help, son wont sleep in room

[Guest guest]

hi, i need help my seven yr old wont sleep in his room/ it does not

matter what we do even if he intially falls asleep in his room he is on

the floor on my side(moms) well before morning/ his dad is getting

frustrated because we get no alone time/ we were military and my

husband got out because we felt the instability was hurting our son,

but he almost seems worse lately/ should we just give in and make a

pallet on my side of bed until he grows out of this or what because i

am exhausted from trying to put him back in his room and it doesnt

work/ i should admit when his dad was gone i did not worry about him

in our room , so i feel like this is my fault

[Guest guest]

I was in the same boat...and for a while my husband slept in my son's room while my son slept with me...my son and I are both night owls and my husband is the early to bed early to rise type...plus in the summer I don't work so my son and I both stay up beyond 9.

My son just turned 13 in October....and he finally sleeps in his own room....I think it has a lot to do with seperation anxiety ....and anxiety in general and being less mature than kids their own age.

My son's therapist talked to him and us and it said it was time....so he finally did it with us pushing him to it...but he doesn't wake up and come into our room....Once in a while when my husband wants to go to bed early say a Friday or Saturnday night...we may let him sleep in the bed. I know ...13...but at times he is more like 7.

It will happen...it will...just keep working on it.....your son will do it eventually....

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: maddness2407 <maddness2407@...>Subject: ( ) help, son wont sleep in room Date: Friday, November 21, 2008, 10:31 AM

hi, i need help my seven yr old wont sleep in his room/ it does not matter what we do even if he intially falls asleep in his room he is on the floor on my side(moms) well before morning/ his dad is getting frustrated because we get no alone time/ we were military and my husband got out because we felt the instability was hurting our son, but he almost seems worse lately/ should we just give in and make a pallet on my side of bed until he grows out of this or what because i am exhausted from trying to put him back in his room and it doesnt work/ i should admit when his dad was gone i did not worry about him in our room , so i feel like this is my fault

[Guest guest]

I'm gonna just tell it like it is/has been in our home. We always had our kids in our bed. Especially as infants....it was easier to feed. As they got older, we got a toddler bed - we and our oldest were so excited. He he. All the stuffed animals slept really nicely on it.

Over the years, they've all been in and out of our bed. We got them bunks as they aged (about 4 or so),,,,and they all knew that they had to start there.....they were always welcome to come in, but they had to start in their own.

This, I feel, helps them. Knowing they are welcome. Takes the "fear" out of it all.

Our oldest 2 sleep in their own now.....(10 and 12)......but once in a while, ask if they can stay with us......and it's great. It's like a sleepover.

Our 8 yr old,,,,,,well,,,,he slept in his bed from like, 4 - 8 and about 3 months ago,,,,,is always in our bed. he he. If he does start in his,,,,by 3 am,,,,he's in there. But,,,,he's also really hyper and always on the go and I think that he needs time,,,,calm time,,,,with us. It recharges him......my opinion.

Our littlest comes in on occasion,,,,but for the most part, doesn't care.

I think, personally,,,,,that it doesn't hurt anything. I highly doubt they will turn into 18 yr olds needing to sleep with mommy.

Our world moves so fast,,,,and there's work and school and obligations,,,,,,,,and snuggling up with your kids (and they with you) is such a calming, safe thing. I just can't see saying no.

This country has it's share of "no sleeping with parents"........but most countries/cultures share beds and sleeping spaces.

I'm no doc,,,,,,,but my heart always said to let your kid have you if they need you. It's not like you sit in class with them.

It's the end of the day. It's wind-down time.

We've all had the best of talks laying down at night.......just chatting about our day,,,,their troubles, fears, good times, everything. I love it.

So, anyway,,,,,I'd say go for it. Try, for 1 week, to NOT make it an issue. Try telling yourself that this is your son. Who the H--- cares if he is with you guys at night?

There are plenty of places to "be alone"....he he.

(You could also check out the book, "The Family Bed"......It's wonderful.

Good luck.

Robin

From: maddness2407 <maddness2407@...>Subject: ( ) help, son wont sleep in room Date: Friday, November 21, 2008, 9:31 AM

hi, i need help my seven yr old wont sleep in his room/ it does not matter what we do even if he intially falls asleep in his room he is on the floor on my side(moms) well before morning/ his dad is getting frustrated because we get no alone time/ we were military and my husband got out because we felt the instability was hurting our son, but he almost seems worse lately/ should we just give in and make a pallet on my side of bed until he grows out of this or what because i am exhausted from trying to put him back in his room and it doesnt work/ i should admit when his dad was gone i did not worry about him in our room , so i feel like this is my fault

[Guest guest]

Our 7 yr old still gets up in the middle of the night and ends up in bed with us. We have always told him as long as he tries to sleep in his own bed and if he wakes up and needs one of us, then he can come get in our bed. We just decided that we needed to make him feel as secure as possible. He used to be really scared at nighttime, afraid that "bad guys were going to get in our house or afraid that something would happen to mommy". But now that seems to be passing.

