Guest guest Posted December 12, 2008 Report Share Posted December 12, 2008 We had a babysitter one time. And I do mean, "ONE" time. She made the mistake of telling our ds to get off his nintendo so his sister could have a turn. Well, she refused to tell me what happened next. Suffice it to say, she called us to come home asap and never came back. I do know that asking him to give up his nintendo would mean an instant meltdown. If I were to grab it away, which I imagine babysitter tried to do, he would go nuts. To make him get off, I had to work at it. I had to make him do it on his own, not grab it from him. Then usually, he would throw the controller down and stomp off. But he got off. These kids can have a lot of trouble with their emotions. They can go from 0 to 70 in two seconds over the slightest things. They lack "self-regulation" skills that means they might get as upset about a small thing as a big problem. It's all given the same amount of anger/rage/upset. So I think extra care is required when you are angry yourself, when you intend to punish, etc. You know he will be upset by the situation but you have to understand he will not behave appropriately either. This is not to say he should not be punished or be consequenced for his behaviors. It just means you might think of ways to slow down the meltdown before it starts. People sometimes do not see it starting, even in our own kids we can miss it. We are having our own things to deal with! But, for example, I could usually hear my ds playing his nintendo and could tell when he was getting out of control. He would start getting louder, start getting upset, etc. I also tried to notice when he was hogging it so I could introduce the idea of sharing before I made him share. I think it helped to forewarn him. I also think I cut off a few meltdowns by noticing his agitation and making him finish that level and get off. You could also work with him during calm times on ways to handle his anger. Give him things he can do when he's so angry he could choke someone. Scream into his pillow? Punch his pillow? Take a walk around the block? Sit in the rocking chair? I mean, I don't know what will work for him, but it might be helpful to help him form a plan and then help him remember it when he's getting mad. ???? As for giving him his stuff back, it depends. Did you tell him he could never have them back? I usually would take things away for one day because that is long enough to get the point usually. And usually we had so little motivators to work with. That way he can get it back sooner and practice better behavior sooner. If you take it for weeks at a time, he will forget why you've taken it by the end. So pick a specific amount of time, make it reasonable for someone who has little waiting ability, and then enforce the rule. Oh, I am still trying to read, "Asperger Syndrome and Difficult moments." I really recommend the book so far. You will find a lot of good ideas for dealing with behavior problems. RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else... ( ) Another Meltdown Well, he had another meltdown again...slaming doors, pictures falling off the wall...I swear he kicked his door...he said no...maybe he slammed his body into it....screaming, ranting and raving...and all the time his girlfriend (14) was on the other line (OMG). And, he was not embarrassed (omg again). He had been on xbox, talking to his girlfriend. He asked if I would take him to the mall as she was going with her father...I said NO. We have the concert tonight and this is how it all started. So, I went in slammed off the Xbox and pull it out of his room, took his cell phone and computer. He said he didn't care. Of course he ranted and said he wish i was dead and so on and so on. I called his Mobile Therapist because she was going to surprise him and come to the concert.....she came right away. Of course he hid in his bed....we talked for a while and then she went in his room and told him to get up. He came out to the kitchen and she told him he is "bullying" me. She told me that next time this happens to call the crisis number and they will come and admit him to the hospital. I am beginning to think he needs this. He knows how to manipulate people and get his way. He can be NASTY! And, he won't do anything for anytbody....I told him I am done.Now, my questions are:1. Do I keep his phone, xbox and computer or should I let him have at least the computer?2. What about his Xmas presents...I bought him a xbox game and camera and fan plus for his special present I had gotten him the apple ipod touch. Should I take the touch back? We also bought him new tee shirts and a chess game....Maybe I should just give him the tee shirts and chess game? I am so confused.Confused...Saddened and depressed over all of this...and on top of it all...I really don't think he understand the complexity of all this. He is on the phone with his girlfirend now (snow day-no school). Oh, we did go to the concert...he wore the black jeans, and white polo shirt...but he never took off his hoodie. Now mind you....he plays the drum and was all the way in the back....but he was the only one with a red/black jacket on ...everyone else was wore their white and black ....talk about not fitting in....he stuck out like a sore thumb...when the concert was over....he was already at the door waiting to go home...and marched way way ahead of us....we "embarrass him".Jan No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.16/1843 - Release Date: 12/11/2008 8:36 AM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2008 Report Share Posted December 12, 2008 How correct you are....I didn't grab it from him...I just slammed the TV off...and then unplugged the Xbox, took his phone and computer. He had me so wound up...he wanted to go to the mall to meet his girlfirend when he knew all day long that he had the concert. On top of it all...at school they went to see a play...Tiny Tim...he didn't want to go and I didn't force him...and then I let him stay home as he said most kids went. Later I found out that Mr. (the teacher I liked) was going to spend time working with as he stayed back to be with the kids that didn't go. 