Re: Re: Teacher Playing Games?

[Guest guest]

Ruth,,,,,the teacher was my son's case manager and special education teacher...can you beleive it...I am pulling my hair out and shaking it at the same time....they truly don't know how to work with our kids.

My son is purposely pulling her strings....all she does is yelll He dislikes her and has stopped doing his work or trying to ...he shuts down....

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Teacher Playing Games? Date: Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 4:24 PM

>> The next day...my son came home with the envelope unopened. I said > what is this? Can't you go? He said he didn't know. So I emailed his > teacher. This is what she said....This is so typical and so frustrating. You probably already know whatI am going to say. I think the team needs to know about this sortof thing so they can build it into your son's plans, and the principalalso needs to know because he/she needs to personally discuss with theteacher more appropriate/ effective/ constructive ways to handle thesetypes of problems.Ruth

[Guest guest]

Here's another point of view which I'm not sure applies to this situation, but hear me out... I still mess up with my son. I'm not perfect. And sometimes I think "DUH!" (hand lightly smacking the foreheard) I should've known! "I should've said this instead of that"... "I should've considered this when deciding how to react"... "I should've realized to do fill-in-the-blank because of how he interprets things"...etc... and I'm his mom who loves him so much. I know him better than anyone, and I know a lot about Aspergers and Dylan's behavior in general due to my years of trying to educate myself and deal w/ him effectively. So I wouldn't necessarily consider this was a calculated move on her part. It could've been something that was obvious after the fact but just didn't click at the time. Even though we want them to be, the teachers/admin/people

working with our children are human beings and they aren't perfect.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Wednesday, November 26, 2008 7:26:30 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Teacher Playing Games?

Ruth,,,,,the teacher was my son's case manager and special education teacher...can you beleive it...I am pulling my hair out and shaking it at the same time....they truly don't know how to work with our kids.

My son is purposely pulling her strings....all she does is yelll He dislikes her and has stopped doing his work or trying to ...he shuts down....

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: Teacher Playing Games? Date: Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 4:24 PM

>> The next day...my son came home with the envelope unopened. I said > what is this? Can't you go? He said he didn't know. So I emailed his > teacher. This is what she said....This is so typical and so frustrating. You probably already know whatI am going to say. I think the team needs to know about this sortof thing so they can build it into your son's plans, and the principalalso needs to know because he/she needs to personally discuss with theteacher more appropriate/ effective/ constructive ways to handle thesetypes of problems.Ruth

[Guest guest]

Yes ....you are right...but if she was going around collecting the money and permission slips....don't you think she would have hung on to my son's????? Don't you thnk she knows how forgetful he is by now?????? And, why would I have brought it in and handed it to her directly....instead of my son's doing this....

I just can't beleive what really goes on in school!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: Teacher Playing Games? Date: Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 4:24 PM

>> The next day...my son came home with the envelope unopened. I said > what is this? Can't you go? He said he didn't know. So I emailed his > teacher. This is what she said....This is so typical and so frustrating. You probably already know whatI am going to say. I think the team needs to know about this sortof thing so they can build it into your son's plans, and the principalalso needs to know because he/she needs to personally discuss with theteacher more appropriate/ effective/ constructive ways to handle thesetypes of problems.Ruth

[Guest guest]

Miriam...did your son want a one-on-one? My son doesn't....but I have been moving more and more towards it...of course, it would all depend on the one-on-one and how he/she looks at my son.....

At the IEP/FBA meeting we just had...the teachers kept saying...and who is going to do that!!!! I agree with you 100% that it would help everyone in the long run...not just my son...but the teachers as well......