Do what works best for your family.

From: maddness2407 <maddness2407>Subject: ( ) help, son wont sleep in room Date: Friday, November 21, 2008, 9:31 AM

hi, i need help my seven yr old wont sleep in his room/ it does not matter what we do even if he intially falls asleep in his room he is on the floor on my side(moms) well before morning/ his dad is getting frustrated because we get no alone time/ we were military and my husband got out because we felt the instability was hurting our son, but he almost seems worse lately/ should we just give in and make a pallet on my side of bed until he grows out of this or what because i am exhausted from trying to put him back in his room and it doesnt work/ i should admit when his dad was gone i did not worry about him in our room , so i feel like this is my fault

[Guest guest]

Amen to that, Sue.

From: maddness2407 <maddness2407>Subject: ( ) help, son wont sleep in room Date: Friday, November 21, 2008, 9:31 AM

hi, i need help my seven yr old wont sleep in his room/ it does not matter what we do even if he intially falls asleep in his room he is on the floor on my side(moms) well before morning/ his dad is getting frustrated because we get no alone time/ we were military and my husband got out because we felt the instability was hurting our son, but he almost seems worse lately/ should we just give in and make a pallet on my side of bed until he grows out of this or what because i am exhausted from trying to put him back in his room and it doesnt work/ i should admit when his dad was gone i did not worry about him in our room , so i feel like this is my fault

[Guest guest]

>

> I'm gonna just tell it like it is/has been in our home.�

> We always had our kids in our bed.�

This is how we were too. Our boys are 14 now (twins) and wouldn't

dream of asking to sleep with us. So, I don't think it hurt them. It

definitely got annoying sometimes, especially after they got bigger

and there were two of them--there wasn't room for all of us! I don't

really know what you can do though. I don't think it is terribly

natural for young children to sleep alone. I think this is a lot more

common than people think; people just don't talk about it because they

think nobody else does it.

I'm not saying I wouldn't encourage him to sleep in his own bed; but I

wouldn't make an issue of it on the nights he doesn't make it. I

don't know if I would go so far as to set up a pallet; my sister used

to leave a blanket handy for her daughter who used to do this. Our

kids slept in bed with us, generally wrapped around me.

You and your husband may just have to get a little creative with your

alone time...

Ruth

[Guest guest]

He he. You made me giggle with the talk of "room" with the kids in the bed at the same time. When we finally bought a new couch, we went for the huge size cause it fit my hubby better.....for those nights when all the kis made their way in....hehe.

It isn't always a "bed" of roses,,,,,,but you're right. They all end up wanting their own space eventually.

Best to take a deep breath and not sweat over it.

Robin

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: Re: ( ) help, son wont sleep in room Date: Friday, November 21, 2008, 7:49 PM

>> I'm gonna just tell it like it is/has been in our home.� > We always had our kids in our bed.� This is how we were too. Our boys are 14 now (twins) and wouldn'tdream of asking to sleep with us. So, I don't think it hurt them. Itdefinitely got annoying sometimes, especially after they got biggerand there were two of them--there wasn't room for all of us! I don'treally know what you can do though. I don't think it is terriblynatural for young children to sleep alone. I think this is a lot morecommon than people think; people just don't talk about it because theythink nobody else does it. I'm not saying I wouldn't encourage him to sleep in his own bed; but Iwouldn't make an issue of it on the

nights he doesn't make it. Idon't know if I would go so far as to set up a pallet; my sister usedto leave a blanket handy for her daughter who used to do this. Ourkids slept in bed with us, generally wrapped around me.You and your husband may just have to get a little creative with youralone time...Ruth

[Guest guest]

I'd like to chime in, too. We had similar problem with our son, now age 10.5, He never wanted to sleep alone, cried and screamed himself to sleep every night. It was awful,. Then when he could climb out of his crib, he ran to us, every night, screaming and crying. We did what the "experts" say, take him back to his bed, etc. This went for years, changing only as he aged and could express himself more and understand more.. We were exhausted from continually interrupted sleep. Now, He has slept inhis bed 6 out of 7 nights since starting 5th grade in Sept. Only Wed night did he start bringing his blankets/pillows to sleep on our floor...He is and always will be an anxious boy...

So do what is best for your family, they eventually grow out of it. But I agree, we all live fast paced lives. Kids are more stressed than we expect. I treasure all the cuddling now!

