Re: Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply?

[Guest guest]

Miriam how right you are...this is teacher who is teaching ss in an inclusion class with a spec.ed. teacher in there so there are 2 teachers.

Now I have emailed everyone including the ass.super.of sped and I have not heard one darn word from everyone...total silent treatment...

Maybe the school is trying to make me go wacky ....

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Miriam <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Thursday, December 18, 2008, 7:42 AM

Is this a general ed teacher? Does this teacher have an assistant or anyone else in the classroom? I ask this because sometimes the district is at least, in part, causing the problem. Our biggest problems happened when the general ed teachers weren't supported enough. In one class there were 26 kids, three had special needs that caused them to be disruptive. One teacher was in the room with no other help. I think I'd be yelling in that situation, too. Then again, I'd quit my job before I yelled at the kids, I think, I hope. I'm not saying that what the teacher is doing is right at all. Just giving you a chance to see what I saw. You might even want to say this to the teacher because well it's the old, "you'll get more flies with sugar" thing. I know she's totally horrible otherwise she wouldn't be yelling, but getting information is a good thing. I don't think you're the one who is out of whack. I

think, though, that it could be the whole school contributing to the problem rather than just one person and the guidance counselor might not be much more helpful.Miriam>> Okay....just checking it out ...need your opinions to make sure I am > not the one who is out of whack? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm!> > My ds told me his teacher is yelling at him....okay. Maybe that > explains the moodiness and melt downs....plus going thru puberty and > all...well I email the teacher what I thought was a nice note ...his > TSS agreed....I just told him was my ds was perceiving etc. > > I got a reply back...if I want to me with him to discuss > anything...please go thru guidance...>

> Go thru guidance...OMG. ..I thought we were a team....I feel like > screaming at the teacher....he says he has to teach ALL the kids..and > make sure they are giving 100% of their effort ....how does he know > what is 100% for my son....> > Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ..I just want to scream ...LOUD! I > am looking for a good fight and I am holding back emailing this > idiot...I want to rant and rave and send a copy of his email to the > superintendent of school.....was a x?"xj)!!!! & xpox4! !! and > dlclxoeuf@@@ fjeofjdjdjdirukd kd and everything else.> > Can you tell i am a wee bit MAD!>

[Guest guest]

oh, we live in the poconos and i remember the ice storm we had a couple of years ago...it was horrible...people were without power for a week or more. We lost power for 24 hours ...got it back for about 6 hours and then lost it again for 2 days.....my son went nuts w/o electronics and to tell you the truth..so did my husband. I didn't mind not having tv...etc. the only thing I did not like was at night it was so dark...no wonder early americans went to bed so early. HA HA!!!!

I stayed home today...major migraine....head is pounding and i feel like a Mac truck drove over me. I don't even know how my son got off to school.

What is bothering me now ...is that no one is responding to me....no call, no email ...Nothing? Now what...?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Miriam <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Thursday, December 18, 2008, 9:48 AM

Wow, Jan. They sound like jerks! Anyone with that much support should be calm and able to deal with parents as well as kids. A special ed teacher in the same classroom all day should be enough! UGH. Sorry, I know you probably posted the whole story before and I do seem to remember you mentioning the sped teacher being in there. I'm so discombobulated right now I can't keep up. LOL. We're in New Hampshire where the ice storm hit. We were without power and water for about a day and a half then without cable, phone (except cell when we could keep it charged) and internet! The kids were home from school from last thursday when they were let out early until Tuesday of this week!!!I wish I could just go in and set these people straight! It makes me so angry. I can feel old anger from our previous terrible situation in Texas just bubbling up to the surface all over again. When I read about these

situations it just feels very personal to me since I've lived it. I wish I could help. Let me know if there's anything I can do. I'm pretty good at helping people write letters about these things. Sometimes putting it in writing and leaving a clear paper trail can help.Hugs,Miriam> >> > Okay....just checking it out

....need your opinions to make sure I > am > > not the one who is out of whack? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm!> > > > My ds told me his teacher is yelling at him....okay. Maybe that > > explains the moodiness and melt downs....plus going thru puberty > and > > all...well I email the teacher what I thought was a nice > note ...his > > TSS agreed....I just told him was my ds was perceiving etc. > > > > I got a reply back...if I want to me with him to discuss > > anything...please go thru guidance...> > > > Go thru guidance...OMG. ..I thought we were a team....I feel like > > screaming at the teacher....he says he has to teach ALL the > kids..and > > make sure they are giving 100% of their effort ....how does he know > > what is 100% for my son....> > > > Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ..I just want to scream ...LOUD! > I > > am looking for a good fight and I am holding back emailing this > > idiot...I want to rant and rave and send a copy of his email to the > > superintendent of school.....was a x?"xj)!!!! & xpox4! !! and > > dlclxoeuf@@@ fjeofjdjdjdirukd kd and everything else.> > > > Can you tell i am a wee bit MAD!> >>

