Re: Advice needed -- 13 yr old girl in despair

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you are really struggling...that is such a hard age no

matter what. This is some advice a mom sent me from another list

(Shadow Syndrome). DS is 24 and still having social skills issues with

peers and it is hurting him...emotionally and being able to move on.

Maybe this would work for your daughter?

<a wrote: I learned in classes with Tony Attwood that DS only

needs one person, one friend - he doesn't need many friends, in fact,

he couldn't handle that anyway. Maybe you could suggest as part of

the social skills training that your DS focus on making one friend,

and get help with JC on ways to make a friend. Entering in to a new

program means a new opportunity to make a friend who has not been

around DS before. Dropping the goal to one friend might help DS focus

on that task. JC may be able to identify a student that would be a

good choice for a friend. All this can be discussed at your meeting.

When we were doing this with DS in high school, the counselor

referred to these " friends " as " Social Workers In Training " - born

nurturers who would support someone lacking in certain social graces.>

SUe

>

> Hi,

> My 13 yr old is really struggling with the social hell that is middle

> school. All her support people are trying to help her. Her therapist

> is trying. We are trying at home. But, she is just giving up on ever

> having friends. She really wants to fit in somewhere, but she just

> can't do the things that people suggest. She ends up getting stressed

> and anxious and thinks that no one is paying attention to her when she

> tries to make an effort.

>

> She is talking about wanting to die and saying she's depressed. I know

> middle school is a rough time for kids w/AS, but she does not believe

> things will ever change and is giving up.

>

> Does anyone have any suggestions? We've read the books, talked to

> experts, etc. Nothing can MAKE her understand how to fit in with her

> peers.

>

> We have a meeting today w/her team and the director of district Spec.

> Ed. They called the meeting because she is having meltdowns and acting

> out at school more frequently. I hope they have some new ideas, but

> I'm not very hopeful.

> Thanks

> T

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry, forgot to put in that " JC " is for JobCorps. DS lives in a dorm

going to JobCorps about 100 miles away. And that in itself is

something amazing!

I just recently went thru an experience that made me remember Middle

School and High School all over again...not in a good way. We were on

a trip for a week with a group of people who did everything they could

in subtle ways and not so subtle ways to exclude us as part of the

group of 9 people.

They would pass candy around on the bus and we were never offered.

They would come over to a table where we were sitting, pick up all our

chairs and take them to another table, leaving us sitting there while

they socialized!

I was shocked, and thank goodness DH was there. So like I said,

brought back horrible memories...now in hindsight I wish I had stood

up to them and told them off. This is our " new generation " of women,

most of them in their early 30's, late twentys, all " professionals. "

Glad I don't have to work in an office with ANY of them.

Good luck to you...if only you could fast forward her ahead to her

highschool reunion and she would see it all so differently!

Sue

In , " carolynsuelowerychattanooga "

<sue@...> wrote:

>

> Sounds like you are really struggling...that is such a hard age no

> matter what. This is some advice a mom sent me from another list

> (Shadow Syndrome). DS is 24 and still having social skills issues with

> peers and it is hurting him...emotionally and being able to move on.

> Maybe this would work for your daughter?

>

> <a wrote: I learned in classes with Tony Attwood that DS only

> needs one person, one friend - he doesn't need many friends, in fact,

> he couldn't handle that anyway. Maybe you could suggest as part of

> the social skills training that your DS focus on making one friend,

> and get help with JC on ways to make a friend. Entering in to a new

> program means a new opportunity to make a friend who has not been

> around DS before. Dropping the goal to one friend might help DS focus

> on that task. JC may be able to identify a student that would be a

> good choice for a friend. All this can be discussed at your meeting.

