Wow,,,,I can't type...excuse my errors..walking in their shoes

[Guest guest]

Sorry about the typing....ugh..I must go back to proof reading...I have been very depressed since losing Poppy on May 6th. He lived with us for 12 years and helped raise my son. He was not a relative ...I tell people we adopted him....actually he had divorced and had no place to live and his family sided with the x-wife and took her in. So, we adopted him and it was great. He lived with us for 12 years and helped raise my son from the day he was born. He watch him and lived with us for free. ...one hand washes the other....

He battled 2 broken hips, hernia operation, gall bladder removal, rectal cancer which left him with a colostomy and then 2 years ago leaned he had pancreatic cancer. He elected not to take chemo treatments...did it, done it and don't want to do it again ...because there is no treatment available for pancreatic cancer.....so our "Miracle Man" Poppy lived on for 2 years with Pancreatic cancer....most don't survive more than 6 months. Everytime we went to his PCP ...he would stand there in awe....God does wonderful things. But the cancer finally caught up with him and he passed away on May 6th at the Hospice House. He went down hill quickly...in one week alone. But I was with him holding his hand telling him it was okay to go that he had finished his work here on earth and that it was time to start his new job. I told him that my son and I would be okay and we would be strong...strong for him. I told him to follow the

angels...God was waiting for him and to get heaven ready for all of us. And, he took 3 breaths, and then one long one and I knew his soul had move on and he was with our Father in a better place. It has been very very hard in fact it seems to be getting worse for me. When he was in hospice for the week and the week after he passed I never really cried. I don't know why...maybe because I needed to be strong...strong for my son and strong for Poppy...I held it together...I made the arrangements,,,we had a beautiful memorial service for him and my son wrote a letter to him which the minister read and then he picked out a song and played it on the CD...Leave the Memories Alone by this group Fuel. I was so proud of my son.

Later, about a week after the services, my son told me he didn't understand why I didn't cry. He was angry about that...he thought I didn't care about Poppy! I explained it to hm and he said..........oh now I understand. It has been difficult on all of us. Poppy's ashed were place in an urn and then placed in this beautiful dark cherry wood clock...and it sits on my sons computer desk and he knows his Poppy is still with him each and every moment. Sometimes I walk by the room and he will be watching t.v. hugging the clock! And one day he thought the dog had scratched it (he left is on the floor)....and he was so upset...I put a tiny bit of old English on a rag and wiped the bottom and the tiny dot disappeared...and he was relieved...

Talk about stress for a child...his teacher told me that after he passed he was more relaxed in school...less stressed and she saw it....because everytime the phone rang in the classroom...my son thought it was me calling to let him know Poppy had died. Oh, can you imagine...I am so glad that my son can tell me all these things...it may be days later or a week later ...but eventually it comes out....and the more I learn about him the more I can help him and make others aware of his needs and the way he thinks...

I think this is the hardest part...if we could only get in their brains...and see how they think and work....how much better we could help them and Understand them. With understanding ....comes compassion and love and for some tolerance. My son's friends know his DX and I explain to them what it means and why he acts the way he acts sometimes....and with this comes understanding, tolerance and compassion ...and they too can help him and guide him....in fact, the other day his good friend, 13, was over and said ...you didn't take your meds did you? Of course he hadn't...and then his friend said ..go take them...because you are out of the zone! (lol)!

Anyways, I started typing this becuase when I read my other post...I realized all my spelling errors ...due to the fact that I splurged yesterday and I tips put on my nails...had not done that in over 4 years. Bad part....I have to re-learn to type (lol) and these nails are really short too!

Thanks for listening to me rant and rave and cry...

Always

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Subject: [sPAM] Re: ( ) Rose...what is CAPT? Date: Saturday, July 5, 2008, 9:37 AM

>> one of those Hugh desk calendars What is this? Can I look at one online or somewhere? I'm looking foran appropriate calendar for my kids.I found a great planner, by the way, to replace the school-issued one.It has boxes to check off each assignment, places for due dates, andmore planning space for projects. If anyone is interested, let meknow and I'll post the link.Ruth