Am I on the right track?

March 8, 2009

After living with an " he has ADHD, go home and deal with it " comment, and then a

" delayed impulse control " suggestion, and then an official ADHD - primary

hyperactive impulsive diagnosis, and never quite believing that that was ALL we

were dealing with, I have come to believe that Asperger's is the answer. We are

currently awaiting an appointment with the Child Development section of the

local Children's Hospital, where our DR has, after my insistence, referred us

for an " ASOD " test (I'm not even sure what this stands for, but I know it's an

assessment for ASD's).

I have the book " Parenting Your Asperger Child " , and after reading most of it, I

think it screams my .

From the time he was young, here's some things I've noted that have led me to

this place in my thinking...

1. PETRIFIED of swings at the playground, didn't swing on his own on a swing

until he was 7yrs old, and loved it at that time, BUT only when you were " super

gentle " and allowed him to just slightly swing himself.

2. Over the top emotional reactions to just about everything. eg: stubbing his

toe is the END of the world as we know it.

3. We've always viewed him as " very sensitive "

4. Sensitive to loud noises since he was young. Most recently, his grade 3 class

took a trip to a piano museum. The tour guide played a theatre organ (was

incredible !!). The rest of the class was so pumped up by the sheer VOLUME of

this thing (it was LOUD!). I had goosebumps it was so amazing. But, there was my

sweet boy, hands cupped tightly over his ears, rocking back and forth and

fighting off tears. This has *always* been the case.

5. Has NEVER liked crowds of any kind, or an over abundance of

people/talking/noise in confined spaces. One year, at Christmas time, we had my

family, plus my sister's fiances family for dinner. 16 of us in our basement,

around two 8' long tables to enjoy our meal. After we all got seated, and

everyone was chatting, passing the food around, I could see that he was

agitated. We dished up his plate, and he was hiding under the table. He crawled

under and came up into my lap and said " It's too loud, too many people, can I go

upstairs and play? " and off he went. I took his supper upstairs to him a little

bit after that, and he ate upstairs by himself happily while we all finished up

downstairs.

6. Him and his brother fight NON STOP. His younger brother adores him, wants to

BE him, wants to play with him ALL the time, but they couldn't be more different

in play styles. If Caleb (younger) is in a good mood, and in the mood for saying

" Yes, " and going along with everything his big brother suggests, then

life is good. But the second Caleb wants to " change it up " , all hell breaks

loose. wants to be in control of their play AT ALL TIMES. If they're

playing cars, and Caleb tries to make some other cars his, or change to decide

that they're going to go THIS way instead of THAT way... gets angry, and

will often lash out. Before he started taking Concerta for ADHD, this would

QUICKLY escalate to punching, hitting, kicking, etc... and then would

typically burst into tears and run off to his room to cry and scream and have an

absolute temper tantrum that would carry on for who knows how long.

***the relationship between my boys is a REAL problem for us, and honestly a

driving force behind knowing that SOMETHING more was going on, because this goes

WAY WAY WAY beyond normal " sibling rivalry "

Further to this " control the play " thing, ha... I remember my older sister

babysitting him one night, and we came home long after he'd gone to bed, and she

told us they did ok. But that at one point, they were playing lego in his room.

They were both making something, and were digging through the bin of lego to

find the pieces they wanted to use for their creations. Each and EVERY time my

sister would find a cool piece she wanted to use, would reach over and

take it. She said it was cute the first few times, and became incredibly

annoying after a while. This is NOT unusual for , as it's something he

tries all the time.

7. ANXIETY!! Oh my gosh. The problem here is that his fear, or anxiety,

paralyzes him from doing things. Examples? A little while ago, his school had a

primary dance. K-grade 3, from 3-4pm, right after school. It was COMPLETELY

organized, they played dancing " games " with the kids (Freeze dance, dance to the

YMCA, etc). It wasn't a leave everyone to their own devices to dance with other

people kind of dance at all. He was SO SO SO excited about this dance. Talked

about it for a week leading up to it, even paid the $2 fee out of his own money.

The day of the dance comes, and 3:05pm I get a phone call from the school, from

. All he was saying was " Mom, you have to come and get me. " I could tell

he was upset, and was trying hard not to cry. I asked what was wrong, and he

repeated " You have to come and get me. " I am mere moments away from the school,

so I drove over and before I had even stopped my car in the parking lot, he was

running out the front door of the school, coat and hat on, backpack on. He was

OUT of there. I took him back inside, thinking we at LEAST had to let someone

know we were leaving, and tried to talk to him about why he had changed his

mind, and didn't want to go to the dance. He couldn't tell me. He said he didn't

know how to tell me, he was just scared. A boy from his class came out and tried

to convince him to come, his teacher tried to ask if we wanted to come in

together and just sit and watch, but nope - he'd already made up his mind. So we

left. Worst fault, he was upset that he missed out on it This happens a lot.

