Re: Son Angry and Mean

[Guest guest]

Jan,

My oldest is 12 and has no interest in gals, yet....he he, and I'm not trying to brush this off, but I was hurtful and nasty to my folks when I was a teen. I wanted to be along or on the phone with my friends. If I had had a cell phone, man, that would have been heaven.

I guess I'm saying that although he has no right to be mean and nasty and certainly not hitting you,,,,,I think it's normal. Especially for a kid with "lagging" social skills. He's probably feeling a lot of stuff right now (girl wise) and maybe they've gotten into a fight or not? Maybe it's just the hormones and the teen crap.

I think you did the right thing by taking the stuff away. I don't think I would have, though. But,,,I'm a sucker.

Have you tried just talking..........not expecting a response, but just talking about how you think you know what he's going through and that you know he's growing up and wants to be alone and that you want to give him that time........that you respect that. But,,,,you love him and need him to give you the same respect you will try to give him.

Not that I'm this great all-knowing mom....Lord knows I suck....a lot....but it seems that I make the most headway when I am blunt and tell my kids that I have no clue what to do and that I need their help with making our fam run smoother.

So,,,anyway,,,,,,,,,I hope things get better.

Robin

From: jrushen <jrushen@...>Subject: ( ) Son Angry and Mean Date: Wednesday, December 3, 2008, 6:22 PM

It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with my son....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kids over, doing anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room, shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has been talking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what that means is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...they see each other in school and talk on the phone. But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...would not talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kept texting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e no computer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but again he ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him in there to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. He said

he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7 pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and his father said he was tired of all this and made him come in and study with me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn it off...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm and he then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelled at him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half and ripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found his belt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. I don't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN and NASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

Jan I feel your pain. I have gone through some of what you are talking about, my son being mean and hitting me or yelling at me. But my husband has helped me with this by putting the fear of God in him. lol Or the fear of himself. Anyway, he controls his temper by taking Guidon (?) and it has really helped. Also with the girls texting him, they may be tormenting him, and pretending to like him to get their

kicks. My son had this problem with a girl and then some boys calling and bothering him. He would become very angry and of course I had to deal with it. I started to listen with my son on his cell phone and I could hear what they were saying, and I knew what they were doing, and I told them not to call my son anymore. Kids are cruel. I think taking the phone away may make his life less stressful for awhile, but if he wants it back, it's going to be more stressful for you. But you have to do what you have to do. It's hard being a parent, but we have found that we have to keep on our son with the respecting us and not doing what is wrong. I have learned to pick my battles, but I don't give in if I think something is important

enough that he needs to learn from it and do right. I think you and your husband did the right thing, although with my son just taking the cell phone away would have been enough for him to act right. Take care, this to will pass, I tell myself when I have bad days. PJ

It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with my

son....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kids

over, doing anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,

shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has been

talking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what that

means is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...they

see each other in school and talk on the phone.

But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...would

not talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kept

texting him and it went on all night.

We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e no

computer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but again

he ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him in

there to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. He

said he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7

pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and his

father said he was tired of all this and made him come in and study

with me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn it

off...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm and

he then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelled

at him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half and

ripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found his

belt like that....

So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. I

don't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN and

NASTY to me...

so sad and lonely.

Jan

[Guest guest]

Robin,

You are so right...it is all so confusing to him and to me. He is growing ...hormones, girls, etc. My worry is that he is not mature enough yet and he says things that improper and sometimes just doesn't get it....and on top of all this his school work has gone down the tube and all his progress for his goals...and gone down down down.

I guess I was shocked that he hit me too! I was never into spanking when he was growing up ...more time out...but last night was a little much....I hate the way he is so disrespectful...I know I was NEVER like that...his tone....I guess I had had it and slapped his arm....more to shock him....

I am a sucker too...because he finally calmed down....came in said sorry...took a shower and his father helped him study when he was in the shower. Then he tried calling his girlfirend back but the phone was busy...so he asked if he could use the computer to talk to her...I gave it to him for 15 min. Am I a sucker or what. But I told him they are all gone for today. So when he comes home after school ....those things won't be here.....he can use the regular phone but it will be limited time wise. I told him school is more impotant.