> When we were doing this with DS in high school, the counselor

> referred to these " friends " as " Social Workers In Training " - born

> nurturers who would support someone lacking in certain social graces.>

>

> SUe

>

>

> >

> > Hi,

> > My 13 yr old is really struggling with the social hell that is middle

> > school. All her support people are trying to help her. Her therapist

> > is trying. We are trying at home. But, she is just giving up on ever

> > having friends. She really wants to fit in somewhere, but she just

> > can't do the things that people suggest. She ends up getting stressed

> > and anxious and thinks that no one is paying attention to her when she

> > tries to make an effort.

> >

> > She is talking about wanting to die and saying she's depressed. I know

> > middle school is a rough time for kids w/AS, but she does not believe

> > things will ever change and is giving up.

> >

> > Does anyone have any suggestions? We've read the books, talked to

> > experts, etc. Nothing can MAKE her understand how to fit in with her

> > peers.

> >

> > We have a meeting today w/her team and the director of district Spec.

> > Ed. They called the meeting because she is having meltdowns and acting

> > out at school more frequently. I hope they have some new ideas, but

> > I'm not very hopeful.

> > Thanks

> > T

> >

>

[Guest guest]

What age is Job Corps, for? I learned in classes with Tony Attwood that DS only> needs one person, one friend - he doesn't need many friends, in fact,>

he couldn't handle that anyway. Maybe you could suggest as part of> the social skills training that your DS focus on making one friend,> and get help with JC on ways to make a friend. Entering in to a new> program means a new opportunity to make a friend who has not been> around DS before. Dropping the goal to one friend might help DS focus> on that task. JC may be able to identify a student that would be a> good choice for a friend. All this can be discussed at your meeting.> When we were doing this with DS in high school, the counselor> referred to these "friends" as "Social Workers In Training" - born> nurturers who would support someone lacking in certain social graces.>> > SUe> > >

>> > Hi,> > My 13 yr old is really struggling with the social hell that is middle> > school. All her support people are trying to help her. Her therapist> > is trying. We are trying at home. But, she is just giving up on ever> > having friends. She really wants to fit in somewhere, but she just> > can't do the things that people suggest. She ends up getting stressed> > and anxious and thinks that no one is paying attention to her when she> > tries to make an effort. > > > > She is talking about wanting to die and saying she's depressed. I know> > middle school is a rough time for kids w/AS, but she does not believe> > things will ever change and is giving up. > > > > Does anyone have any suggestions? We've read the books, talked to> > experts, etc. Nothing can MAKE her understand how to fit in with

her> > peers. > > > > We have a meeting today w/her team and the director of district Spec.> > Ed. They called the meeting because she is having meltdowns and acting> > out at school more frequently. I hope they have some new ideas, but> > I'm not very hopeful.> > Thanks> > T> >>

[Guest guest]

JobCorps is a federal program that offers high school diploma

completion and vocation training. There are basically two JobCorps

centers in every state and they offer everything from welding,

carpentry and culinary arts. I think it is a wonderful program. I

always like to say " thank you " to you and all the other tax payers to

let you know this is one program that is not wasteful and is a godsend

for us!

It is not for every kid...our son happens to like the discipline and

rules. (just not at home!)

You can see more http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx

Sue in TN with son in Culinary Arts at JobCorps

> > >

> > > Hi,

> > > My 13 yr old is really struggling with the social hell that is

middle

> > > school. All her support people are trying to help her. Her therapist

> > > is trying. We are trying at home. But, she is just giving up on ever

> > > having friends. She really wants to fit in somewhere, but she just

> > > can't do the things that people suggest. She ends up getting

stressed

> > > and anxious and thinks that no one is paying attention to her

when she

> > > tries to make an effort.

> > >

> > > She is talking about wanting to die and saying she's depressed.

I know

> > > middle school is a rough time for kids w/AS, but she does not

believe

> > > things will ever change and is giving up.

> > >

> > > Does anyone have any suggestions? We've read the books, talked to

> > > experts, etc. Nothing can MAKE her understand how to fit in with her

> > > peers.