Where he WANTS to do something, and will get excited about doing it, but then

the anxiety will stop him, and he won't want to do it anymore. Once, we were

going to head in to the cabin with some of my husbands family, and apparently

had it in his head that we'd go in on our skidoo (which, by the way, took

me jumping up and down in our yard with encouragement, surely looked at by the

neighbors as a complete loon lol, to even get him to sit on and go for a short

ride with his Dad!). Well when we got to my husband's cousins shed, where we

were all meeting to go, he realized that our skidoo was broken and therefore

we'd have to go on something else. He LOST it, and didn't want to go. He ended

up riding in on a quad, just like ours, but NOT ours, and almost didn't come. I

had to pick him up and sit him on the back, using the strategies I always have

to help him calm down and overcome his anxiety, in order for us to have him join

us. At the end of it all, he really enjoyed himself. But he DOES miss out on a

lot of things I think he'd REALLY enjoy, if he'd allow himself to. If that makes

sense?

This anxiety has also crossed over into his nut allergy. Something he's grown up

with, and has always known how to keep himself safe, etc... is now a point of

anxiety for him... to the point that he now questions if the food WE give him is

safe, and " can I see the ingredients? "

8. Rigid would be an understatement. HATES transitions of any kind. HATES

change. The other day, his brother finished his breakfast first, and went into

the bathroom to wash up/brush his teeth before he went to get dressed for

school. I suggested that while he waited, could go upstairs and get

dressed and by the time he got back, Caleb would be out of the bathroom, and

then could go in and wash up/brush his teeth. He looked at me like I had

two heads and said " But every morning I always wash up and brush my teeth after

breakfast and BEFORE I go get dressed. I can't go upstairs yet! " In school,

99.9% of the " behavior " they dealt with was a transition of some kind. This

could've been from the music room back to the classroom, or something " simple "

like a change from one activity to another.

When he was 2... i had him in mom and tot swim lessons. The 30min session was

split up between two pools. 15mins in the " big pool " , and 15mins in the kiddie

pool. would SCREAM for the first, oh, 14mins... and once he was warmed up

to the big pool, we'd have to get out. I stopped going to this with him after

about 3wks, as it wasn't fun for him OR me

9. " OCD " type behaviors... we've always noted things like, he HATED having his

hands dirty, even when he was little, and would want them washed immediately, or

as he got older and more independent, would run directly to the bathroom to wash

his hands after EVERY time he ate, no matter what. Still does this. Each night

at bedtime, he has to have me fix his blankets " just so " . Daddy tries, but

doesn't do it right. If his blankets aren't " just so " , he gets upset and WILL

NOT go to sleep. When he was a toddler, he'd spend 30mins at a time picking up

" lint " off the living room floor.

10. He's 8.5yrs old and can't tie his shoes. Further to this, he's so " awkward "

when it comes to motor stuff. Running he's awkward, has never even come close to

" matching up " with peers his age. Riding a bike is something that's always, and

continues to be, a struggle for him. Throwing a ball is something that his

father has worked with him on a lot, but he's still pretty awkward with it.

Handwriting is another one. He received OT on this in grade 1, ONLY because the

teacher at the school we moved into was FLOORED by how awful it was, and there

was already a boy receiving some OT for his handwriting, so she had sit

in, and implemented the same techniques with both boys.

11. Narrow minded interests. I may end up lumping a couple different things into

one here, but he really loves art (drawing especially). He ADORES Lego (and is

INCREDIBLY good at it. He has, from the time he was VERY young, completely blown

us away on the things he creates. It's ALWAYS 100% symmetrical!!). He really

enjoys space (his entire room is covered in all things space), computers/video

games (another thing he's VERY VERY good at) and he is *OBSESSED* with stuffed

dogs. He has a stuffed dog that he's had since the Christmas he turned a year

old, and that thing goes with us everywhere. I finally had to enforce a rule

that he can carry it around the house, but it doesn't leave the house with us

anymore. He has since collected tons of Webkinz, all dogs, and a couple other

dog " stuffies " , as he calls them. He still plays with them like a young child

would (as in, they need hugs and kisses at bedtime, they want to come with us to

the grocery store, " Puppy says that you should do this " , etc.). This is about

it. We've tried to get him involved in other things, but he just isn't

interested. I don't know if it's partly because he's really not interested,

partly because he knows that he is awkward when it comes to sports things, or

partly anxiety based fears. My thinking is that it's all of the above.