At the FBA meeting part...the women running it ...looked at the teacher when we were going over the triggers and said You might be one of his quick triggers and she is!!!! The woman running it, the OT and the extra spec. ed. supervisor (who knows AS very well) were so GREAT! My son's Spe.Ed. Supervisor realized that they again had done something wrong and went to the room next door to quickly print out a NOREP...of course it would not print...and my advocate kept saying...why is Pete in such a rush to print our a NOREP ...we have not even finished his IEP....the last time I signed a NOREP was in June...and his IEP has been changed 2x....I guess he knew my advocate was on to him and he was trying to cover his tracks...I am not trying to screw any of them...I am not looking to sue or whatever...I just want everyone to stop looking at my son as this "BAD, Disrespectful child"...he isn't...they just make him that way. They are moving him to

all inclusive classes (he will be away from his case manager who yells at him all the time)....but he said these other teachers are meaner...OMG...aren't there any nice, patient teachers left in this world.....and I don't think any of these teachers understand how to work or teach our children.....

You are lucky!!!! And, on top of it all ...I work in the district ...and feel I have to look out for my job! I don't want to mean...I just want them to work with my son and have patience and try to understand that he is depressed and has AS and learning difficulties....which is why he doesn't finish his tasks or is overwhelmed....OMG....

Thanks for the support.....Happy ThanksGiving.....Bless you and your family.

And, you are right...when my son found out our neighbor who is 17 and has been like a big brother to my son was in a car accident....he almost went into shock....he loves Jake so much and is so worried about him...he talks about him all the time....so yes our kids do have emotions and feel...I am glad you said that ...because I wondered about that part as my son is emotional and caring too! But, like I said....he hates his teacher as she always yells at him and him alone....and so now he is pulling her strings to get even...OMG...this is how he things....you are going to be mean to me...why should I work for you ....and the meaner you are ...the more I am going to push your buttons...and they sure do know how t push buttons.....only thing is they don't realize in the long run....they are harming themselves. I just rec'd my son's quarterly progress reports and they all went down, down and down and down....way down...I wondered if he did that on

purpose???? Hmmmmmmmm? Either way...just goes to show you ...it AIN'T WORKING!!!!

Thanks...Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Miriam <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Teacher Playing Games? Date: Thursday, November 27, 2008, 10:25 AM

Oh Jan, this is so awful. I went through the same kind of stuff when we were at the very worst school of all our experiences. The special education "team leader" for the whole school said, "I know all about asperger syndrome" before we moved to that area. We bought our house based on this. I was much smarter when we moved to New Hampshire. I interrogated the schools here with very pointed questions, visited each of the ones I interrogated to see what kind of feelings I got from them. We were already ahead though because New Hampshire is in the top 10 for special education while Texas is in the bottom 5 or so.'s special ed team leader at this terrible school took away all of his services except speech therapy. I was so inexperienced and gullible I let her do it. Then when he started to fall apart they blamed him and me and our move from Baltmore to Texas instead of figuring out the real

reasons for his behavior. They tried to tell me he was emotionally disturbed. Funny because every expert including a well-known developmental pediatrician (I didn't have a clue who she was but doctors know her name when I mention her) said he was "well adjusted". I'm glad I knew that because I don't know if I'd have had the strength or the confidence to fight. One day this horrible team leader came to me and said, "Mrs. Banash, this behavior has to stop!" and I said, "Yes, it does. What are you going to do about it?" Then she "threatened" us with a meeting. She said in a very angry tone, "We will have to have a meeting with you and Mr. Banash!" I said, "Oh good, let's do that tomorrow!" Oh she did some fast backtraking then. It makes me laugh to think of it. I became very, VERY tough in 5 months and by the end of it we had what we needed. , though, did his part by advocating for himself. He

doesn't withdraw. He gets very aggressive, violent, angry and disruptive. And I never thought I'd say it, but I'm glad. I don't want him to be angry and violent, but if he's in a threatening environment he needs to defend himself. Once he was in a good environment his aggression steadily declined and this year we've seen NONE of it at school! He still says very aggressive things, he still thinks that way, but he hasn't been acting on them. I wish I could talk to that stupid team leader now and tell her how he's doing. He writes poetry and is so loving and sweet.This morning when I got up he was watching a mom having babies and getting emotional about it. I don't know why people say asperger kids don't have emotions or feel love. I think maybe they are more emotional and then shut down or withdraw because of the strength of their emotions.Anyway, I'm going on and on here and that wasn't