[Guest guest]

Welll...I contacted the Asst.Superintendent of Sped...she read the emal ...said she saw nothing Wrong with it...it was appropriate and professional and followed the school policy.

Okay............................????? (steam coming out my ears)...and remember...this is my Work Boss too! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

I write her back and say ...my son was melting and melting quickly....am I to call the guidance dept and request a meeting? I don't think sooooooooooooooooooooooooo! So I went to the school web site and searched for this statement in the policy. The school according to their policy encourages parent involvement. I could not find anything. So, I email and requested to know where it states that.

GUESS WHAT?! It doesn't!!!! She apologized....but what if I were a how do I put this ...I want to say regular parent or one that is not "aware" ..."unifnormed" ....they might just read what she said and taken her word for it...or maybe they would not have gotten this far. In reality this is Frightening!!!

But if I make a surpirse viist ....what will that show....by the time I walk into the classroom...he (the teacher) already knows I am coming...and of course will act completely different.

So, what would I accomplish by a surprise visit????

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Miriam <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Friday, December 19, 2008, 7:37 AM

Time for a rather "surprising visit" to the school. Sorry, I put that in quotes because of the film A Clockwork Orange. Hard to explain in a short email except to say that in the film this particular surprising visit is not at all nice. I know. I'm twisted. It's one of my all-time favorite films and a lot of it is violent and terrible but not without purpose. Anyway, I couldn't quite resist the joke.Miriam> > >> > > Okay....just checking it out ...need your opinions to make sure I > > am > > > not the one who is out of whack? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm!> > > > > > My ds told me his teacher is yelling at him....okay. Maybe that > > > explains the moodiness and melt downs....plus going thru puberty > > and > > > all...well I email

the teacher what I thought was a nice > > note ...his > > > TSS agreed....I just told him was my ds was perceiving etc. > > > > > > I got a reply back...if I want to me with him to discuss > > > anything...please go thru guidance...> > > > > > Go thru guidance...OMG. ..I thought we were a team....I feel like > > > screaming at the teacher....he says he has to teach ALL the > > kids..and > > > make sure they are giving 100% of their effort ....how does he > know > > > what is 100% for my son....> > > > > > Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ..I just want to > scream ...LOUD! > > I > > > am looking for a good fight and I am holding back emailing this > > > idiot...I want to rant and rave and send a copy of his email to > the >

> > superintendent of school.....was a x?"xj)!!!! & xpox4! !! and > > > dlclxoeuf@@@ fjeofjdjdjdirukd kd and everything else.> > > > > > Can you tell i am a wee bit MAD!> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

I don't care too much for my son's counselor ...she is okay but I don't think she knows much about AS....there are 3 that I would go to ...his school's Sped Supervisor another school sped. supervisor and the woman that ran the FBA.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Friday, December 19, 2008, 1:10 PM

>> Welll...I contacted the Asst.Superintendent of Sped...she read theemal ...said she saw nothing Wrong with it...it was appropriate andprofessional and followed the school policy.This may not be what you want to hear, but you may find the guidancecounselor more help than you expect. In our school district,counselors have masters degrees (usually school counselor and/orfamily counselor) and are considered part of the schooladministration. We had one in particular in 6th grade that reallyhelped me with the teachers and our SPED eval. She had the authorityto instruct the teachers how to handle my son and to set limits. I'vehad some luck with difficult people by finding other people with asmuch authority to help me work

around them, not admittedly of course,but in a kind of unspoken way. As you might expect, some of theteachers tried to ignore the counselor, but people like the principallistened, and the teachers wouldn't ignore HER.> So, what would I accomplish by a surprise visit????In this day and age with all the privacy policies and security, Idoubt very much this would ever happen in a public school!Ruth

[Guest guest]

Good job in questioning the rules. Often they say things like that and it is not a rule. When you write back, include their vision statements about how parents are a priority or important and all that nonsense. lol. Repeat the vision statement in your letters and meetings and ask them how this act meets that vision statement. You don't have to be mean about it or anything - just a simple question and sincere in that you want to know how to make this work.

