RE: What are husbands for?

[Guest guest]

Hi.

For us, no, I am married, but I am also the one at home. My husband is quite involved, but, in all honesty, the last thing he would ever do is get on line and talk about our life. He's just not that way.

Have a great day.

Robin

From: Selim Atay <selimatay_1972@...>Subject: ( ) What are husbands for? Date: Friday, February 13, 2009, 8:54 AM

Dear All,

(I am not a native speaker of English, please do forgive me in advance for any mistakes I may make)

I have been a member of this groups since October and have benefitted a lot from the comments made. Although I haven't posted anything after my introduction mail, I have read almost every message posted on the forums.

May I share with you one of my observations about the group. Most of the members of the group (at least those who seem to write) are women- step or natural mothers and even grandmothers. I have seen only a few messages posted by men. That's understandable to some extent, I guess. What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mention your partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you are living on your own and having to deal with all these problems by yourselves. Maybe it is because of the large number of single-mom families (is this the correct expression?) in the group. If this is not the case, you seem to get little help from your partners, which as I said is surprising at least for me.

Maybe I am making an incorrect "reading" of the messages posted. Maybe it is because I am from an entirely different country and culture. I just wanted to share my observation with you.

Best wishes

Oguz Isik

Ankara/Turkey

Father to a 7-1/2-to-be- boy-in-April (this is what my son says when asked his age)

[Guest guest]

I, like

Robin, am also married. However as

the homeschooling Mum to DD, I tend to run into the most issues and read

up/research the way forward then discuss it all with DH later. He has AS but we have only figured this

out during the journey with DD.

I guess the need to “vent” and

discuss and receive lots of input and advice is a predominantly female trait

(not intending to be sexist at all), not saying that men don’t or won’t,

but it does tend to be the women nattering in the aisle at the supermarket! I

think as well that many of the issues that revolve around AS are

emotional/emotive ie dealing with meltdowns, trying to be the interface between

your child and the rest of the world etc, translating their needs into things

others can understand eg DD needs to be allowed to be a pony and gallop and

whinny in between sessions of intense concentration etc etc seem to lean

towards the “Mum” side of the parenting relationship – again not

saying that is a hard and fast rule or intending to put down all the great

fathers out there either!

Although married, I have had prolonged

periods of parenting/home-ed where I have felt like a “single parent who

happens to be married” and I find forums like this a HUGE help.

I think I’ve now probably dropped

myself in it enough and will shut up!!!!

a

-----Original

Message-----

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Selim Atay

Sent: 13

February 2009

14:54

To:

Subject: ( ) What are husbands for?

Dear All,

(I am not a native speaker of English, please do

forgive me in advance for any mistakes I may make)

I have been a member of this groups since October

and have benefitted a lot from the comments made. Although I haven't posted

anything after my introduction mail, I have read almost every message posted

on the forums.

May I share with you one of my observations about

the group. Most of the members of the group (at least those who seem to

write) are women- step or natural mothers and even grandmothers. I have seen

only a few messages posted by men. That's understandable to some extent, I

guess. What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mention

your partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you are living on

your own and having to deal with all these problems by yourselves. Maybe it

is because of the large number of single-mom families (is this the correct

expression?) in the group. If this is not the case, you seem to get little

help from your partners, which as I said is surprising at least for me.

Maybe I am making an

incorrect " reading " of the messages posted. Maybe it is because

I am from an entirely different country and culture. I just wanted to share

my observation with you.

Best wishes

Oguz Isik

Ankara/Turkey

Father to a 7-1/2-to-be-boy-in-April (this is

what my son says when asked his age)

No virus found in this outgoing message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 8.0.234 / Virus Database: 270.10.23/1947 - Release Date: 02/11/09 18:11:00

[Guest guest]

Hi Ogus - ALL.

We are quiet or maybe shy, with limited english (we speak portuguese!...)and reading almost every message from this very important group. We (Myllene and me) are also members of two similar local groups.

At home, as a family, "we" discuss every step of Victor's near future development effort: new approaches, medication, behaviour, schools, treatments, etc, etc. However, I am the one that organize the "strategy" of the period. Sometimes, we have conflicts, of course. I believe that without my wife's support and vice-versa, to deal with the daily difficult autistic reality and eventual crisis would be much more difficult.

