Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

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THANKS ONCE MORE MIRIAM AND I WILL LOOK FOR THE BOOK, YOU KNOW IT DOESN'T HURT TO READ INFO AND THEN DECIDE WHAT YOU THINK WILL WORK. THANKS ALOT SHERRYMiriam <mimbanash@...> wrote: I think you're right. Though I do have one parenting book which I happen to LOVE that assumes all difficult behavior has a cause and that looking into causes does more to help a child behave than any punishment. It's called Raising Your Spirited Child and has been my favorite parenting book since my son was a toddler. Spirited is a polite way of

saying "more intense" or "difficult". All kids have times when they are spirited so the book is really one I would give to ANY parent. The thing is, it led me to solutions for before we were worried about his development. My son's school currently has a copy of this book. It's also not huge, not a difficult read and I got my copy used for fifty cents at a yard sale. I expect you can get used ones online, too. Anyway, it's a practical book with ideas for what might be causing problems for a child and a lot of it is about sensory issues even though it doesn't talk about SID or aspergers or autism.I also agree about aspergers being an explanation and not an excuse. having a diagnosis points the way for solutions, it doesn't mean we want our kids to behave badly. We just have to find ways to help them get there and they may take longer than other kids to learn some things. I'm so TOTALLY THERE with you on that

redirecting five times (or more) thing. LOL. I just keep saying it over and over. Eventually it sinks in. Some things that used to be a horrible problem are not a problem at all any more.Miriam>> I think the more you learn about your child, Aspergers, and any other challenges, the more you can see the difference between the challenges of a disorder and being a "brat." I can tell you that my son was maybe being a "brat" 20% of the time when he was younger and the other 80% of the time, he was reacting to his overstimulating environment. It took me awhile to see the differences, but you can. > > I would still hold him accountable for his behavior though, regardless of the "why". But my intervention might just be a verbal redirection

(who am I kidding...like 5 verbal redirections!) when overstimulated or a timeout ("brat"). There were some occasions that he would be in a timeout regardless of the intent b/c his reaction was completely inappropriate (hitting me, hitting his sister, saying a curse word, kicking the wall, etc...) No amount of violent or bullying behavior is tolerated in my home. Now, if I thought his outburst stemmed from overstimulation or not being able to process things quickly enough before he reacted, we'd talk after his timeout so he knew I understood the "why" but I couldn't let him get away with it w/ no consequence. And most of the time, after he had time to calm down and think about it, he totally understood.. I didn't want him to think I didn't get it, but I did want him to know there had to be a boundary. Protects> all of us. >

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LOL!!!! ACTUALLY ROFLMAO!!! NOT TO BE MEAN BUT FOR SOME REASON THAT STRUCK ME AS REALLY FUNNY, BUT A VERY GOOD IDEA THEY CERTAINLY WOULD NOT GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING NOW WOULD THEY! BUT JUST SNEAKING TO DO THAT LIKE HE IS SOME KIND OF SPY WAS JUST HILARIOUS FOR SOME REASON, I AM IN A REALLY GOOFY MOOD TODAY. SHERRYBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123@...> wrote: I WOULD PUT A RECORDING DEVICE ON THE LAD, MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT KNOW, GET IT ON RECORD, AND WALK IN AND SEE THE PRINCIPAL WITH IT....RUTHIE To:

From: superchick0770 Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2008 15:41:10 -0800Subject: RE: ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Thank you, the problem ion the bus has been the kid he sits with threatening to harm him and noone beliveing this is going on, also dd reports that the children are really loud and swear all the time, they are very obnoxious she doesn't like riding either but can deal better as she is not AS like her brother is. I did email the special ed director and he is going to pass onto the director of transportation to try and help me, so i am starting to feel more confident in my voice and ability to help my son, so we will see what next week brings, I hope all you have a nice weekend and i am sure I'll be online anyway but still hope you have a good weekend.SherryBRYAN DOLEZAL