surprise visits are good. Several are better. They can pretend for short bursts of time but not over longer times and various different visits. YOu will start to get a flavor of what is going on even if teacher tries harder. You will notice things that they probably don't even think about even. I know that is how it has always been for me and visiting classrooms. Once I went in to see my oldest ds in his sped K classroom and as I walked into the room, there was a little red head sitting next to him and patting him on his head repeatedly. He was sulking down in his chair as if he wanted to escape or disappear. He was miserable! The teacher and aide paid no attention because that is just what this little girl liked to do. They did not consider how it was a problem for my ds because he wasn't screaming or throwing things. He just sat and was miserable. So right off the bat, I was able to speak up and advocate for him and make school 110% better in just one minute. lol. It is not always that "in your face obvious" but you will see things because you know your ds and his problems. You can hear the class, for instance. My ds's math teacher a few years back would record his math lessons so the kids could get online at night and watch it again if they wanted. I sat and watched a bunch of the classes to see what my ds was doing during the class (a few really LOL episodes, lol) but I immediately could see that the material was so easy and he was bored to tears. I was bored to tears. lol. So again, the teacher did not have to act a certain way to impress anyone for me to see a big big problem right off the bat. This was not even the teacher's fault either since he was teaching the curriculum and my ds is gifted. It was just a bad fit.

Often, the teacher is so focused on this being the child's fault - on the child being a bad person - that they do not think about things that could be causing the problem. Therefore, they don't try and cover up problems but rather try to encourage them so you can see exactly what a brat your kid is! They want your kid to act up or speak out of turn so you can see what he/she has to deal with every day. So there! But often you can notice the problems leading up to those situations. The math teacher, for instance, was a sarcastic type person. He was always speaking sarcastically or trying to be humorous with the kids. And they were 5th graders so they enjoyed this kind of banter back and forth with the teacher. But, immediately again, I see big problems with my own ds, who is literal and not catching all the teasing going on. Once my ds got up during the middle of the lecture and walked over to the bookshelf to look at book titles. The teacher stopped talking and watched my ds cross the room. He stared at my ds for a bit. I know he was expecting my ds to notice he had stopped talking but he didn't. So then the teacher said sarcastically, "You just go on, we'll wait until your done." My ds replied, "Oh, thanks!" and kept looking at the books. By this point, teacher is ready to strangle him. lol. What a rude brat, right! He just does not realize what a kid with HFA is like. And he was dealing with him all wrong. He was right for most all the students but so wrong for mine. Anyway, I could see lots of things like that causing the problems and all without the teacher bothering to hide the situation since they were all my ds's fault!

You can also sit outside the classroom and just listen. Again, if he acting up in class, you will be hearing what is going on. Sometimes listening can be a way to find out problems as well. Ideally, you could find a friend who could go visit the classrooms. Or they should be already doing an FBA in which the autism expert visits his classes and writes a report as to what is going on. If he is having problems in one class or with this one teacher, have her visit the class over a few weeks time and get a report on what is going on. She could also inservice the teacher on ways to reduce the problems as well.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Friday, December 19, 2008, 7:37 AM

Time for a rather "surprising visit" to the school. Sorry, I put that in quotes because of the film A Clockwork Orange. Hard to explain in a short email except to say that in the film this particular surprising visit is not at all nice. I know. I'm twisted. It's one of my all-time favorite films and a lot of it is violent and terrible but not without purpose. Anyway, I couldn't quite resist the joke.Miriam> > >> > > Okay....just checking it out ...need your opinions to make sure I > > am > > > not the one who is out of whack? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm!> > > > > > My ds told me his teacher is yelling at him....okay. Maybe that > > > explains the moodiness and melt downs....plus going thru puberty > > and > > > all...well I email the teacher what I thought was a nice > > note ...his > > > TSS agreed....I just told him was my ds was perceiving etc. > > > > > > I got a reply back...if I want to me with him to discuss > > > anything...please go thru guidance...> > > > > > Go thru guidance...OMG. ..I thought we were a team....I feel like > > > screaming at the teacher....he says he has to teach ALL the > > kids..and > > > make sure they are giving 100% of their effort ....how does he > know > > > what is 100% for my son....> > > > > > Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ..I just want to > scream ...LOUD! > > I > > > am looking for a good fight and I am holding back emailing this > > > idiot...I want to rant and rave and send a copy of his email to > the > > > superintendent of school.....was a x?"xj)!!!! & xpox4! !! and > > > dlclxoeuf@@@ fjeofjdjdjdirukd kd and everything else.> > > > > > Can you tell i am a wee bit MAD!> > >> >>