We are here!!

Rgds,

All the best for you,

Myllene, "husband" Pedro, Thiago (15) and Victor (09 - HFA) - Rio de Janeiro - Brazil

--- Em sex, 13/2/09, and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> escreveu:

De: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...>Assunto: Re: ( ) What are husbands for?Para: Data: Sexta-feira, 13 de Fevereiro de 2009, 16:28

Hi.

For us, no, I am married, but I am also the one at home. My husband is quite involved, but, in all honesty, the last thing he would ever do is get on line and talk about our life. He's just not that way.

Have a great day.

Robin

From: Selim Atay <selimatay_1972>Subject: ( ) What are husbands for? Date: Friday, February 13, 2009, 8:54 AM

Dear All,

(I am not a native speaker of English, please do forgive me in advance for any mistakes I may make)

I have been a member of this groups since October and have benefitted a lot from the comments made. Although I haven't posted anything after my introduction mail, I have read almost every message posted on the forums.

May I share with you one of my observations about the group. Most of the members of the group (at least those who seem to write) are women- step or natural mothers and even grandmothers. I have seen only a few messages posted by men. That's understandable to some extent, I guess. What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mention your partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you are living on your own and having to deal with all these problems by yourselves. Maybe it is because of the large number of single-mom families (is this the correct expression?) in the group. If this is not the case, you seem to get little help from your partners, which as I said is surprising at least for me.

Maybe I am making an incorrect "reading" of the messages posted. Maybe it is because I am from an entirely different country and culture. I just wanted to share my observation with you.

Best wishes

Oguz Isik

Ankara/Turkey

Father to a 7-1/2-to-be- boy-in-April (this is what my son says when asked his age)

Veja quais são os assuntos do momento no + Buscados: Top 10 - Celebridades - Música - Esportes

[Guest guest]

Hi Oguz,

You have asked a wonderful question. For me, I am married to my kids

father. He is very involved in all of the parenting of our 3 kids

and although his journey, with regard to our sons Autism, has been a

little different than mine I think it is mostly because of our

personality differences. I am simply the person who is more likely

to go out and look for information and answers. When I have found

some information that I think he will like I share that information

with him.

Interesting enough my husband is a Nurse who works primarily with

Nuerology Medicine. Maybe his working in healthcare makes him less

interested in researching things on his off time. It could also be a

male/female thing. I know that I am definitely more the kind to talk

over my problems with friends and family.

Vickie

>

> Dear All,

> (I am not a native speaker of English, please do forgive me in

advance for any mistakes I may make)

> I have been a member of this groups since October and have

benefitted a lot from the comments made. Although I haven't posted

anything after my introduction mail, I have read almost every message

posted on the forums.

>  

> May I share with you one of my observations about the group. Most

of the members of the group (at least those who seem to write) are

women- step or natural mothers and even grandmothers. I have seen

only a few messages posted by men. That's understandable to some

extent, I guess. What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean)

hardly ever mention your partners when talking about your problems.

It is as if you are living on your own and having to deal with all

these problems by yourselves. Maybe it is because of the large number

of single-mom families (is this the correct expression?) in the

group. If this is not the case, you seem to get little help from your

partners, which as I said is surprising at least for me.

>  

> Maybe I am making an incorrect  " reading " of the messages posted.

Maybe it is because I am from an entirely different country and

culture. I just wanted to share my observation with you.

>  

> Best wishes

>  

> Oguz Isik

> Ankara/Turkey

> Father to a 7-1/2-to-be-boy-in-April (this is what my son says when

asked his age)

>  

>  

>

[Guest guest]

>

> What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mention

your partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you are

living on your own and having to deal with all these problems by

yourselves. Maybe it is because of the large number of single-mom

families (is this the correct expression?) in the group. If this is

not the case, you seem to get little help from your partners, which as

I said is surprising at least for me.