Thanks for letting me know....I just never knew how teens were in reality ....but hearing it from you makes me feel better.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Son Angry and Mean Date: Wednesday, December 3, 2008, 6:22 PM

It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with my son....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kids over, doing anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room, shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has been talking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what that means is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...they see each other in school and talk on the phone. But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...would not talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kept texting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e no computer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but again he ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him in there to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. He said

he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7 pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and his father said he was tired of all this and made him come in and study with me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn it off...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm and he then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelled at him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half and ripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found his belt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. I don't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN and NASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

I'm glad you feel better. I'm also glad he calmed and "got it" later. I'm a lot like that. Blow up and then feel remorse.

Sounds totally like overload for him. Just the situations that he's in. Can't change them, they're just a part of life. AS or NT. Sometimes being a hormonal tween sucks...hehe.

Good luck with him.

Hugs.

Robin

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Son Angry and Mean Date: Wednesday, December 3, 2008, 6:22 PM

It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with my son....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kids over, doing anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room, shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has been talking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what that means is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...they see each other in school and talk on the phone. But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...would not talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kept texting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e no computer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but again he ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him in there to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. He said

he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7 pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and his father said he was tired of all this and made him come in and study with me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn it off...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm and he then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelled at him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half and ripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found his belt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. I don't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN and NASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

Well....he got to use his xbox for an hour...it is his Social group...he plays Live. But he has not gotten his phone...and he hasn't asked for it...I dont' think I am going to give it to him...he is not allowed to take it to school...he had it taken away 2x. I can't trust him with it ...the temptation is too much.

My therapist said that he should write me a written apology note and that he should think of something nice to do for me...like vacuum for the house for 3 weeks ...so i told this to my son...he can't have the Xbox back till he does this ....and when he gets it back, we will limit him.

I am tired of being treated so awfully...

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Patti Journey <pjpoo78363@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Angry and Mean Date: Thursday, December 4, 2008, 2:26 AM

Jan I feel your pain. I have gone through some of what you are talking about, my son being mean and hitting me or yelling at me. But my husband has helped me with this by putting the fear of God in him. lol Or the fear of himself. Anyway, he controls his temper by taking Guidon (?) and it has really helped. Also with the girls texting him, they may be tormenting him, and pretending to like him to get their kicks. My son had this problem with a girl and then some boys calling and bothering him. He would become very angry and of course I had to deal with it. I started to listen with my

son on his cell phone and I could hear what they were saying, and I knew what they were doing, and I told them not to call my son anymore. Kids are cruel. I think taking the phone away may make his life less stressful for awhile, but if he wants it back, it's going to be more stressful for you. But you have to do what you have to do. It's hard being a parent, but we have found that we have to keep on our son with the respecting us and not doing what is wrong. I have learned to pick my battles, but I don't give in if I think something is important enough that he needs to learn from it and do right. I think you and your husband did the right thing, although with my son just taking the cell phone away would have been enough for him to act right. Take care, this to will pass, I tell myself when

I have bad days. PJ

It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with my son....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kids over, doing anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room, shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has been talking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what that means is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...they see each other in school and talk on the phone. But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...would not talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kept texting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e no computer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but again he ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him in there to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. He said

he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7 pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and his father said he was tired of all this and made him come in and study with me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn it off...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm and he then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelled at him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half and ripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found his belt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. I don't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN and NASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what

prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to

be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is

behaving the way he is.

I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate

with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger?

Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?

Remove them.

That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime

he will see that these things really are not important in the first

place.

It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with my

son....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kids

over, doing anything....he comes home and goes in the spare room,

shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has been

talking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what that

means is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...they

see each other in school and talk on the phone.

But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...would

not talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kept

texting him and it went on all night.