> > >

> > > We have a meeting today w/her team and the director of district

Spec.

> > > Ed. They called the meeting because she is having meltdowns and

acting

> > > out at school more frequently. I hope they have some new ideas, but

> > > I'm not very hopeful.

> > > Thanks

> > > T

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry, I didn't even answer your question...I think the youngest to

enroll is 16 and oldest age I know is 24.

Sue

> > >

> > > Hi,

> > > My 13 yr old is really struggling with the social hell that is

middle

> > > school. All her support people are trying to help her. Her therapist

> > > is trying. We are trying at home. But, she is just giving up on ever

> > > having friends. She really wants to fit in somewhere, but she just

> > > can't do the things that people suggest. She ends up getting

stressed

> > > and anxious and thinks that no one is paying attention to her

when she

> > > tries to make an effort.

> > >

> > > She is talking about wanting to die and saying she's depressed.

I know

> > > middle school is a rough time for kids w/AS, but she does not

believe

> > > things will ever change and is giving up.

> > >

> > > Does anyone have any suggestions? We've read the books, talked to

> > > experts, etc. Nothing can MAKE her understand how to fit in with her

> > > peers.

> > >

> > > We have a meeting today w/her team and the director of district

Spec.

> > > Ed. They called the meeting because she is having meltdowns and

acting

> > > out at school more frequently. I hope they have some new ideas, but

> > > I'm not very hopeful.

> > > Thanks

> > > T

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You could try:

getting her involved in an activity - swimming, drawing, skating, whatever she might like and/or be good at. She could meet people that way.

Have her learn a skill - an instrument, crocheting, cake decorating - something fun that she would have fun doing on her own.

Get involved in your local church or scouting group. They often have youth groups where she could meet some people and make friends.

Talk to the doc about meds and if they might be necessary. Sometimes depression is a sucking pit and you can't help yourself while you are drowning in it. She may need meds to help her use and learn the skills everyone is trying to teach her.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Advice needed -- 13 yr old girl in despair

Hi,My 13 yr old is really struggling with the social hell that is middleschool. All her support people are trying to help her. Her therapistis trying. We are trying at home. But, she is just giving up on everhaving friends. She really wants to fit in somewhere, but she justcan't do the things that people suggest. She ends up getting stressedand anxious and thinks that no one is paying attention to her when shetries to make an effort. She is talking about wanting to die and saying she's depressed. I knowmiddle school is a rough time for kids w/AS, but she does not believethings will ever change and is giving up. Does anyone have any suggestions? We've read the books, talked toexperts, etc. Nothing can MAKE her understand how to fit in with herpeers. We have a meeting today w/her team and the director of district Spec.Ed. They called the meeting because she is having meltdowns and actingout at school more frequently. I hope they have some new ideas, butI'm not very hopeful.ThanksT

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.237 / Virus Database: 270.11.3/1974 - Release Date: 02/26/09 14:51:00

[Guest guest]

Good idea about the church group. My son (12) belongs to a church group for middle school kids and it's 1 of 3 social outlets he has (other 2 being band and soccer.) He's going to a camp over the summer (overnight for 4 nights!) with his church group. He's only been away to one other camp (special camp for kids w/ Aspergers, ADHD, etc...) and he was distraught over being away from home that long. So the fact that he wants to go to this church camp is amazing. We are blessed to of found the group!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Roxanna <madideas@...> Sent: Monday, March 2, 2009 7:36:53 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Advice needed -- 13 yr old girl in despair

You could try:

getting her involved in an activity - swimming, drawing, skating, whatever she might like and/or be good at. She could meet people that way.

Have her learn a skill - an instrument, crocheting, cake decorating - something fun that she would have fun doing on her own.

Get involved in your local church or scouting group. They often have youth groups where she could meet some people and make friends.

