of me, or something like me, that are out

> there!!!

>

> Oh, and you know what, I know this person is wrong!!!!!

> *hugs*

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

HAHAHAHA ROFL (oops Fell out of my chair for that one!)

Look, I just did it again..... Wow.

Yes, I have tried to not just do *smiles*

BUT THAT is how I feel and I just can't stop it. hahahahahaha.

Thank goodness everyone here handles it so well.

I love this group!!! Even if I don't always post, I love it.

(oh, and a lot of times, I have to do things in 3. Three ... or

Three !!! or even three,,,--- Notice above, I didn't. ha!)

*smiles* again,

lisa b

>

> OH YEAH and.. Your * smiles.. And ( bracket explaination of

expression)

> OMG that's me too!! Nothing wrong with making things clear! ( I

Know too I

> find it very hard to navigate the forum which is why I know

I reply

> this way... Thank god the managers haven't kicked me out yet.. I

know they

> understand.. That there is something probably odd about it.. Not

just

> willfully ignoring their rule...)

>

> -- ( ) NEEDING HELP from fellow Adult Aspies

>

> Hello all,

>

> and especially fellow Aspies!!!

>

> As if I have not had enough problems lately.....

>

> I was told that I am an Atypical Aspie. On one hand, I say THANKS.

> ON the other hand, I think of my life as an Aspie, YIKES. The

things

> I go through.

>

> Any of you fellow Aspies do well in public, like me?

> I am looking for some idea of all of you, as far as what other

> people preceive you as, and how you h andle yourself.

>

> I KNOW I am not the only one, in fact, I don't think I am of

a 'few'

> that function well in public, but still have issues that make life

> difficult for me.

>

> For example, I don't meltdown in public, only my family has seen

> that, WHEN it happens, and it doesn't happen WELL, TOO often.

> Another is, when being 'constructively' criticised, I have a tough

> time sticking up for myself. I have to 'process' what has been told

> to me, before I can really reply. Otherwise, my reply won't mean a

> thing.

>

> I don't pace, Well, ok I do at home, but only under high stress. I

> don't stim. I don't do hand flapping, I do shake my leg like crazy

> when sitting. (No not restless leg syndrome. *grin*)

>

> I don't get the non verbal stuff, forget the expressions on peoples

> faces. They say (The NT's) they make a lot of expression, but if

you

> pay attention, they REALLY DON'T sometimes! Talk about confusing.

> I usually am the last to get a joke, *though I am usually first to

> laugh. hahaha talk about fitting in...

>

> anyway, please tell me that a lot of you are just like me:)

>

> Hope to hear from lots of you. I am having a meeting with this

> person in the next couple of weeks, and I want to be able to tell

> her the WIDE variety of me, or something like me, that are out

> there!!!

>

> Oh, and you know what, I know this person is wrong!!!!!

> *hugs*

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Adrienne,

thanks so much for the compliment *smiles*

Your son Max definitely sounds a bit like my middle son (mostly) and

even some like My oldest Aspie son.

I do really well with eye contact, but mostly if I don't plan on

getting what the other person is saying. *grin* my little secret. I

find I am uncomfortable looking at peoples eyes. I have to

concentrate on 'which eye do I look at now? How long do I stare??'

That is why I tend to miss the whole converstation.

On topic? Well, I can do pretty well. My son , too. But we struggle.

I only really know a lot about Star Wars, Astronomy , Autism and

Aspergers, and raising children (with special needs, especially)!!!

When we start getting into other topics, My mind sort of freezes. I

never know what to say. HERE I AM 36? (37 in August!!!) Yikes!

Wish I could see those buffos. that is just way too cute!!!

I can't believe I mispelled perceive. How embarrassing. Yikes. *grin*

Would you possibly want to share how you taught the class about your

son, and what you said? I would like to do that a bunch, (even

though we homeschool. I find myself in classes where the same kids

are there and just don't get my boys!!!)

You know, Adrienne, you just be the best 'darn' advocate for that

little guy. Though I am still working on it, I encourage you to

teach yourself to ignore everyone else around you. When you educate

them about your son and any of his difficulties, and perhaps they

still don't get it, it isn't worth the effort to worry about it.

The way you love him, and have patience with him, be open with him,

and talk about problems and how maybe you can both over come them,

the better off he will be.

Be assertive (but not aggressive) when you advocate for that little

guy. Find out what he needs, and do everything in your power to make

sure he gets it:) Not always easy in school, but I know that things

can be done to help him out a lot.

Our bedtime routine has definitely helped our issues a bit. We also

starting using Melatonin to help two of my three guys to get to

sleep. My oldest wakes up TOO early a lot of the time, though.

IT won't work for everyone, but it does help me a bit.

At this time I don't have any of my boys on Meds. However, should I

see the quality of their lives are not good (high anxiety, etc) than

I am going to consider something for the anxiety!

