Re: Just Anger and Mad

[Guest guest]

I currently have an 18 year old high school senior with Asperger's. It has definitely been a challenge. I have had to intervene on his behalf many times over the past four years. He is currently working on his graduation by proficiency project that has to be completed by March for him to graduate. I don't know how he will do after graduating or in college. It is kind of like taking a huge leap off a very short pier. Pam

In a message dated 1/28/2009 3:58:58 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, sue.russo@... writes:

My son now 14 started high school this year. He has ADD and Aspergers is suspected although it has been difficult to get a definite diagnosis on this. In my reading about Aspergers he definetly fit the criteria. Anyway I share your frustration and concern on getting them through to graduation. In middle school my son was assigned a tutor who helped him get assignments completed that he would not do at home. Now in high school they don't offer that but are supposed to be keeping track of his progress and alerting me to anything that may couse him a failing grade like missing asignments. Since he does not want to share homework details with me at least I am alerted by the school when things are overdue and no surpises come report card time. A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

>

> What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an

> IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem

> at school.

It helped us to let one of the special ed directors and the principal

(and let them know you are talking to both) know our son's teachers

were treating his disabilities like disciplinary problems. This is

illegal, and it would be very unusual for them not to take some

action. At your next IEP meeting--you could call one since you have

unresolved problems--discuss this problem and maybe also ask for more

teacher training.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

My son now 14 started high school this year. He has ADD and Aspergers

is suspected although it has been difficult to get a definite diagnosis

on this. In my reading about Aspergers he definetly fit the criteria.

Anyway I share your frustration and concern on getting them through to

graduation. In middle school my son was assigned a tutor who helped him

get assignments completed that he would not do at home. Now in high

school they don't offer that but are supposed to be keeping track of

his progress and alerting me to anything that may couse him a failing

grade like missing asignments. Since he does not want to share homework

details with me at least I am alerted by the school when things are

overdue and no surpises come report card time.

[Guest guest]

...my son is 13 too! He is in 7th grade and he too loses everything...difficult to get him to do homework...in fact it can be a major battle. And, yes, the school staff and teachers often look at him as a "trouble kid" or a "problem child". And, he also has anger problems...I think it comes from fustration from not being understood, us nagging him to do homework etc. and feeling "stupid"...I too worry about the future and high school....and then what...

Everyone that I talk to tell me ...you are doing the best you can and that is all you can do...and sometimes I think...lets just get thru this year...why should I worry about what has not happened and part of me says....he is who he is and I can't change the future or who he is ....All I can do is help him the best I can and leave the rest in God's hands.Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: quiltsbylinda <quiltsbylinda@...>Subject: ( ) Just Anger and Mad Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 8:18 PM

My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions now. What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and finally I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving? Yes, slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am wondering about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death. How is he

going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing well and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long rambling letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to be ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any thoughts

[Guest guest]

You certainly arnt alone ......Where are you from I am in Kentucky our grandson doesnt go to school any more because they just dont understand at home we have fought for two years he is home bound taught and the school system will do nothing else it is so discouraging we only want skilled living and aba therapy now but they fight us all the way he will be 13 soon

Every one thinks spanking is the answer ooooo so wrong,,,,,,Where ya from ??????

From: quiltsbylinda <quiltsbylinda@...>Subject: ( ) Just Anger and Mad Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 8:18 PM

My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions now. What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and finally I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving? Yes, slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am wondering about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death. How is he

going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing well and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long rambling letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to be ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any thoughts

[Guest guest]

Hi, does he type? If so, would ask about having him type his work

since his writing isn't legible. Speaking of that, does he have a

diagnosis for that? My son got a dysgraphia diagnosis for the

illegible writing. And you might also ask about his getting

occupational therapy for it? Is his writing due partly to motor

skill issues or pencil grip or...? Short story, my son's writing

took a turn for the worse in 6th grade (due to OCD) and I had to

scribe for him at home. Yes it was rough on me too! We had

accommodations about his work and being able to turn it in late with

no grade penalty.

He was very disorganized, told the school not to expect him to be.

Now he didn't lose his work, well rarely, it was usually just shoved

into a book or his backpack or notebook.... Had to be searched for.

But he did seem to lose pencils daily (I was ready to buy stock in

pencil companies!).

With math, is math hard for him or is it just he writing part? How

is he at other subjects, is the subject difficult for him to

comprehend or is it the writing?

