NEED ADVICE ASAP

[Guest guest]

I got this email from my son's teacher today.

Wind,

Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He

has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean

ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his

stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that he

is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any

directions, and thinks that if he pouts and drags his feet long

enough that I will just forget or it will go away. Therefore, I am

taking away his lunch recess today and sending him to Homework Help

in the library. I will continue to do this for every day that this

continues until he seems to understand that he cannot do whatever he

wants. He refused to do his reading assignment and then would not

work on his writing with Mrs. Heimerl either. We just can't tolerate

the disrespect he is demonstrating and blame it on the aspergers.

Is there anything from the homefront that is going on that may be

contributing to this, besides just coming back from break? Did he

take a break from his meds while on break and they need time to kick

in again? I just haven't seen him quite this bad before and am

looking for a reason. As of right now I have not shared this with

Mrs. Petrovich, so you only need to reply back to me.

Thanks for your help,

Marie

I am trying to formualte a response and so far, what I've come up

with, is not nice. LOL Please help!! here's my response so far...

Marie,

He has been fine at home so I have no idea why he is having trouble

at school. I would prefer you not try to interpret what he is

thinking or feeling because you, nor I, have any idea. I seriously

doubt he doesn't want to work or follow directions because he

certainly does not enjoy getting into trouble. And, if i recall our

conference, he is trying to do exactly what YOU suggested. in front

of him..avoiding the work. When asked about negative behaviors he

rarely knows why he did them and feels bad about it.

Thanks for your help!!

[Guest guest]

I read it first and didn't think it was too bad but then re-read it....I think the teacher is not being nasty as I was thinking but letting you know how fustrated she is! And, on the positive side...she emailed you and told you what was going on and how she was going to handle it.

The one line I don't care for ...is that she said "we can't blame it on the Aspergers....OMG...what is it then...Yes it is PART of the Asperger's....

I also disliked when she said he was disrespectful....doesn't she know AS kids have social and communication problems....that he is not disrespectful because of his AS....he has not learned or figured it out...and may never. I have heard this too about my son...that he is disrespectful...but if the teachers read up on AS maybe they would realize what is going on with our kids.

First....I would let her know that your Son is not being Disrespectful (as she knows it...he just doesn't fit in and doesn't realize what he is doing differently)...it is her interpretation of his action....he has AS...give her some information to read up on and ask her to help you work with him and help to teach him how to act properly.

As far as taking recess away....I would rather she took something else away...he needs to run and jump and move during the day plus it is a time he might be able to socialize with other kids. Maybe she can hold him back from art/gym/music/library ....but recess is necessary for our chldren...they need to let out steam...they need to move.

But, he does need to learn he has to follow rules and when asked to do his work ...he needs to do it.

Something must be going on for his to act this way....do they need to do a FBA...functional behavior Assessment??? Does your son have an IEP? Has something happened in school ...is he being picked on???? It may be that he needs the time to get back into the swing of things....

But on the other hand...is the teacher's tone nasty? screechy? Is she yelling? Does he need a seat move? Does he need to take a break? Has she talked to him? Have you?

So much can be involved....

Don't reply nasty....word your reply carefully as your son has to deal with this teacher till the end of the year. But, give her references or sites to go to where she can learn about AS or tell her about some books or give her some hints/tips. I do think he needs to learn consequences....yes he has AS but he still needs to follow the rules/assignments...he may need breaks or quiet places to go ....or if he is having a BAD day ...he needs to speak up about it and let the teacher know. Maybe when he is acting like this she can send him to his guidance counselor to talk....or maybe just on an errand to get him moving and give him a break.