Jillian

[Guest guest]

My son is only four years old going on five and he did have issues with climbing into our bed. I tried and tried to get him to sleep in his own bed! One day out of the blue my son told me it was just to dark and his nightlight wasn't good enough. So, we put in a lamp with a softer bulb and he seems to be doing just fine! He also makes us shut his door so nothing can come in and then he puts his head under his blanket for protection. I feel the older he gets the more fears he seems to develop.If you can get him to vocalize what bothers him about his room you might be able to fix it?Marie

[Guest guest]

I have your problem with my 12 yo (hfa). He is slowly improving. By that I mean, he won't insist to sleep with me but he will sleep on the couch instead. It's an improvement. We have a queen size bed and he's just too big. I end up hunched in a little corner and miserable by morning so it's not something I can just let him do. I think most NT kids would have wanted to get out of mom's bed by now, lol. I don't have an answer except what another poster said about figuring out what problems he has with his own room and providing fixes for them. I would add to that, you should try sweetening the pot - making it more worth his while to sleep in his own bed. Make a reward system (3 nights in his bed, a video rental...2 nights in his bed, pizza dinner...whatever will make him want to do it.) I am working on coming up with something for my two youngest. They have bunk beds even so it's not that they are lonely. ugh.

Oh yeah, if he comes into my bed in the middle of the night, I will shoo him out. I don't get up and move him. I just make him go. I tell him, "THere is not enough room for you!!" which is true! He will end up on the couch then or sometimes he sneaks back in and sleeps at the foot of the bed. But he is learning not to wake me up!!! I think it's a good thing to make him less comfortable for coming into my bed and that seems to help.

All I can say is keep working on it. It might take a while, but eventually, it will stick!

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) help, son wont sleep in room

hi, i need help my seven yr old wont sleep in his room/ it does not matter what we do even if he intially falls asleep in his room he is on the floor on my side(moms) well before morning/ his dad is getting frustrated because we get no alone time/ we were military and my husband got out because we felt the instability was hurting our son, but he almost seems worse lately/ should we just give in and make a pallet on my side of bed until he grows out of this or what because i am exhausted from trying to put him back in his room and it doesnt work/ i should admit when his dad was gone i did not worry about him in our room , so i feel like this is my fault

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[Guest guest]

We have this problem also and my son (age 12) is sleeping on the floor in our room. After the last inflatable matress we said no more. No incentive works at all. He is afraid to sleep in his room. I'm about to cave on buying another matress...don't know what to do. He is doing so well in every other aspect. Stuck. Pam :)One site has it all. Your email accounts, your social networks, and the things you love. Try the new AOL.com today!

[Guest guest]

>

> I have your problem with my 12 yo (hfa). He is slowly improving.

By that I mean, he won't insist to sleep with me but he will sleep on

the couch instead. It's an improvement. We have a queen size bed and

he's just too big. I end up hunched in a little corner and miserable

by morning so it's not something I can just let him do.

Your whole post is exactly how things went with our Asperger son, now

14. I just wanted to add that we also found out that sensory things

were involved. Despite the fact that he thinks people only need to

bathe every couple of weeks, he is super picky (and didn't even

consciously know it) about the cleanliness of his sheets, blankets and

pillowcases. Once a week may not be enough. We also found he prefers

cotton sheets over flannel and silk (or fake silk) pillow cases over

cotton ones. He also likes to have a ceiling fan running no matter

what the temperature. We live in SE Texas so all the rooms have

ceiling fans. I think it is for the air movement as much as the

constant noise. He's always disliked complete silence. These things

have made it easier to get him off the couch and into his bed. He

still doesn't like to sleep alone, so if he didn't have a brother to

sleep with (in a different bed--although they still ended up together

sometimes as late as 12yo), we'd still have issues. When his brother

has sleepovers, he sleeps on the couch, and I think it is because our

bedroom opens off that room so he is not " alone " then.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

We have redone the room and he does spend alot of time there...just not sleeping. I definitely pick and choose my battles and this isn't really one of them. I'm just torn whether to keep spending money on air mattresses. Guess I'll go to Target...they are on sale this week. :)One site has it all. Your email accounts, your social networks, and the things you love. Try the new AOL.com today!

[Guest guest]

Maybe this will be the "odd answer out",,,but how about letting him have what he wants for a month....you? See if this eases things. Maybe you can see if he would like to redecorate his room? New sheets........paint.......new containers to put stuff in? How about a tv? Tell him it's not to get him back in it,,,cause you want him to feel safe,,,but that you want the room to be a nice place for him to hang in.

NO PRESSURE.

See where things are in a month, ya know?

