Also new here

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I too am new here, however I have been lurking and trying to learn. Recently I have learned that my son might have Asperger's. I have been reading up on it but all the information is so overwhelming. 2 weeks ago we went to the local mental health center for evaluation. The first session was mainly me talking, family history and such. When the psychologist asked me what I thought the problem was and I mentioned Asperger's she shook her head and told me to leave the diagnoses up to the professionals. Well... I was not impressed with that remark as I am his mother and I know what is going on in the home, she asked me what I thought the problem was and I gave her an answer.

Here is my story:

My son Xander is 5 years old and is the oldest of 3. He has a brother that is 3 and a sister that is 2. From the beginning Xander was different then other babies. He was much more demanding and smart but then again behind in other things. As I am Belgian (living in the USA) I started teaching him both Dutch and English. He is fluent in both but chooses to say the word that is easiest for him which means that he speaks a mixture of both languages. Because of this his speech did develop a little later as this is normal for bi-lingual raised children (at least that is what I was told).

Xander has always been intrigued by trains. We live very close to a track and even though we have lived here for the past 2 years, every train that passes still seems to be the first train he sees. He only plays with his the Tank Engine set and everything has to be exactly in order for him to be able to enjoy it. When Riley (brother) or Kaitlyn want to join in they have to play by Xander's rules.

After baby gates did not work anymore we have had to resort to multiple gates to block the kitchen. Otherwise he will get in there and make huge messes. Knowing he will get in trouble for it. He has no sense of danger. He knows how to open the childlocks and gets into chemicals that now I have hidden in an extra room that is actually locked. Same goes for the bathroom. We can't lock this as all of us need to be able to go to the bathroom.

He is a wonderful child but has problems with anger outbursts when something does not go his way. I have to sit down with him and hold him until he calms down, then we can start talking about what the problem is. At school (preschool) the teachers are wonderful and have a lot of experience with special need kids. He wants to be friends with the other kids, but they lose interest in him as he always wants them to follow his rules and gets really upset when they don't. He is also very hyper and will be rough with other kids and the teacher's will take him out of the situation as this is not ok.

He already has an IEP in place for social and emotional issues. He gets 1 hour of one on one with the spec. ed teacher every monday but she does also spent time with him while they are in group. Xander does not like the groups and will ask to go to the bathroom or to get a drink of water. The teachers and I have agreed that they will have Xander go to the bathroom and get a drink of water before and after group time. But if he feels the need to remove himself from the group he may go to the 'safe place' this is a quiet corner with a few pillows and stuffed animals, that is right by the group area. So he does not really miss out on group time.

He is also very attached to grown-ups in his life and demands their attention. both his teachers and one para that he is really attached to and myself and my husband's mother.

My husband was in the military and I did read about several studies that show that Asperger's is becoming more and more frequent in military families. Possibly something to do with exposion to certain chemicals.

I know this is a lot to read but I am asking for your help. What do I really look for in a 5-year old? I already have contacted a different center in a nearby town, they are an actual school for autistic children and different types of behavior issues.

Thank you

Ine