I don't know if this helps...but whatever you do....be care about the wording...don't snap back at her even though you want to....it won't help the situation.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: mommy2threeintheup <mommy2threeintheup@...>Subject: ( ) NEED ADVICE ASAP Date: Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 12:15 PM

I got this email from my son's teacher today.Wind, Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that he is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any directions, and thinks that if he pouts and drags his feet long enough that I will just forget or it will go away. Therefore, I am taking away his lunch recess today and sending him to Homework Help in the library. I will continue to do this for every day that this continues until he seems to understand that he cannot do whatever he wants. He refused to do his reading assignment and then would not work on his writing with Mrs. Heimerl either. We just can't tolerate the disrespect he is demonstrating and blame it on the aspergers.

Is there anything from the homefront that is going on that may be contributing to this, besides just coming back from break? Did he take a break from his meds while on break and they need time to kick in again? I just haven't seen him quite this bad before and am looking for a reason. As of right now I have not shared this with Mrs. Petrovich, so you only need to reply back to me. Thanks for your help,MarieI am trying to formualte a response and so far, what I've come up with, is not nice. LOL Please help!! here's my response so far...Marie, He has been fine at home so I have no idea why he is having trouble at school. I would prefer you not try to interpret what he is thinking or feeling because you, nor I, have any idea. I seriously doubt he doesn't want to work or follow directions because he certainly does not enjoy getting into trouble. And, if i recall our conference, he

is trying to do exactly what YOU suggested. in front of him..avoiding the work. When asked about negative behaviors he rarely knows why he did them and feels bad about it. Thanks for your help!!

[Guest guest]

Dear Ms. Teacher.

If Jayden's behavior has been problematic and interfering with his learning and others then it would seem reasonable at this time to do a functional behavioral analysis and institute a positive behavioral support plan. Please contact me to discuss this as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.

( ) NEED ADVICE ASAP

I got this email from my son's teacher today.Wind, Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that he is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any directions, and thinks that if he pouts and drags his feet long enough that I will just forget or it will go away. Therefore, I am taking away his lunch recess today and sending him to Homework Help in the library. I will continue to do this for every day that this continues until he seems to understand that he cannot do whatever he wants. He refused to do his reading assignment and then would not work on his writing with Mrs. Heimerl either. We just can't tolerate the disrespect he is demonstrating and blame it on the aspergers. Is there anything from the homefront that is going on that may be contributing to this, besides just coming back from break? Did he take a break from his meds while on break and they need time to kick in again? I just haven't seen him quite this bad before and am looking for a reason. As of right now I have not shared this with Mrs. Petrovich, so you only need to reply back to me. Thanks for your help,MarieI am trying to formualte a response and so far, what I've come up with, is not nice. LOL Please help!! here's my response so far...Marie, He has been fine at home so I have no idea why he is having trouble at school. I would prefer you not try to interpret what he is thinking or feeling because you, nor I, have any idea. I seriously doubt he doesn't want to work or follow directions because he certainly does not enjoy getting into trouble. And, if i recall our conference, he is trying to do exactly what YOU suggested. in front of him..avoiding the work. When asked about negative behaviors he rarely knows why he did them and feels bad about it. Thanks for your help!!

[Guest guest]

Debra's reply is Good!

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Debra Balke <dlbalke@...>Subject: Re: ( ) NEED ADVICE ASAP Date: Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 1:07 PM

Dear Ms. Teacher.

If Jayden's behavior has been problematic and interfering with his learning and others then it would seem reasonable at this time to do a functional behavioral analysis and institute a positive behavioral support plan. Please contact me to discuss this as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.

( ) NEED ADVICE ASAP

I got this email from my son's teacher today.Wind, Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that he is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any directions, and thinks that if he pouts and drags his feet long enough that I will just forget or it will go away. Therefore, I am taking away his lunch recess today and sending him to Homework Help in the library. I will continue to do this for every day that this continues until he seems to understand that he cannot do whatever he wants. He refused to do his reading assignment and then would not work on his writing with Mrs. Heimerl either. We just can't tolerate the disrespect he is demonstrating and blame it on the aspergers.

