Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems.

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy, I have a 10 year old AS boy. He:

Sneaks food: We have locked up all soda, any ice cream or popsicle

treats and all snack foods so he can't take them. He can get at

fridge foods like apples, yogurt, cheese and bread. If we leave the

rest unlocked we will find that he got into it and took a bunch.

Steals: We have our change locked because if he finds any money he

will take it. I don't think he has stolen from school yet or from

any stores (he has a healthy fear of getting arrested) but he will

take my things all the time. He admits to it when confronted and

apologizes but will do it again.

Sneaky: Tries to be all the time even when it is something okay.

Fortunately for me he is very bad at it. I can always tell when he

is trying to do something sneaky.

Lighters: Don't really have them around but he has gotten ahold of

tools and drilled holes in cupboards, taken apart light sockets,

destroyed many pieces of furniture. Usually he is just experimenting

but neadless to say we now lock up the tools.

Lies: He tries to lie. Fortunately he is very bad at it and will

admit it when pressed.

Sounds like your life and mine are pretty similar. Let me know if

you have any solutions that have been effective.

Vickie

>

> I would like to know if other parent's AS children act like this:

>

> Here's some of my 11 year old son's negative attributes with only

one

> example...for time's sake =)

>

> My son sneaks food--just found an entire trash bag of food wrappers

> and soda cans behind his bed.

>

> Steals--I just found a cell phone he stole from the recycle box in

the

> school office.

>

> Sneaky--will sneak any opportunity he can get.

>

> Plays with lighters...my grown daughter caught him with a lighter at

> her house, just today, and lighting it close to his younger sister's

> back--as if he was going to burn her. My younger daughter was

> unaware of her brother behind her.

>

> Lies--knee jerk reaction is to lie, lie, lie...then he will tell on

> himself later...by forgetting the lie.

>

>

> If so, i would like to know if this is typical AS or is it other

> behavioral problems...and what do you do to deter this behavior from

> happening.

>

> thanks in advance...Sandy.

> Inability to dress himself...everyday he seems to forget how to comb

> his hair and wear his clothes. Some days he wears his pants sooooo

> high they look like shorts.

>

[Guest guest]

I think a lot of this is just kid behavior, but more difficult to deal with b/c of the way children w/ Aspergers typically learn. My son (12, Aspergers) will sneak food on occasion and tell a lie every once in awhile to try and get out of doing homework or something, but that's not out-of-the-ordinary for kids. All-in-all, he's a pretty trustworthy, moral kid. It amazes me sometimes, really. He has a very strong moral code of ethics. My NT 7-yr-old daughter on the other hand is the expert at being sneaky. She used to lie a lot more, but she feels bad about lying so she's just gotten more proficient at her sneakiness . We're working hard on correcting this and she's doing better in some aspects, but we still have problems. So I don't think this is typical Aspergers behavior, but harder to deal with b/c of the Aspergers. Does that

make sense?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1@...> Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:17:57 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems.

Hi Sandy, I have a 10 year old AS boy. He:Sneaks food: We have locked up all soda, any ice cream or popsicle treats and all snack foods so he can't take them. He can get at fridge foods like apples, yogurt, cheese and bread. If we leave the rest unlocked we will find that he got into it and took a bunch.Steals: We have our change locked because if he finds any money he will take it. I don't think he has stolen from school yet or from any stores (he has a healthy fear of getting arrested) but he will take my things all the time. He admits to it when confronted and apologizes but will do it again.Sneaky: Tries to be all the time even when it is something okay. Fortunately for me he is very bad at it. I can always tell when he is trying to do something sneaky.Lighters: Don't really have them around but he has gotten ahold of tools and drilled holes in cupboards, taken apart light

sockets, destroyed many pieces of furniture. Usually he is just experimenting but neadless to say we now lock up the tools.Lies: He tries to lie. Fortunately he is very bad at it and will admit it when pressed.Sounds like your life and mine are pretty similar. Let me know if you have any solutions that have been effective.Vickie>> I would like to know if other parent's AS children act like this:> > Here's some of my 11 year old son's negative attributes with only one> example...for time's sake =)> > My son sneaks food--just found an entire trash bag of food wrappers> and soda cans behind his bed.> > Steals--I just found a

