Re: thirteen and noncompliant

[Guest guest]

make rules and limits very clear to them...this means making charts, lists etc with rules stated that are visual and/or have them sign a "contract" that they are part of developing. Make as few rules as possible (around safety to self/others)...only what is absolutely necessary to keep child and others safe (i.e. not hitting, no swearing..etc). refer them to the "list" or "schedule/contract". Use as little verbal language as possible. Know their triggers and do not trigger them unless they are violating a clear cut understandable rule. Make consequences very clear. Do not argue in the heat of the moment. Have a safety plan in place for when things do escalate and they begin to get out of control. If you threaten (for example to call police), follow through. Pam been there done that unfortunately... The year's hottest artists on the red carpet at the Grammy Awards. AOL Music takes you there.

[Guest guest]

My son who is 9... is the same way. I too can see him calling the police on me. It's an extreme misunderstanding of the disciplinary action. They think you want to 'fight' with them, instead of teach them right from wrong. I find that if my son is disciplined in front of anyone else, meaning if another person sees or hears, he will lunge at me violently, from deep shame of being 'fought with' in 'public'. so we have to whisper to him, meet me in your room... and in the room I attempt to explain how bothered I am at what he did. Sorry, best I can offer for now.

[Guest guest]

Hi! My son is 13 too and acts the same way. He is so disrespectful. He doesn't help around the house, doesn't do his homework...doesn't write in his planner. He has gotten bigger than me and has threatened me. But, one time I said ...go ahead ...hit me and it will be the last time because I will call the crisis center and they will come and take you away. He doesn't want to go anywhere....so that is my enforcement.

But he has been awful lately...won't wash his face...although he loves the shower...he will get in the shower 2 times a day if I let him...it calms him down. But he doesn't scrub his face and is breaking out like crazy. His mobile therapist said don't worry about the pimples....they are on his face and he has to live with them. But he is so disrespectful to my husband and I. He is embarrassed by us and at church he make lousy faces at us. I told him I am tired of all this....and until he learns respect...he can't have xbox, the computer or his cell phone. I told him they are priviledges and not rights....the only thing I have to provide is a roof over his head, food and clothing and make sure he gets an education.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: knausbaum <knausbaum@...>Subject: ( ) thirteen and noncompliant Date: Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 5:15 PM

i have never posted anything before but am scared to death for my 13 year old asperger son. he is increasingly disobedient and non-compliant at home and at school. 2 weeks ago we got into a physical confrontation when i tried to force him to go to his room and realized he is too big for me to physically force him to do anything. today i took away his gameboy as punishment for disrespect and disobedience, he started to physically try to take it back but didn't. he insists now that i have stolen it from him and have no right to take it away. he says that i am encroaching on his rights as a citizen. he has no respect for my authority, i can envision him dragged off by the police one day because he has no respect for their authority. how do you discipline an asperger teenager?

[Guest guest]

Tonya,

i read your post about Karate, and I have to say unfortunately it didnt

work well for my 10yr old Aspie..He got too flustered with memorizing

the " moves " involved for graduation..So it was really upsetting to see

him having meltdowns all the time..Not to mention how much it costs.

Conni

[Guest guest]

Well, so much for my great ideas in print....we don't always implement as best as we should! Tonight, in the mix of family chaos/dinner/homework/kids/valentines/missing classwork etc, Daughter begins her verbal tirades of disrespect, which include swearing/name calling and slamming furniture against walls, now. I was busy with son, Husband did the "interventions" which escalate her behavior! And as Roxanne pointed out, it is much better to lay out the consequences when calm..needless to say, Daughter became increasingly vulgar and aggressive...since she was sitting in a chair refusing to budge, Andy and I picked her up and carried her to her room. She was shocked, but stayed for 30 min, until quiet. Son said he thought he had seen everything, but that sight was memorable! This is one heck of a journey, we

surprise ourselves!