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[Guest guest]

Miriam, great point! I just wrote the same idea as well. Your "talking in line" reminded me of an old friend I used to know who visited the school to find out what was going on. Her ds was always getting in trouble. She watched him walking in line and another kid shoved him or something. He yelled out in complaint and the teacher yelled at him for it and punished him. She saw a lot of that type of thing going on to where he was just not able to defend himself in the right ways and ended up with a teacher who saw him as a big problem.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply?

Yes, you're right, of course. It won't help to come in and check in at the office like they all require and have the office staff tell the teacher. UGH. I have a friend who sent a tape recorder with her kid. She didn't use it to prove anything, just used it so she could write her letters with a bit more information. The hardest thing is that our kids can't TELL us when something is wrong. So it's maddening when nobody will cooperate with us. When was in that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad elementary school (Boggess elementary forever known as Bogus to those of us whose kids have been there) I came in for a visit well known to everyone and believe it or NOT I caught a TON of stupid crap that they didn't think was a problem. They were completely oblivious to what they were doing. It wasn't anything blatantly wrong or illegal, just stupid and wrong for most kids. Scolding for talking in line when he was telling someone to stop pushing him, I mean REALLY, he has to work so hard to get the words out and when this happened he wasn't even 7 years old at the time so it was worse then than it is now. So here he is doing just exactly what he should do. He calmly said, "Don't push me." He didn't even say it in a mean way, he was having a sense of humor about it. The teacher said, ", no talking in line!!!" So if they don't realize that what they are doing is wrong you will actually catch those things. Then you can think about what they might be doing when you're not there. was locked in a room on his own and was restrained on the floor a few times. He was an underweight 6 year old. WHY did they need to do that?! Anyway, I learned of those things from amazingly.Miriam> > > >> > > > Okay....just checking it out ...need your opinions to make sure > I > > > am > > > > not the one who is out of whack? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm!> > > > > > > > My ds told me his teacher is yelling at him....okay. Maybe that > > > > explains the moodiness and melt downs....plus going thru > puberty > > > and > > > > all...well I email the teacher what I thought was a nice > > > note ...his > > > > TSS agreed....I just told him was my ds was perceiving etc. > > > > > > > > I got a reply back...if I want to me with him to discuss > > > > anything...please go thru guidance...> > > > > > > > Go thru guidance...OMG. ..I thought we were a team....I feel > like > > > > screaming at the teacher....he says he has to teach ALL the > > > kids..and > > > > make sure they are giving 100% of their effort ....how does he > > know > > > > what is 100% for my son....> > > > > > > > Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ..I just want to > > scream ...LOUD! > > > I > > > > am looking for a good fight and I am holding back emailing this > > > > idiot...I want to rant and rave and send a copy of his email to > > the > > > > superintendent of school.....was a x?"xj)!!!! & xpox4! !! and > > > > dlclxoeuf@@@ fjeofjdjdjdirukd kd and everything else.> > > > > > > > Can you tell i am a wee bit MAD!> > > >> > >> >>

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Thanks...I never thought of it like that! Or in that manner...I could take a few sick days...and just pop in...am I allowed??? Will they deny me? I bet they would try! I think I will ask my advocate...or maybe you know...

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Miriam <callis4773 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Friday, December 19, 2008, 7:37 AM

Time for a rather "surprising visit" to the school. Sorry, I put that in quotes because of the film A Clockwork Orange. Hard to explain in a short email except to say that in the film this particular surprising visit is not at all nice. I know. I'm twisted. It's one of my all-time favorite films and a lot of it is violent and terrible but not without purpose. Anyway, I couldn't quite resist the joke.Miriam> > >> > > Okay....just checking it out ...need your opinions to make sure I > > am > > > not the one who is out of whack? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm!> > > > > > My ds told me his teacher is yelling at him....okay. Maybe that > > > explains the moodiness and melt downs....plus going thru puberty > > and > > > all...well I email

the teacher what I thought was a nice > > note ...his > > > TSS agreed....I just told him was my ds was perceiving etc. > > > > > > I got a reply back...if I want to me with him to discuss > > > anything...please go thru guidance...> > > > > > Go thru guidance...OMG. ..I thought we were a team....I feel like > > > screaming at the teacher....he says he has to teach ALL the > > kids..and > > > make sure they are giving 100% of their effort ....how does he > know > > > what is 100% for my son....> > > > > > Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ..I just want to > scream ...LOUD! > > I > > > am looking for a good fight and I am holding back emailing this > > > idiot...I want to rant and rave and send a copy of his email to > the >

