[SPAM] RE: Re: Growing Up

[Guest guest]

Ruthie,

Been there, done that! Fortunately 16 months in a residential treatment group home setting has helped our 15yo. He was in a home with 10 boys who had behavior problems, regardless of their cause. At first I was skeptical that they could get him to adjust and conform and even more skeptical that the results would last when he came home. But he was on a very strict leveled behavior plan that included restraint if needed. He had 3 male staff on duty at all times. He also had the constant peer pressure to conform. Of course, he is still Aspergers, but he has learned that it is not a crutch or an excuse. In that environment he was able to learn how to behave appropriately. Now that he is at home, he is still doing well. But when people see my 6'5" 260pound husband they wonder why we could not control him without sending him away.

Donna

Re: ( ) Re: "Growing Up"

That is great if your child's disability isn't that much of a disability.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Re: "Growing Up"

Marj,I saw nothing in your post that sounded offensive and I probably would have said it a bit stronger. <G> I have raised my AS kids as any other outside of adjusting communication to how theypreceive it, etc. The way I look at it these kids are NORMAL, they just think and learn slightly differentthan the school teaches. With that in mind I treat them normal, expect them to get a job when they are 18 or still be in school. I expect them to help around the house andfollow the rules (age appropriate) or pay the consequences. If, at age 18, they are still rebellious and refuse to follow the rules out they go. Did it for DD on her 18th to give her a taste of reality. Those few months to a year did a world of good for us both. lol She is now 22, married 2 years and they just had theirfirst child who grandma adores. The way I look see it I will handicap my child just because someone has stated in the law their condition is classified as handicapped. They will learn to stand on their own two feet and as long as they are trying I will be there to guild them and help catch themif they topple and teach them a better alternative. But if they buck me like a wild stallionI will ride them, whip them into shape (finguratively speaking) until they realize that lifeis a b*tch if you are not prepared. At 18 if they are still bucking...I give them more roomoutside my house. Tis called tough love. Dee ><)))*>>> Sorry i did not mean for this to sound mean or upset anyone.> > Please forgive if I offended anyone.> > Marj>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 8.0.101 / Virus Database: 270.4.3/1528 - Release Date: 7/1/2008 7:26 AM

[Guest guest]

So glad to hear that, Donna; we are NOT as fortunately and keep bouncing our now 14 3/4 year old son in and out of residential, shelter, and home; he has made it for as long as 15 months since age 10 at home but then just falls apart again, and it is just NOT normal; he is a very violent, abusive, inappropriately, rude, crude, mouth and he hurts with his words as well as actions. He is a full-time plus job, and we just can't have him in the home; if he was our 'spouse,' we would have long ago divorced..............so, that is where we are..............glad that he is doing so well, your son. Where WAS this program? And, if you don't mind, what is it called? Our son has never had just male staff all the time; he has both sexes and I am certain that type of program would suit him well; he thrives on abusing the women, which he learned for the first 6 1/2 years of his life from his biological father.Ruthie From: donnalmoore@...Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2008 12:12:21 -0500Subject: RE: [sPAM] RE: ( ) Re: "Growing Up"

Ruthie,

Been there, done that! Fortunately 16 months in a residential treatment group home setting has helped our 15yo. He was in a home with 10 boys who had behavior problems, regardless of their cause. At first I was skeptical that they could get him to adjust and conform and even more skeptical that the results would last when he came home. But he was on a very strict leveled behavior plan that included restraint if needed. He had 3 male staff on duty at all times. He also had the constant peer pressure to conform. Of course, he is still Aspergers, but he has learned that it is not a crutch or an excuse. In that environment he was able to learn how to behave appropriately. Now that he is at home, he is still doing well. But when people see my 6'5" 260pound husband they wonder why we could not control him without sending him away.

Donna

Re: ( ) Re: "Growing Up"

That is great if your child's disability isn't that much of a disability.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Re: "Growing Up"

