New with a long post

[Guest guest]

Hi, mom of three here, my sons, age 12 and 6 years old are being

evaluated for Asperger's. We know whatever is wrong is in the

Asperger's family, even if it's not AS. I'm doing my level best to

learn new ways to help and deal with them approriately but my 6 year

old's behavior seems to be escalating daily. Just this summer,

he's already thrown mud in our pool, broke a water pipe across the

street causing the water to shot as high as the pole, hit or kick the

wall until the mirror in our livingroom fell and busted, eating

things he finds on the floor or on the street, impulse control

problems, having toddler tantrums including throwing himself on the

floor in public, the list goes on. Both boys break down in tears

when they don't get their way. The school wrote me this year that my

almost 12 year old was crying in class and in the lunch room for not

getting the table he wanted.

One thing I've learned already is that people automatically think you

must not discipline your child for them to be acting that way but

that's not true at all. We've disciplined age appropriate since the

kids were tiny. People also tell me I must baby them too much.

I love all my kids so much and it really hurts to have one of them

(my 6 year old) breaking me down so hard. I've been praying for peace

and strength to handle him correctly.

Any advice would greatly be appreciated. We're seeing a therapist

that wants to be sure of diagnosis before he send us to a specalist

for a treatment plan. After a treatment plan is formed, then we'll

be back to him for therapy for social interaction, etc. Atleast the

therapist has reassured me I'm not crazy and there is something wrong

with the boys. Strange that would be a relief..

The therapist asked me to list observations of the kids at home,

here's what I have. Do these sound familiar to ya'll???

12 year old: *sticks to his part of the conversation and has a hard

time acknowledging the other side of issues. *says sorry a lot for

misbehaving seeming very sincere, but turns around and does the same

behavior moments later. * seems obsessed with tattling and wanting

people to follow the rules without wavering but has trouble following

the same rules himself. *constantly talks, flipping from subject to

subject and when not talking is making sounds to himself. * says he

likes being different but complains when other children treat him

differently. *has extreme problems minding his own business. *has to

be in the middle of everything around him, including looking at mail,

asking what you're saying to someone else, etc. *tends to want to

play with children younger than him and toys below his age group.

Drew wants to be bossy and in charge of everyone around him.

*constantly is on top of his brother's activities and can not let him

breathe without bossing him or tattling on him. *will cry in public

or at home when he doesn't get his way, for example not getting the

table he wanted in the lunch room. *seems to burst out with what he

wants to say and can't stop what he's saying if you tell him you

already know. *grades have dropped to C, D and F's in the last two

years, he was tested and was labeled very gifted with a high IQ. *can

not organize his things at home or at school. *collects slightly

strange items, the cardboard divider in pepsi boxes, tv dinner boxes.

6 year old: *sticks to a pattern and finding it important to do so.

He does this with many items. *says things that don't fit the

conversation like saying he doesn't want to march in the corner as a

punishment because he's scared. I tried explaining what scared

actually means and the proper was to use the word but it seemed over

his head and he wouldn't pay attention to what I was saying *has a

very hard time accepting an activity is over and usually has a

meltdown. *very important to him to finish it on his terms. *talks

without stop about his subjects but very seldom provides relevant

points to the conversation; he also constantly makes sounds to

himself. *holds complete conversations with himself. *loves to spend

his time building out of any material he finds, whether it be blocks,

legos, old VHS tapes, broken toys; he sees a machine or some sort

device in everything. *loves math and spelling work sheets and school

in general. *doesn't seem to understand directions and/or answers to

his questions. You answer him or tell him what to do and he'll keep

asking the same questions over and over. *has toddler tantrums,

throwing himself on the floor in public even. *When being scolded,

etc. he repeats words you say like a robot but it's obvious he

doesn't understand. *talks non stop from getting up to going to bed.

He barely takes a breath.*has a volume control problem and talks

loudly most of the time but sometimes so mumbles and you can't even

hear him. Sometimes when he talks you can't understand what he's

saying at all. *tends to have outbursts of thoughts and can't wait to

tell you what he wants. *puts everything in his mouth even if you're

watching him. *can't seem to truly understand other people having

feelings and/or consider another's feelings above his own. His side

or feelings are the only thing important to him. *can't make focused

eye contact for longer than a glance, even if you cradle his face.