Knowing he is accepted by you, no matter what, is going to help Max

out a great deal!!

Finding a friend that is kind and understanding will be a GREAT

thing for him, as well. Some one he can have some things in common

with:)

EEKS!! This is getting long, sorry:)

I guess my biggest part to say is that every " Aspie " (as I call my

self and my boys) is different. What works for one may not work for

another.

My boys know they are Aspies. They are comfortable with it because I

tell them about the positive traits and how wonderful being an Aspie

is. (OF course, I say that is me also, so that is why we all

understand each other *Grin*)

We don't use A.S. as an excuse, ever,, but we do remember that,

because of Asperger's, sometimes things are more difficult to

handle.

Hope that makes sense:)

Write anytime:)

*smiles*

B

>

> If you have any advice for me about anything: meds,

> school, education, etc. I'd love to hear it.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Adrienne

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Cori,

thanks for sharing that:)

That is sooo cool!

You know, I never was a social butterfly, either. (Nor is

my 'undiagnosed' husband) but , as I have had to advocate for my

boys, and now for myself, I am finding I have to be. I don't like

HAVING to be, but I do feel better having a support of friends

around me:)

My luck with socializing is that people really need to learn more

about Aspergers and Autism and I just happen to be fascinated by it.

That is me, after all *grin*

Looking back over my child hood, YEAH it is clear to me too.

Makes me feel better about myself knowing the 'label'

You are right about the routine. My schedule has been hectic for the

last few years, with homeschooling my boys, but that is our routine.

I HATE it when it is messed up. The things I do really make me laugh

(I was going to say crack me up, but the visual was too disturbing.

Haha)

Oh, and the only reason I got a formal diagnosis was so that I could

stick it in my husbands face and say SEE. HE didn't believe me and

couldn't understand until he really got to know A.S. NOW , he gets

it. And, occasionally, admits he feels like an Aspie too. Of course,

I could have rubbed off on him a bit. hahahaha!

Thanks again,

lisa

>

> During the process of getting our son diagnosed. My husband

and

> myself have realized that he too has AS. Both and my DH are

alot

> a like in many many ways. My dh said now knowing this his

childhood

> makes sense. Like puzzle pieces. (ironically the symbol for

austism is

> a puzzle piece) He says it makes sense now the way he reacts to

> situations.

> My hubby has to stays to himself. I am the social butterfly, not

him.

> Although once he knows you he is fine. He is at times OCD about

things

> that he does and things around him. He is routine and is off if

not

> followed. It is more obvious now of course knowing this, he is not

> actually diagnosed by a professional. But he does fit the

discription

> of Aspergers.

>

> Cori

>

[Guest guest]

Wow!

A lot of your husband sounds like me!! YIKES!!

Yikes again!

Thanks so much for sharing that!

ALSO, Thank your husband for me. Anyone serving in Iraq deserves a

big thank you!! My family can't express enough of how much we value

what he and all the others over there are doing!

I kneel down and bow to soldiers and anyone over there!

thank you thank you thank you!!!!!

*smiles*

lisa b

> >

> > During the process of getting our son diagnosed. My

husband

> and

> > myself have realized that he too has AS. Both and my DH

are

> alot

> > a like in many many ways. My dh said now knowing this his

> childhood

> > makes sense. Like puzzle pieces. (ironically the symbol for

> austism is

> > a puzzle piece) He says it makes sense now the way he reacts to

> > situations.

> > My hubby has to stays to himself. I am the social butterfly, not

> him.

> > Although once he knows you he is fine. He is at times OCD about

> things

> > that he does and things around him. He is routine and is off if

> not

> > followed. It is more obvious now of course knowing this, he is

not

> > actually diagnosed by a professional. But he does fit the

> discription

> > of Aspergers.

> >

> > Cori

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Tabitha,

that is just unreal. WOW!!!

Kudos for you for trying to make things work. Also, the fact that

you worked so hard, and didn't just complain about your husband to

your child... you did a great thing. Your child doesn't have to grow

up resenting you. Instead, he will resent his father.

As far as dads values, yeah, by your post, I can see he had it

extremely difficult growing up, and his value system is based on

what he was 'taught'. That is so sad.

Pat yourself on the back, for making the best of an awful situation.

You also further made my case....

FOLKS (children/ adults, whatever) with A.S. are so different, we

just can't look at one person and decide if they are a

representative of A.S. or not....

*hugs* to you! Lord knows, you deserve them!!!

*smiles*

lisa b

>

> That's funny, I can relate to what you said as well. My ex was so

> similar. He never liked affection. Getting a hug out of him was

always

> awkward and unpleasant and I had to pester him to be like that.