Marj,I saw nothing in your post that sounded offensive and I probably would have said it a bit stronger. <G> I have raised my AS kids as any other outside of adjusting communication to how theypreceive it, etc. The way I look at it these kids are NORMAL, they just think and learn slightly differentthan the school teaches. With that in mind I treat them normal, expect them to get a job when they are 18 or still be in school. I expect them to help around the house andfollow the rules (age appropriate) or pay the consequences. If, at age 18, they are still rebellious and refuse to follow the rules out they go. Did it for DD on her 18th to give her a taste of reality. Those few months to a year did a world of good for us both. lol She is now 22, married 2 years and they just had theirfirst child who grandma adores. The way I look see it I will handicap my child just because someone has stated in the law their condition is classified as handicapped. They will learn to stand on their own two feet and as long as they are trying I will be there to guild them and help catch themif they topple and teach them a better alternative. But if they buck me like a wild stallionI will ride them, whip them into shape (finguratively speaking) until they realize that lifeis a b*tch if you are not prepared. At 18 if they are still bucking...I give them more roomoutside my house. Tis called tough love. Dee ><)))*>>> Sorry i did not mean for this to sound mean or upset anyone.> > Please forgive if I offended anyone.> > Marj>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 8.0.101 / Virus Database: 270.4.3/1528 - Release Date: 7/1/2008 7:26 AM

[Guest guest]

>

> So glad to hear that, Donna; we are NOT as fortunately and keep

bouncing our now 14 3/4 year old son in and out of residential,

shelter, and home; he has made it for as long as 15 months since age

10 at home but then just falls apart again, and it is just NOT normal;

he is a very violent, abusive, inappropriately, rude, crude, mouth and

he hurts with his words as well as actions. ...

>

>

> From: donnalmoore@...

> Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2008 12:12:21 -0500

> Subject: RE: [sPAM] RE: ( ) Re: " Growing Up "

> Been

> there, done that! Fortunately 16 months in a residential treatment

group

> home setting has helped our 15yo. ...

My heart goes out to you guys. The only reason we are not in your

shoes is because our son just happens to have a very non-physical

personality. He says horrible things--he doesn't understand why he

should keep it to himself. Although at least he feels enough peer

pressure and has enough self control that he mainly just lashes out at

home.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Ruthie.

If you don't mind,,,,what is you sons' DX? Is it just AS? I'm always amazed at the different "forms" AS takes, ya know?

Robin

Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

Powered by CafeMom Toolbar - Get yours today!

From: BRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123@...>Subject: RE: [sPAM] RE: ( ) Re: "Growing Up"Aspergers Treatment Date: Tuesday, July 8, 2008, 3:26 PM

So glad to hear that, Donna; we are NOT as fortunately and keep bouncing our now 14 3/4 year old son in and out of residential, shelter, and home; he has made it for as long as 15 months since age 10 at home but then just falls apart again, and it is just NOT normal; he is a very violent, abusive, inappropriately, rude, crude, mouth and he hurts with his words as well as actions. He is a full-time plus job, and we just can't have him in the home; if he was our 'spouse,' we would have long ago divorced.... ......... .so, that is where we are......... .....glad that he is doing so well, your son. Where WAS this program? And, if you don't mind, what is it called? Our son has never had just male staff all the time; he has both sexes and I am certain that type of program would suit him well; he thrives on abusing the women, which he learned for the first 6 1/2 years of his life from his biological

father.Ruthie

From: donnalmoore@ cox.netDate: Tue, 8 Jul 2008 12:12:21 -0500Subject: RE: [sPAM] RE: ( ) Re: "Growing Up"

Ruthie,

Been there, done that! Fortunately 16 months in a residential treatment group home setting has helped our 15yo. He was in a home with 10 boys who had behavior problems, regardless of their cause. At first I was skeptical that they could get him to adjust and conform and even more skeptical that the results would last when he came home. But he was on a very strict leveled behavior plan that included restraint if needed. He had 3 male staff on duty at all times. He also had the constant peer pressure to conform. Of course, he is still Aspergers, but he has learned that it is not a crutch or an excuse. In that environment he was able to learn how to behave appropriately. Now that he is at home, he is still doing well. But when people see my 6'5" 260pound husband they wonder why we could not control him without sending him

away.

Donna

Re: ( ) Re: "Growing Up"

That is great if your child's disability isn't that much of a disability.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Re: "Growing Up"

Marj,I saw nothing in your post that sounded offensive and I probably would have said it a bit stronger. <G> I have raised my AS kids as any other outside of adjusting communication to how theypreceive it, etc. The way I look at it these kids are NORMAL, they just think and learn slightly differentthan the school teaches. With that in mind I treat them normal, expect them to get a job when they are 18 or still be in school. I expect them to help around the house andfollow the rules (age appropriate) or pay the consequences. If, at age 18, they are still rebellious and refuse to follow the rules out they go. Did it for DD on her 18th to give her a taste of reality. Those few months to a year did a world of good for us both. lol She is now 22, married 2 years and they just had theirfirst child who grandma adores. The way I look see it I will handicap my child just

because someone has stated in the law their condition is classified as handicapped. They will learn to stand on their own two feet and as long as they are trying I will be there to guild them and help catch themif they topple and teach them a better alternative. But if they buck me like a wild stallionI will ride them, whip them into shape (finguratively speaking) until they realize that lifeis a b*tch if you are not prepared. At 18 if they are still bucking...I give them more roomoutside my house. Tis called tough love. Dee ><)))*>>> Sorry i did not mean for this to sound mean or upset anyone.> > Please forgive if I offended anyone.> > Marj>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 8.0.101 / Virus Database: 270.4.3/1528 - Release Date: 7/1/2008 7:26 AM