Their " problem " label -- is any of it behavior or all just about his

schoolwork and losing things or...?

single mom, 3 sons

, 20, with OCD, dysgraphia and Aspergers

>

> My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been

fighting

> this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions

now.

> What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have

an

> IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a

problem

> at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The

> principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and

[Guest guest]

If spanking were the answer, then it would have worked by now, wouldn't it? So I think it's been proven that this isn't the answer.

He sounds like a typical AS kid at his age. He has poor organizational skills (executive dysfunction), poor fine motor/handwriting, the homework routine at home making you nuts, now you are scared about the future.

First, I would get a complete educational evaluation done. Request one in writing if he has not had one yet. He should be tested for all these areas of deficit that he is having problems in. He has an aide, which is great! She/he should be able to help him organize his daily work and not lose his papers and hats. That should be part of the IEP so it happens!!

He needs OT for fine motor/handwriting work. If he did not qualify in the past and he requires an aide to scribe for him, then it's obvious that he needs a new OT eval and does need help with fine motor/handwriting or he wouldn't need a scribe!! You have proof of need just in the fact that he has a scribe.

As for homework, I would want to find out why it's such a problem. Does he just not understand the material or how to do the work? Is he balking because the homework is to be written and he is tired of writing or it is too hard to write that much? Is he tired of dealing with school all day, then coming home to do four more hours of it? Or maybe it's a combination of these things? At any rate, I would get help for this. You can have homework modified as part of his IEP. Get it reduced. Do only half or have the aide work with him on his homework at school. Whatever the issue is, doing four hours at home is not doing anyone any good! He needs time to chill out and relax and do kid things!

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Just Anger and Mad

My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions now. What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and finally I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving? Yes, slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am wondering about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death. How is he going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing well and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long rambling letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to be ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any thoughts

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[Guest guest]

Thank you Ruth for your encourgement, I have been to the school so

many times I ought to own stock in the education system. I finally

told them that I didn't want ANY teacher telling my son that he was

lazy, disruptive, stupid or otherwise lowering his self esteam any

more. Amazing what happened next (mind you this was just on

Wednesday 1/29/09) my son brought home a award for reading. 7th

grade reads and comprehends on a 12th grade level. Greg was over the

moon. No one compalined at him and he had a great day. I guess

having a fit (lol) in the principals office does sometimes work.

> >

> > What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we

have an

> > IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a

problem

> > at school.

>

> It helped us to let one of the special ed directors and the

principal

> (and let them know you are talking to both) know our son's teachers

> were treating his disabilities like disciplinary problems. This is

> illegal, and it would be very unusual for them not to take some

> action. At your next IEP meeting--you could call one since you have

> unresolved problems--discuss this problem and maybe also ask for

more

> teacher training.

>

> Ruth

>

[Guest guest]

As of Wednesday of this week I am now getting daily emails from his

sp.ed teacher, so that I will know of any problems before hand. This

is going to help me as my son will not talk about his assignments or

the homework he needs to do. You might try that. Hopefully it might

help as we now live in the computer age. Just hang in there and try

different things with the school.

>

> My son now 14 started high school this year. He has ADD and Aspergers

> is suspected although it has been difficult to get a definite

diagnosis

> on this. In my reading about Aspergers he definetly fit the criteria.

> Anyway I share your frustration and concern on getting them through

to

> graduation. In middle school my son was assigned a tutor who helped

him

> get assignments completed that he would not do at home. Now in high

> school they don't offer that but are supposed to be keeping track of

> his progress and alerting me to anything that may couse him a failing

> grade like missing asignments. Since he does not want to share

homework

> details with me at least I am alerted by the school when things are

> overdue and no surpises come report card time.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi janice, thanks for your thoughts, sometimes I cry and scream at

the walls because no one knows what you go through. You have this

beatiful child full of potienal and the teacher says to you that he

can't go on the field trip because he lost his pencil. Talk about

wanting to tear down walls with your fingernails. When your child

comes home crying, and remember he stands 5'6 " tall, and says the

teacher said he was a disruption in the class so he has to sit in the

hallways and can't go with the rest of his grade on trip he has

looked forward to all year it hurts. How do I make them understand

the great son that I have? I got down on my knees last night and

just finally turned it all over to my heavenly father and for the

first time this school year I went to sleep not worrying over what

was going to happen the next day. We'll see. (bye the way, he is

going on trip). YEA

>

> From: quiltsbylinda <quiltsbylinda@...>

> Subject: ( ) Just Anger and Mad

>

> Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 8:18 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been

fighting

> this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions

now.