what I intended. I would go and hand deliver the money again but to the homeroom teacher. I don't think they can stop him from going even if he is a little late with the permission slip and money. We've been late before and still were able to go. If they are overwhelmed about taking him they should be working to get him support or asking you to come along. I go on a lot of 's field trips because I'm asked to go. They LOVE it when I go along because it's one less thing for them to worry about. But this option isn't something everyone can do. If I'm not there has a 1:1 support person. has 1:1 support at all times in his current school and they gave it to him because they knew THEIR lives would be easier. They have a healthy sense of enlightened self interest. sometimes this is more important than anything else. If they really see how their own lives could be made easier they'd do what a

child needs. I've been fortunate to get a fair number of these kinds of people working with . Then when they do things right for he is a delight and a great asset in the classroom. I wish more people really got that a little extra patience and support doesn't JUST help the child in question. It helps the whole community inside and outside of the school!Hugs,Miriam> >> > The next day...my son came home with the envelope unopened. I said > > what is this? Can't you go? He said he didn't know. So I emailed his > > teacher. This is what she said....> > This is so

typical and so frustrating. You probably already know what> I am going to say. I think the team needs to know about this sort> of thing so they can build it into your son's plans, and the principal> also needs to know because he/she needs to personally discuss with the> teacher more appropriate/ effective/ constructive ways to handle these> types of problems.> > Ruth>

[Guest guest]

I know...ThanksGiving and here we write...our turkey is in the oven...my son is asleep and my husband is half asleep watching tv....they think he may have lyme disease and had to drain his elbow of all this fluid and put him on antibotics ....great...something else to worry about...

I work for the District...ha ha.....actually am a Teacher Assistant/Paraprofessional....I work on the West side...my son goes to the East....I am really under the Asst. Superintendent of Special Ed....and I cc her on everything...so she know the situational with the teacher....I would hope so...we just had a FBA and the women running it ...even put the teacher down as a fast trigger...and that is 100% correct....i email the teacher's spe.ed. supervisor how my son perceived things...and what he was doing....with a cc to the Asst.Sup.of Sped....have not heard a word....

I know there is one lawsuit going on right now...I wonder how many others there are???

But...I don't want to sue...I don't want that ...I just want my son to learn and get an education so he can function in this world ....OMG!

I get tired of trying to explain him...and teacher and people just don't see it or get it...they see him as a wise guy...a bad disrespectful brat...an annoying child....a child who disrupts the class....etc.etc. and he keeps making the same mistakes and I keep telling them ...AS children just don't get it...and it takes a long time for them to learn social things.....and actually he doesn't mind being in "Fix It"...in school suspension....they love to call it Fix It...what does it fix??? Nothing.

I am getting angry...better stop!

Thanks Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Teacher Playing Games? Date: Thursday, November 27, 2008, 11:38 AM

>> Ruth,,,,,the teacher was my son's case manager and special educationteacher...can you beleive it...I am pulling my hair out and shaking itat the same time....they truly don't know how to work with our kids.> �> My son is purposely pulling her strings....all she does is yelll Hedislikes her and has stopped doing his work or trying to ...he shutsdown....I can't believe I'm writing this on Thanksgiving! Hope you're havingnot too busy a day. Hope you get this LOL.Okay, so you are left with the principal or some other appropriateschool administrator. The principal is this teacher/case manager'sboss and can make her shape up. But you are going to have to help andlet the principal know what is going on and