The eye doctor couldn't find anything wrong. *writing his letters and

numbers backwards and wears his shoes on the wrong feet. *can't grasp

the concept of things being dirty and able to make him sick and to

not touch things or put them in his mouth but will scold me for

picking up a chip after just dropping it and eat it. *he'll continue

an activity in front of you that you just told him to stop. *has

sensory issues with loud or sudden noises and covers his ears while

screaming (much better now than when he was younger).

I know it sounds like all bad observations but the therapist wanted

me to list things other people might think we're 'normal'.

Really look forward to replies, thanks

Charlotte T., proud volunteer with http://www.untilallhavehomes.org &

http://www.grantmeachance.com

Kaylee's story:

http://www.babyjellybeans.com/web/do/site/home?ID=174441

[Guest guest]

Hi Charlotte,

Boy can I identify with you! My 7 yr old son has many of the same

issues and he is Asperger's. At the physical age of 4, he was more

like a 2 1/2 yr old. Gage would have meltdowns in big stores and we

now know that it was because the store was so big (Walmart) that he

couldn't focus and was overwhelmed by all the people, lights and all

the stuff. He would try running away or hide under the clothing

racks.

Gage also carries on conversations with himself or his imaginary

friends. He loves to play with stuffed animals and all kinds of

containers. When he gets started on a subject, he also will not let

it go. I can't tell you how many times a day he says he is sorry but

can't seem to stop the behavior. He was also very defiant and would

not listen. We had so many battles each and everyday that I didn't

know how much longer I could go on. We live in PA which is a great

state for Autistic kids. After talking with his psychologist, we

went to a psychiatrist and he is now on Resperdol which has made a

HUGE difference in his personality. It just seemed like we were

having new and different issues and they weren't going away. I had

always sworn that I would never medicate my son and wasn't sure I

could go through with it but after talking to the Dr and listening to

him, I realized that Gage wasn't able to control his thoughts,

actions or the defiance and that the Resperdol would greatly help him

and who was I to deny him any kind of help?

Gage will also start crying in class saying that he misses me and

wants me there but normally his aide can redirect him and make him

forget.

Gage has been in therapy for 2 1/2 yrs now and it is a long process

to change the way they see things and to be able to make them aware

especially with the social stuff which is a huge issue for most

Asperger's kids. When GAge thinks something is funny he will not

stop no matter how upset other kids in his class get with him. He

just doesn't get it. We keep going over and over how when someone

tells him to stop, that means that they don't like it and Gage needs

to stop but it seems to be over his head and yet in other ways, his

intelligence is high.

I hope that my letter helps you out. Let me know if I can help you

out with anything else.

Sue

>

> Hi, mom of three here, my sons, age 12 and 6 years old are being

> evaluated for Asperger's. We know whatever is wrong is in the

> Asperger's family, even if it's not AS. I'm doing my level best to

> learn new ways to help and deal with them approriately but my 6

year

> old's behavior seems to be escalating daily. Just this summer,

> he's already thrown mud in our pool, broke a water pipe across the

> street causing the water to shot as high as the pole, hit or kick

the

> wall until the mirror in our livingroom fell and busted, eating

> things he finds on the floor or on the street, impulse control

> problems, having toddler tantrums including throwing himself on the

> floor in public, the list goes on. Both boys break down in tears

> when they don't get their way. The school wrote me this year that

my

> almost 12 year old was crying in class and in the lunch room for

not

> getting the table he wanted.

>

> One thing I've learned already is that people automatically think

you

> must not discipline your child for them to be acting that way but

> that's not true at all. We've disciplined age appropriate since the

> kids were tiny. People also tell me I must baby them too much.

>

> I love all my kids so much and it really hurts to have one of them

> (my 6 year old) breaking me down so hard. I've been praying for

peace

> and strength to handle him correctly.

>

> Any advice would greatly be appreciated. We're seeing a therapist

> that wants to be sure of diagnosis before he send us to a specalist

> for a treatment plan. After a treatment plan is formed, then we'll

> be back to him for therapy for social interaction, etc. Atleast

the

> therapist has reassured me I'm not crazy and there is something

wrong

> with the boys. Strange that would be a relief..

>

> The therapist asked me to list observations of the kids at home,

> here's what I have. Do these sound familiar to ya'll???

>

> 12 year old: *sticks to his part of the conversation and has a

hard

> time acknowledging the other side of issues. *says sorry a lot for

> misbehaving seeming very sincere, but turns around and does the

same

> behavior moments later. * seems obsessed with tattling and wanting

> people to follow the rules without wavering but has trouble

following

> the same rules himself. *constantly talks, flipping from subject

to

> subject and when not talking is making sounds to himself. * says he

> likes being different but complains when other children treat him

> differently. *has extreme problems minding his own business. *has

to

> be in the middle of everything around him, including looking at

mail,

> asking what you're saying to someone else, etc. *tends to want to

> play with children younger than him and toys below his age group.