<DOLEZAL123msn> wrote: I will tell you that I AGREED; I do NOT think it is intentional; When I hear that, I hear all the professionals blaming us or kids for something they cannot help; he is communicating an issue; now, you must figure that issue out (and, as the great mom that you are, you will)-----really, to deny that it is an issue rather than defiant is concerning to me, personally; he IS appearing DEFIANT but does not want to be-----he hates it too. What is on the bus he hates? Well, we are moving (next weekend, as everyone probably remembers); my son has told me (the 6 year old) that he is NOT riding the new bus----finding out he hated riding this one here---well, truth be told, his new school is only his age kids---now he is psyched---and he told me he hates the buzzing on the bus? Noise? Radio? Blinkers /

flasher? I don't know yet but the buzzing is driving him insane. If you are feeling attached, do some research on your own, but I support the mom here----it is NOT defiant or intentionally but LOOKS LIKE IT---that is the problem but regardless, it needs addressed, and the kiddos is wanting help! So, hang in there mom, I think he is crying for help and want YOU to stop the chaos for him (he cannot at this point and age). Good luck......and you can do this......we are supporting you, not attacking (even though it may feel like it).....they are all just ideas....don't give up on us..... Ruthie Dolezal From: smacalli Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:05:45 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? No rambling, all great stuff! And so true... ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Choosing battles carefully has been important here. 's school chooses three behaviors they either want to eliminate or increase. Then they work on those three and ignore a lot of other stuff. Especially the stuff that doesn't harm him or anyone else. Making him ride on a bus that upsets him just sets him up for failure

once he gets to school. What I mean is that if he has a calm ride to school then when he gets TO school he'll be able to handle more there. Kids with autism have to take sensory and social situations more slowly. They can build up their tolerance if they can get small doses and learn coping skills in situations that are not overwhelming. Once they're overwhelmed you have to just stop and let them chill out. One thing 's teachers did in Texas was to teach the kids around him when to ask to stop doing something and when to leave him be. Like if he was wiggling his hands around but not touching anyone or getting in anyone's way or invading space they were to just ignore it. If he touched them THEN they could say, ", I don't like that." or ask a teacher for help. There was no point in giving grief about every sing quirky thing he did all day because he would get weary and discouraged or, if he liked

the reactions of people when he did something because they fussed at him then it might INCREASE the behavior. is probably capable of dealing with a regular bus now but we just moved from Texas to New Hampshire and I felt it was important to keep some things the same so he wouldn't be overwhelmed by all the MILLIONS of new sights, sounds, smells, textures. A small bus with few kids is what he's had for a long time so there wasn't any point in pushing for him to go on a regular bus at this crazy stressful time. Fortunately the school in TX agreed with me and put it in 's IEP so that when I went to the school here they just automatically set up the sped bus.Sorry I tend to ramble on and on.Miriam> >> > HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME > THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I > FIGURE THIS

MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS > B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE > WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT > OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, > THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO > WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T > UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. > Try it now.> >> > > > > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.> Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

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YEAH NOW THAT I READ WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE TO ME , THANKS SHELLEY. SHERRY MacAllister <smacalli@...> wrote: I think the more you learn about your child, Aspergers, and any other challenges, the more you can see the difference between the challenges of a disorder and being a "brat." I can tell you that my son was maybe being a "brat" 20% of the time

when he was younger and the other 80% of the time, he was reacting to his overstimulating environment. It took me awhile to see the differences, but you can. I would still hold him accountable for his behavior though, regardless of the "why". But my intervention might just be a verbal redirection (who am I kidding...like 5 verbal redirections!) when overstimulated or a timeout ("brat"). There were some occasions that he would be in a timeout regardless of the intent b/c his reaction was completely inappropriate (hitting me, hitting his sister, saying a curse word, kicking the wall, etc...) No amount of violent or bullying behavior is tolerated in my home. Now, if I thought his outburst stemmed from overstimulation or not being able to process

things quickly enough before he reacted, we'd talk after his timeout so he knew I understood the "why" but I couldn't let him get away with it w/ no consequence. And most of the time, after he had time to calm down and think about it, he totally understood.. I didn't want him to think I didn't get it, but I did want him to know there had to be a boundary. Protects all of us. ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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Your welcome, Sherry. I would rather be called wise than just "been around too long." lol. <G>

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY

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LOL i am not sure how old u are but i am 37 and have a dd who is 17 so i figured u may not be much older than me , just more experienced as u child has been dx longer than my son who is only 9 thanks again for all your wisdom, hugs to u SHerryRoxanna <madideas@...> wrote: Your welcome, Sherry. I would rather be called wise than just "been around too long." lol. <G> RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT

WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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The older your child gets, the more you'll probably be able to tell. At least it was that way w/ me. We probably learned the hard way sometimes though. I could tell by the way he reacted to his being punished (time out or removal of privelege like TV or video game) as to what his intent was. If that makes sense. He would have an almost heart broken cry if he was punished for something that he didn't intend to do. Over time, I figured it out and would adjust the way I responded. It was kind of like trial and error. Hate to say that, but it was true. I would occasionally spank when he was younger, but tried to stop doing this once I realized it didn't help the

situation. All it would do is turn the attention on the fact he was spanked and he was sad. The learning part about "why" would be gone. When we started seeing a psychologist for behavior therapy, she confirmed that I shouldn't do it. Was so glad to hear it from a professional. That's also when I started implementing timeouts. Talk about a godsend. Helped me calm down and showed Dylan he could get a hold of himself after all. I was spanked frequently as a child so I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.

Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

Hi Sherry,

My son is only 5 years old, but I have some problems figuring out what is intentional and what is becasue of his HFA. Sometimes the exact same behavior could be either. I have to really look at his body language and facial expression when I talk to him about whatever it was, and since he does not have good ability to hide his feelings, I can usually tell after the fact if what he did was intentional or not. Sometime it is infuriating how someone so smart can do such not smart things. Sometimes he does do somethign intentiaonally, usually for attention or he will behave in a very baby like way for my other half (pertending he does not know how to put on his pants, or not being able to figure out how to take off his shoe--which I just remind him that he knows how to do it, and voila he can do it). But sometimes when he has had a day with a lot of disruptions or we have had to go to a doctor appointment a long ways away,

or just a lot happening in a day he will kind of get what I call fried brain--where he really CAN NOT figure out how to get his pajamas on, or gets stuck in his sock and has a melt down. There are days where it is easy to see whether or not his behaovir is intentional and days where I just am not sure. The big one we are dealign with right now is ignoring. That one is hard for me to tell if he is intentionally ignoring or if he really just got lost in what he was doing and does not notice. I have been gettign frustrated witht he ignoring behavoir lately, but having the same difficulty as you in figuring out what he is aware that he is doing and what is he not. The only thing that has helped me has been after the fact, as I had mentioned and watching his body language and facial expression to see if I can figure out if it was intentional or not. Oh, and peopel outside the family always assume it is intentional

misbehaving, so I do not know what to do with that either. Pulling my hair out while running screaming down the street to vent frustration probably would not help, but that is sometimes what I fanitcize doing.

Good luck

Mama to Gonzo age 5 HFA and Josiah age 18 months who has a long list of stuffsherry burford <superchick0770> wrote:

HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY

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Ideas, dreams and visions are planted within you because you have the ability to make them happen. You'll learn, grow, scramble, fail, and get back up again! The important thing is to simply never give up.

[Guest guest]

Thanks i am definitely keeping all these things in mind, who knew being a parent was going to be so complicated, i mean i knew it would not be easy but then again i wasn't really prepared for having a child w any significant problems either. Sherry MacAllister <smacalli@...> wrote: The older your child gets, the more you'll probably be able to tell. At least it was

that way w/ me. We probably learned the hard way sometimes though. I could tell by the way he reacted to his being punished (time out or removal of privelege like TV or video game) as to what his intent was. If that makes sense. He would have an almost heart broken cry if he was punished for something that he didn't intend to do. Over time, I figured it out and would adjust the way I responded. It was kind of like trial and error. Hate to say that, but it was true. I would occasionally spank when he was younger, but tried to stop doing this once I realized it didn't help the situation. All it would do is turn the attention on the fact he was spanked and he was sad. The learning part about "why" would be gone. When we started seeing a psychologist for behavior therapy, she confirmed that I shouldn't do it. Was so glad to hear it from a professional. That's also when I started implementing

timeouts. Talk about a godsend. Helped me calm down and showed Dylan he could get a hold of himself after all. I was spanked frequently as a child so I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Hi Sherry, My son is only 5 years old, but I have some problems figuring out what is intentional and what is becasue of his HFA. Sometimes the exact same behavior could be either. I have to really look at his body language and facial expression when I talk to him about whatever it was, and since he does not have good ability to