12. Personal space continues to be an issue for him, however he has come a

REALLY long way in the last few years. Kindergarten was awful for this, and his

teacher spent A LOT of time working with him on teaching him where his " personal

bubble " was. We often need to remind him, but he's come a long way.

13. He often has a blank look on his face, and i sometimes worry he's sad. But

when I ask him what's the matter, he says " Nothing. I'm smiling on the inside. "

14. Impulsive actions... this has ALWAYS been perceived as ADHD, and who knows?

Maybe he has Asperger's AND Adhd??? But reading about Asperger's could give some

of these impulsive actions a whole new light. When he was a toddler, this

manifested itself as him randomly shoving a young child at the playground. Or

purposely knocking over a glass of red wine at my parents house. In preschool,

it was perceived as " totally random acts " , as they always figured it was

unprovoked, as would walk across the room and shove a child. This led to

preschool being spent playing computer by himself, and the preschool teacher

telling the other kids to " leave alone " (sigh). It was often noted that

it was as though was trying to " initiate some sort of social interaction "

with the kids by hitting or shoving. In elementary school, it was OFTEN during

transitional times (between classes, between activities, etc), and again, I

believe, another way for him to " strike up " a social interaction. Poking a girl

with a pencil, throwing a block at a child's head, etc. And when you'd ask him

about those children, he'd tell you he liked them. He has always struggled with

understanding the effects of his choices on other people's feelings, and, sadly,

at his last school, was all but written off as the " bratty kid who never learned

from his mistakes " . Despite my constant battles, and almost a trip to the

superintendant had we not moved (for issues with the resource teacher turned

resource teacher/vice principal, who was making inappropriate comments towards

, and had completely shattered his self esteem), they wasted so much time

going over the rules with him, and telling him the difference between right and

wrong. TOTAL waste of time. Interestingly enough for , when he saw the

psychologist at age 4.5, he told us had a " delay in impulse control " , but

that he had a STUNNING knowledge of the differences between right and wrong for

a child his age. Again, I always viewed this as yes, can RECITE them to

you, but applying them in the moment is something all together different. There

were so many heartbreaking moments for me... the day he choked a boy at school

transitioning from music class back to the classroom, he came home and COLLAPSED

in my lap in tears, and said " Mommy, I try so hard to be a good boy, but I just

can't help it " . He often felt remorse after something happened, and it was

always viewed as " him just being worried about getting into trouble. " To me? It

was that he just didn't GET it.

15. Sharing isn't in his vocabulary. Especially with his brother, or younger

children, I find... but even when a friend will come over, he REALLY struggles

to " let go " and let them have turns with things. I have always had to keep a

CLOSE watch over the boys while they play together, and really truly encourage

sharing. is VERY possessive of his things, and even of things that aren't

his... if he likes it and it fits into something he's doing, he's been known to

hide things that aren't his under the bed. And when you ask him about it, he

really has no explanation of why he's done it. Again, so many times this was

viewed as " selfish " . But now, I see it all together differently !!!

16. Inability to pretend, etc. I always have to constantly supervise play with

his peers, UNLESS it was his friend in Calgary (who we miss already) who would

come over and play a video game with him for hours on end and they could just

lose themselves in that. Here? Life is different here. Kids here don't WANT to

spend all day every day in the house playing video games. They want to go

outside and play! This leads me to another topic which is of course -

imagination. Nope, nathan's no good at it. His younger brother can go outside by

himself and play in the land out back for hours, pretending he's this, or

pretending to be doing that. Even playing in the sandbox for endless hours with

scoop trucks, etc. But not . He'd rather stay inside and play his DS, or

draw, or build with lego. Those are the things he can control, and doesn't have

anxiety about having anyone " break the rules " or having something go wrong.

Control. Always gotta be in control. This also goes into playing a game, etc...

he ALWAYS has to win. His stuff HAS to be the best. We've been trying to

encourage some " game words " , as in things like " Great job " or " good try " or even

if he does win, things like " That was a lot of fun! Wanna play again? " ... but

you can tell it's forced for him. I'm ok with that... I've started to see

already a few times where he's said " Good job " to his brother, and you can tell

that it didn't come naturally to him, but at least he's thinking about saying

it??