> What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have

an

> IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a

problem

> at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The

> principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and

finally

> I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as

> Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication

> finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with

> him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk

> about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving?

Yes,

> slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am

wondering

> about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death.

How

> is he going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing

well

> and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long

rambling

> letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to

be

> ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I

> stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any

thoughts

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Thank you Ruth for your encourgement, I have been to the school so

> many times I ought to own stock in the education system. I finally

> told them that I didn't want ANY teacher telling my son that he was

> lazy, disruptive, stupid or otherwise lowering his self esteam any

> more. Amazing what happened next (mind you this was just on

> Wednesday 1/29/09) my son brought home a award for reading. 7th

> grade reads and comprehends on a 12th grade level. Greg was over the

> moon. No one compalined at him and he had a great day. I guess

> having a fit (lol) in the principals office does sometimes work.

That's great to hear. WTG! --Ruth

[Guest guest]

--- In , " quiltsbylinda "

>

,

My son is also 13 and recently dx'ed. He had some issues completting

classwork and homework in elementary school, but it all became so

much more difficult in middle school. I, too, am angry. As I recently

discovered that the principal of the elementary school " suspected "

AS, but didn't share his suspicions with me!! I could cry when I read

of all the " early intervention programs " that may have made a world

of difference to his school experience.

Anger, sadness and frustration are not going to help our boys now. We

have to be positive and make the most of the resources available to

us and this support group seems to be a great place for help.

My son does not have a scribe, but would certainly benefit from one.

His school seems to be very willing to help. He has only had the IEP

this school year and it appears to be a huge experiment. Some

teachers are onboard, others are not. I meet with my son and his

principal every day(!) to go over his homework and his schedule. I

sign and check his organizer and homework every night. It is a battle

some nights to get him to do the bare minimum required.

I also dread high school. I am not sure how he (or I ) will cope.I

fear that we will just get him settled into a good routine in middle

school, only to start all over again with high school.

I am sorry to hear that your spouse was not supportive, you have

made the best decision for both your son and yourself.

What I wanted to say, is that you are not alone and we are all going

thru very similar challenges.

Kylie in CA.

> My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been

fighting

> this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions

now.

> What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have

an

> IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a

problem

> at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The

> principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and

finally

> I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts

as

> Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication

> finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight

with

> him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk

> about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving?

Yes,

> slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am

wondering

> about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death.

How

> is he going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing

well

> and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long

rambling

> letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to

be

> ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I

> stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any

thoughts

>

[Guest guest]

,

I know what you mean about the husbands.. They always think the kids are

just being jerks and just need discipline..That we " baby " them too

much..I hate that!! I guess all the doctors I've been to must be

wrong..Silly me....

Conni

[Guest guest]

Yup...you are right....we are all in this together....my son is 13 too! And, boy what a job it is to get him to do anything! We fight about homework every single night! UGH! And even when it is done...he still doesn't hand it in! OMG! I want to pull my hair out!

But, one day at a time and we can only do the best that we can....help them as best as we can....and the rest is out of our hands.....I have to story feeling guilty and worrying about it....the future is not here ...so I must stay in the moment.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: kyliemonty <kyliemonty@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Just Anger and Mad Date: Thursday, January 29, 2009, 2:00 PM

--- In , "quiltsbylinda">,My son is also 13 and recently dx'ed. He had some issues completting classwork and homework in elementary school, but it all became so much more difficult in middle school. I, too, am angry. As I recently discovered that the principal of the elementary school "suspected" AS, but didn't share his suspicions with me!! I could cry when I read of all the "early intervention programs" that may have made a world of difference to his school experience.Anger, sadness and frustration are not going to help our boys now. We have to be positive and make the most of the resources available to us and this support group seems to be a great place for help.My son does not have a scribe, but would certainly benefit from one. His school seems to be very

willing to help. He has only had the IEP this school year and it appears to be a huge experiment. Some teachers are onboard, others are not. I meet with my son and his principal every day(!) to go over his homework and his schedule. I sign and check his organizer and homework every night. It is a battle some nights to get him to do the bare minimum required.I also dread high school. I am not sure how he (or I ) will cope.I fear that we will just get him settled into a good routine in middle school, only to start all over again with high school.I am sorry to hear that your spouse was not supportive, you have made the best decision for both your son and yourself.What I wanted to say, is that you are not alone and we are all going thru very similar challenges.Kylie in CA.> My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting > this for over 12yrs now and

finally, answers with more questions now. > What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an > IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem > at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The > principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and finally > I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as > Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication > finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with > him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk > about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving? Yes, > slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am wondering > about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death. How > is he going to

function? At the moment I just don't see him doing well > and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long rambling > letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to be > ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I > stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any thoughts>