I'm married too. It's not that my husband doesn't help out in general,

but it's usually falls to mom to deal with schools, kids' activities,

homework--to run the household, when you come right down to it. I

think it is a cultural thing that mom is the " take charge " person when

it comes to running the household and family. And since working women

don't have as much time to write, this list is probably predominantly

stay-at-home women who spend long hours with their challenging

children while Dad is away earning the bacon. Dad may not be able to

come to many therapist/doctor or school appointments, which usually

must be during the work day. My husband's involvement with the kids

is more spontaneous than mine. I work full-time myself, but my

husband still doesn't feel the urge to take charge of my kids'

affairs, although he'll participate when I ask and give him

information. It's easy to forget to communicate. But I think it is a

cultural thing, that men are so used to leaning on women for these

types of things that they just don't think of what all needs to be

done to take care of these kids.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

So trueSent from my iPhoneOn Feb 13, 2009, at 1:55 PM, "r_woman2" <me2ruth@...> wrote:

>

> What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mention

your partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you are

living on your own and having to deal with all these problems by

yourselves. Maybe it is because of the large number of single-mom

families (is this the correct expression?) in the group. If this is

not the case, you seem to get little help from your partners, which as

I said is surprising at least for me.

I'm married too. It's not that my husband doesn't help out in general,

but it's usually falls to mom to deal with schools, kids' activities,

homework--to run the household, when you come right down to it. I

think it is a cultural thing that mom is the "take charge" person when

it comes to running the household and family. And since working women

don't have as much time to write, this list is probably predominantly

stay-at-home women who spend long hours with their challenging

children while Dad is away earning the bacon. Dad may not be able to

come to many therapist/doctor or school appointments, which usually

must be during the work day. My husband's involvement with the kids

is more spontaneous than mine. I work full-time myself, but my

husband still doesn't feel the urge to take charge of my kids'

affairs, although he'll participate when I ask and give him

information. It's easy to forget to communicate. But I think it is a

cultural thing, that men are so used to leaning on women for these

types of things that they just don't think of what all needs to be

done to take care of these kids.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Well said Ruth..Very insightful.I think you are right.. It is true..You

wrote down exacty how I feel, that husbands dont realize how much is

involved in child rearing..

Conni

<<

What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mention

your partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you are

living on your own and having to deal with all these problems by

yourselves. Maybe it is because of the large number of single-mom

families (is this the correct expression?) in the group. If this is

not the case, you seem to get little help from your partners, which as

I said is surprising at least for me.

I'm married too. It's not that my husband doesn't help out in general,

but it's usually falls to mom to deal with schools, kids' activities,

homework--to run the household, when you come right down to it. I

think it is a cultural thing that mom is the " take charge " person when

it comes to running the household and family. And since working women

don't have as much time to write, this list is probably predominantly

stay-at-home women who spend long hours with their challenging

children while Dad is away earning the bacon. Dad may not be able to

come to many therapist/doctor or school appointments, which usually

must be during the work day. My husband's involvement with the kids

is more spontaneous than mine. I work full-time myself, but my

husband still doesn't feel the urge to take charge of my kids'

affairs, although he'll participate when I ask and give him

information. It's easy to forget to communicate. But I think it is a

cultural thing, that men are so used to leaning on women for these

types of things that they just don't think of what all needs to be

done to take care of these kids>>

[Guest guest]

Oguz,

I think you are right,it may be a cultural thing..I know a woman who is

from Jordan and lives here and her husband is also very involved with

the children. I never even realized it could be the culture. thats why

this group is so insightful.

Conni

[Guest guest]

>

> Oguz,

> I think you are right,it may be a cultural thing..I know a woman who is

> from Jordan and lives here and her husband is also very involved with

> the children. I never even realized it could be the culture. thats why

> this group is so insightful.

Yes, I once worked for Saudi Aramco. Many Arab women do not drive or

feel comfortable dealing with strange men on their own. Therefore,

the men would take off work and things like doctor's appointments and

school meetings became family affairs out of necessity. Aside from

practicality, I think it was cultural. As you might imagine, there

were many individual/family differences, but, in general, men

definitely participated in stuff like this a whole lot more than

American men, who often feel comfortable leaving it up to their wives.

Sometimes more so than their wives prefer! It is something couples

need to talk about.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Hi, I don't post too often but have been a single (divorced) mom; dad

not involved with sons since divorce. So for me, that's why no

dad/husband mentioned. Good observation! Good English too!

single mom, 3 sons (all grown I guess!)