cell phone he stole from the recycle box in the> school office.> > Sneaky--will sneak any opportunity he can get.> > Plays with lighters...my grown daughter caught him with a lighter at> her house, just today, and lighting it close to his younger sister's> back--as if he was going to burn her. My younger daughter was> unaware of her brother behind her.> > Lies--knee jerk reaction is to lie, lie, lie...then he will tell on> himself later...by forgetting the lie.> > > If so, i would like to know if this is typical AS or is it other> behavioral problems...and what do you do to deter this behavior from> happening.> > thanks in advance...Sandy.> Inability to dress himself...everyday he seems to forget how to comb> his hair and wear his clothes. Some days he wears his pants sooooo> high they look like

shorts.>

[Guest guest]

I am convinced that most AS kids have a strong moral code of conduct.Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeedFrom: MacAllister Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2008 07:25:57 -0800 (PST)< >Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems. I think a lot of this is just kid behavior, but more difficult to deal with b/c of the way children w/ Aspergers typically learn. My son (12, Aspergers) will sneak food on occasion and tell a lie every once in awhile to try and get out of doing homework or something, but that's not out-of-the-ordinary for kids. All-in-all, he's a pretty trustworthy, moral kid. It amazes me sometimes, really. He has a very strong moral code of ethics. My NT 7-yr-old daughter on the other hand is the expert at being sneaky. She used to lie a lot more, but she feels bad about lying so she's just gotten more proficient at her sneakiness . We're working hard on correcting this and she's doing better in some aspects, but we still have problems. So I don't think this is typical Aspergers behavior, but harder to deal with b/c of the Aspergers. Does that make sense? "Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1msn> Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:17:57 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems.Hi Sandy, I have a 10 year old AS boy. He:Sneaks food: We have locked up all soda, any ice cream or popsicle treats and all snack foods so he can't take them. He can get at fridge foods like apples, yogurt, cheese and bread. If we leave the rest unlocked we will find that he got into it and took a bunch.Steals: We have our change locked because if he finds any money he will take it. I don't think he has stolen from school yet or from any stores (he has a healthy fear of getting arrested) but he will take my things all the time. He admits to it when confronted and apologizes but will do it again.Sneaky: Tries to be all the time even when it is something okay. Fortunately for me he is very bad at it. I can always tell when he is trying to do something sneaky.Lighters: Don't really have them around but he has gotten ahold of tools and drilled holes in cupboards, taken apart light sockets, destroyed many pieces of furniture. Usually he is just experimenting but neadless to say we now lock up the tools.Lies: He tries to lie. Fortunately he is very bad at it and will admit it when pressed.Sounds like your life and mine are pretty similar. Let me know if you have any solutions that have been effective.Vickie>> I would like to know if other parent's AS children act like this:> > Here's some of my 11 year old son's negative attributes with only one> example...for time's sake =)> > My son sneaks food--just found an entire trash bag of food wrappers> and soda cans behind his bed.> > Steals--I just found a cell phone he stole from the recycle box in the> school office.> > Sneaky--will sneak any opportunity he can get.> > Plays with lighters...my grown daughter caught him with a lighter at> her house, just today, and lighting it close to his younger sister's> back--as if he was going to burn her. My younger daughter was> unaware of her brother behind her.> > Lies--knee jerk reaction is to lie, lie, lie...then he will tell on> himself later...by forgetting the lie.> > > If so, i would like to know if this is typical AS or is it other> behavioral problems...and what do you do to deter this behavior from> happening.> > thanks in advance...Sandy.> Inability to dress himself...everyday he seems to forget how to comb> his hair and wear his clothes. Some days he wears his pants sooooo> high they look like shorts.>

[Guest guest]

I noticed with my now 18 year old, that all of the teenage problematic behaviors were intensified. I don't think they are characteristically Asperger's, but if they do occur the AS can exacerbate them. My son was openly defiant and oppositional with set rules and limits, but never engaged in what I would consider "dangerous" behaviors. Pam

In a message dated 12/22/2008 5:48:17 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, xo_sandy@... writes:

It's good to know I'm not the only one in the same boat...AKA...Titanic...lol. My son's therapist states this is behavioral problems not associated with AS...I don't agree... I think you hit the nail on the head...it's harder to change the behavior because of the AS. He is always in the "me stage" because he has a hard time figuring out before the behavior the consequences to others. He only knows what he wants to do. And he has very poor impulse control.Most of the time he is gentle and sweet. He rarely has temper tantrums. So I feel lucky in that regard.Thanks, Sandy.