hide his feelings, I can usually tell after the fact if what he did was intentional or not. Sometime it is infuriating how someone so smart can do such not smart things. Sometimes he does do somethign intentiaonally, usually for attention or he will behave in a very baby like way for my other half (pertending he does not know how to put on his pants, or not being able to figure out how to take off his shoe--which I just remind him that he knows how to do it, and voila he can do it). But sometimes when he has had a day with a lot of disruptions or we have had to go to a doctor appointment a long ways away, or just a lot happening in a day he will kind of get what I call fried brain--where he really CAN NOT figure out how to get his pajamas on, or gets stuck in his sock and has a melt down. There are days where it is easy to see whether or not his behaovir is intentional and days where I just am not sure. The big one we are dealign with right

now is ignoring. That one is hard for me to tell if he is intentionally ignoring or if he really just got lost in what he was doing and does not notice. I have been gettign frustrated witht he ignoring behavoir lately, but having the same difficulty as you in figuring out what he is aware that he is doing and what is he not. The only thing that has helped me has been after the fact, as I had mentioned and watching his body language and facial expression to see if I can figure out if it was intentional or not. Oh, and peopel outside the family always assume it is intentional misbehaving, so I do not know what to do with that either. Pulling my hair out while running screaming down the street to vent frustration probably would not help, but that is sometimes what I fanitcize doing. Good luck Mama to Gonzo age 5 HFA and Josiah age 18 months who has a long list of stuffsherry burford

<superchick0770> wrote: HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******** Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -RW Emerson Ideas, dreams and visions are planted within you because you have the ability to make them happen. You'll learn, grow, scramble, fail, and get back up again! The important thing is to simply never give up.

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[Guest guest]

Sure you were, Sherry....or God would not have given them to you....we have these special kids 'cuz we can handle them.....God knows....can you imagine other parents you know having them??? That is why they don't!!! So, we have them because we are the best ones TO have them; if we do this long enough, just think, we will have gotten to 'watch our kids' grow up. It will be great to see what happens and changes over the years. Hang in there Sherry, but I know you CAN do it.....even if you don't think so some days. Ruthie

From: superchick0770@...Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 11:23:49 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

Thanks i am definitely keeping all these things in mind, who knew being a parent was going to be so complicated, i mean i knew it would not be easy but then again i wasn't really prepared for having a child w any significant problems either. Sherry MacAllister <smacalli > wrote:

The older your child gets, the more you'll probably be able to tell. At least it was that way w/ me. We probably learned the hard way sometimes though. I could tell by the way he reacted to his being punished (time out or removal of privelege like TV or video game) as to what his intent was. If that makes sense. He would have an almost heart broken cry if he was punished for something that he didn't intend to do. Over time, I figured it out and would adjust the way I responded. It was kind of like trial and error. Hate to say that, but it was true. I would occasionally spank when he was younger, but tried to stop doing this once I realized it didn't help the situation. All it would do is turn the attention on the fact he was spanked and he was sad. The learning part about "why" would be gone. When we started seeing a psychologist for behavior therapy, she confirmed that I shouldn't do it. Was so glad to hear it from a professional. That's also when I started implementing timeouts. Talk about a godsend. Helped me calm down and showed Dylan he could get a hold of himself after all. I was spanked frequently as a child so I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.

Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

Hi Sherry,

My son is only 5 years old, but I have some problems figuring out what is intentional and what is becasue of his HFA. Sometimes the exact same behavior could be either. I have to really look at his body language and facial expression when I talk to him about whatever it was, and since he does not have good ability to hide his feelings, I can usually tell after the fact if what he did was intentional or not. Sometime it is infuriating how someone so smart can do such not smart things. Sometimes he does do somethign intentiaonally, usually for attention or he will behave in a very baby like way for my other half (pertending he does not know how to put on his pants, or not being able to figure out how to take off his shoe--which I just remind him that he knows how to do it, and voila he can do it). But sometimes when he has had a day with a lot of disruptions or we have had to go to a doctor appointment a long ways away, or just a lot happening in a day he will kind of get what I call fried brain--where he really CAN NOT figure out how to get his pajamas on, or gets stuck in his sock and has a melt down. There are days where it is easy to see whether or not his behaovir is intentional and days where I just am not sure. The big one we are dealign with right now is ignoring. That one is hard for me to tell if he is intentionally ignoring or if he really just got lost in what he was doing and does not notice. I have been gettign frustrated witht he ignoring behavoir lately, but having the same difficulty as you in figuring out what he is aware that he is doing and what is he not. The only thing that has helped me has been after the fact, as I had mentioned and watching his body language and facial expression to see if I can figure out if it was intentional or not. Oh, and peopel outside the family always assume it is intentional misbehaving, so I do not know what to do with that either. Pulling my hair out while running screaming down the street to vent frustration probably would not help, but that is sometimes what I fanitcize doing.