[Guest guest]

Good for YOU! And Congrats to your Son!!! See if they stop yelling and calling our kids lazy etc. etc. they will be amazed by them. They are not seeing our kids for who they really are!!!! They just jump to conclusions and assume things...the wrong things...

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Just Anger and Mad Date: Thursday, January 29, 2009, 12:52 PM

>> Thank you Ruth for your encourgement, I have been to the school so > many times I ought to own stock in the education system. I finally > told them that I didn't want ANY teacher telling my son that he was > lazy, disruptive, stupid or otherwise lowering his self esteam any > more. Amazing what happened next (mind you this was just on > Wednesday 1/29/09) my son brought home a award for reading. 7th > grade reads and comprehends on a 12th grade level. Greg was over the > moon. No one compalined at him and he had a great day. I guess > having a fit (lol) in the principals office does sometimes work. That's great to hear. WTG! --Ruth

[Guest guest]

,

First ...does your son have an IEP or 504? I know one thing...and I would make a stink over it....they can't not keep him from going on a field trip because that would be discrimination....forgetting, being disorganized, losing things ....it is all part of AS. And, you could fight them over that....they tried doing that to my son...2 x. Once in 5th grade they said he could not go to the dance because he didn't do all his homework assignments...so I asked....okay, what is he missing....I found them all...he was not missing any....they just refused to look....want to PUnish!!! But it was too late....they squashed all his desire to go to a dance and he has never gone to one and doesn't want to. Then at the end of the year...they were going on field trip...to Hershey (my husband was going as a chaperone-he took the day off). Well, if you have 7 pink slips you can't go. My son had 4....would you please he casemanager wrote him up

3 times in the 2 weeks before the trip....and one write up was becaue he didn't have his reading book with him....now mind you ...she was to make sure he was prepared every morning for classes....and then she writes him up for not having his book...does this make sense NO. Well, I gave them a piece of my mind....told them I had already paid for the trip, my husband took the day off of work and that the last 3 write ups were UnFAIR and I never (I refused ) to sign them....well, they let him go but they took away the park day trip from him. So, when that day came...I just kept him home. I was not going to let them make my son feel left out and horrible for some stupid write-ups.

I have learned so much since he was first dx in 3rd grade with ADHD and then DX changed in 6th garde to AS with Depression.

So, remember,,,,,stand up to them...You really are the boss....NOT THEM....they won't tell you that...but you and your son have MoRE RIGHTS than they want to tell you. Learn your state laws and get an advocate if need be.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: quiltsbylinda <quiltsbylinda@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Just Anger and Mad Date: Thursday, January 29, 2009, 11:30 AM

Hi janice, thanks for your thoughts, sometimes I cry and scream at the walls because no one knows what you go through. You have this beatiful child full of potienal and the teacher says to you that he can't go on the field trip because he lost his pencil. Talk about wanting to tear down walls with your fingernails. When your child comes home crying, and remember he stands 5'6" tall, and says the teacher said he was a disruption in the class so he has to sit in the hallways and can't go with the rest of his grade on trip he has looked forward to all year it hurts. How do I make them understand the great son that I have? I got down on my knees last night and just finally turned it all over to my heavenly father and for the first time this school year I went to sleep not worrying over what was going to happen the next day. We'll see. (bye the way, he is going on trip). YEA > > From: quiltsbylinda <quiltsbylinda@ ...>> Subject: ( ) Just Anger and Mad> > Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 8:18 PM> > > > > > > My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting > this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions now. > What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an > IEP now after asking for two years

for one). They label him a problem > at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The > principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and finally > I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as > Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication > finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with > him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk > about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving? Yes, > slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am wondering > about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death. How > is he going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing well > and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long rambling > letter. Guess I just feel like I'm

in this alone since the soon to be > ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I > stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any thoughts>

[Guest guest]

Daily communication is in my son's IEP and his SpEd teacher checks his planner every day and then signs it and I look at it and sign it. I have a foler where all the work goes back to school in. So, if he forgets to hand in his homework....they know where it is and can ask him for it.