We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwise no

computer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but again

he ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him in

there to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. He

said he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7

pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and his

father said he was tired of all this and made him come in and study

with me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn it

off...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm and

he then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelled

at him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half and

ripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found his

belt like that....

So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. I

don't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN and

NASTY to me...

so sad and lonely.

Jan

[Guest guest]

But beleive it or not my son is very social ...he needs friends more than anything in the world....that is what motivates him...the ONLY thing....I am not sure he would even go on xbox other an he can talk to people....he wants friends and seems to have them...he talks to 3 girls, shane, jake, brad (all older than him)....and then and Nick ...his age...plus his friends from Xbox....one in california, one in florida and one from Norway....

He just doen'st want to be bothered by homework, cleaning-up, house rules, etc. He's biggest trigger right now is his teacher....he truly HaTES her. He shuts down on her. He says she yells all the time....I think that is his TRIGGER for all his behaviors and at home it is following rules....a day in school burns him out...if he had no homework...we would be fine....

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is behaving the way he is. I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger? Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?Remove them. That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime he will see that these things really are not important in the first place. It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with myson....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kidsover, doing

anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has beentalking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what thatmeans is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...theysee each other in school and talk on the phone.But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...wouldnot talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kepttexting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e nocomputer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but againhe ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him inthere to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. Hesaid he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and hisfather said he was tired of

all this and made him come in and studywith me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn itoff...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm andhe then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelledat him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half andripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found hisbelt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. Idon't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN andNASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

Jan,When my son was in school we had it in his IEP that he did not have to do home work. Before we would be up until past 10 p.m. doing it, and after being at school all day it was awful, for both of us. Staying at school all day is enough, he needs to be able to come home and relax. And do something he likes to do. Call another ARD, your son will be happier, and so will you. PJFrom: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Saturday, December 6, 2008 10:05:00 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean

But beleive it or not my son is very social ...he needs friends more than anything in the world....that is what motivates him...the ONLY thing....I am not sure he would even go on xbox other an he can talk to people....he wants friends and seems to have them...he talks to 3 girls, shane, jake, brad (all older than him)....and then and Nick ...his age...plus his friends from Xbox....one in california, one in florida and one from Norway....

He just doen'st want to be bothered by homework, cleaning-up, house rules, etc. He's biggest trigger right now is his teacher....he truly HaTES her. He shuts down on her. He says she yells all the time....I think that is his TRIGGER for all his behaviors and at home it is following rules....a day in school burns him out...if he had no homework...we would be fine....

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron>Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is behaving the way he is. I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger? Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?Remove them. That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime he will see that these things really are not important in the first place. It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with myson....he has no interest in

anything school, guitar, having kidsover, doing

anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has beentalking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what thatmeans is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...theysee each other in school and talk on the phone.But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...wouldnot talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kepttexting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e nocomputer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but againhe ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him inthere to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. Hesaid he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and hisfather said he was tired of

all this and made him come in and studywith me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn itoff...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm andhe then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelledat him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half andripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found hisbelt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. Idon't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN andNASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

WOW! Did he suffer from not dong any? How were his grades? Was he able to do his projects???? I had always thought homework was too much for him!!! I know in the high school I am in (same district but the west ...my son goes to the east) the kids don't do the homework....some may ...but the majority don't!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron>Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is behaving the way he is. I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger? Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?Remove them. That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime he will see that these things really are not important in the first place. It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with myson....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kidsover, doing

anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has beentalking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what thatmeans is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...theysee each other in school and talk on the phone.But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...wouldnot talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kepttexting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e nocomputer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but againhe ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him inthere to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. Hesaid he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and hisfather said he was tired of

all this and made him come in and studywith me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn itoff...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm andhe then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelledat him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half andripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found hisbelt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. Idon't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN andNASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

Dylan gets more time to hand assignments in and he will go in early/stay after on some days to make up work or get started early on assignments with his teacher. Whatever he can't finish at school, we do at home. I don't want him to think he doesn't have to do all of the assignments the other kids have to do. He just needs accommodations to ensure he has enough time and assignments explained appropriately and broken down in realistic (for him) sections. I do a lot of that myself though. But the teachers know eventually he will turn everything in so it works out.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Sunday, December 7, 2008 12:42:42 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean

WOW! Did he suffer from not dong any? How were his grades? Was he able to do his projects???? I had always thought homework was too much for him!!! I know in the high school I am in (same district but the west ...my son goes to the east) the kids don't do the homework.... some may ...but the majority don't!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron>Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is behaving the way he is. I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger? Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?Remove them. That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime he will see that these things really are not important in the first place. It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with myson....he has no interest in anything

school, guitar, having kidsover, doing anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has beentalking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what thatmeans is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...theysee each other in school and talk on the phone.But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...wouldnot talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kepttexting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e nocomputer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but againhe ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him inthere to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. Hesaid he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was

on and hisfather said he was tired of all this and made him come in and studywith me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn itoff...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm andhe then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelledat him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half andripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found hisbelt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. Idon't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN andNASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

my son's work was modified, he is not at a 12th grade level, but his grades are all A's with what he does. He works from pace books at home. He couldn't cope being at school, he does his work at home. But he will be graduating this year. PJFrom: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Sunday,

December 7, 2008 12:42:42 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean

WOW! Did he suffer from not dong any? How were his grades? Was he able to do his projects???? I had always thought homework was too much for him!!! I know in the high school I am in (same district but the west ...my son goes to the east) the kids don't do the homework.... some may ...but the majority don't!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron>Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is behaving the way he is. I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger? Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?Remove them. That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime he will see that these things really are not important in the first place. It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with myson....he has no interest in

anything school, guitar, having kidsover, doing

anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has beentalking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what thatmeans is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...theysee each other in school and talk on the phone.But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...wouldnot talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kepttexting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e nocomputer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but againhe ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him inthere to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. Hesaid he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and hisfather said he was tired of

all this and made him come in and studywith me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn itoff...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm andhe then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelledat him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half andripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found hisbelt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. Idon't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN andNASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

Bravo for him!!! Tell him Way to Go ...from me...and way to go MOM! You must be PROUD....

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron>Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is behaving the way he is. I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger? Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?Remove them. That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime he will see that these things really are not important in the first place. It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with myson....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kidsover, doing

anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has beentalking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what thatmeans is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...theysee each other in school and talk on the phone.But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...wouldnot talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kepttexting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e nocomputer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but againhe ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him inthere to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. Hesaid he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and hisfather said he was tired of

all this and made him come in and studywith me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn itoff...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm andhe then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelledat him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half andripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found hisbelt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. Idon't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN andNASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

Oh that is great...my son can't work with me sometimes....

but we just did some of his math homework...he was getting tired so I finished writing the problems down ...so all he had t do was Solve them!

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron>Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is behaving the way he is. I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger? Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?Remove them. That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime he will see that these things really are not important in the first place. It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with myson....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kidsover, doing

anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has beentalking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what thatmeans is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...theysee each other in school and talk on the phone.But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...wouldnot talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kepttexting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e nocomputer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but againhe ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him inthere to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. Hesaid he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and hisfather said he was tired of

all this and made him come in and studywith me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn itoff...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm andhe then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelledat him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half andripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found hisbelt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. Idon't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN andNASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

I know they can be a little "a-hem" challenging at this age. I just make it known that he has to do his work to earn his game time. That's enough motivation for him. I'm not militant about it though. If he has a bunch of work to do, I break it down to reasonable amounts and when he's done with that, he's done for the day and he earns his game time. Having the accommodation to have extra time to complete homework/projects and frequent communication with his teachers helps tremendously. So does him staying after/coming in early sometimes. I've heard from two teachers this year "your son is a different kid when he stays after school" - I KNOW! THAT'S MY SON. That's his true self, not the kid they see in class. So I think it's good for him to have that one-on-one time on occasion because besides the extra help he gets with his work, they get to see the

boy I see most of the time.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Sunday, December 7, 2008 5:57:55 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean

Oh that is great...my son can't work with me sometimes... .

but we just did some of his math homework...he was getting tired so I finished writing the problems down ...so all he had t do was Solve them!