From: MacAllister <smacalli >Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems. Date: Monday, December 22, 2008, 7:25 AM

I think a lot of this is just kid behavior, but more difficult to deal with b/c of the way children w/ Aspergers typically learn. My son (12, Aspergers) will sneak food on occasion and tell a lie every once in awhile to try and get out of doing homework or something, but that's not out-of-the-ordinary for kids. All-in-all, he's a pretty trustworthy, moral kid. It amazes me sometimes, really. He has a very strong moral code of ethics. My NT 7-yr-old daughter on the other hand is the expert at being sneaky. She used to lie a lot more, but she feels bad about lying so she's just gotten more proficient at her sneakiness . We're working hard on correcting this and she's doing better in some aspects, but we still have problems. So I don't think this is typical Aspergers behavior, but harder to deal with b/c of the Aspergers. Does that make sense?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1msn (DOT) com> Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:17:57 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems.

Hi Sandy, I have a 10 year old AS boy. He:Sneaks food: We have locked up all soda, any ice cream or popsicle treats and all snack foods so he can't take them. He can get at fridge foods like apples, yogurt, cheese and bread. If we leave the rest unlocked we will find that he got into it and took a bunch.Steals: We have our change locked because if he finds any money he will take it. I don't think he has stolen from school yet or from any stores (he has a healthy fear of getting arrested) but he will take my things all the time. He admits to it when confronted and apologizes but will do it again.Sneaky: Tries to be all the time even when it is something okay. Fortunately for me he is very bad at it. I can always tell when he is trying to do something sneaky.Lighters: Don't really have them around but he has gotten ahold of tools and drilled holes in cupboards, taken apart light sockets, destroyed many pieces of furniture. Usually he is just experimenting but neadless to say we now lock up the tools.Lies: He tries to lie. Fortunately he is very bad at it and will admit it when pressed.Sounds like your life and mine are pretty similar. Let me know if you have any solutions that have been effective.Vickie>> I would like to know if other parent's AS children act like this:> > Here's some of my 11 year old son's negative attributes with only one> example...for time's sake =)> > My son sneaks food--just found an entire trash bag of food wrappers> and soda cans behind his bed.> > Steals--I just found a cell phone he stole from the recycle box in the> school office.> > Sneaky--will sneak any opportunity he can get.> > Plays with lighters...my grown daughter caught him with a lighter at> her house, just today, and lighting it close to his younger sister's> back--as if he was going to burn her. My younger daughter was> unaware of her brother behind her.> > Lies--knee jerk reaction is to lie, lie, lie...then he will tell on> himself later...by forgetting the lie.> > > If so, i would like to know if this is typical AS or is it other> behavioral problems...and what do you do to deter this behavior from> happening.> > thanks in advance...Sandy.> Inability to dress himself...everyday he seems to forget how to comb> his hair and wear his clothes. Some days he wears his pants sooooo> high they look like shorts.> One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Mail. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

It's good to know I'm not the only one in the same boat...AKA...Titanic...lol. My son's therapist states this is behavioral problems not associated with AS...I don't agree... I think you hit the nail on the head...it's harder to change the behavior because of the AS. He is always in the "me stage" because he has a hard time figuring out before the behavior the consequences to others. He only knows what he wants to do. And he has very poor impulse control.Most of the time he is gentle and sweet. He rarely has temper tantrums. So I feel lucky in that regard.Thanks, Sandy.From: MacAllister

<smacalli@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems. Date: Monday, December 22, 2008, 7:25 AM

I think a lot of this is just kid behavior, but more difficult to deal with b/c of the way children w/ Aspergers typically learn. My son (12, Aspergers) will sneak food on occasion and tell a lie every once in awhile to try and get out of doing homework or something, but that's not out-of-the-ordinary for kids. All-in-all, he's a pretty trustworthy, moral kid. It amazes me sometimes, really. He has a very strong moral code of ethics. My NT 7-yr-old daughter on the other hand is the expert at being sneaky. She used to lie a lot more, but she feels bad about lying so she's just gotten more proficient at her sneakiness . We're working hard on correcting this and she's doing better in some aspects, but we still have problems. So I don't think this is typical Aspergers behavior, but harder to deal with b/c of the Aspergers. Does that

make sense?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1msn (DOT) com> Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:17:57 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems.