's girlfriend did not go to the play and the two of them stayed on the phone all day. So, I was upset that I had let him do all this and now he was having a fit about not being able to go to the mall. I took the stuff but told him I wasn't sure when he would get it back. I did say I would love to throw it out or break it like his broke my gold bracelet. Well, to make a long story short he has it back...he said sorry...has been really nice...asks if he can go on it....he doesn't always have his cell phone...and he is not allowed to take it to school at all. His BSC, MT and TSS all have said I spoiled him (not just with things)...and I Know I have...he is an only child, I had him when I was 40 and he had 3 adults in the house. And, poppy helped spoil him to up till the last two years....but we are being firmer with him and I do make his dust and windex and vacuum his "play room"....and the other day he wanted something and I told him to go in and make his bed and clean up his bedroom ...which meant pick up the dirt clothes off the floor. I guess I am lucky too in a sense...he loves the shower ...he can stay in it for hours...it calms him and he can fall asleep after it. He brushes his teeth ...not the longest time...but he does it 2 x a day and has had only one tiny tiny cavaity on a baby tooth. He is now starting to brush his hair...straight ...a little on the long side....I would prefer he parted it ...but I will deal with it this way... So I guess I do have some things to be grateful for. And, the concert was Fabulous...they didn't a wonderful job....the band has improved so much ...he has been in it since 4th grade.... thanks for the advice....I am going to order these 3 books.... 1. The Explosive Child 2. Raising the Sprited Child 3. AS and Difficult moments. Any others you can think of? Any dealing with puberty and dating and all that jazz? Thanks. with all my heart.... Jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: Roxanna <madideas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Another Meltdown Date: Friday, December 12, 2008, 9:10 AM We had a babysitter one time. And I do mean, "ONE" time. She made the mistake of telling our ds to get off his nintendo so his sister could have a turn. Well, she refused to tell me what happened next. Suffice it to say, she called us to come home asap and never came back. I do know that asking him to give up his nintendo would mean an instant meltdown. If I were to grab it away, which I imagine babysitter tried to do, he would go nuts. To make him get off, I had to work at it. I had to make him do it on his own, not grab it from him. Then usually, he would throw the controller down and stomp off. But he got off. These kids can have a lot of trouble with their emotions. They can go from 0 to 70 in two seconds over the slightest things. They lack "self-regulation" skills that means they might get as upset about a small thing as a big problem. It's all given the same amount of anger/rage/upset. So I think extra care is required when you are angry yourself, when you intend to punish, etc. You know he will be upset by the situation but you have to understand he will not behave appropriately either. This is not to say he should not be punished or be consequenced for his behaviors. It just means you might think of ways to slow down the meltdown before it starts. People sometimes do not see it starting, even in our own kids we can miss it. We are having our own things to deal with! But, for example, I could usually hear my ds playing his nintendo and could tell when he was getting out of control. He would start getting louder, start getting upset, etc. I also tried to notice when he was hogging it so I could introduce the idea of sharing before I made him share. I think it helped to forewarn him. I also think I cut off a few meltdowns by noticing his agitation and making him finish that level and get off. You could also work with him during calm times on ways to handle his anger. Give him things he can do when he's so angry he could choke someone. Scream into his pillow? Punch his pillow? Take a walk around the block? Sit in the rocking chair? I mean, I don't know what will work for him, but it might be helpful to help him form a plan and then help him remember it when he's getting mad. ???? As for giving him his stuff back, it depends. Did you tell him he could never have them back? I usually would take things away for one day because that is long enough to get the point usually. And usually we had so little motivators to work with. That way he can get it back sooner and practice better behavior sooner. If you take it for weeks at a time, he will forget why you've taken it by the end. So pick a specific amount of time, make it reasonable for someone who has little waiting ability, and then enforce the rule. Oh, I am still trying to read, "Asperger Syndrome and Difficult