Advice for an incident that happened to my middle-schooler

[Guest guest]

Dylan (11, Aspergers dx 4 months ago, prior to that he was under

special ed services for Other Health Impaired for ADD) had an

unfortunate thing happen to him today at school. He's in the 6th

grade in a mainstream middle school.

For background, Dylan told me about a month ago there were two boys

in his science class he argued with a lot. Sounds like it was two-

sided or Dylan starting it sometimes, the boys starting it other

times. The problem is the boys make sounds or talks, Dylan tells

them to be quiet, so they make more sounds, Dylan says something

again and this goes on and on. We problem-solved together on what

could happen to make this better and I had a meeting with his science

teacher to discuss our ideas. His science teacher, Mr. Joyner, was

very receptive to the idea of moving Dylan or moving the other boys.

I told him Dylan wanted to move closer to the front b/c he thought he

wouldn't be so easily distracted there and would like being closer to

the teacher. Mr. Joyner told me he was a little hard of hearing so

he suspects the boys might make very quiet sounds that he can't hear

but Dylan can.

Well today, Dylan told me Mr. Joyner reminded him of his new seat

closer to the front of the classroom and when he got up to move " the

whole class cheered " . Dylan said he started crying and Mr. Joyner

told him he could go into the hallway if he wanted to. Dylan got up

and went into the hallway and Mr. Joyner followed. He apologized to

Dylan for what happened stating he didn't know some of the kids would

react that way or he would've handled it differently. Mr. Joyner

said to take some time to calm down and then come back into the

classroom. I'm pleased with the way Mr. Joyner handled the

situation. I think he made the best of the problem. I asked Dylan

what happened next and he said " I went back into the classroom and

finished my work. " My son...is...AMAZING. His strength of

character, tenacity, perseverance, all of it, just blows me out of

the water.

When we discussed this, I said I was sorry this happened and knew it

had to be tough to take. I also asked him if everyone cheered or did

a lot of kids cheer and he said " well, maybe 5 didn't " . We talked

about how some of the kids might've cheered a little b/c others did

but I doubt all the kids thought it was right. Peer pressure is

tough at this age. I told him the best revenge he could take would

be to kick ass in Science, always know the answers, keep making good

grades, and when a lot of those kids are flipping burgers at the age

of 25, he'll already have 1 or 2 college degrees under his belt.

That's the best I could offer!

My question to all you parents...what should I do? (if anything) I

think minimally I need to contact the 504 officer in our district and

request an ARD meeting ASAP. I'd like to have a behavioral

specialist sit in on the class and observe what's going on to see if

he/she could make recommendations for the teacher, Dylan, the other

kids, etc... I know my son likes to be the " inspector police " (my

affectionate pet name for him), my own real-life superhero who fights

for " truth, justice, and the American way " and will loudly object

when kids aren't following the rules. He does it with his sister and

now he's doing it in this classroom. But it's not just him, it's the

other kids too. I suspect they realize they can make noises to a

certain level that get on Dylan's nerves but the teacher can't hear.

I'm sure they've perfected their game to a " T " . When they make all

of these sounds, it's distracting Dylan and hard for him to focus on

the teacher or his work. That's the main reason why he says he does

it.

I can't blame the teacher for not having 100% hearing. My dad is the

same way! But I need Dylan to have either additional skills to deal

with these kids or something to happen to improve his quality of life

in the classroom. His teacher has been cooperative so far so I think

he'd welcome the help.

What else am I missing? I welcome all input!

This was LONG. Thanks in advance for everyone's help!