Talk to the doc about meds and if they might be necessary. Sometimes depression is a sucking pit and you can't help yourself while you are drowning in it. She may need meds to help her use and learn the skills everyone is trying to teach her.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Advice needed -- 13 yr old girl in despair

Hi,My 13 yr old is really struggling with the social hell that is middleschool. All her support people are trying to help her. Her therapistis trying. We are trying at home. But, she is just giving up on everhaving friends. She really wants to fit in somewhere, but she justcan't do the things that people suggest. She ends up getting stressedand anxious and thinks that no one is paying attention to her when shetries to make an effort. She is talking about wanting to die and saying she's depressed. I knowmiddle school is a rough time for kids w/AS, but she does not believethings will ever change and is giving up. Does anyone have any suggestions? We've read the books, talked toexperts, etc. Nothing can MAKE her understand how to fit in with herpeers. We have a meeting today w/her team and the director of district Spec.Ed. They called the meeting because she is having meltdowns and

actingout at school more frequently. I hope they have some new ideas, butI'm not very hopeful.ThanksT

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.237 / Virus Database: 270.11.3/1974 - Release Date: 02/26/09 14:51:00

[Guest guest]

Oh that is great news! I am happy for you. My son invited one of the kids over from our church group...turns out he has Asperger's. I thought he did. His mom seemed a little worried about him behaving...so later I went over and told her not to worry. And, I said...just so you are aware my son has been dx with Asperger's. Her face lit up and she said so does her son!!! And, I think it made her feel comfortable. She said...wow...they just connected ...like they both knew. Our sons are quite different though..he is quieter and seems more austistic...my son is wild, boisterous, and act like a clown at times becuase he wants peole to like him. Maybe they are a good match. I was happy for both of them.

Maybe this quietness and calmness would be good for him.

Anyways I am glad for your daughter and for you!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: MacAllister <smacalli@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Advice needed -- 13 yr old girl in despair Date: Monday, March 2, 2009, 8:54 AM

Good idea about the church group. My son (12) belongs to a church group for middle school kids and it's 1 of 3 social outlets he has (other 2 being band and soccer.) He's going to a camp over the summer (overnight for 4 nights!) with his church group. He's only been away to one other camp (special camp for kids w/ Aspergers, ADHD, etc...) and he was distraught over being away from home that long. So the fact that he wants to go to this church camp is amazing. We are blessed to of found the group!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Roxanna <madideas@zoomintern et.net> Sent: Monday, March 2, 2009 7:36:53 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Advice needed -- 13 yr old girl in despair

You could try:

getting her involved in an activity - swimming, drawing, skating, whatever she might like and/or be good at. She could meet people that way.

Have her learn a skill - an instrument, crocheting, cake decorating - something fun that she would have fun doing on her own.

Get involved in your local church or scouting group. They often have youth groups where she could meet some people and make friends.

Talk to the doc about meds and if they might be necessary. Sometimes depression is a sucking pit and you can't help yourself while you are drowning in it. She may need meds to help her use and learn the skills everyone is trying to teach her.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Advice needed -- 13 yr old girl in despair

Hi,My 13 yr old is really struggling with the social hell that is middleschool. All her support people are trying to help her. Her therapistis trying. We are trying at home. But, she is just giving up on everhaving friends. She really wants to fit in somewhere, but she justcan't do the things that people suggest. She ends up getting stressedand anxious and thinks that no one is paying attention to her when shetries to make an effort. She is talking about wanting to die and saying she's depressed. I knowmiddle school is a rough time for kids w/AS, but she does not believethings will ever change and is giving up. Does anyone have any suggestions? We've read the books, talked toexperts, etc. Nothing can MAKE her understand how to fit in with herpeers. We have a meeting today w/her team and the director of district Spec.Ed. They called the meeting because she is having meltdowns and

actingout at school more frequently. I hope they have some new ideas, butI'm not very hopeful.ThanksT

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.237 / Virus Database: 270.11.3/1974 - Release Date: 02/26/09 14:51:00