discuss it with him/her. From my experience, it is wise to avoid generalizing about the peopleat your child's school. If you take the time to get to know them asindividuals, you can take advantage of their strengths.This is what has worked for me in situations like this... You want toput it in writing. So, I write a note to the person's boss. I tellthem I am writing because I have some concerns. I frame my concernaround something that is unlawful or unethical. For example, in yourcase, you could say something like "it appears ------- is treating myson's disabilities like purposeful behaviors". Then I give severalspecific examples, including my son's perceptions of what happened. Iquote things the teacher has written/said/ done that are clearly notright. And I end the letter with a summary of my understanding of thesituation and a request for the situation to be rectified.You will need to

give them a few days, most likely. The principal orwhoever you are working with will need some time to talk to theteacher, do a little observing and whatever else is necessary to get ahandle on the situation. They'll probably want to come up with atleast a tentative plan of action before they talk to you. I've cometo be reassured when I don't hear right back from people, because Iknow that means they are putting some thought into it and working onit. Of course, that also means you'd better have your ducks in line,because they'll be ready for you if you aren't making any sense tothem or they are being bad.Sometimes I have to do this a couple of times. That is, I'll let myson's assistant principal, who is his 504 coordinator, know that ateacher does not appear to be following my son's 504 Plan. If hetries to explain it away and do nothing, then I have to go to theprincipal. If the principal does

nothing, then I have had to go toeither the director or assistant director of SPED. I haven't had togo past that so far, but there are people in the state educationagency I could go to beyond that. I could file a complaint with thestate education agency. But, I never have had to go that far.Your situation may be somewhat different, but hopefully this gives yousome ideas. Anyway, I hope this helps! Have a great Thanksgiving!Ruth

[Guest guest]

That is great! I think a male would be great.....but there aren't too many in the field...doesn't pay enough! LOL!!!! I am a para too we call them TA (teacher assistants) ...if we could find one like your son has...my son would blossom...you and your son are quite lucky!!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Miriam <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Teacher Playing Games? Date: Friday, November 28, 2008, 8:18 AM

When we moved here didn't have one but I think he's aware of how scary things are for him when he doesn't have a kind of social coach as well as a social filter. At his school in Texas there was a guy who helped out with a few boys at a time. He did sort of what our 1:1 person does and sometimes he was able to be 1:1 when other kids were doing just fine. The thing is, everyone really LOVED this guy. All the kid, not just the special needs ones. It was a cool thing to get to hang around with Mr. . He ran the afterschool program as well. He's quite young and often seems like a kid himself but he can be firm when he needs to be. He gets quite attached to the kids and was very sad when we left. So I think that very positive and completely non-stigmatizing situation set the tone.Last year I don't think liked his 1:1 person as much. She was a little too bossy somehow and he would

refuse to take breaks with her because I think she somehow made it negative. This year he never refuses breaks. He has another male aide. They call them "paras" here, short for paraprofessional. His para this year is fun and cool and calls "the man". I know a lot of kids get to an age where they don't want a para but so far that hasn't been the case with . He feels safer with adults than with kids since adults, for the most part, are more predictable than kids. Well, in Texas we did have that one school with really unskilled special ed people. He certainly didn't feel safe with them. I remember, when was at that really terrible school, telling him, ", I know you're doing your best. You do what you need to do and I'll work on helping the adults around you figure out how to teach you the way you need it." At one point I tried to go along with their wishes that I "work with him"

at home. What they wanted was for me to punish him at home for school behavior. That was before I knew they were screwing up so royally. They were keeping me as uninformed as possible. They told me, "he's doing just fine" for ages until he got so aggressive they didn't know what to do. These were special ed teachers!!! Eventually, I figured out I had to be quite tough and had this epiphany. I suddenly realized one day, " is advocating for himself in the only way he knows how." It was a POWERFUL feeling. I suddenly knew what I had to do. That's when I started telling him I had to teach the teachers how to teach him. It wasn't long after this that they sent to another school in the district that had a CSSC (centralized social skills classroom). This is where we met Mr. . We also met Ms. Benson and Mrs. . Mrs. developed the CSSC program and then trained all the