Good luck

Mama to Gonzo age 5 HFA and Josiah age 18 months who has a long list of stuffsherry burford <superchick0770> wrote:

HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY

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************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -RW Emerson

Ideas, dreams and visions are planted within you because you have the ability to make them happen. You'll learn, grow, scramble, fail, and get back up again! The important thing is to simply never give up.

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Ruthie, you know some days nothing can get to me, and i am just full of confidence i guess u could say and then somedays i just wanna cry over everything,i know i am strong just some days i don't feel like i have the strength to go on, but i am really glad i found u guys to talk to and ask questions when i need to or just want to , Thanks again, and i am really glad u decided to stay w/ us.SherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123@...> wrote: Sure you were, Sherry....or God would not have given them to you....we have these special kids 'cuz we can

handle them.....God knows....can you imagine other parents you know having them??? That is why they don't!!! So, we have them because we are the best ones TO have them; if we do this long enough, just think, we will have gotten to 'watch our kids' grow up. It will be great to see what happens and changes over the years. Hang in there Sherry, but I know you CAN do it.....even if you don't think so some days. Ruthie From: superchick0770 Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 11:23:49 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Thanks i am definitely keeping all these things in mind, who knew being a parent was going to be so complicated, i mean i knew it would not be easy but then again i wasn't really prepared for having a child w any

significant problems either. Sherry MacAllister <smacalli > wrote: The older your child gets, the more you'll probably be able to tell. At least it was that way w/ me. We probably learned the hard way sometimes though. I could tell by the way he reacted to his being punished (time out or removal of privelege like TV or video game) as to what his intent was. If that makes sense. He would have an almost heart broken cry if he was punished for something that he didn't intend to do. Over time, I figured it out and would adjust the way I responded. It was kind of like trial and error. Hate to say that, but it was

true. I would occasionally spank when he was younger, but tried to stop doing this once I realized it didn't help the situation. All it would do is turn the attention on the fact he was spanked and he was sad. The learning part about "why" would be gone. When we started seeing a psychologist for behavior therapy, she confirmed that I shouldn't do it. Was so glad to hear it from a professional. That's also when I started implementing timeouts. Talk about a godsend. Helped me calm down and showed Dylan he could get a hold of himself after all. I was spanked frequently as a child so I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Hi Sherry, My son is only 5 years old, but I have some problems figuring out what is intentional and what is becasue of his HFA. Sometimes the exact same behavior could be either. I have to really look at his body language and facial expression when I talk to him about whatever it was, and since he does not have good ability to hide his feelings, I can usually tell after the fact if what he did was intentional or not. Sometime it is infuriating how someone so smart can do such not smart things. Sometimes he does do somethign intentiaonally, usually for attention or he will behave in a very baby like way for my other half (pertending he does not know how to put on his pants, or not being able to figure out how to take off his shoe--which I just remind him that he knows how to do it, and voila he can do

it). But sometimes when he has had a day with a lot of disruptions or we have had to go to a doctor appointment a long ways away, or just a lot happening in a day he will kind of get what I call fried brain--where he really CAN NOT figure out how to get his pajamas on, or gets stuck in his sock and has a melt down. There are days where it is easy to see whether or not his behaovir is intentional and days where I just am not sure. The big one we are dealign with right now is ignoring. That one is hard for me to tell if he is intentionally ignoring or if he really just got lost in what he was doing and does not notice. I have been gettign frustrated witht he ignoring behavoir lately, but having the same difficulty as you in figuring out what he is aware that he is doing and what is he not. The only thing that has helped me has been after the fact, as I had mentioned and watching his body language and facial expression to see if I can

figure out if it was intentional or not. Oh, and peopel outside the family always assume it is intentional misbehaving, so I do not know what to do with that either. Pulling my hair out while running screaming down the street to vent frustration probably would not help, but that is sometimes what I fanitcize doing. Good luck Mama to Gonzo age 5 HFA and Josiah age 18 months who has a long list of stuffsherry burford <superchick0770> wrote: HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER

CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******** Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -RW

