Re: Son woke up in bad mood--keeping him home today from scho

[Guest guest]

>

> He has had help but I'll say 90% of it has been outside of school. I think

one of the best things I did is get ME help to learn how to be the most

effective parent to him.

But whether it was in-school or out, whether it was from you or a professional,

he has had intervention from an early age. That was my point. It has made a

huge difference. I don't think you appreciate the difference it has made for

you having your school on board from the beginning. Even if their interventions

are more passive than you would like, it is much better than them being actively

nonsupporting and nonconstructive.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

If I've ever alluded to the school being on board from an early age, that is certainly not the case. They did support Dylan in terms of not suspending him or expelling him when he had meltdowns but that's not truly "support". I felt like a lot of the time in those early years they tolerated his behavior more than anything. But not actually trying to HELP, they made their own lives harder. They've all agreed that something was wrong from the beginning but it wasn't until the 4th grade that we truly hit the jackpot w/ the right combination of teacher and school staff supporting him. When he was in Kindergarten-2nd grade, he was continually sent to the office. If the teacher had problems w/ him, that's where he went. Then he'd have a "talk" with the principal/assistant principal and sometimes he would have to write sentences "I will not be bad" was my favorite.

My son with documented motor skill issues and a sincere want to please adults was being forced to write "I will not be bad" one hundred times? Seriously?

I used to argue that being sent to the office where he could be in a quiet place was probably not effective and hurt him academically, socially, his self-esteem, etc... but I would get the "he can't disrupt the other students' learning", "he needs to have consequences at home for his behavior at school", "he refuses to listen to me" yada-yada-yada...over and over again. We had a horrible time in school with him. When we switched to a different school part way through 3rd grade, I at least had hope. And 4th grade was truly the turnaround time. That elementary school actually put into place a plan for his teachers and the support staff to help modify his behavior! And we saw improvements! Imagine that! We never had arguing as to something being wrong but their "solutions" on how to fix it were sorely misguided for years. That's one of the reasons I gave up on the school

system early on because 1) I didn't know what to ask for and 2) I didn't want to waste my time or Dylan's time waiting to get what he needed. It started half-way through Kindergarten b/c I refused to have him on a medication for ADHD but no assistance working on his behavior. Everything I read said he needed behavior modification or he wouldn't learn to do anything different and we wouldn't see a positive changes.

So yes, he did get play therapy from 5-8. There was some behavior modification too, although I don't know how effective it was at the time because it was happening one-on-one and not in the school environment. It did probably lay a good foundation for learning right from wrong in social situations though, even if it was hard to retrieve that info when he was in the situation with other kids. Kind of hard to teach a kid how to act in a classroom setting when they're sitting one-on-one in a therapist's office! The distractions aren't there! He's not in full sensory overload. But he becomes more thoughtful about how he should act with every passing year so even though we didn't see an immediate benefit, I know it helped. I know we could've done more though. I was looking at a report from his first OT evaluation at the age of 3.5 and there were so many needs! I wish he would've

had OT help (more than the 1-2 visits I could afford).

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...> Sent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 11:24:22 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Son woke up in bad mood--keeping him home today from scho

>> He has had help but I'll say 90% of it has been outside of school. I think one of the best things I did is get ME help to learn how to be the most effective parent to him. But whether it was in-school or out, whether it was from you or a professional, he has had intervention from an early age. That was my point. It has made a huge difference. I don't think you appreciate the difference it has made for you having your school on board from the beginning. Even if their interventions are more passive than you would like, it is much better than them being actively nonsupporting and nonconstructive. Ruth

[Guest guest]

A lot of kids do well despite their education. And while having a supportive school system is a major boost, it doesn't equate to success in school or no/less stress for the parent. Lots of people mean well but haven't a clue or try things that are just screwing the kid up more. I think the ideal is to have options available so you can match to what the child needs, and know that those needs change.

It seemed to me from the initial question (if these problems were related to having AS) that was right - they aren't. If all kids with AS have a problem, then it's part of the AS. This is not to say that the problems are not exacerbated by the AS. But each kid is different. How they react, how we react - that's all part of the mix. Seems like the main problem was distractibility which can be part of AS but isn't part of it for all kids with AS. It is a part of having ADHD, though. Also, the girl is doing well at school and still having these problems at home. So if the school is supportive or doing things that work, it isn't translating into great behavior at home. She may have had early intervention as well, the grandmother didn't say. So we don't know if not having EI caused the problems right now. Somehow though, I doubt it since things are working at school. I liked the idea of finding out how they manage her at school because it is working.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

Re: ( ) Son woke up in bad mood--keeping him home today from scho

>> He has had help but I'll say 90% of it has been outside of school. I think one of the best things I did is get ME help to learn how to be the most effective parent to him. But whether it was in-school or out, whether it was from you or a professional, he has had intervention from an early age. That was my point. It has made a huge difference. I don't think you appreciate the difference it has made for you having your school on board from the beginning. Even if their interventions are more passive than you would like, it is much better than them being actively nonsupporting and nonconstructive. Ruth

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