Re: Re:What do you think of this teacher's reply?

[Guest guest]

Wow...it sounds like a fairy tale ...great news ..great information....thanks for sharing....sounds almost like a movie...

Yeah my ds is probably bored....but I am not going through the guidance counselor...I am not sure where to go from here or what to work on ...especially now that no one is eamiling me back....great huh? Not even a note to say, we'll check into this ...nice!!!

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Jill Kern <JillBKern@...>Subject: ( ) Re:What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Thursday, December 18, 2008, 8:51 AM

Dear Jan --

About the teacher who wants you to go through the guidance office instead of discussing his relationship with your son directly with you -- my son had a geography teacher in eighth grade who said the same thing to me. I have to admit that my son was behaving very badly in his class. I had mistakenly agreed to have him placed in that class because I was told that a resource teacher would be there along with the regular teacher. What I didn't know is that the resource teacher would be there mostly to help kids with learning disabilities who spent most of their day in a self-contained classroom. This meant that my son (who is gifted, but socially inept) was in the same class with kids who were struggling to understand the material. Owen was very bored, and showed it by turning his back to the teacher, sitting on the floor or with his head on his desk, and when the students with learning disabilities

made presentations, say a poster talk, he would loudly point out their mistakes with unintentionally cruel comments like, "Why did she spell it like THAT??" The geography teacher was mortified, and very put off by Owen's terrible manners.

I called him on the phone several times to try to explain about Asperger's syndrome and why Owen was behaving that way, but he finally sent me a message through another teacher that he could not talk with me any more except through the guidance counselor. The problem was that this guidance counselor was a former psychiatric social worker who would take Owen to her office and earnestly ask him if he had any problems relating to his father! You can imagine how helpful that was!

What finally happened is that the eighth grade teachers started meeting as a group to discuss teaching problems with Owen and other students. One of the other teachers, as well as the resource teacher, figured out that Owen was bored and that much of his behavior could be explained by that. They discussed teaching strategies with the geography teacher, who came up with a really ingenious plan: instead of holding review sessions the conventional way, he decided to turn them into a quiz game, with teams of students trying to answer test questions. The winning team got extra credit on the next test. Since Owen had a near-photographic memory and usually came up with correct answers, he became a very popular teammate, and whichever team he belonged to usually won the quiz game. The teacher -- a former Army ranger who started out with a somewhat rigid attitude, but changed during

the course of the year -- had a number of other techniques I would recommend to any teacher. For instance, if a student got a low grade on an assignment, he or she could re-do it as many times as necessary to get a higher grade. He also put funny answers into his multiple-choice quizzes, and had the students bring foods from a particular region to school when the class was studying that region. They were even given a chance to invent a geography board game. Of course, this was a lot of work for both the students and the parents (ahem!) who were helping them, but it worked a lot better than having them memorize lists of countries and their capitals.

I tried to help this teacher as much as possible, to show him that we were part of a team, not adversaries. At the end of the year, he told Owen that he would miss having him in his class, and that he had learned a lot from him!

As for the guidance counselor, I tried to avoid her and keep Owen off her radar screen as much as possible. If you can find one teacher who understands your child and get that teacher to advocate on his behalf with the other teachers, that might work better than going through the guidance office -- unless, of course, your school has a guidance counselor who really understands!

Good luck!

Jill

[Guest guest]

Jan, as soon as you start documenting and expecting people to actually do what they are supposed to do, they pull in the rugs. They are going to protect themselves and avoid you at all cost. This does not mean you can't still get them to work with you. It does mean you have to work over the wall they put up.

I remember having a teacher attend a transition meeting once. She would be my ds's teacher the following year. She came in very hesitant and acted cold and distant. The school had their expert there to give instructions too. He talked for about an hour. Then he had to leave. He had said a number of things I disagreed with regarding my ds's needs and so I immediately let the new teacher know, this was not how things should be done with my ds. Well, it broke the ice - either my manner or my dismissal of "autism theory 101". She realized after talking with me that I was not evil, did not have an attorney packed in my purse and was not going to scream and yell at her. lol. I imagine she had gotten a preview of "the problem parent" that I was supposed to be from previous teachers. But I just was myself. And she turned out to be one of my favorite teachers ever and we worked together so well. It was just getting past that initial "wall" that can get built.