He was

> a wiz at knowing about darn near every comic book and SciFi show

ever

> made. He was obsessed with Egyptology. He was not at all

empathetic

> (much worse than my son). He only calls my son about once every 3

> months as well and when he does they only talk for a couple

minutes as

> they don't know what to say to each other. He was rude,

gregarious and

> socially awkward, to the point that I was extremely embarrassed

almost

> every time we went out. Unfortunately he is also dangerous,

deceptive,

> has no moral compass, and has a host of other bad qualities.

Because of

> that I can't tell my son that " Daddy has similar problems to you "

as I

> do not want him to associate Aspergers and his other problems with

that

> sort of person. I wish I could explain better to my son but due

to his

> Dad's basically evil actions over the years, I don't think he

really

> deserves that kind of understanding. I feel kind of (just a teensy

> smidge) bad for the man as he was never diagnosed, never given a

loving

> or understanding home and his parents hate him because he is so

weird

> and so unsuccessful (plus he's stabbed them in the back a time or

two).

> I can only imagine how differently he might have turned out if

he'd had

> the same kind of interventions and love my son is getting. But,

in the

> end, he still made the decisions he did as an adult that have got

him in

> the mess he's in. Regardless of our problems we still all have the

> capacity to choose between good and evil. I just have to work

extra

> hard to make sure my son is nothing like his father, ever. I feel

> especially bad for my son who today informed me that his father is

no

> longer his father. All the years of neglect and idiocy and

insanity

> have finally caught up with him and he is losing the love of his

child.

> If that isn't the ultimate consequence, I don't know what is. My

poor

> son also can't understand why I can't finance a trip to his Dad's

over

> the summer and do all the work and basically force his Dad to be

his

> father. I've done it every time in the past but no more. I just

lost

> it when he said that and I started explaining that his Dad has

never

> helped with anything, ever. He's never sent a penny, never worked

for

> visits, never taken advantage of his partial custody, never called

to

> check on him, nothing worth anything. I am done forcing my son

onto

> this man and my son is just going to have to face the reality of

who his

> father is. Of course, I try hard not to defame the man or give my

son

> too much information but sadly his lack of actions speak louder

than a

> thousand words. Anyway, considering the conversation I had with

my son

> earlier, your post really struck a nerve with me. Guess I wasn't

done

> venting from earlier . Hope you have a lovely Sunday. Best

wishes,

> Tabitha

>

[Guest guest]

Hi!

" I Wish I could see those buffos " .

This is really amazing! What do you mean, " buffos " ?

I'm only asking because Max keeps painting them, and

referring to them, and I can't figure it out! Can you

clue me in?

" Would you possibly want to share how you taught the

class about your son, and what you said? "

Absolutely! I'll probably go on too long! I told them

about autism being a spectrum (The class was 3-6 year

olds: they know nothing). The first thing was to let

them know that almost everyone on the spectrum acts

differently, so don't expect certain behaviors. I also

read to them some books I got out of my library that

are stories about kids at school who do " odd " things

because they are autistic. Then I told them about

Temple Grandin, and shared some of her amazing

accomplishments, also filling them in on the fact that

they aren't typical of people with autism. We also

talked about typical traits of autism, ranging from

people who are low-functioning (such as being

non-verbal and communicating by pointing to pictures)

to traits of high-functioning people (such as

echolailia). We also talked about people like Max that

are so high-functioning that it's hard to tell what

they have, and how to treat them (in an understanding

way, not with annoyance). It was great for the moms

present, too. One girl came up to me at the end and

said, " I thought Max was just weird. Now I know he has

autism " . This was great! Before, she treated Max with

annoyance, but now she treats him with understanding.

" ...we homeschool. "

Wow, that IS amazing! We homeschool, too! How do you

do it? How did you come to that point, being on the

spectrum yourself? How many kids do you have? Just

your 3 boys? I have 3. Two without ASD's, and one with

(Max has PDD, HFA, or Aspberger's, depending on who

you talk to. He's high-functioning).

" You know, Adrienne, you just be the best 'darn'

advocate for that little guy " .

I need to remember this! I think you're right. Part of

this is telling everyone I know that he HAS AUTISM.

He's not " just weird " or is " acting out " because he's

a behavior problem. Do you tell everyone? I usually

use the word " autism " , because people are familiar

with it (they usually don't know what PDD or HFA are).

" ...ignore everyone else around you " .

I try, but I fail a lot! I know I should keep trying,

though. I shouldn't concern myself if they don't " get

it " , but sometimes I can't help it.

" Find out what he needs, and do everything in your

power to make sure he gets it "

I try to! I'm not always as patient as I should be.

But, doing this is a lot easier within homeschooling.

We don't have Max on anything currently, either. But,

as you said, if in the future it's clear that he'd

benefit, we'd consider it.At this time I don't have

any of my boys on Meds.

" What works for one may not work for another " .

Ain't it the truth!

Thank you so much for responding to me, and for your

advice. Hearing about you gives me hope for him!

(sometimes, I'm not sure what his future will be

like...)

- Adrienne

__________________________________________________