Re: Obsession with Buying Things

[Guest guest]

Oh my gosh. This is sooooo much my son. It's killing me. Feeling the pinch at the grocery store? Make dinner for $10 or less.

[Guest guest]

Um... obvious question. How is he paying for the stuff? And what happens if you say no?

[Guest guest]

I think it is an obsession. My daughter hates to shop and we can hardly convince her to even change wardrobe. She just want to have what it is strictly necessary. It is very difficult since I have a very hard time finding clothes that she may accept.AnaSent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeedFrom: "sue.russo" Date: Mon, 16 Mar 2009 20:36:54 -0000< >Subject: ( ) Obsession with Buying Things My son constantly gets obsessed about new things he wants to get. Now that he is 14 these things can have a very high price. If he does eventually get a item he wants it is a matter of days before he is on to the next obsession. He will not focus on anything else. For example yesterday he wanted a surround sound system. He had his laptop open to the website it was on and followed me around all day - while I was home and could not talk about anything else or do anything else. My question is do others see this in their AS kids or is this some other obsession disorder he may have?

[Guest guest]

Guess what Sue...my son does the same thing! LOL! I think AS kids do get obsessed...ours just got obsessed with new gadgets and gizmos and feel the need to get them...and once they have them they are on to the next. My son has slowed down a little...but he was like that about the Xbox and I gave in...he was like that when he was little too...about the Tank trains....but he seems to have slowed down a little...I keep telling him NO....plus I tell him...do you think you deserve this after the way you talked to me? Or, you won't do xyz, so why should I go out and get you something. We have also tried to explain the economy to him...he seems to be getting it a little bit. But he still wants friends over constantly.....and will bug and bug and nag and nag...but we are getting better at it. Just stick to your guns!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: sue.russo <sue.russo@...>Subject: ( ) Obsession with Buying Things Date: Monday, March 16, 2009, 4:36 PM

My son constantly gets obsessed about new things he wants to get. Now that he is 14 these things can have a very high price. If he does eventually get a item he wants it is a matter of days before he is on to the next obsession. He will not focus on anything else. For example yesterday he wanted a surround sound system. He had his laptop open to the website it was on and followed me around all day - while I was home and could not talk about anything else or do anything else. My question is do others see this in their AS kids or is this some other obsession disorder he may have?

[Guest guest]

My daughter has this to. It is painful to listen to her

obsess. The emotional part is very real and why I find

behavior methods not too effective.

I try to look for ways to reduce stress and then behavior

methods and limits are somewhat effective.

I am far from saying we have ths addressed.

Pam

[Guest guest]

How do yopu control obesseions about projects and disorganization?

My daughter also has related to this obessional feeling about having to work on

art and craft projects. My 11 year old starts

many projects and takes so much stuff out that she " has to have "

yet none of it gets put away.

The time I spend trying to control shopping or projects is intense.

The time others would spend talking or socializing she is spending

in these activites.

How are others getting control over these issues?

[Guest guest]

My 7 y.o. son is a lot like this, but it's cheaper with a 7 y.o. I just figured he got it from his dad! My 10 y.o. daughter wasn't bad about wanting lots of stuff until recently. She is obsessing on a bigger, more expensive ipod even though she rarely uses her shuffle, and really doesn't even like music! It doesn't make any sense. Status symbol maybe? >> My daughter has this to. It is painful to listen to her > obsess. The emotional part is very real and why I find > behavior methods not too effective. > > I try to look for ways to reduce stress and then behavior > methods and limits are somewhat effective. > > I am far from saying we have ths addressed. > > Pam>

[Guest guest]

My daughter is a novelty seeker. She loves to collect.

I think that feeds these obsessions. Other members of the families are collector

too. I am working on trying to get her intersted in doing things with me rather

than collecting things. It is not easy. Pam

[Guest guest]

>

> My daughter is a novelty seeker. She loves to collect.

> I think that feeds these obsessions. Other members of the families are

collector too. I am working on trying to get her intersted in doing things with

me rather than collecting things. It is not easy. Pam

>

I am curious as to why you feel the need to steer her away from her natural

interests? Another way to get her more involved in different things is to help

her expand her current interests rather than trying to change them. Just

something to think about.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Obessing, Demanding and Perfectionizing

> I am curious as to why you feel the need to steer her away from her natural

interests? Another way to get her more involved in different things is to help

her expand her current interests rather than trying to change them. Just

something to think about.

>

Some interests are somewhat obessional.

Or maybe better described as overly perfectionistic. She spent

one weekend changing fonts on a certificate she was making. This may have been

OK becasue she was calm. Another weekend she was redoing the hair on a doll and

getting very upset it was not just so, and

demanding I help her braid it just so. This was not fun at all.