Sometimes as a bureaucracy, they do not realize you have had to push and argue to get the basics for your ds. They don't see the road you have been on. They just hear from others, "Oh, she's a loud parent" or "She's pushy" or "she has a lawyer, watch out!" They don't get to hear that nobody was following the IEP or that the child hadn't made progress in 3 years or any of the ugly things that brings a parent to have to get pushy.

I just recommend that you keep after it. Talk to them as usual, document for your records with dates. Try to pretend the wall isn't there and include them in needed conversations. When they do not reply, send another email or letter and state, "Since I did not hear back from you when I wrote on (date), I wanted to restate the problem (blah blah blah). This does need to be resolved as soon as is possible. Please let me know what is being done or when we can meet to discuss this in person." Write something like that. Again, you are documenting nicely that you want to work this out and they are not working with you. It will hopefully encourage them to want to attend to this so you will shut up and go away at the least, lol.

As for teacher who wants you to go through guidance, I would just keep emailing him as usual and ignore that. If guidance is a force for good at the school, then CC copies to guidance. If they are a problem like Jill had that you want to avoid them, then avoid them.

The teacher is likely intimidated by you or avoiding you because he does not want to do any more than he is already. Or perhaps he doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to say that outloud. But usually, when they throw up a wall, it's one of those things. If the sped teacher is in the class, CC copies to him/her. If the teacher ignores you and your notes/letters, see is the sped teacher will tell you what the problem is with this teacher/your ds and communicating with you. Or you can set up an in person meeting through guidance just like he requested and talk to him to try and figure out what his attitude is like towards you and your ds. Often you can tell by talking to a teacher how they deal with your ds by how they speak of him and his problems. That can help you see what is going on.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re:What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Thursday, December 18, 2008, 8:51 AM

Dear Jan --

About the teacher who wants you to go through the guidance office instead of discussing his relationship with your son directly with you -- my son had a geography teacher in eighth grade who said the same thing to me. I have to admit that my son was behaving very badly in his class. I had mistakenly agreed to have him placed in that class because I was told that a resource teacher would be there along with the regular teacher. What I didn't know is that the resource teacher would be there mostly to help kids with learning disabilities who spent most of their day in a self-contained classroom. This meant that my son (who is gifted, but socially inept) was in the same class with kids who were struggling to understand the material. Owen was very bored, and showed it by turning his back to the teacher, sitting on the floor or with his head on his desk, and when the students with learning disabilities made presentations, say a poster talk, he would loudly point out their mistakes with unintentionally cruel comments like, "Why did she spell it like THAT??" The geography teacher was mortified, and very put off by Owen's terrible manners.

I called him on the phone several times to try to explain about Asperger's syndrome and why Owen was behaving that way, but he finally sent me a message through another teacher that he could not talk with me any more except through the guidance counselor. The problem was that this guidance counselor was a former psychiatric social worker who would take Owen to her office and earnestly ask him if he had any problems relating to his father! You can imagine how helpful that was!

What finally happened is that the eighth grade teachers started meeting as a group to discuss teaching problems with Owen and other students. One of the other teachers, as well as the resource teacher, figured out that Owen was bored and that much of his behavior could be explained by that. They discussed teaching strategies with the geography teacher, who came up with a really ingenious plan: instead of holding review sessions the conventional way, he decided to turn them into a quiz game, with teams of students trying to answer test questions. The winning team got extra credit on the next test. Since Owen had a near-photographic memory and usually came up with correct answers, he became a very popular teammate, and whichever team he belonged to usually won the quiz game. The teacher -- a former Army ranger who started out with a somewhat rigid attitude, but changed during the course of the year -- had a number of other techniques I would recommend to any teacher. For instance, if a student got a low grade on an assignment, he or she could re-do it as many times as necessary to get a higher grade. He also put funny answers into his multiple-choice quizzes, and had the students bring foods from a particular region to school when the class was studying that region. They were even given a chance to invent a geography board game. Of course, this was a lot of work for both the students and the parents (ahem!) who were helping them, but it worked a lot better than having them memorize lists of countries and their capitals.