Emerson Ideas, dreams and visions are planted within you because you have the ability to make them happen. You'll learn, grow, scramble, fail, and get back up again! The important thing is to simply never give up. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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[Guest guest]

Me, too. Guess I was having a crummy start to my day yesterday....I would just miss this soooo much; it is soooo good for me, and I learn so much here.....this sight rocks, as does ROXANNA (she knows I think so----I remind her all the time!!!!).......Ruthie

From: superchick0770@...Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:13:06 -0800Subject: RE: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

Thanks Ruthie, you know some days nothing can get to me, and i am just full of confidence i guess u could say and then somedays i just wanna cry over everything,i know i am strong just some days i don't feel like i have the strength to go on, but i am really glad i found u guys to talk to and ask questions when i need to or just want to , Thanks again, and i am really glad u decided to stay w/ us.SherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote:

Sure you were, Sherry....or God would not have given them to you....we have these special kids 'cuz we can handle them.....God knows....can you imagine other parents you know having them??? That is why they don't!!! So, we have them because we are the best ones TO have them; if we do this long enough, just think, we will have gotten to 'watch our kids' grow up. It will be great to see what happens and changes over the years. Hang in there Sherry, but I know you CAN do it.....even if you don't think so some days. Ruthie

From: superchick0770 Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 11:23:49 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

Thanks i am definitely keeping all these things in mind, who knew being a parent was going to be so complicated, i mean i knew it would not be easy but then again i wasn't really prepared for having a child w any significant problems either. Sherry MacAllister <smacalli > wrote:

The older your child gets, the more you'll probably be able to tell. At least it was that way w/ me. We probably learned the hard way sometimes though. I could tell by the way he reacted to his being punished (time out or removal of privelege like TV or video game) as to what his intent was. If that makes sense. He would have an almost heart broken cry if he was punished for something that he didn't intend to do. Over time, I figured it out and would adjust the way I responded. It was kind of like trial and error. Hate to say that, but it was true. I would occasionally spank when he was younger, but tried to stop doing this once I realized it didn't help the situation. All it would do is turn the attention on the fact he was spanked and he was sad. The learning part about "why" would be gone. When we started seeing a psychologist for behavior therapy, she confirmed that I shouldn't do it. Was so glad to hear it from a professional. That's also when I started implementing timeouts. Talk about a godsend. Helped me calm down and showed Dylan he could get a hold of himself after all. I was spanked frequently as a child so I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.

Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

Hi Sherry,

My son is only 5 years old, but I have some problems figuring out what is intentional and what is becasue of his HFA. Sometimes the exact same behavior could be either. I have to really look at his body language and facial expression when I talk to him about whatever it was, and since he does not have good ability to hide his feelings, I can usually tell after the fact if what he did was intentional or not. Sometime it is infuriating how someone so smart can do such not smart things. Sometimes he does do somethign intentiaonally, usually for attention or he will behave in a very baby like way for my other half (pertending he does not know how to put on his pants, or not being able to figure out how to take off his shoe--which I just remind him that he knows how to do it, and voila he can do it). But sometimes when he has had a day with a lot of disruptions or we have had to go to a doctor appointment a long ways away, or just a lot happening in a day he will kind of get what I call fried brain--where he really CAN NOT figure out how to get his pajamas on, or gets stuck in his sock and has a melt down. There are days where it is easy to see whether or not his behaovir is intentional and days where I just am not sure. The big one we are dealign with right now is ignoring. That one is hard for me to tell if he is intentionally ignoring or if he really just got lost in what he was doing and does not notice. I have been gettign frustrated witht he ignoring behavoir lately, but having the same difficulty as you in figuring out what he is aware that he is doing and what is he not. The only thing that has helped me has been after the fact, as I had mentioned and watching his body language and facial expression to see if I can figure out if it was intentional or not. Oh, and peopel outside the family always assume it is intentional misbehaving, so I do not know what to do with that either. Pulling my hair out while running screaming down the street to vent frustration probably would not help, but that is sometimes what I fanitcize doing.

Good luck

Mama to Gonzo age 5 HFA and Josiah age 18 months who has a long list of stuffsherry burford <superchick0770> wrote:

HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -RW Emerson

Ideas, dreams and visions are planted within you because you have the ability to make them happen. You'll learn, grow, scramble, fail, and get back up again! The important thing is to simply never give up.