staff who worked in it. They were AMAZING.Thanks to CSSC and it's wonderful staff got to a point in Texas where he didn't need quite so much supervision. Here in NH he seems to need more supervision. He's in an intermediate school rather than an elementary or middle school. So suddenly he had to be much more mature. The curriculum is also tougher and more is expected of him. So he needs full-time 1:1 supervision. I think maybe the school in TX wasn't challenging him enough. They weren't just giving him less to do, they were making it easier or maybe they just don't have the high standards there that the schools here do. I'm fine with them giving him less work as long as he gets the same level of work everyone else has. He's super bright and it's a shame for him not to have that show in his academics. But the one thing this very good school in Texas did was focus on social skills and being

a good friend. They really did a great job with it so that when we had to move to NH he had no trouble making friends. It was amazing. Fortunately, 's academics are now improving. They were a bit rough last year and were not great at the beginning of this year either. Then his special ed teacher came up with the brilliant idea of a behavior plan that was more academics based. Since he's not been aggressive at all this year and his worst behavior is perseveration and distractibility his behavior plan keeps him on track. They're working on teaching him to figure out what he needs to do and where he needs to be by asking him every step of the way, "What do you need to do next?" "How can you find out?"'s para this year is perhaps a bit too much of a softy because he will do stuff for that is completely capable of doing himself. went backwards in terms of independence a

little bit this year. There's a new para every year. I think they switch around because it keeps people from burning out if they're with a particularly challenging child one year.Another reason needs a para here is that norms are a little different in NH from the norms in TX. In Texas kids are much more physical with each other. They hug more and then wrestle more. Not that was ever bullied they just played harder. Also pretending sword fight or gun fight was totally okay in Texas. It is very much NOT okay here so that's been an adjustment. got in trouble for DRAWING swords. Last year's aide was just SURE it was increasing his aggression. He's been drawing swords since age 4 and his aggression only went up when he was in a really REALLY bad school. Then it was terrible for about 5 months and slowly decreased again over several years. It literally took us YEARS to overcome 5

months of stupidity.Sorry, I tend to write novels instead of email messages. LOL.If you could somehow find a para who seemed cool to the other kids it might help. I think the kids in 's school know he needs a para but they're so used to seeing paras that it isn't a big deal. Still, some kids don't want that. People here are very aware of asperger syndrome and other "invisible disabilities" . The school district has it's own Special Olympics and many of the typical kids like to volunteer as helpers for the athletes. It's often hard to tell which ones are the helpers and which are the athletes. So it's very cool and being around disabled kids is just so NORMAL around here.I started working as a substitute para last week and when I was working with one little girl who is non verbal except for the words yes and no. They don't really sound like yes and no, but the context and her facial

expressions help. Anyway, there were 3 little girls in her class (these were second graders) who just LOVED her to bits. They did more to train me than anyone else. "You have to move her arms for her when we do the macarena month song." They taught me some sign language for working with her. I used to be quite good with sign language but it's a skill you lose if you don't use it a lot. They taught me "sit" and "stand up" when we were doing the macarena thing. LOL. The 4th graders weren't quite as demonstrative but they were used to having the little boy with cerebral palsy in their class. I've seen similar things with how the older kids deal with . They help him and encourage him and put him in situations that will help him feel successful. Last year I think I told a story here about in PE. He was the last kid finishing the laps around the track. Another child saw he was running all

alone and had quite a way to go. So this child went out and ran with just a little behind him so wouldn't feel he was losing. He encouraged the whole way and then all the kids cheered for . And really, was a winner because he was following rules when other kids cheated and ran across the track. could have had a major meltdown about losing, but instead he was so proud. Of course this made all the staff cry. It makes me cry and makes lots of people cry when I tell them. LOL. It was a beautiful thing that proves kids really can be kind if they are educated in that way. I always make sure the kids around are educated and tell the teachers that they can be open about 's disability. This always works well. is very open about his disability too. He knows he has asperger syndrome and knows this is why he needs a para. He is able to advocate for himself verbally