Because no matter how I did it it was not good enough. There are some activities

that feed obessing and perfecting like arts and crafts or collecting. And there

are other activities she would not think of

doing unless I suggest like like gardening or going to the Y for

a swim where there is more relaxing and almost no demanding.

So my struggle is how to reduce obessing or demanding or perfectionizing.

Pam

[Guest guest]

Sierra makes projects out of just about anything, from cardboard boxes to plastic bags. I've just learned to limit what she can use to make things like glue etc because she tends to glue my couch up. Other than that I let her do what she wants when it comes to making stuff, I just force her to put it away or she gets grounded. That means no laptop, no video games, etc. She listens fairly well.

( ) Re: Obsession with Buying Things

How do yopu control obesseions about projects and disorganization?My daughter also has related to this obessional feeling about having to work on art and craft projects. My 11 year old starts many projects and takes so much stuff out that she "has to have"yet none of it gets put away. The time I spend trying to control shopping or projects is intense.The time others would spend talking or socializing she is spending in these activites. How are others getting control over these issues?

[Guest guest]

I would have him pay for his own stuff. He could earn money around the house by working for it or get a job mowing lawns or working part time somewhere. Or even saving his own allowance. If he is obsessing over things and then gets them, why not obsess over something new? I know I would.

What I try to do is ask my ds, "Is this a want or a need?" and help him figure out wants vs needs. We talk about that item vs the one he wanted before that item (do they come out with new ones every month? each year? Learn about fads and discuss consumer interest, etc.) We also talk about the cost of something. How much does that cost? How long would you have to work to pay for that? My ds now "self talks" through things. Or he'll say, "I was looking at this but..." and I am happy he is critically examining his object of desire.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) Obsession with Buying Things

My son constantly gets obsessed about new things he wants to get. Now that he is 14 these things can have a very high price. If he does eventually get a item he wants it is a matter of days before he is on to the next obsession. He will not focus on anything else. For example yesterday he wanted a surround sound system. He had his laptop open to the website it was on and followed me around all day - while I was home and could not talk about anything else or do anything else. My question is do others see this in their AS kids or is this some other obsession disorder he may have?

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.237 / Virus Database: 270.11.15/2004 - Release Date: 03/16/09 07:04:00

[Guest guest]

I would refuse to buy things for the next project until she has picked up her mess.

Sometimes it is better to pair work with fun. For instance, my ds gets a sudden burst of energy if I say, "Finish your math and then we can run to the store." or, "This is the last thing we have on the list for today! Let's get it done and then 'we' can do whatever we want the rest of the afternoon...." Try asking her to clean up right before a favorite tv show is going to start or something similar.

She may be really disorganized, which can make even fun projects turn into a nightmare. Sit down with her and walk her through finishing and/or organizing the project. If you can see she is just overwhelmed and disorganized, you might help her chunk the project into pieces, provide a timetable, help her organize her work space on a regular basis, think of things she needs and try to figure out where she is getting stuck.

Remember that there is some level of "give up on this project" that should be allowable. Part of being creative is trying things that may end up to be more of a pain in the butt than you dreamed. So it's ok to say, "I hate doing this" and to stop. But also, you don't want her to never finish projects as a general rule. My own dd is not terrible about it but it does verge on terrible. lol. So I will say, "What about that blanket you haven't finished yet?" and so forth. Usually she will tell me, "I hate doing that and I'll never finish it" vs. "Oh yeah, I was waiting for some more yellow yarn...." or something. I am known to be a "starter" more than a "finisher" myself. So I try to finish my projects and then show them off to the kids. "See, I finished this!!!" lol. Good modeling helps. <g>

If obsessions are taking over control despite your trying things to help alleviate the situation, you might consider meds and/or therapy with someone who can help deal with it and help her learn some self control skills.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) Re: Obsession with Buying Things

How do yopu control obesseions about projects and disorganization?My daughter also has related to this obessional feeling about having to work on art and craft projects. My 11 year old starts many projects and takes so much stuff out that she "has to have"yet none of it gets put away. The time I spend trying to control shopping or projects is intense.The time others would spend talking or socializing she is spending in these activites. How are others getting control over these issues?

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.22/2015 - Release Date: 03/20/09 19:01:00

[Guest guest]

Thanks! Re: Modeling good enough for perfectionism, organization.

Thanks for all the ideas. We were just stuck in another cyle

of needing something perfect. Yes, I think walking away is the best

solution. Otherwise she gets agitated with me and starts downing

me (you never do anything right etc) amd it can easily

escalate to me be being angry. Which is like adding fuel to her fire.

The suggestios for disorganization are good one. How I get trapped is that if

she started one project and got very very frustrated I am

happy to have her walk away and do something else. Sometimes

that is TV others it is another project. I will have to try to steer her to TV,

books or the computer so we limit the disorganization that

can take over the house.

Thanks so much I find the suggestions from this group very helpful!