Re: My ten year old aspy son

December 14, 2008

Tell them you need peace and quiet and go to your room (not time out as they know) and that they are not to bother you for 30 min.....put on a video or something to keep them busy....I think it tis the season,,,for all our kids...give yourself a "break today".

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: novagurl62 <novagurl62@...>Subject: ( ) My ten year old aspy son Date: Sunday, December 14, 2008, 4:07 PM

Today we had to go shopping and the weather prevented us from going tochurch. So after my ten year old woke up at 9 am(later for him) We gothim breakfast and got everyone dressed went to safeway. My ten yearold has aspergers and it seems like everytime we go shopping he has tobe the one to push the cart. If you ever touch the cart he will saysome thing like mom its my turn could you not touch the cart...orremmember its my turn---let go! He has beeen extremly mouthy latelyand its all I can do not to let it get to me. He came home aftershopping and ate lunch, played trains for 15 minutes or so which I gotupset at both of the boys for throwing them. They stopped and trinitykept up with finding new ways to throw the trains.A new name for theGame doesnt normally mean it is a different game. If you know what Imean. Today has been hard for him and me. I asked the boys to put thetrains away because they

were being to rough and then trin startsthrowing and slamming them into the box. I asked twice nicely for themto stop. The six yr old was doing it too. Then the oldest startsyelling why do you always pick on me about it I wasnt doing it atall!!!!You7r mean, etc. I didnt ask only him to stop. This has him inhis room til dinner I am so fed up with him disrespecting everything Isay or do. He has been at this for a month now. Tell me if you haveany suggestions. ...I need a time out

December 15, 2008

I try to do that but it is not always available we have three boys and

the youngest is three. My husband has two jobs and I stay at home. I

am doing the best I can and just so you know I send him to his rm

because he needs that time out to regain his composur as well...not to

punish him. The aspy preteen is a challange I guess. Thanks for your

advice.

Stacie

>

> From: novagurl62 <novagurl62@...>

> Subject: ( ) My ten year old aspy son

>

> Date: Sunday, December 14, 2008, 4:07 PM

>

> Today we had to go shopping and the weather prevented us from going to

> church. So after my ten year old woke up at 9 am(later for him) We got

> him breakfast and got everyone dressed went to safeway. My ten year

> old has aspergers and it seems like everytime we go shopping he has to

> be the one to push the cart. If you ever touch the cart he will say

> some thing like mom its my turn could you not touch the cart...or

> remmember its my turn---let go! He has beeen extremly mouthy lately

> and its all I can do not to let it get to me. He came home after

> shopping and ate lunch, played trains for 15 minutes or so which I got

> upset at both of the boys for throwing them. They stopped and trinity

> kept up with finding new ways to throw the trains.A new name for the

> Game doesnt normally mean it is a different game. If you know what I

> mean. Today has been hard for him and me. I asked the boys to put the

> trains away because they were being to rough and then trin starts

> throwing and slamming them into the box. I asked twice nicely for them

> to stop. The six yr old was doing it too. Then the oldest starts

> yelling why do you always pick on me about it I wasnt doing it at

> all!!!!You7r mean, etc. I didnt ask only him to stop. This has him in

> his room til dinner I am so fed up with him disrespecting everything I

> say or do. He has been at this for a month now. Tell me if you have

> any suggestions. ...I need a time out

>

December 15, 2008

I have an aspy son as well and in therapy--using behavior mod

techniques. I have learned several techniques that seem to work.

Definitely take a mommy time out. Take time to read, or watch your

favorite TV show, or even perhaps a bath! that's a novelty,

huh...lol. Let them know that behavior like this tells you they are

tired and need a nap. They'll complain but remind them " Actions Speak

Louder the Words. " A difficult concept with Aspy's. I worked on this

with my son for about 4 months before he really understood it.

get the rules down before shopping... " today mommy is going to push the

cart. It's your turn to put the groceries I tell you we need in the

cart. " Be absolutely specific in the the plan for shopping as

possible...we all know how aspy kids need literal direction. Also,

make sure he knows that his help is needed and wanted to help with

self-esteem issues.

This was difficult for me at first but to find any good behavior and

praise it. I really had to look for behaviors at first--there were so

few and far between. This has really paid off. He wants the praise

now and the positive attention.

When children are acting naughty, like throwing the toys, never get

angry and yell. In a calm and assertive way, remind them of the rules

and have them repeat the rules back to you. Also, remind them of the

consequences for such actions. One thing my children hate to do is

write sentences or stories regarding naughty behavior; however, that's

their consequence. They can sit there until it's done. At first (my

children are adopted), my son would be there what seemed like forever

because he did not want to do it; however, after a while he put forth

the effort to get out of the hot seat. I make comments like, I wish

you could be doing this with the family, but those sentences need to

be done. Boy, I would be happy if you were helping me with these

cookies, but that story needs to be written. This absolutely works.

Reminding him that you want him to be part of you and your family's

activities also helps with self esteem. I also have him read the story

to me and find something to praise and compliment. This helps him

fell capable and feel good about himself. It also helps with focusing

on problem resolution by focusing on the things he can do instead of

the adverse behavior.

Writing sentences also is like killing two birds with one stone. My

son has poor handwriting due to problems with his fine motor skills.

This gives him practice. Also, my son is low IQ and gives him

practice in putting sentences together and story cohesion. I don't

tell him what to write--I give him a general topic that pertains to

his behavior. He needs to make up a sentence or story that is

appropriate for the situation.

Another tool I learned in therapy is to have a time out with a special

purpose. For example, for throwing toys, I will place my son in time

out (he's 11 by the way) at the table. I then place the toy in front

of him and have him stare at it. He needs to stay there for 15

minutes and just look at that toy. He has to think about that toy and

how to use it appropriately. If he looks away or talks, time starts

over. After, he needs to tell me in his words why he was in time out

and how he can use that toy appropriately. Also, I will repeat this

for three times during the day or even over a three day period...once

a day. Great success with this one. Last year he was breaking

pencils at school--to the point the teacher asked for me to replace a

bulk box. I had my son do this time out with a pencil over the

weekend. The behavior discontinued and haven't had a problem with

pencils again. Also, after time out is over, I use words like

" wonderful, perfect, terrific, great, I'm proud " of his understanding.

I hope this helps...