Is there anything from the homefront that is going on that may be contributing to this, besides just coming back from break? Did he take a break from his meds while on break and they need time to kick in again? I just haven't seen him quite this bad before and am looking for a reason. As of right now I have not shared this with Mrs. Petrovich, so you only need to reply back to me. Thanks for your help,MarieI am trying to formualte a response and so far, what I've come up with, is not nice. LOL Please help!! here's my response so far...Marie, He has been fine at home so I have no idea why he is having trouble at school. I would prefer you not try to interpret what he is thinking or feeling because you, nor I, have any idea. I seriously doubt he doesn't want to work or follow directions because he certainly does not enjoy getting into trouble. And, if i recall our conference, he

is trying to do exactly what YOU suggested. in front of him..avoiding the work. When asked about negative behaviors he rarely knows why he did them and feels bad about it. Thanks for your help!!

[Guest guest]

True, true and more true....

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: originalrevmommy <revmommy@...>Subject: ( ) Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP Date: Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 1:16 PM

Ditto!Every behavior has a function and his certainly is not to be disrespectful, but to stop whatever is causing him anxiety or discomfort.. .whether it is the surrounding environment or misunderstanding an assignment or fearing to make a mistake...With our son, we have learned that rewards work better than punishment (or removal of something) b/c the negative only increases the anxiety whereas, an appropriate reward can motivate as well as increase self-confidence. Just be sure to document, document, document!>> Dear Ms. Teacher.> If Jayden's behavior has been problematic and interfering with his learning and others then it would seem reasonable at this time to do a functional behavioral analysis and institute a

positive behavioral support plan. Please contact me to discuss this as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.> ( ) NEED ADVICE ASAP> > > I got this email from my son's teacher today.> Wind, > Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He > has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean > ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his > stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that he > is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any > directions, and thinks that if he pouts and drags his feet long

> enough that I will just forget or it will go away. Therefore, I am > taking away his lunch recess today and sending him to Homework Help > in the library. I will continue to do this for every day that this > continues until he seems to understand that he cannot do whatever he > wants. He refused to do his reading assignment and then would not > work on his writing with Mrs. Heimerl either. We just can't tolerate > the disrespect he is demonstrating and blame it on the aspergers. > Is there anything from the homefront that is going on that may be > contributing to this, besides just coming back from break? Did he > take a break from his meds while on break and they need time to kick > in again? I just haven't seen him quite this bad before and am > looking for a reason. As of right now I have not shared this with > Mrs. Petrovich, so you

only need to reply back to me. > Thanks for your help,> Marie> > I am trying to formualte a response and so far, what I've come up > with, is not nice. LOL Please help!! here's my response so far...> > Marie, > He has been fine at home so I have no idea why he is having trouble > at school. I would prefer you not try to interpret what he is > thinking or feeling because you, nor I, have any idea. I seriously > doubt he doesn't want to work or follow directions because he > certainly does not enjoy getting into trouble. And, if i recall our > conference, he is trying to do exactly what YOU suggested. in front > of him..avoiding the work. When asked about negative behaviors he > rarely knows why he did them and feels bad about it. > > Thanks for your help!!>

[Guest guest]

Hi, I don't know the history, if any, with school or teacher, etc.

But I would also add that you will talk to Jayden to see what you

can find out.

I imagine you'll ask him about it, if he didn't have a problem

before break, then it might just be he needs time to adjust being

back in school and having to get back into routine, doing work,

etc. May be she'll have to take a different approach to getting

him back to work again. I wonder how'll he handle the Homework

Library.

Just me, but I would appreciate the email from her, otherwise you

don't know what's going on until later, if at all, gives you a

chance to talk to him, correct anything you need to (re talk about

how he needs to do the work, what's the problem, etc.) I always

appreciated the teachers calls with each of my sons and wished

they'd called a few times they didn't (we did calls more than

emails). Of course over the years there were teachers I really

didn't like myself but still had to get through the year with them.

>

> I got this email from my son's teacher today.

> Wind,

> Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He

> has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean

> ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his

> stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that

he

> is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any

[Guest guest]

Exactly.