Daily communications especially with assignments is important and can help so much!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: quiltsbylinda <quiltsbylinda@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Just Anger and Mad Date: Thursday, January 29, 2009, 11:16 AM

As of Wednesday of this week I am now getting daily emails from his sp.ed teacher, so that I will know of any problems before hand. This is going to help me as my son will not talk about his assignments or the homework he needs to do. You might try that. Hopefully it might help as we now live in the computer age. Just hang in there and try different things with the school. >> My son now 14 started high school this year. He has ADD and Aspergers > is suspected although it has been difficult to get a definite diagnosis > on this. In my reading about Aspergers he definetly fit the criteria. > Anyway I share your frustration and concern on getting them through to > graduation. In middle school my son was

assigned a tutor who helped him > get assignments completed that he would not do at home. Now in high > school they don't offer that but are supposed to be keeping track of > his progress and alerting me to anything that may couse him a failing > grade like missing asignments. Since he does not want to share homework > details with me at least I am alerted by the school when things are > overdue and no surpises come report card time.>

[Guest guest]

Roxanna....I agree with you 100%...I never did understand why some teachers give so much homework...kids need to be kids and need time to chill out ....

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <madideas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Just Anger and Mad Date: Thursday, January 29, 2009, 8:50 AM

If spanking were the answer, then it would have worked by now, wouldn't it? So I think it's been proven that this isn't the answer.

He sounds like a typical AS kid at his age. He has poor organizational skills (executive dysfunction) , poor fine motor/handwriting, the homework routine at home making you nuts, now you are scared about the future.

First, I would get a complete educational evaluation done. Request one in writing if he has not had one yet. He should be tested for all these areas of deficit that he is having problems in. He has an aide, which is great! She/he should be able to help him organize his daily work and not lose his papers and hats. That should be part of the IEP so it happens!!

He needs OT for fine motor/handwriting work. If he did not qualify in the past and he requires an aide to scribe for him, then it's obvious that he needs a new OT eval and does need help with fine motor/handwriting or he wouldn't need a scribe!! You have proof of need just in the fact that he has a scribe.

As for homework, I would want to find out why it's such a problem. Does he just not understand the material or how to do the work? Is he balking because the homework is to be written and he is tired of writing or it is too hard to write that much? Is he tired of dealing with school all day, then coming home to do four more hours of it? Or maybe it's a combination of these things? At any rate, I would get help for this. You can have homework modified as part of his IEP. Get it reduced. Do only half or have the aide work with him on his homework at school. Whatever the issue is, doing four hours at home is not doing anyone any good! He needs time to chill out and relax and do kid things!

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Just Anger and Mad

My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions now. What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and finally I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving? Yes, slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am wondering about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death. How is he

going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing well and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long rambling letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to be ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any thoughts

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the way the dr. discribed the disfunction was there is a disconnection between my son's brain and the fingers. He can write , you just can't read it. He forms his p, q, and 9's are all odd looking. He writes soooo slowly that homework takes hours. As for math the writing again interfers with the way he writes his numbers. As for the computer again the disconnection interfers with his typing. He is in typing class with computers and of course the teacher is complaining about not doing assignments, told him to be patient with Greg. We tried the scribing at home with me doing his writing. His teacher gave him all F's because mom wrote for him. However , that was in 6th grade and now in 7th grade he has a scribe. His behavior is typical of a 13 yr old boy. With losing books, papers,

pencils, the teachers are upset and of course take it out on him by labeling him a problem. That is why I finally had a fit in the principals office and told him NO MORE. No more having him stay after school and try to finish work, no more labels, period. Seems to be working so far(keep your fingers crossed). Because we live in North Dakota we have to travel up to 120 miles one way to see the dr. so travel is a big issue with us. But, I am calling the sp. ed teacher tomorrow about op. therapy at our local hospital. Surley they have someone there who can help him. Will wait and see what happens

From: <@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Just Anger and Mad Date: Wednesday, January 28, 2009, 9:42 PM