Hi Sandy, I have a 10 year old AS boy. He:Sneaks food: We have locked up all soda, any ice cream or popsicle treats and all snack foods so he can't take them. He can get at fridge foods like apples, yogurt, cheese and bread. If we leave the rest unlocked we will find that he got into it and took a bunch.Steals: We have our change locked because if he finds any money he will take it. I don't think he has stolen from school yet or from any stores (he has a healthy fear of getting arrested) but he will take my things all the time. He admits to it when confronted and apologizes but will do it again.Sneaky: Tries to be all the time even when it is something okay. Fortunately for me he is very bad at it. I can always tell when he is trying to do something sneaky.Lighters: Don't really have them around but he has gotten ahold of tools and drilled holes in cupboards, taken apart light

sockets, destroyed many pieces of furniture. Usually he is just experimenting but neadless to say we now lock up the tools.Lies: He tries to lie. Fortunately he is very bad at it and will admit it when pressed.Sounds like your life and mine are pretty similar. Let me know if you have any solutions that have been effective.Vickie>> I would like to know if other parent's AS children act like this:> > Here's some of my 11 year old son's negative attributes with only one> example...for time's sake =)> > My son sneaks food--just found an entire trash bag of food wrappers> and soda cans behind his bed.> > Steals--I just found a

cell phone he stole from the recycle box in the> school office.> > Sneaky--will sneak any opportunity he can get.> > Plays with lighters...my grown daughter caught him with a lighter at> her house, just today, and lighting it close to his younger sister's> back--as if he was going to burn her. My younger daughter was> unaware of her brother behind her.> > Lies--knee jerk reaction is to lie, lie, lie...then he will tell on> himself later...by forgetting the lie.> > > If so, i would like to know if this is typical AS or is it other> behavioral problems...and what do you do to deter this behavior from> happening.> > thanks in advance...Sandy.> Inability to dress himself...everyday he seems to forget how to comb> his hair and wear his clothes. Some days he wears his pants sooooo> high they look like

shorts.>

[Guest guest]

My son is so sneaky especially about food but he will lie...and even if you saw him do it ...he would deny it...that is what drives me crazy. And, he lies about homework all the time....but I email teachers so he knows I can find out.

Sometimes my son is too honest or naive ...he will come home from across the street...and I will say what's up...he says ...Oh, i came home becuase they are play beer pong...or he will tell me how his friend who is 16 got drunk....he tells me things with out even batting an eyelash...he is not telling on the kids and I have not questioned him ...he is just telling me especially if something funny happened.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems. Date: Monday, December 22, 2008, 7:25 AM

I think a lot of this is just kid behavior, but more difficult to deal with b/c of the way children w/ Aspergers typically learn. My son (12, Aspergers) will sneak food on occasion and tell a lie every once in awhile to try and get out of doing homework or something, but that's not out-of-the-ordinary for kids. All-in-all, he's a pretty trustworthy, moral kid. It amazes me sometimes, really. He has a very strong moral code of ethics. My NT 7-yr-old daughter on the other hand is the expert at being sneaky. She used to lie a lot more, but she feels bad about lying so she's just gotten more proficient at her sneakiness . We're working hard on correcting this and she's doing better in some aspects, but we still have problems. So I don't think this is typical Aspergers behavior, but harder to deal with b/c of the Aspergers. Does that

make sense?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1msn (DOT) com> Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:17:57 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Behavior Problems on Top of Behavior Problems.