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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[Guest guest]

Yeah I totally agree with u on both Roxanna and this site, Thanks so much for being apart of it as well SherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123@...> wrote: Me, too. Guess I was having a crummy start to my day yesterday....I would just miss this soooo much; it is soooo good for me, and I learn so much here.....this sight rocks, as does ROXANNA (she knows I think so----I remind her all the time!!!!).......Ruthie From:

superchick0770 Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:13:06 -0800Subject: RE: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Thanks Ruthie, you know some days nothing can get to me, and i am just full of confidence i guess u could say and then somedays i just wanna cry over everything,i know i am strong just some days i don't feel like i have the strength to go on, but i am really glad i found u guys to talk to and ask questions when i need to or just want to , Thanks again, and i am really glad u decided to stay w/ us.SherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote: Sure you were, Sherry....or God would not have given them to you....we have these special kids 'cuz we can handle them.....God knows....can you imagine other parents you know having them???

That is why they don't!!! So, we have them because we are the best ones TO have them; if we do this long enough, just think, we will have gotten to 'watch our kids' grow up. It will be great to see what happens and changes over the years. Hang in there Sherry, but I know you CAN do it.....even if you don't think so some days. Ruthie From: superchick0770 Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 11:23:49 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Thanks i am definitely keeping all these things in mind, who knew being a parent was going to be so complicated, i mean i knew it would not be easy but then again i wasn't really prepared for having a child w any significant problems either. Sherry MacAllister

<smacalli > wrote: The older your child gets, the more you'll probably be able to tell. At least it was that way w/ me. We probably learned the hard way sometimes though. I could tell by the way he reacted to his being punished (time out or removal of privelege like TV or video game) as to what his intent was. If that makes sense. He would have an almost heart broken cry if he was punished for something that he didn't intend to do. Over time, I figured it out and would adjust the way I responded. It was kind of like trial and error. Hate to say that, but it was true. I would occasionally spank when he was younger, but

tried to stop doing this once I realized it didn't help the situation. All it would do is turn the attention on the fact he was spanked and he was sad. The learning part about "why" would be gone. When we started seeing a psychologist for behavior therapy, she confirmed that I shouldn't do it. Was so glad to hear it from a professional. That's also when I started implementing timeouts. Talk about a godsend. Helped me calm down and showed Dylan he could get a hold of himself after all. I was spanked frequently as a child so I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE

ANSWER? Hi Sherry, My son is only 5 years old, but I have some problems figuring out what is intentional and what is becasue of his HFA. Sometimes the exact same behavior could be either. I have to really look at his body language and facial expression when I talk to him about whatever it was, and since he does not have good ability to hide his feelings, I can usually tell after the fact if what he did was intentional or not. Sometime it is infuriating how someone so smart can do such not smart things. Sometimes he does do somethign intentiaonally, usually for attention or he will behave in a very baby like way for my other half (pertending he does not know how to put on his pants, or not being able to figure out how to take off his shoe--which I just remind him that he knows how to do it, and voila he can do it). But sometimes when he has had a day with a lot of

disruptions or we have had to go to a doctor appointment a long ways away, or just a lot happening in a day he will kind of get what I call fried brain--where he really CAN NOT figure out how to get his pajamas on, or gets stuck in his sock and has a melt down. There are days where it is easy to see whether or not his behaovir is intentional and days where I just am not sure. The big one we are dealign with right now is ignoring. That one is hard for me to tell if he is intentionally ignoring or if he really just got lost in what he was doing and does not notice. I have been gettign frustrated witht he ignoring behavoir lately, but having the same difficulty as you in figuring out what he is aware that he is doing and what is he not. The only thing that has helped me has been after the fact, as I had mentioned and watching his body language and facial expression to see if I can figure out if it was intentional or not. Oh, and peopel

outside the family always assume it is intentional misbehaving, so I do not know what to do with that either. Pulling my hair out while running screaming down the street to vent frustration probably would not help, but that is sometimes what I fanitcize doing. Good luck Mama to Gonzo age 5 HFA and Josiah age 18 months who has a long list of stuffsherry burford <superchick0770> wrote: HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS

IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******** Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -RW Emerson Ideas, dreams and visions are planted within you because you have the ability to make them happen. You'll learn, grow, scramble, fail, and get back up again! The important thing is to simply never give up. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Search.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.