> > superintendent of school.....was a x?"xj)!!!! & xpox4! !! and > > > dlclxoeuf@@@ fjeofjdjdjdirukd kd and everything else.> > > > > > Can you tell i am a wee bit MAD!> > >> >>

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Of course you can visit. You might be required to let them know in advance, though. I have shown up a few times without advance notice and they let me in anyway. I know it makes them nervous to have parents just showing up at random. So you could schedule some visits. Really, though, if you like your autism consultant, see if she can show up for this class and figure out the problem! I know she said the teacher is a cause but what will be done about it? How will things change? There needs to be a plan in place, teacher inservicing or teaching your ds skills - whatever needs to happen. Just saying that the teacher is a cause doesn't fix the problem. So now they need to take the next step.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Friday, December 19, 2008, 7:37 AM

Time for a rather "surprising visit" to the school. Sorry, I put that in quotes because of the film A Clockwork Orange. Hard to explain in a short email except to say that in the film this particular surprising visit is not at all nice. I know. I'm twisted. It's one of my all-time favorite films and a lot of it is violent and terrible but not without purpose. Anyway, I couldn't quite resist the joke.Miriam> > >> > > Okay....just checking it out ...need your opinions to make sure I > > am > > > not the one who is out of whack? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm!> > > > > > My ds told me his teacher is yelling at him....okay. Maybe that > > > explains the moodiness and melt downs....plus going thru puberty > > and > > > all...well I email the teacher what I thought was a nice > > note ...his > > > TSS agreed....I just told him was my ds was perceiving etc. > > > > > > I got a reply back...if I want to me with him to discuss > > > anything...please go thru guidance...> > > > > > Go thru guidance...OMG. ..I thought we were a team....I feel like > > > screaming at the teacher....he says he has to teach ALL the > > kids..and > > > make sure they are giving 100% of their effort ....how does he > know > > > what is 100% for my son....> > > > > > Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ..I just want to > scream ...LOUD! > > I > > > am looking for a good fight and I am holding back emailing this > > > idiot...I want to rant and rave and send a copy of his email to > the > > > superintendent of school.....was a x?"xj)!!!! & xpox4! !! and > > > dlclxoeuf@@@ fjeofjdjdjdirukd kd and everything else.> > > > > > Can you tell i am a wee bit MAD!> > >> >>

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[Guest guest]

Thanks for all your GREAT advice!!!! Thank you ...Thank you!!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Miriam <callis4773 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: What do you think of this teacher's reply? Date: Friday, December 19, 2008, 7:37 AM

Time for a rather "surprising visit" to the school. Sorry, I put that in quotes because of the film A Clockwork Orange. Hard to explain in a short email except to say that in the film this particular surprising visit is not at all nice. I know. I'm twisted. It's one of my all-time favorite films and a lot of it is violent and terrible but not without purpose. Anyway, I couldn't quite resist the joke.Miriam> > >> > > Okay....just checking it out ...need your opinions to make sure I > > am > > > not the one who is out of whack? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm!> > > > > > My ds told me his teacher is yelling at him....okay. Maybe that > > > explains the moodiness and melt downs....plus going thru puberty > > and > > > all...well I email

the teacher what I thought was a nice > > note ...his > > > TSS agreed....I just told him was my ds was perceiving etc. > > > > > > I got a reply back...if I want to me with him to discuss > > > anything...please go thru guidance...> > > > > > Go thru guidance...OMG. ..I thought we were a team....I feel like > > > screaming at the teacher....he says he has to teach ALL the > > kids..and > > > make sure they are giving 100% of their effort ....how does he > know > > > what is 100% for my son....> > > > > > Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ..I just want to > scream ...LOUD! > > I > > > am looking for a good fight and I am holding back emailing this > > > idiot...I want to rant and rave and send a copy of his email to > the >

> > superintendent of school.....was a x?"xj)!!!! & xpox4! !! and > > > dlclxoeuf@@@ fjeofjdjdjdirukd kd and everything else.> > > > > > Can you tell i am a wee bit MAD!> > >> >>

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