[Guest guest]

Robin – I laughed when I read the

part about your son getting a job and a paycheck. This is so true.

My son is 18 and has one more year in high school. I told him the other

day (again!) that he needs to learn to budget his money so he will have money

if he wants to go to the movie or out to eat with a friend, etc. as his dad and

I are going to quit funding all his wants and desires. It seems that

money just burns a hole in his pocket and he can’t wait to go to Best Buy

or and Noble every time he has any money – he lives with his dad

and has a checklist and gets paid for each thing he completes. I also

told him that I think next summer he needs to find a part-time job not just for

money but for the experience of applying for and holding a job. I also

think he will live with his dad for a very long time!

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of and/or Robin Lemke

Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2008

9:38 AM

Subject: Re: [sPAM] RE:

( ) Re: " Growing Up "

Oh....I

hear you about the " We have many kids with AS and they're doing very

well " or " The kids with AS have always done just fine in the

lunchroom " ......ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I look

at my daughter with OCD and Anxiety....and sometimes I see her having more

problems than my son with AS and ADHD.

She may

love and want friends.....and know how to play,,,,but because of her

Anxiety,,,

she

" freaks " a LOT more.

But,,,,then when I think of him having to get a job and " get " that

he'll have a boss and just have to deal with people whether they're right or

not and whether they make sense or whether he wants to or not.............or

that when he gets his paycheck,,,,he'll need to shop and pay bills

first,,,,,,ick. My stomach hurts. Makes me think that I'm gonna

be seeing a lot of him for a long time. ha ha.

Ugh,

again.

Also,,,,,,,,,,,,I

remember his teachers saying he had autism. I think someone here wrote

something about this a few days ago???,,,,,but I don't claim Ian as having

autism. I know it's a the whold " spectrum " and the

classification is what gets him qualified for insurance and therapy,

etc. AND,,,,,,if people hear autism,,,they " get it " better

than if they hear " aspergers " ....but,,,,,

I feel

like the term " autism " should be reserved for the more serious

forms, ya know?

I hope

I said that right and didn't offend anyone.

You're

right,,,,its' hard to " classify " them. There are soooo many

issues that fit " here " and

" there " and yet,,,,doesn't fit " there " . One

kid loves talking incredibly intelligently and explaining to everyone.........and

the other (like mine) wants me to hear about what he's doing, but wouldn't

" waste " his time explaining to others. It would take away

from HIS time of playing the game. ha ha .

From: suetois

<suetois>

Subject: [sPAM] RE: ( ) Re: " Growing Up "

Date: Wednesday, July 9, 2008, 9:22 AM

The range of ability/disability in kids with an AS

diagnosis interests me too. Just in my

sons' social skills groups we have kids with the diagnosis who appear almost

" normal " and

kids with the same diagnosis who, except for being verbal, look much more

like classical

autism. My kids' psychiatrist and therapist have both told me that my husband

has more

than a touch of AS--but he's living a very successful life. Our son with AS,

however, is

almost certainly going to need life-long support of some kind. IMO the wide

range of

ability levels may indicate that AS isn't one cohesive diagnosis at all.

There are probably

subtypes. Also, the mix of " co-morbid " diagnoses heavily influences

what a child is going

to be capable of. I would venture to guess that a straight AS diagnosis,

without significant

degree of ADHD, ODD, OCD, bipolar disorder, etc., presents a more favorable

likelihood of

a " good " outcome. It makes it difficult to talk about what people

with AS " should " be able

to do. One of my frustrations happens when the school tells me that they have

" lots " of

kids with AS who are just fine in general ed. without any support. Well,

there are also lots

of kids with AS who struggle. My son being one of them.

Sue C.

> >

> > Sorry i did not mean for this to sound mean or upset anyone.

> >

> > Please forgive if I offended anyone.

> >

> > Marj

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG.