From: Debra Balke <dlbalke@...>Subject: Re: ( ) NEED ADVICE ASAP Date: Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 12:07 PM

Dear Ms. Teacher.

If Jayden's behavior has been problematic and interfering with his learning and others then it would seem reasonable at this time to do a functional behavioral analysis and institute a positive behavioral support plan. Please contact me to discuss this as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.

( ) NEED ADVICE ASAP

I got this email from my son's teacher today.Wind, Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that he is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any directions, and thinks that if he pouts and drags his feet long enough that I will just forget or it will go away. Therefore, I am taking away his lunch recess today and sending him to Homework Help in the library. I will continue to do this for every day that this continues until he seems to understand that he cannot do whatever he wants. He refused to do his reading assignment and then would not work on his writing with Mrs. Heimerl either. We just can't tolerate the disrespect he is demonstrating and blame it on the aspergers.

Is there anything from the homefront that is going on that may be contributing to this, besides just coming back from break? Did he take a break from his meds while on break and they need time to kick in again? I just haven't seen him quite this bad before and am looking for a reason. As of right now I have not shared this with Mrs. Petrovich, so you only need to reply back to me. Thanks for your help,MarieI am trying to formualte a response and so far, what I've come up with, is not nice. LOL Please help!! here's my response so far...Marie, He has been fine at home so I have no idea why he is having trouble at school. I would prefer you not try to interpret what he is thinking or feeling because you, nor I, have any idea. I seriously doubt he doesn't want to work or follow directions because he certainly does not enjoy getting into trouble. And, if i recall our conference, he

is trying to do exactly what YOU suggested. in front of him..avoiding the work. When asked about negative behaviors he rarely knows why he did them and feels bad about it. Thanks for your help!!

[Guest guest]

Yep. They do come off as disrespectful...but they usually aren't trying to. It's the lack of social skills. And if they are actually being disrespectful, then it's usually b/c they are freaking out from something else that they are having a hard time dealing with.

3 days back to school after off for XMas break is a change, and if your son has trouble with change, then that could be it.

Does he have an IEP?

Is this teacher usually good with him?

Maybe she's having a crappy time, too, and it's just seeming like too much?

I agree with Jan about being careful with your reply....but I'd make damned sure that she knows she just can't say he's being disrespectful/and that you can't blame it on "THE ASPERGERS".

Yikes. This comment is from someone who doesn't quite get it, I believe.

Can you go in and talk with her? See if she can get some quick "lessons" on what AS is? Maybe from the sped teacher?

Good luck.

Robin

From: mommy2threeintheup <mommy2threeintheup>Subject: ( ) NEED ADVICE ASAP Date: Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 12:15 PM

I got this email from my son's teacher today.Wind, Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that he is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any directions, and thinks that if he pouts and drags his feet long enough that I will just forget or it will go away. Therefore, I am taking away his lunch recess today and sending him to Homework Help in the library. I will continue to do this for every day that this continues until he seems to understand that he cannot do whatever he wants. He refused to do his reading assignment and then would not work on his writing with Mrs. Heimerl either. We just can't tolerate the disrespect he is demonstrating and blame it on the aspergers.

Is there anything from the homefront that is going on that may be contributing to this, besides just coming back from break? Did he take a break from his meds while on break and they need time to kick in again? I just haven't seen him quite this bad before and am looking for a reason. As of right now I have not shared this with Mrs. Petrovich, so you only need to reply back to me. Thanks for your help,MarieI am trying to formualte a response and so far, what I've come up with, is not nice. LOL Please help!! here's my response so far...Marie, He has been fine at home so I have no idea why he is having trouble at school. I would prefer you not try to interpret what he is thinking or feeling because you, nor I, have any idea. I seriously doubt he doesn't want to work or follow directions because he certainly does not enjoy getting into trouble. And, if i recall our conference, he

is trying to do exactly what YOU suggested. in front of him..avoiding the work. When asked about negative behaviors he rarely knows why he did them and feels bad about it. Thanks for your help!!