Robin

From: ppanda65@... <ppanda65@...>Subject: Re: ( ) help, son wont sleep in room Date: Sunday, November 23, 2008, 1:36 PM

We have this problem also and my son (age 12) is sleeping on the floor in our room. After the last inflatable matress we said no more. No incentive works at all. He is afraid to sleep in his room. I'm about to cave on buying another matress...don' t know what to do. He is doing so well in every other aspect. Stuck. Pam

One site has it all. Your email accounts, your social networks, and the things you love. Try the new AOL.com today!

[Guest guest]

I'm horrible,,,,but could he use a couple of couch cushions and lay down on them? He he.

I shouldn't smile............it IS pitiful, isn't it?

How about that "eggshell" padding they have at WalMart/Target, etc....double that us, and it's nice. We do that camping.

Robin

From: ppanda65@... <ppanda65@...>Subject: Re: ( ) help, son wont sleep in room Date: Sunday, November 23, 2008, 4:55 PM

We have redone the room and he does spend alot of time there...just not sleeping. I definitely pick and choose my battles and this isn't really one of them. I'm just torn whether to keep spending money on air mattresses. Guess I'll go to Target...they are on sale this week.

One site has it all. Your email accounts, your social networks, and the things you love. Try the new AOL.com today!

[Guest guest]

lol, it's amazing how much our two are alike sometimes. <g>

I've decided not to make it comfortable to be in my room and try to make it more inviting and comfortable to be in his own room. I guess it depends on how much you want him in his own room?

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

Re: ( ) help, son wont sleep in room

We have this problem also and my son (age 12) is sleeping on the floor in our room. After the last inflatable matress we said no more. No incentive works at all. He is afraid to sleep in his room. I'm about to cave on buying another matress...don't know what to do. He is doing so well in every other aspect. Stuck. Pam

One site has it all. Your email accounts, your social networks, and the things you love. Try the new AOL.com today!

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[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to sleep issues. When my son was very little

our room was right next to his. He and his sister shared a room

for a while they were little. That is acutally how they wanted it.

When my daughter got a little older she decided that she wanted her

own room naturally. So we lived in an apartment at the time so we

moved our bedroom upstairs and the kids were on the lower level.

Then 9/11 hit and our lives changed for many years to come. Not

only

of course for the the loss of many lives with 9/11 but with a new

set for fears for the children. Our Aspie kiddo had a much harder

time sleeping in his room by himself. Then we didn't have diagnosis

so that made it harder to understand what was really going on for

him.

Needless to say that was when he was around 5yrs old and it wasn't

until recent when we moved into our house that he started sleeping

in his own room he is now 13yrs. Our room is straight across the

hall from him. He would sleep on an air mattress right at the end

of my bed, sleep on the couch near my room or sleep on the floor by

my the side of my bed. I was feeling very frustrated about it for a

long time but then decided to pick my battles with him and that was

one that was difficult for him so I let it go. I encouraged him all

the time of course but never forced the issue hard. He has always

had a difficult time sleeping at others house too. He likes it when

a friend stays at our house instead. I decided it just didn't matter

what other people thought about it either, his sister was told not

to make fun of him or tell friends.

Sorry that what so long, just wanted to share my thoughts with

everyone. I think for me I got all caught up in with what other

people might think. Then decided that he had some big fears in him

mind that I didn't understand at that time. Keep encouraging and

one day you will get a surprise.

Have a very blessed day!

> >

> > I have your problem with my 12 yo (hfa). He is slowly

improving.

> By that I mean, he won't insist to sleep with me but he will sleep

on

> the couch instead. It's an improvement. We have a queen size bed

and

> he's just too big. I end up hunched in a little corner and

miserable

> by morning so it's not something I can just let him do.

>

> Your whole post is exactly how things went with our Asperger son,

now

> 14. I just wanted to add that we also found out that sensory

things

> were involved. Despite the fact that he thinks people only need to

> bathe every couple of weeks, he is super picky (and didn't even

> consciously know it) about the cleanliness of his sheets, blankets

and

> pillowcases. Once a week may not be enough. We also found he

prefers

> cotton sheets over flannel and silk (or fake silk) pillow cases

over

> cotton ones. He also likes to have a ceiling fan running no matter

> what the temperature. We live in SE Texas so all the rooms have

> ceiling fans. I think it is for the air movement as much as the

> constant noise. He's always disliked complete silence. These

things

> have made it easier to get him off the couch and into his bed. He

> still doesn't like to sleep alone, so if he didn't have a brother

to

> sleep with (in a different bed--although they still ended up

together

> sometimes as late as 12yo), we'd still have issues. When his

brother

> has sleepovers, he sleeps on the couch, and I think it is because

our

> bedroom opens off that room so he is not " alone " then.

>

> Ruth

>