now, though he sometimes over-uses it to get his way or get out of doing something. Still, it is progress. He is learning his limits. He says, "I don't feel like being social today". He can tell me when he's overwhelmed or tired. 's social skills are beyond my husband's now in some ways. I really didn't comprehend just how socially awkward he really was until this year when I suddenly realized that was explaining MY emotions to his dad. "Mom said that because she's really tired." LOL. OH MY GOD. And my husband takes this well from which is a HUGE help to me. I just wish didn't feel he had to do it. can navigate a conflict or take criticism much better than my husband and gets over it so quickly it's as if the upset didn't happen. My husband is deeply wounded for a long time, can't navigate it at all, is terrified of saying anything wrong and then becomes so frustrated

and angry he explodes. I often wish I could be HIS para!!! He needs a social coach. Desperately. I wish I could talk to his boss about this but of course I can't.OMG, I'm sorry I've written such a ridiculously long message!Miriam> > >> > > The next day...my son came home with the envelope unopened. I > said > > > what is this? Can't you go? He said he didn't know. So I emailed

> his > > > teacher. This is what she said....> > > > This is so typical and so frustrating. You probably already know > what> > I am going to say. I think the team needs to know about this sort> > of thing so they can build it into your son's plans, and the > principal> > also needs to know because he/she needs to personally discuss with > the> > teacher more appropriate/ effective/ constructive ways to handle > these> > types of problems.> > > > Ruth> >>

[Guest guest]

Of course she is playing games. She wants him to learn some "responsibility" and while she keeps giving him chances to do so, he is paying no attention and doesn't care. lol. I say that because I can see how they are thinking about it as I've sat across a sped teacher just like this one.

Now, did they let him turn in his money late and still let him go?

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re: Teacher Playing Games? Date: Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 4:24 PM

>> The next day...my son came home with the envelope unopened. I said > what is this? Can't you go? He said he didn't know. So I emailed his > teacher. This is what she said....This is so typical and so frustrating. You probably already know whatI am going to say. I think the team needs to know about this sortof thing so they can build it into your son's plans, and the principalalso needs to know because he/she needs to personally discuss with theteacher more appropriate/ effective/ constructive ways to handle thesetypes of problems.Ruth

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[Guest guest]

Well, the money came home....it will go back in on Tuesday...we are off on Monday..first day of Deer Hunting Season...it is a PA thing...ha ha! I remember when i first moved here...could not believe it...but way way way back in them good ole day...the locals all went out hunting this day...kids and all ...no one went to school so I guess they evenutally just started closing school and it has been that way ever since. But, as more and more people move up here...i think we have less kids out hunting but it has stuck....

So, the money will go back in another envelope...marked an all...I will tell my son to hand it in to his homeroom teacher....and if not to his special ed. teacher who went around collecting the money...the same one who handed it back to my son to give to his homeroom teacher only so that she could go around and collect it again. Of course. he didn't and it came back home! LOL....why did she think I brought it to her in the first place...because I knew he would not hand it in...OMG...are we going in circles or what...i am getting dizzy...yeah ..teach him responsibility but this is insand...we all waster time and energy when all I was doing was trying to avoid all this EXTRA work. God Bless them ...they (teachers) just don't understand our kids ...so SAD!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: Teacher Playing Games? Date: Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 4:24 PM

>> The next day...my son came home with the envelope unopened. I said > what is this? Can't you go? He said he didn't know. So I emailed his > teacher. This is what she said....This is so typical and so frustrating. You probably already know whatI am going to say. I think the team needs to know about this sortof thing so they can build it into your son's plans, and the principalalso needs to know because he/she needs to personally discuss with theteacher more appropriate/ effective/ constructive ways to handle thesetypes of problems.Ruth

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com Version: 8.0.175 / Virus Database: 270.9.10/1814 - Release Date: 11/26/2008 8:53 PM