Hi, does he type? If so, would ask about having him type his work since his writing isn't legible. Speaking of that, does he have a diagnosis for that? My son got a dysgraphia diagnosis for the illegible writing. And you might also ask about his getting occupational therapy for it? Is his writing due partly to motor skill issues or pencil grip or...? Short story, my son's writing took a turn for the worse in 6th grade (due to OCD) and I had to scribe for him at home. Yes it was rough on me too! We had accommodations about his work and being able to turn it in late with no grade penalty. He was very disorganized, told the school not to expect him to be. Now he didn't lose his work, well rarely, it was usually just shoved into a book or his backpack or notebook.... Had to be searched for. But he did seem to lose pencils daily (I was ready to buy stock in pencil companies!). With math,

is math hard for him or is it just he writing part? How is he at other subjects, is the subject difficult for him to comprehend or is it the writing?Their "problem" label -- is any of it behavior or all just about his schoolwork and losing things or...? single mom, 3 sons, 20, with OCD, dysgraphia and Aspergers>> My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting > this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions now. > What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an > IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem > at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The

> principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and

[Guest guest]

We live in North Dakota and belive me the school's here are pretty good. The trouble is not the school so much as just teaching the teachers about AS. Since our school is only 563 students including K-12 they don't have much experience with AS. or things like that.

From: quiltsbylinda <quiltsbylinda>Subject: ( ) Just Anger and Mad Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 8:18 PM

My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions now. What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and finally I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving? Yes, slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am wondering about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death. How is he

going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing well and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long rambling letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to be ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any thoughts

[Guest guest]

I live in Texas, here the schools have to pay for the teachers to go to Asperger/Autism seminors, etc. to help them to understand and teach our children, they don't offer that there? You need to ask them about this, I was the first parent to get this started when my child was in elementary school. They didn't like it, but it was law, learn the laws, that will help you the most in getting what your child needs. Ask them for the booklet that tells you all about the laws, each time I went for an Ard meeting I was given a booklet that told you some of what was law. And my son's school was small too. You may have to get this started in this school like I did. My son is 18 now, when he was in elementary school, about 3rd grade, hardly any doctors knew what Aspergers was,

so I was like a pilgrim coming to a new land, it was hard, but it heped my son get some of what he needed, but it was like pulling teeth. Don't give up, fight for him and others that will be coming a long after him. pj

From: Mayfield <quiltsbylinda@...> Sent: Thursday, January 29, 2009 11:51:17 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Just Anger and Mad

We live in North Dakota and belive me the school's here are pretty good. The trouble is not the school so much as just teaching the teachers about AS. Since our school is only 563 students including K-12 they don't have much experience with AS. or things like that.

From: quiltsbylinda <quiltsbylinda>Subject: ( ) Just Anger and Mad Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 8:18 PM

My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions now. What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and finally I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving? Yes, slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am wondering about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death. How is he

going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing well and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long rambling letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to be ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any thoughts

[Guest guest]

>

> I live in Texas, here the schools have to pay for the teachers to go

to Asperger/Autism seminors, etc. to help them to understand and teach

our children, they don't offer that there? You need to ask them about

this, I was the first parent to get this started when my child was in

elementary school.�

Patti, what line of reasoning exactly did you use to get this started?

This is probably what my son needs the most. He is in 8th grade and

I know by the questions I get from his teachers that they don't know

how to work with him. He has a 504 and is starting a school Autism

evaluation soon (for a possible IEP). But I was told by a SPED

director that he could get teacher training with even just a 504, but

it is up to the building principal. And they, of course, don't want

to do it just for one kid (or so they say). I'm in Texas too, so

whatever you did would definitely apply. Thanks!

Ruth

[Guest guest]

We are getting ready to have a meeting with the school as my son is newly diagnosed with AS. Though he has always been who he is, I have just always been in working with the teachers while he was in elementary school. Now that he is in middle school, I can not be in the classrooms. I do email teachers daily and aid him with as much as possible from home. My question is what should we ask the school to aid him while he is at school? Academically he does great, but what in addition should we ask them to supply?