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron>Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is behaving the way he is. I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger? Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?Remove them. That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime he will see that these things really are not important in the first place. It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with myson....he has no interest in anything

school, guitar, having kidsover, doing anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has beentalking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what thatmeans is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...theysee each other in school and talk on the phone.But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...wouldnot talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kepttexting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e nocomputer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but againhe ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him inthere to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. Hesaid he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was

on and hisfather said he was tired of all this and made him come in and studywith me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn itoff...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm andhe then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelledat him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half andripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found hisbelt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. Idon't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN andNASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

" He just doen'st want to be bothered by homework, cleaning-up, house

rules, etc. He's biggest trigger right now is his teacher....he truly

HaTES her. He shuts down on her. He says she yells all the time....I

think that is his TRIGGER for all his behaviors and at home it is

following rules....a day in school burns him out...if he had no

homework...we would be fine.... "

Homework is a necessary part of schooling. It could be that he is

having trouble with the teacher because she is trying to make him work

harder than he has up until the present.

[Guest guest]

What a wonderful story...or post....i wanted to cry reading it...I am so emotional lately...yes the real child they don't see ...or get to know....

I looked at photos of when he was young...and say..where did my sweet little boy go...my son who was full of love and sweetness...i know deep down he is still there and I need to bring him back ....the little boy who loved his poppy and guarded him all around the hospital with his power ranger sword...

gotta go i am crying.....................

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron>Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not listing out what prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is behaving the way he is. I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger? Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?Remove them. That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime he will see that these things really are not important in the first place. It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with myson....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kidsover, doing

anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has beentalking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what thatmeans is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...theysee each other in school and talk on the phone.But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...wouldnot talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kepttexting him and it went on all night.We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e nocomputer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but againhe ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him inthere to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. Hesaid he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and hisfather said he was tired of

all this and made him come in and studywith me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn itoff...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm andhe then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelledat him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half andripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found hisbelt like that....So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. Idon't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN andNASTY to me...so sad and lonely.Jan

[Guest guest]

This is Mack’s (16yo) first year in high school and his first

year back home after 16 months in residential treatment. Right now with one

week left before the semester is over, he is failing algebra. Last week he was

also failing free enterprise, but has managed to make-up the work in that

class. He was also failing Reading, but is making up that work. He does NO

homework at home these days. Even the mention of it leads to screaming

obscenities and slamming doors. He can’t slam his door anymore because we took

it off, so he hung up a sheet. He is on a very strict behavior plan with Levels

of privileges, just like he was on in residential. He has no use of phone,

video games, computer, TV, etc. unless he does homework and chores. For each

assignment or chore that he completes he gets 20 minutes. If he repeatedly

refuses and/or curses, breaks things, etc., he loses points from his daily

total of 100 points. In order to move to a higher level with more privileges,

he must have a two week average of 80 points. Hasn’t happened!! So, we keep

all of his electronics in our room. His adoptive mom (my husband’s ex-wife who

walked out when he was 7yo) sent him a pay-as-you-go cell phone even though we

told her that he was not on a privilege level that allowed him to own a cell

phone. She is going to have him for two weeks at Christmas and wants him to

have his phone. We told her, No! We told her not to send it in the first

place, so she wasted her money. She will let him have whatever he wants while

he is with her, so we will definitely be the bad guys when he returns! What

fun!

Anyway, the upside is that prior to the residential center,

Mack not only had the meltdowns at home, but also at school. Now he is very

appropriate in class and all of the teachers enjoy him and want to see him

succeed. He does most of his work at school with no problems. It is the

homework, studying for tests, and projects that are his downfall. Of course,

these have to been done at home after school and he refuses to do any work at

home or to let us assist him. We require him to go to TLC ( The Learning

Center) at school three days a week, but even that does not help because there

is no one to monitor whether he does anything. So, now we have tried to set up

a plan with his IEP teacher to make sure that he is doing productive work while

he is there and that he is doing missed work during his Resource period. Right

now it is a matter of prayer that he passes three classes this semester.