I tried to help this teacher as much as possible, to show him that we were part of a team, not adversaries. At the end of the year, he told Owen that he would miss having him in his class, and that he had learned a lot from him!

As for the guidance counselor, I tried to avoid her and keep Owen off her radar screen as much as possible. If you can find one teacher who understands your child and get that teacher to advocate on his behalf with the other teachers, that might work better than going through the guidance office -- unless, of course, your school has a guidance counselor who really understands!

Good luck!

Jill

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[Guest guest]

Roxanna...again...you are so 100% correct.....and right on!!! I will keep pushing....I figured they were putting up the wall and protecting the "troops"....as well as their own "butts". I wish I could be a fly on the wall and be in the classrooms for a week....without anyone knowing!!!!

But, I will keep on plugging and plugging!!!..

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Jill Kern <JillBKernverizon (DOT) net>Subject: ( ) Re:What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Thursday, December 18, 2008, 8:51 AM

Dear Jan --

About the teacher who wants you to go through the guidance office instead of discussing his relationship with your son directly with you -- my son had a geography teacher in eighth grade who said the same thing to me. I have to admit that my son was behaving very badly in his class. I had mistakenly agreed to have him placed in that class because I was told that a resource teacher would be there along with the regular teacher. What I didn't know is that the resource teacher would be there mostly to help kids with learning disabilities who spent most of their day in a self-contained classroom. This meant that my son (who is gifted, but socially inept) was in the same class with kids who were struggling to understand the material. Owen was very bored, and showed it by turning his back to the teacher, sitting on the floor or with his head on his desk, and when the students with learning disabilities

made presentations, say a poster talk, he would loudly point out their mistakes with unintentionally cruel comments like, "Why did she spell it like THAT??" The geography teacher was mortified, and very put off by Owen's terrible manners.

I called him on the phone several times to try to explain about Asperger's syndrome and why Owen was behaving that way, but he finally sent me a message through another teacher that he could not talk with me any more except through the guidance counselor. The problem was that this guidance counselor was a former psychiatric social worker who would take Owen to her office and earnestly ask him if he had any problems relating to his father! You can imagine how helpful that was!

What finally happened is that the eighth grade teachers started meeting as a group to discuss teaching problems with Owen and other students. One of the other teachers, as well as the resource teacher, figured out that Owen was bored and that much of his behavior could be explained by that. They discussed teaching strategies with the geography teacher, who came up with a really ingenious plan: instead of holding review sessions the conventional way, he decided to turn them into a quiz game, with teams of students trying to answer test questions. The winning team got extra credit on the next test. Since Owen had a near-photographic memory and usually came up with correct answers, he became a very popular teammate, and whichever team he belonged to usually won the quiz game. The teacher -- a former Army ranger who started out with a somewhat rigid attitude, but changed during

the course of the year -- had a number of other techniques I would recommend to any teacher. For instance, if a student got a low grade on an assignment, he or she could re-do it as many times as necessary to get a higher grade. He also put funny answers into his multiple-choice quizzes, and had the students bring foods from a particular region to school when the class was studying that region. They were even given a chance to invent a geography board game. Of course, this was a lot of work for both the students and the parents (ahem!) who were helping them, but it worked a lot better than having them memorize lists of countries and their capitals.

I tried to help this teacher as much as possible, to show him that we were part of a team, not adversaries. At the end of the year, he told Owen that he would miss having him in his class, and that he had learned a lot from him!

As for the guidance counselor, I tried to avoid her and keep Owen off her radar screen as much as possible. If you can find one teacher who understands your child and get that teacher to advocate on his behalf with the other teachers, that might work better than going through the guidance office -- unless, of course, your school has a guidance counselor who really understands!

Good luck!

Jill

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.19/1855 - Release Date: 12/18/2008 10:16 AM