Momentous occasion

[Guest guest]

Forgive the interruption with an OT discussion, but we have a momentous

occasion. We are sending J- off to school today. A small rural public

school, small class, 18 kids. I know millions of people do this everyday, but I

am having a hard time with it.

Good teacher, young, well-educated, experienced, with all the qualities I think

of when I think of a good teacher, firm, fair and caring. I wondered when I

sent my dd off to kindergarten at 4 (what was I thinking) whether teachers had

any clue of what was involved in the amount of love and work and worry that had

gone into that short period of time. I thought they did, but am sure with this

one, noone could begin to know.

I cried every morning for three weeks when my dd started kindergarten. I

literally didn't know what to do with myself, totally unprepared for the empty

feeling her going to school would leave me. She skipped off without so much as a

backward glance, which I took as a good sign of her ego but almost resented her

for being so independent. I half way wanted her to cling to me and refuse to go

but despite my best efforts she would not. She was ready.

Same with this one, she refuses to allow us to see her off. Told us she will go

alone, thank you very much anyway, politely, she says with all the confidence

you hope for in a child starting off on their first day of school.

Yesterday she calmly picked out her clothes and nonchalantly packed her book bag

with her school supplies. She is only making an effort to conceal her glee at

being rid of our constant influence for the sake of our feelings. She is ready.

We have had a front row seat to a miracle here, from a child who would have

needed a 100 page IEP to a child who passed her entrance exam with flying

colors, impressing the school and their psychologist, both of which have no clue

as to what has transpired here over the last 2 1/2 years.

It is said that a good parent holds them close and then lets them go, easy for

the first part, but oh how hard the second part has always been for me. I hate

it, fight it every step of the way.

I am so grateful for all her accomplishments, I know she's ready, took every

precaution to ensure her success. I know, I know this is what we worked so hard

for, hoped and prayed so much for, but why oh why do I feel so bad? I see

people breath sighs of relief when their kids/grandkids go off to school and I

really wish I could be one of them.

Where did all the time go? Wasn't it just yesterday when this daughter of my

daughter came into this world looking like she was going to make someone pay

dearly for disturbing her from a place of great comfort? She did. She is quite

someone to reckon with and I find myself worrying a little for the teacher.

Please, someone tell me how silly/stupid I am.