, now 20, with OCD, dysgraphia and Aspergers

>

> Dear All,

> (I am not a native speaker of English, please do forgive me in

advance for any mistakes I may make)

> May I share with you one of my observations about the group. Most

of the members of the group (at least those who seem to write) are

women- step or natural mothers and even grandmothers. I have seen

only a few messages posted by men. That's understandable to some

extent, I guess. What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean)

hardly ever mention your partners when talking about your problems.

[Guest guest]

I'm a single mom myself and my son's dad isn't very involved in his life right now. It kind of comes and goes. He doesn't live in the same city as us right now either. When he did (for awhile at least) they saw each other more frequently. Unfortunately, his dad never calls to check in and just talk. He only calls when he wants to arrange Dylan to come spend time with his family. From the outside it doesn't look good, but it's probably for the best. I don't know if we would approach Dylan's challenges the same way and it might just be one more thing for me to have to deal with and I have enough on my plate, thank you!

But we are blessed because my parents live less than 10 minutes away and they are very much a part of our lives. My dad is extremely involved with Dylan. He is probably Dylan's best friend in many ways and a great role model. Dylan would say "my Poppy is like a Dad" and it's true. He's been more of a father to Dylan than his own father, hands down, for sure. But it's funny how things work out because truly, I think it's for the best. His dad has a wife and three kids and I don't think they've always known what to do with Dylan. But D is growing up and is such a good kid. They can see it now. For a long time when Dylan was much younger, there was a bunch of fighting (about Dylan!) taking place in front of him (between his dad and step-mom) and it was extremely hurtful and damaging to D. It's funny how life just works out for

the best some time. We might not have a "traditional" family (and I hope we do one day) but the family we've got is just AMAZING!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Selim Atay <selimatay_1972@...> Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 8:54:26 AMSubject: ( ) What are husbands for?

Dear All,

(I am not a native speaker of English, please do forgive me in advance for any mistakes I may make)

I have been a member of this groups since October and have benefitted a lot from the comments made. Although I haven't posted anything after my introduction mail, I have read almost every message posted on the forums.

May I share with you one of my observations about the group. Most of the members of the group (at least those who seem to write) are women- step or natural mothers and even grandmothers. I have seen only a few messages posted by men. That's understandable to some extent, I guess. What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mention your partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you are living on your own and having to deal with all these problems by yourselves. Maybe it is because of the large number of single-mom families (is this the correct expression?) in the group. If this is not the case, you seem to get little help from your partners, which as I said is surprising at least for me.

Maybe I am making an incorrect "reading" of the messages posted. Maybe it is because I am from an entirely different country and culture. I just wanted to share my observation with you.

Best wishes

Oguz Isik

Ankara/Turkey

Father to a 7-1/2-to-be- boy-in-April (this is what my son says when asked his age)

[Guest guest]

Hi a...

Perfectly said.

I homeschool my son, as well. So totally agree.

I see all the emotional freakouts as well as the incredible wonderful serious, emotional times, too, before the others get home from school. At that time, it's more chaotic.

What my hubby see's is not always the "total" picture, sadly. Through no fault of his own.

Robin

From: a <paulahenderson@...>Subject: RE: ( ) What are husbands for? Date: Friday, February 13, 2009, 11:12 AM

I, like Robin, am also married. However as the homeschooling Mum to DD, I tend to run into the most issues and read up/research the way forward then discuss it all with DH later. He has AS but we have only figured this out during the journey with DD.

I guess the need to “vent” and discuss and receive lots of input and advice is a predominantly female trait (not intending to be sexist at all), not saying that men don’t or won’t, but it does tend to be the women nattering in the aisle at the supermarket! I think as well that many of the issues that revolve around AS are emotional/emotive ie dealing with meltdowns, trying to be the interface between your child and the rest of the world etc, translating their needs into things others can understand eg DD needs to be allowed to be a pony and gallop and whinny in between sessions of intense concentration etc etc seem to lean towards the “Mum” side of the parenting relationship – again not saying that is a hard and fast rule or intending to put down all the great fathers out there either!