moments." I really recommend the book so far. You will find a lot of good ideas for dealing with behavior problems. RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else... ( ) Another Meltdown Well, he had another meltdown again...slaming doors, pictures falling off the wall...I swear he kicked his door...he said no...maybe he slammed his body into it....screaming, ranting and raving...and all the time his girlfriend (14) was on the other line (OMG). And, he was not embarrassed (omg again). He had been on xbox, talking to his girlfriend. He asked if I would take him to the mall as she was going with her father...I said NO. We have the concert tonight and this is how it all started. So, I went in slammed off the Xbox and pull it out of his room, took his cell phone and computer. He said he didn't care. Of course he ranted and said he wish i was dead and so on and so on. I called his Mobile Therapist because she was going to surprise him and come to the concert..... she came right away. Of course he hid in his bed....we talked for a while and then she went in his room and told him to get up. He came out to the kitchen and she told him he is "bullying" me. She told me that next time this happens to call the crisis number and they will come and admit him to the hospital. I am beginning to think he needs this. He knows how to manipulate people and get his way. He can be NASTY! And, he won't do anything for anytbody.... I told him I am done.Now, my questions are:1. Do I keep his phone, xbox and computer or should I let him have at least the computer?2. What about his Xmas presents...I bought him a xbox game and camera and fan plus for his special present I had gotten him the apple ipod touch. Should I take the touch back? We also bought him new tee shirts and a chess game....Maybe I should just give him the tee shirts and chess game? I am so confused.Confused...Saddened and depressed over all of this...and on top of it all...I really don't think he understand the complexity of all this. He is on the phone with his girlfirend now (snow day-no school). Oh, we did go to the concert...he wore the black jeans, and white polo shirt...but he never took off his hoodie. Now mind you....he plays the drum and was all the way in the back....but he was the only one with a red/black jacket on ...everyone else was wore their white and black ....talk about not fitting in....he stuck out like a sore thumb...when the concert was over....he was already at the door waiting to go home...and marched way way ahead of us....we "embarrass him".Jan No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.16/1843 - Release Date: 12/11/2008 8:36 AM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 <<Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence: Helping Preteens & Teens Get Ready for the Real World (Paperback) by Bolick (Author)>> RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else... ( ) Another Meltdown Well, he had another meltdown again...slaming doors, pictures falling off the wall...I swear he kicked his door...he said no...maybe he slammed his body into it....screaming, ranting and raving...and all the time his girlfriend (14) was on the other line (OMG). And, he was not embarrassed (omg again). He had been on xbox, talking to his girlfriend. He asked if I would take him to the mall as she was going with her father...I said NO. We have the concert tonight and this is how it all started. So, I went in slammed off the Xbox and pull it out of his room, took his cell phone and computer. He said he didn't care. Of course he ranted and said he wish i was dead and so on and so on. I called his Mobile Therapist because she was going to surprise him and come to the concert..... she came right away. Of course he hid in his bed....we talked for a while and then she went in his room and told him to get up. He came out to the kitchen and she told him he is "bullying" me. She told me that next time this happens to call the crisis number and they will come and admit him to the hospital. I am beginning to think he needs this. He knows how to manipulate people and get his way. He can be NASTY! And, he won't do anything for anytbody.... I told him I am done.Now, my questions are:1. Do I keep his phone, xbox and computer or should I let him have at least the computer?2. What about his Xmas presents...I bought him a xbox game and camera and fan plus for his special present I had gotten him the apple ipod touch. Should I take the touch back? We also bought him new tee shirts and a chess game....Maybe I should just give him the tee shirts and chess game? I am so confused.Confused...Saddened and depressed over all of this...and on top of it all...I really don't think he understand the complexity of all this. He is on the phone with his girlfirend now (snow day-no school). Oh, we did go to the concert...he wore the black jeans, and white polo shirt...but he never took off his hoodie. Now mind you....he plays the drum and was all the way in the back....but he was the only one with a red/black jacket on ...everyone else was wore their white and black ....talk about not fitting in....he stuck out like a sore thumb...when the concert was over....he was already at the door waiting to go home...and marched way way ahead of us....we "embarrass him".Jan No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.16/1843 - Release Date: 12/11/2008 8:36 AM No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.17/1845 - Release Date: 12/12/2008 9:02 AM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.