Thanks for any input.On Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 12:36 PM, Patti Journey <pjpoo78363@...> wrote:

I live in Texas, here the schools have to pay for the teachers to go to Asperger/Autism seminors, etc. to help them to understand and teach our children, they don't offer that there? You need to ask them about this, I was the first parent to get this started when my child was in elementary school. They didn't like it, but it was law, learn the laws, that will help you the most in getting what your child needs. Ask them for the booklet that tells you all about the laws, each time I went for an Ard meeting I was given a booklet that told you some of what was law. And my son's school was small too. You may have to get this started in this school like I did. My son is 18 now, when he was in elementary school, about 3rd grade, hardly any doctors knew what Aspergers was,

so I was like a pilgrim coming to a new land, it was hard, but it heped my son get some of what he needed, but it was like pulling teeth. Don't give up, fight for him and others that will be coming a long after him. pj

From: Mayfield <quiltsbylinda@...>

Sent: Thursday, January 29, 2009 11:51:17 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Just Anger and Mad

We live in North Dakota and belive me the school's here are pretty good. The trouble is not the school so much as just teaching the teachers about AS. Since our school is only 563 students including K-12 they don't have much experience with AS. or things like that.

From: quiltsbylinda <quiltsbylinda>Subject: ( ) Just Anger and Mad

Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 8:18 PM

My son who is 13, was just dx. with Aspergers. We have been fighting this for over 12yrs now and finally, answers with more questions now. What do you do when the school will not listen to you. (Yes we have an

IEP now after asking for two years for one). They label him a problem at school. Lost papers, books, homework, coats, gloves, hats. The principal of the elementary school put me off for two years and finally I had enough. Now we are in middle school with an aide. She acts as

Greg's scribe since he cannot write legible. When we got medication finally things improved but not quickly. I still have to fight with him over homework. (we spend hours doing a simple math paper). Talk about frustration, I've had my fill of it. Are things improving? Yes,

slowly and with long talks and emails to teachers. What I am wondering about now is after middle school. High school scares me to death. How is he

going to function? At the moment I just don't see him doing well and improving to the point of graduation. Sorry for the long rambling letter. Guess I just feel like I'm in this alone since the soon to be

ex-husband said he just needed more spanking to get things done. I stopped that thought in a hurry. Got rid of the husband. Any thoughts

[Guest guest]

Check out the program that have through the Austin Independent School District here in Texas. It's called SCORES. Maybe something on the website could help?

http://www.austinschools.org/scores/index.html

Dylan has an onsite SCORES staff person who helps him and about 10 other kids on the spectrum.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...> Sent: Friday, January 30, 2009 12:12:40 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Just Anger and Mad

>> I live in Texas, here the schools have to pay for the teachers to goto Asperger/Autism seminors, etc. to help them to understand and teachour children, they don't offer that there? You need to ask them aboutthis, I was the first parent to get this started when my child was inelementary school.� Patti, what line of reasoning exactly did you use to get this started?This is probably what my son needs the most. He is in 8th grade andI know by the questions I get from his teachers that they don't knowhow to work with him. He has a 504 and is starting a school Autismevaluation soon (for a possible IEP). But I was told by a SPEDdirector that he could get teacher training

with even just a 504, butit is up to the building principal. And they, of course, don't wantto do it just for one kid (or so they say). I'm in Texas too, sowhatever you did would definitely apply. Thanks!Ruth

[Guest guest]

It's the law, I just let them know that I knew it was a law. There is a paper back book that you can get from Austin, for free, it tells you about all the laws, I wish I could think of the name, can anyone else help me out here? No one at the school knew anything about the laws or acted like they did, but I helped them to know all about them. And I had a principle that didn't like what I was doing, but it wasn't her child, it was mine, in fact she didn't have any children and really couldn't relate at all. She even had the nerve to tell me that I took my son to to many doctors, this was before we knew he had Aspergers, we knew it was more than ADD and couldn't give up. You may have to educate them all, good luck. It wasn't easy, and I

had a many of days of coming home crying and feeling very depressed about it all, but if I didn't help my son, well no one else was going to or even cared. pj

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...> Sent: Friday, January 30, 2009 12:12:40 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Just Anger and Mad

>> I live in Texas, here the schools have to pay for the teachers to goto Asperger/Autism seminors, etc. to help them to understand and teachour children, they don't offer that there? You need to ask them aboutthis, I was the first parent to get this started when my child was inelementary school.� Patti, what line of reasoning exactly did you use to get this started?This is probably what my son needs the most. He is in 8th grade andI know by the questions I get from his teachers that they don't knowhow to work with him. He has a 504 and is starting a school Autismevaluation soon (for a possible IEP). But I was told by a SPEDdirector that he could get teacher training

with even just a 504, butit is up to the building principal. And they, of course, don't wantto do it just for one kid (or so they say). I'm in Texas too, sowhatever you did would definitely apply. Thanks!Ruth