At home we do not push him to do anything. He has a written

schedule for everyday. We tell him to check it and do what is on it in regards

to homework and chores. If he does it, he is rewarded. If he does nothing,

then he does not get any reward. He usually retreats to take a shower when he

doesn’t want to do anything and then goes to his room. He has nothing in there

to do except read. We don’t push because he has become violent and has been

arrested for violence on family, teachers, and police in the past. That is why

he spent time in residential. He is still on probation and is tracked by them

2-3 times per week. The negative reports are made to probation and could

lengthen his probation or even remove him from our home and custody. We do not

want this to happen, but with his combined diagnoses of Aspergers, bipolar

disorder, and ADHD plus others – this is where we are, despite counseling,

hospitalizations, medication, etc.

Donna

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of MacAllister

Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2008 8:41 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean

I

know they can be a little " a-hem " challenging at this age. I

just make it known that he has to do his work to earn his game time.

That's enough motivation for him. I'm not militant about it though.

If he has a bunch of work to do, I break it down to reasonable amounts

and when he's done with that, he's done for the day and he earns his game

time. Having the accommodation to have extra time to complete

homework/projects and frequent communication with his teachers helps

tremendously. So does him staying after/coming in early sometimes.

I've heard from two teachers this year " your son is a different kid

when he stays after school " - I KNOW! THAT'S MY

SON. That's his true self, not the kid they see in class. So I

think it's good for him to have that one-on-one time on occasion because

besides the extra help he gets with his work, they get to see the boy I see

most of the time.

" Over-optimism

is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out. "

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...>

Sent: Sunday, December 7, 2008 5:57:55 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean

Oh that is great...my son can't work with me sometimes...

..

but we just did some of his math homework...he was getting

tired so I finished writing the problems down ...so all he had t do was Solve

them!

jan

Janice Rushen

" I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and

hope "

From: michiganhuron <michiganhuron>

Subject: ( ) Re: Son Angry and Mean

Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

You are listing out his behaviors but you are not

listing out what

prompted them. No behavior materializes out of nowhere. There had to

be a trigger that has compounded itself to the point where he is

behaving the way he is.

I guess my question would be why he is even allowed to communicate

with any of these people which are clearly exacerbating his anger?

Why is he allowed to have a cell pohone and a computer?

Remove them.

That will cause him to be angry at you, but perhaps in the meantime

he will see that these things really are not important in the first

place.

It has been a bad week...I don't know what is going on with my

son....he has no interest in anything school, guitar, having kids

over, doing anything.... he comes home and goes in the spare room,

shuts the door and goes on the computer and cell phone. He has been

talking with these 3 girls...2 he claims he was dating...what that

means is beyone me...they really don't date...don't hold hands...they

see each other in school and talk on the phone.

But Tuesday he came home in a very bad mood...and I mean bad...would

not talk to me...everytime I tried he got nasty....these girls kept

texting him and it went on all night.

We told him that he better write in his planner....otherwis e no

computer, no phone and no xbox...well he did write in it...but again

he ran into his room....his TSS came and finally I had to send him in

there to work with him. Once his TSS left....he closed his door. He

said he would study with me for the SS quiz. But of course...when 7

pm came..he wanted a shower...but the dishwasher was on and his

father said he was tired of all this and made him come in and study

with me. He brought his phone with him....I told him to turn it

off...he yelled at me in this nasty voice and I slapped his arm and

he then turned and hit me back....He Hit me back...his father yelled

at him and he ran to his room...and ripped his belt in half and

ripped his S.S. papers in shreds...He told his father he found his

belt like that....

So, we have taken Xbox, computer and cell phone...they are gone. I

don't know how much more I can deal with this....he is SO MEAN and

NASTY to me...

so sad and lonely.

Jan