From: ppanda65aol (DOT) com <ppanda65aol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) thirteen and noncompliant Date: Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 10:33 PM

make rules and limits very clear to them...this means making charts, lists etc with rules stated that are visual and/or have them sign a "contract" that they are part of developing. Make as few rules as possible (around safety to self/others) ...only what is absolutely necessary to keep child and others safe (i.e. not hitting, no swearing..etc) . refer them to the "list" or "schedule/contract" . Use as little verbal language as possible. Know their triggers and do not trigger them unless they are violating a clear cut understandable rule. Make consequences very clear. Do not argue in the heat of the moment. Have a safety plan in place for when things do escalate and they begin to get out of control. If you threaten (for example to call police), follow through. Pam been there done that unfortunately. ..

The year's hottest artists on the red carpet at the Grammy Awards. AOL Music takes you there.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.234 / Virus Database: 270.10.22/1946 - Release Date: 02/11/09 11:13:00

[Guest guest]

Later on in life ...you will look back and get a chuckle out of it. Yeah...I refuse to argue with my son and send him to his room until he can be "human" again. He does stomp, throw, yell, scream, tell us how much he hates us and that we are the worst parents in the world and he wants a new family. I laugh at that one....I tell him ..pick one out and I drive you there.

We have been having a rough time because of the "raging hormones" I think. And I was told this is a horrible age....he had a girlfirend but they broke up and he was/is devastated. He takes it all out on us.

But I am getting stronger and not taking it. I use to spoil him...give in all the time because I hated the aruguments...bad mistakes and I am suffering now. But we are taking things away and he has to earn them back.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: ppanda65aol (DOT) com <ppanda65aol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) thirteen and noncompliant Date: Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 10:33 PM

make rules and limits very clear to them...this means making charts, lists etc with rules stated that are visual and/or have them sign a "contract" that they are part of developing. Make as few rules as possible (around safety to self/others) ...only what is absolutely necessary to keep child and others safe (i.e. not hitting, no swearing..etc) . refer them to the "list" or "schedule/contract" . Use as little verbal language as possible. Know their triggers and do not trigger them unless they are violating a clear cut understandable rule. Make consequences very clear. Do not argue in the heat of the moment. Have a safety plan in place for when things do escalate and they begin to get out of control. If you threaten (for example to call police), follow through. Pam been there done that unfortunately. ..

The year's hottest artists on the red carpet at the Grammy Awards. AOL Music takes you there.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.234 / Virus Database: 270.10.22/1946 - Release Date: 02/11/09 11:13:00

[Guest guest]

Glad to hear karate has worked for some. My son attended for 4 years. I was

hoping it would

bring all those positive benefits o him. He was very good at learning the

routines but it did no

help with his respect or attitude at home one bit.

I think if the child is passionate about the sport it may help, but my son was

not. As with

most things he just didn't care.

Sue

>

> Tonya,

>

> i read your post about Karate, and I have to say unfortunately it didnt

> work well for my 10yr old Aspie..He got too flustered with memorizing

> the " moves " involved for graduation..So it was really upsetting to see

> him having meltdowns all the time..Not to mention how much it costs.

> Conni

>

[Guest guest]

Hang in there and keep tough! The more you stick to your guns, the more she will realize you are serious.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

Re: ( ) thirteen and noncompliant Date: Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 10:33 PM

make rules and limits very clear to them...this means making charts, lists etc with rules stated that are visual and/or have them sign a "contract" that they are part of developing. Make as few rules as possible (around safety to self/others) ...only what is absolutely necessary to keep child and others safe (i.e. not hitting, no swearing..etc) . refer them to the "list" or "schedule/contract" . Use as little verbal language as possible. Know their triggers and do not trigger them unless they are violating a clear cut understandable rule. Make consequences very clear. Do not argue in the heat of the moment. Have a safety plan in place for when things do escalate and they begin to get out of control. If you threaten (for example to call police), follow through. Pam been there done that unfortunately. ..

The year's hottest artists on the red carpet at the Grammy Awards. AOL Music takes you there.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.234 / Virus Database: 270.10.22/1946 - Release Date: 02/11/09 11:13:00

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.234 / Virus Database: 270.10.23/1949 - Release Date: 02/11/09 11:13:00