> Version: 8.0.101 / Virus Database: 270.4.3/1528 - Release Date: 7/1/2008

7:26 AM

>

[Guest guest]

You know...it is also a TEENAGE problem too....normal functioning teenagers have the same exact problem ...LOL....my girlfriend and neighbor who has 2 teenage girls complains about this all the time....

But getting him to work part-time would be GREAT for him. A good real life experience and make him learn to budget his money and how hard it is to earn and so easy to spend. Let him learn...wow...i have to work X amount of hours in order to buy this or that! That will be a good eyeopener....I always tell my son....you want this game for $60.00 ...well at say $7.00/hr ...you would have to work at least 10 hours to get that...because of taxes taken out...etc. And he says....wow...and then make him work those ten hours to earn it!

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: suetois <suetoiscox (DOT) net>Subject: [sPAM] RE: ( ) Re: "Growing Up" Date: Wednesday, July 9, 2008, 9:22 AM

The range of ability/disability in kids with an AS diagnosis interests me too. Just in my sons' social skills groups we have kids with the diagnosis who appear almost "normal" and kids with the same diagnosis who, except for being verbal, look much more like classical autism. My kids' psychiatrist and therapist have both told me that my husband has more than a touch of AS--but he's living a very successful life. Our son with AS, however, is almost certainly going to need life-long support of some kind. IMO the wide range of ability levels may indicate that AS isn't one cohesive diagnosis at all. There are probably subtypes. Also, the mix of "co-morbid" diagnoses heavily influences what a child is going to be capable of. I would venture to guess that a straight AS diagnosis, without significant degree of ADHD, ODD, OCD, bipolar disorder, etc., presents

a more favorable likelihood of a "good" outcome. It makes it difficult to talk about what people with AS "should" be able to do. One of my frustrations happens when the school tells me that they have "lots" of kids with AS who are just fine in general ed. without any support. Well, there are also lots of kids with AS who struggle. My son being one of them.Sue C.> >> > Sorry i did not mean for this to sound mean or upset anyone.> > > > Please forgive if I offended anyone.> > > > Marj> >> > > > > > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG. > Version: 8.0.101 / Virus Database: 270.4.3/1528 - Release Date: 7/1/2008 7:26 AM>

[Guest guest]

Jan, that message does have a strong impact with the value of money. When you look at it that way, it makes you realize that its not worth it after all. " working 7 hrs just to buy this game". excellent example !.rushen janice <jrushen@...> wrote: You know...it is also a TEENAGE problem too....normal functioning teenagers have the same exact problem ...LOL....my girlfriend and neighbor who has 2 teenage girls complains about

this all the time.... But getting him to work part-time would be GREAT for him. A good real life experience and make him learn to budget his money and how hard it is to earn and so easy to spend. Let him learn...wow...i have to work X amount of hours in order to buy this or that! That will be a good eyeopener....I always tell my son....you want this game for $60.00 ...well at say $7.00/hr ...you would have to work at least 10 hours to get that...because of taxes taken out...etc. And he says....wow...and then make him work those ten hours to earn it! Jan Janice Rushen Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant, Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt, Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide, Student, Believer, and Giver. From: suetois <suetoiscox (DOT) net>Subject: [sPAM] RE: ( ) Re: "Growing Up" Date: Wednesday, July 9, 2008, 9:22 AM The range of ability/disability in kids with an AS diagnosis interests me too. Just in my sons' social skills groups we have kids with the diagnosis who

appear almost "normal" and kids with the same diagnosis who, except for being verbal, look much more like classical autism. My kids' psychiatrist and therapist have both told me that my husband has more than a touch of AS--but he's living a very successful life. Our son with AS, however, is almost certainly going to need life-long support of some kind. IMO the wide range of ability levels may indicate that AS isn't one cohesive diagnosis at all. There are probably subtypes. Also, the mix of "co-morbid" diagnoses heavily influences what a child is going to be capable of. I would venture to guess that a straight AS diagnosis, without significant degree of ADHD, ODD, OCD, bipolar disorder, etc., presents a more favorable likelihood of a "good" outcome. It makes it difficult to talk about what people with AS "should" be able to do. One of my frustrations happens when the school tells me that they have "lots" of kids with AS who are

just fine in general ed. without any support. Well, there are also lots of kids with AS who struggle. My son being one of them.Sue C.> >> > Sorry i did not mean for this to sound mean or upset anyone.> > > > Please forgive if I offended anyone.> > > > Marj> >> > > >

> > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG. > Version: 8.0.101 / Virus Database: 270.4.3/1528 - Release Date: 7/1/2008 7:26 AM>