Hi Sandy, I have a 10 year old AS boy. He:Sneaks food: We have locked up all soda, any ice cream or popsicle treats and all snack foods so he can't take them. He can get at fridge foods like apples, yogurt, cheese and bread. If we leave the rest unlocked we will find that he got into it and took a bunch.Steals: We have our change locked because if he finds any money he will take it. I don't think he has stolen from school yet or from any stores (he has a healthy fear of getting arrested) but he will take my things all the time. He admits to it when confronted and apologizes but will do it again.Sneaky: Tries to be all the time even when it is something okay. Fortunately for me he is very bad at it. I can always tell when he is trying to do something sneaky.Lighters: Don't really have them around but he has gotten ahold of tools and drilled holes in cupboards, taken apart light

sockets, destroyed many pieces of furniture. Usually he is just experimenting but neadless to say we now lock up the tools.Lies: He tries to lie. Fortunately he is very bad at it and will admit it when pressed.Sounds like your life and mine are pretty similar. Let me know if you have any solutions that have been effective.Vickie>> I would like to know if other parent's AS children act like this:> > Here's some of my 11 year old son's negative attributes with only one> example...for time's sake =)> > My son sneaks food--just found an entire trash bag of food wrappers> and soda cans behind his bed.> > Steals--I just found a cell phone he stole from the recycle box in

the> school office.> > Sneaky--will sneak any opportunity he can get.> > Plays with lighters...my grown daughter caught him with a lighter at> her house, just today, and lighting it close to his younger sister's> back--as if he was going to burn her. My younger daughter was> unaware of her brother behind her.> > Lies--knee jerk reaction is to lie, lie, lie...then he will tell on> himself later...by forgetting the lie.> > > If so, i would like to know if this is typical AS or is it other> behavioral problems...and what do you do to deter this behavior from> happening.> > thanks in advance...Sandy.> Inability to dress himself...everyday he seems to forget how to comb> his hair and wear his clothes. Some days he wears his pants sooooo> high they look like

shorts.>

[Guest guest]

> My son sneaks food--just found an entire trash bag of food wrappers

> and soda cans behind his bed.

I have twin 14yo, one Asperger, one NT. They both do this!

> Steals--I just found a cell phone he stole from the recycle box in the

> school office.

Only my Asperger son does this, but not in general. It's kind of like

a little kid thing, you know how small kids will take things because

they want them but don't really have a concept of stealing? My

Asperger son is immature in this way. This is not an everyday thing

though, only when he has a weak moment and many times when he thinks

it won't hurt anyone. Like your son may figure they are just getting

rid of the cell phones anyway and nobody will mind.

> Sneaky--will sneak any opportunity he can get.

I'm not sure Aspies are any liable to sneak than any other kid, but

they sure are much more liable to get caught since their poor ability

to read people lends them to get caught more.

> Plays with lighters...my grown daughter caught him with a lighter at

> her house, just today, and lighting it close to his younger sister's

> back--as if he was going to burn her. My younger daughter was

> unaware of her brother behind her.

Both my kids will play with fire if I let them. I'd never leave them

alone with the fireplace lit. We don't have lighters, so I don't know

about that.

> Lies--knee jerk reaction is to lie, lie, lie...then he will tell on

> himself later...by forgetting the lie.

Is he actually intentionally lying or does he see reality differently

than you? Sometimes this is the case with my Asperger son. Both of

them will try to lie and get out of things sometimes though. But, I

think the knee-jerk " lying " is Asperger.

> If so, i would like to know if this is typical AS or is it other

> behavioral problems...and what do you do to deter this behavior from

> happening.

This is a long story and I'm not sure where I'd start at this point.

I know that is not very helpful. I had to find consequences that

worked for my son since typical consequences don't. I had to learn

how to communicate with him in a way that he can understand. I had to

learn how he communicates, since it isn't the way most kids do. For

example, instead of telling him " if " he does A then he " gets " to do B,

which is a conditional statement, I have to tell him " after " you do A,

" then " you can do B, which is a declarative statement. Another

example--when there is a situation where his brother will say " that's

not fair! " , my Asperger son will say " you are so stupid " . They both

mean the same thing.

> thanks in advance...Sandy.

> Inability to dress himself...everyday he seems to forget how to comb

> his hair and wear his clothes. Some days he wears his pants sooooo

> high they look like shorts.

Arg. My son too. We found out my son has moderate to severe

coordination problems, along with the typical Asperger sensory issues.

You'd never know by looking at him; he just appears a little clumsy.

But he has problems with manual dexterity, bilateral and left-right

coordination, which is masked by excellent fine motor skills. The

executive dysfunction and social blindness that come with Asperger

don't help either.

The longer I'm on this journey the more I discover

physical/neurological things behind my son's " behaviors " . It has been

quite a learning experience.

Ruth