Although married, I have had prolonged periods of parenting/home- ed where I have felt like a “single parent who happens to be married” and I find forums like this a HUGE help.

I think I’ve now probably dropped myself in it enough and will shut up!!!!

a

( ) What are husbands for?

Dear All,

(I am not a native speaker of English, please do forgive me in advance for any mistakes I may make)

I have been a member of this groups since October and have benefitted a lot from the comments made. Although I haven't posted anything after my introduction mail, I have read almost every message posted on the forums.

May I share with you one of my observations about the group. Most of the members of the group (at least those who seem to write) are women- step or natural mothers and even grandmothers. I have seen only a few messages posted by men. That's understandable to some extent, I guess. What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mention your partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you are living on your own and having to deal with all these problems by yourselves. Maybe it is because of the large number of single-mom families (is this the correct expression?) in the group. If this is not the case, you seem to get little help from your partners, which as I said is surprising at least for me.

Maybe I am making an incorrect "reading" of the messages posted. Maybe it is because I am from an entirely different country and culture. I just wanted to share my observation with you.

Best wishes

Oguz Isik

Ankara/Turkey

Father to a 7-1/2-to-be- boy-in-April (this is what my son says when asked his age)

No virus found in this outgoing message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.comVersion: 8.0.234 / Virus Database: 270.10.23/1947 - Release Date: 02/11/09 18:11:00

[Guest guest]

I just want to say real quick, though, that it's sounding like "dads aren't involved". Mine is, just works and when I type to the group, I don't add his views because it's me typing.

Know what I mean?

If doctor appoinments and homework had to be done in the evening, then he'd be more "present".

But,,,,,in my opinion, it's the parent that doesn't work outside the home who "SEEMS" more in tune. Maybe we are more in tune, but, for us, it's because I'm the one home. Not because he isn't involved.

From: clbrew311@... <clbrew311@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: What are husbands for? Date: Friday, February 13, 2009, 4:47 PM

Oguz,I think you are right,it may be a cultural thing..I know a woman who isfrom Jordan and lives here and her husband is also very involved withthe children. I never even realized it could be the culture. thats whythis group is so insightful.Conni

[Guest guest]

My husband is actually an extremely involved dad who does a great

deal of the childcare. But the autism-related stuff falls largely on

my shoulders, for some reason. I was the one who originally sought

a diagnosis and I'm still the one who does research, joins mailing

lists, talks with other people, etc.

Willa

[Guest guest]

Hello Oguz

Thank you for sharing your observation!!

My husband is a wonderful man and

EXTREMELY involved in my kids’ lives! My older son has severe Cerebral

Palsy and I couldn’t make it without the things my husband does!

When it comes to my younger son, (the one

with the Aspie symptoms) my husband is just kind of dumbfounded. He listens and

observes and applies slowly and gradually. He was like this with the children

as babies. He observed and listened more than he “did” but the more

he watched and the older they got, the more and more involved he became. I

think he’ll apply the techniques I learn about and apply as he sees them

being done and hopefully working. I don’t see him taking the reins and

handling the school issues/IEP, but he’ll attend if I want him to.

I am truly intrigued by your observation

and wondering if there really is a cultural difference in play here. What role

does YOUR husband take?

Lori

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Selim Atay

Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009

7:54 AM

Subject: ( ) What

are husbands for?

Dear All,

(I am not a native speaker of English, please do

forgive me in advance for any mistakes I may make)

I have been a member of this groups since October

and have benefitted a lot from the comments made. Although I haven't posted

anything after my introduction mail, I have read almost every message posted

on the forums.

May I share with you one of my observations about

the group. Most of the members of the group (at least those who seem to

write) are women- step or natural mothers and even grandmothers. I have seen

only a few messages posted by men. That's understandable to some extent, I

guess. What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mention

your partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you are living on

your own and having to deal with all these problems by yourselves. Maybe it

is because of the large number of single-mom families (is this the correct

expression?) in the group. If this is not the case, you seem to get little

help from your partners, which as I said is surprising at least for me.

Maybe I am making an incorrect " reading "

of the messages posted. Maybe it is because I am from an entirely different

country and culture. I just wanted to share my observation with you.