> Drew wants to be bossy and in charge of everyone around him.

> *constantly is on top of his brother's activities and can not let

him

> breathe without bossing him or tattling on him. *will cry in public

> or at home when he doesn't get his way, for example not getting the

> table he wanted in the lunch room. *seems to burst out with what he

> wants to say and can't stop what he's saying if you tell him you

> already know. *grades have dropped to C, D and F's in the last two

> years, he was tested and was labeled very gifted with a high IQ.

*can

> not organize his things at home or at school. *collects slightly

> strange items, the cardboard divider in pepsi boxes, tv dinner

boxes.

>

> 6 year old: *sticks to a pattern and finding it important to do

so.

> He does this with many items. *says things that don't fit the

> conversation like saying he doesn't want to march in the corner as

a

> punishment because he's scared. I tried explaining what scared

> actually means and the proper was to use the word but it seemed

over

> his head and he wouldn't pay attention to what I was saying *has a

> very hard time accepting an activity is over and usually has a

> meltdown. *very important to him to finish it on his terms. *talks

> without stop about his subjects but very seldom provides relevant

> points to the conversation; he also constantly makes sounds to

> himself. *holds complete conversations with himself. *loves to

spend

> his time building out of any material he finds, whether it be

blocks,

> legos, old VHS tapes, broken toys; he sees a machine or some sort

> device in everything. *loves math and spelling work sheets and

school

> in general. *doesn't seem to understand directions and/or answers

to

> his questions. You answer him or tell him what to do and he'll

keep

> asking the same questions over and over. *has toddler tantrums,

> throwing himself on the floor in public even. *When being scolded,

> etc. he repeats words you say like a robot but it's obvious he

> doesn't understand. *talks non stop from getting up to going to

bed.

> He barely takes a breath.*has a volume control problem and talks

> loudly most of the time but sometimes so mumbles and you can't even

> hear him. Sometimes when he talks you can't understand what he's

> saying at all. *tends to have outbursts of thoughts and can't wait

to

> tell you what he wants. *puts everything in his mouth even if

you're

> watching him. *can't seem to truly understand other people having

> feelings and/or consider another's feelings above his own. His

side

> or feelings are the only thing important to him. *can't make

focused

> eye contact for longer than a glance, even if you cradle his face.

> The eye doctor couldn't find anything wrong. *writing his letters

and

> numbers backwards and wears his shoes on the wrong feet. *can't

grasp

> the concept of things being dirty and able to make him sick and to

> not touch things or put them in his mouth but will scold me for

> picking up a chip after just dropping it and eat it. *he'll

continue

> an activity in front of you that you just told him to stop. *has

> sensory issues with loud or sudden noises and covers his ears while

> screaming (much better now than when he was younger).

>

> I know it sounds like all bad observations but the therapist wanted

> me to list things other people might think we're 'normal'.

>

> Really look forward to replies, thanks

>

> Charlotte T., proud volunteer with http://www.untilallhavehomes.org

&

> http://www.grantmeachance.com

> Kaylee's story:

> http://www.babyjellybeans.com/web/do/site/home?ID=174441

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Charlotte

My son is also 6 and we have had an official Aspergers diagnosis for

about 3 weeks now. It feels good to have some answers and be able to

benefit from a support network like this one or others closer to home.

I think your observations are very thorough and will help in the

diagnosis. My 6 year old sounds very similar to your 6 year old.

Feel free to email if I can help I will. I know it is a challenging

time. Take care

, Melbourne

[Guest guest]

Hi, Charlotte!

Here is what my daughter shares in common with your kids:

--argumentative. Talks back. Won't drop a subject.

--says she's sorry, seems sincere, turns around two minutes later and does the

same thing.

--tells on other kids; gets mad when they tell on her

--wants to script other kids' play.

--has zero organizational skills

--talks to strangers about her unusual interests and provides no context

-- " builds " unusual things with poptart boxes, rulers, stickers, small toys.....

Tapes them all together and gives them a name.

--when we go out to eat, we have to tell her to keep her voice down about 20

times a meal. When she does a school presentation, you can barely hear her.

--has fits when she doesn't get her way or when it's time to do homework.

Sounds like our kids would be good friends!

Jaelynne