Best wishes

Oguz Isik

Ankara/Turkey

Father to a 7-1/2-to-be-boy-in-April (this is

what my son says when asked his age)

[Guest guest]

I think some men are just better fathers and husbands and who really care to help out their wife with all the problems as much as they can. It takes a special kind of man that wants to do this freely for his family, a special kind of love. My husband was in denail for years, but after going to conferences with me about autism/aspergers and learning more about it, he plays a very big role in our son's life now and shares in anything he can. Get your husbands more involved whenever you can, it's hard to go it a lone, although I know there are many women who do. pj

From: "clbrew311@..." <clbrew311@...> Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 4:41:55 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: What are husbands for?

Well said Ruth..Very insightful.I think you are right.. It is true..Youwrote down exacty how I feel, that husbands dont realize how much isinvolved in child rearing..Conni<<What surprises me is that you (ladies, I mean) hardly ever mentionyour partners when talking about your problems. It is as if you areliving on your own and having to deal with all these problems byyourselves. Maybe it is because of the large number of single-momfamilies (is this the correct expression?) in the group. If this isnot the case, you seem to get little help from your partners, which asI said is surprising at least for me.I'm married too. It's not that my husband doesn't help out in general,but it's usually falls to mom to deal with schools, kids' activities,homework--to run the household, when you come right down to it. Ithink it is a cultural thing that mom is the "take charge" person whenit comes

to running the household and family. And since working womendon't have as much time to write, this list is probably predominantlystay-at-home women who spend long hours with their challengingchildren while Dad is away earning the bacon. Dad may not be able tocome to many therapist/doctor or school appointments, which usuallymust be during the work day. My husband's involvement with the kidsis more spontaneous than mine. I work full-time myself, but myhusband still doesn't feel the urge to take charge of my kids'affairs, although he'll participate when I ask and give himinformation. It's easy to forget to communicate. But I think it is acultural thing, that men are so used to leaning on women for thesetypes of things that they just don't think of what all needs to bedone to take care of these kids>>

[Guest guest]

Thanks to those who have kindly responded to this topic.

As for me Lori, I am what I could call the "secretary of external affairs", doing all the shopping, driving our son to and from school, taking him to therapy, consulting with doctors and teachers to draw up his program, etc. I am also the one to do all the reading for his problem and formulate what steps to take. Although we discuss all these things at home, it is me to make the final decision cause my wife finds all these things too complicated. My wife works on a part time basis, having to work only for a couple of hours a day, she doesn't even have to leave home as she does what she does on the internet. She is therefore the "secretary of internal affairs" as we say at home, doing housework, cooking, laundry etc. and helping our kid with his homework.

I usually find it difficult to help our son with his homework and he needs lots of help in this regard. This I can do only weekends. If it is not too arrogant of me, I could honestly say that I have taken a considerable amount of responsibility with respect to our kid. In the kindergarten, for instance, when started crying he would say "I want my daddy". Despite this, however, there are things I can't do, however hard I try. It is my wife who controls the things at moments of crisis, meltdowns I mean, of which we have had very few recently. She has more patience and perseverance, compared to me. This is something, I guess, almost all the men are bad at. When the going gets bad and uncontrollable, I tend to escape to be honest.

Looking at my friends and family around, I guess I am an exception on many accounts. Even in my family, my sister raised her sons with no help at all from her husband, which I must say is usually the norm here in Turkey. Men bring bread to home and do not care much about the rest. They almost in every case tend to avoid undertaking especially the "emotional responsibility" of raising their kids. This as I said is something I do from time to time.

I know it has already been a long post, but please do allow me to add a few comments about the cultural aspects. Although I and my wife are not practicing Muslims, we are culturally Muslims in that we grew up and continue to live in a country in which Islam is one of the most important building blocks. Although Islam is an overtly male-dominant religion in the public sphere, it is the women who are dominant in the domestic sphere. My family is an exception to

this in a limited sense- I try to get involved especially in the case of rearing my child and this I have managed to a certain extent. It is usually my wife who takes the final “emotional responsibility†in most cases. I find this emotional responsibility problem extremely important and this is something men are usually not good at, irrespective of their cultural backgrounds.

Thanks for your patience

Oguz Isik

Ankara/Turkey