17. Conversation skills... hehe. Yes, he uses language to share information with

us, and not to talk about feelings. If you start talking to him about feelings,

you lose him. You can see it in his face. Again with the never knowing how his

actions make someone else feel... he just doesn't get it. He misses non verbal

cues in peer situations a lot, he doesn't know how to hold a " back and forth "

conversation, we have to SCRIPT him through phone conversations with everyone

(friends, grandparents, etc). He doesn't think about the fact that not everyone

wants to do what HE wants to do all the time. When a friend will come over and

say " wanna go outside and play? " it's as though is SHOCKED because quite

frankly, he'd rather go upstairs and play lego, or " link up " on DS. He has been

taking his DS to school, and plays that at lunch time. I asked his teacher if he

was playing it WITH other kids, and he said sometimes... but mostly alone.

Probably so he doesn't have to interact with other kids and can avoid the

hassle. When conversations don't go his way, or when someone picks on him in

class, he's been known to hide under his desk and cry, or his newest thing, go

out into the hallway, and turn his back to the class so they can't see that he's

crying. Poor thing.

Ok I'll stop, cause I think I could go on and on all day. I filled in the

checklist in the back of this book, and you'd be SHOCKED at how many checkmarks

there are.

Am I on the right track? Is it possible for a child to have Asperger's AND ADHD?

OR is it possible that 's issues are ALL related to Asperger's? Is

Concerta something that's ever prescribed for Asperger's, and dealing with the

" ADHD " type symptoms that go along with it, so we can better deal with the rest

of things? Cause I can notice a HUGE HUGE difference in when he doesn't

take the medication.

Enough questions/comments for now. Thanks in advance for all your help/insight

=)

March 8, 2009

Hi!

Your son sounds just like mine...my son was dx with ADHD in 3rd grade but then in 6th grade the psychiatrist changed it to Asperger's. My son use to take concerta but now he takes Adderall....

But all the symptoms you wrote your son displays...so does my son...he seems to outgrown some of these but he still displays a lot of the same things. I think it is possible to have both ...or maybe it is part of AS....but I don't really care about the DX ...just as long as he gets the help he needs.

Your son sure does sound like he has AS......

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrienY@...>Subject: ( ) Am I on the right track? Date: Sunday, March 8, 2009, 1:46 PM

After living with an "he has ADHD, go home and deal with it" comment, and then a "delayed impulse control" suggestion, and then an official ADHD - primary hyperactive impulsive diagnosis, and never quite believing that that was ALL we were dealing with, I have come to believe that Asperger's is the answer. We are currently awaiting an appointment with the Child Development section of the local Children's Hospital, where our DR has, after my insistence, referred us for an "ASOD" test (I'm not even sure what this stands for, but I know it's an assessment for ASD's).I have the book "Parenting Your Asperger Child", and after reading most of it, I think it screams my .From the time he was young, here's some things I've noted that have led me to this place in my thinking...1. PETRIFIED of swings at the playground, didn't swing on his own on a swing until he was 7yrs old, and loved it at that time, BUT only when you were

"super gentle" and allowed him to just slightly swing himself.2. Over the top emotional reactions to just about everything. eg: stubbing his toe is the END of the world as we know it.3. We've always viewed him as "very sensitive"4. Sensitive to loud noises since he was young. Most recently, his grade 3 class took a trip to a piano museum. The tour guide played a theatre organ (was incredible !!). The rest of the class was so pumped up by the sheer VOLUME of this thing (it was LOUD!). I had goosebumps it was so amazing. But, there was my sweet boy, hands cupped tightly over his ears, rocking back and forth and fighting off tears. This has *always* been the case.5. Has NEVER liked crowds of any kind, or an over abundance of people/talking/ noise in confined spaces. One year, at Christmas time, we had my family, plus my sister's fiances family for dinner. 16 of us in our basement, around two 8' long tables to enjoy our meal.

After we all got seated, and everyone was chatting, passing the food around, I could see that he was agitated. We dished up his plate, and he was hiding under the table. He crawled under and came up into my lap and said "It's too loud, too many people, can I go upstairs and play?" and off he went. I took his supper upstairs to him a little bit after that, and he ate upstairs by himself happily while we all finished up downstairs.6. Him and his brother fight NON STOP. His younger brother adores him, wants to BE him, wants to play with him ALL the time, but they couldn't be more different in play styles. If Caleb (younger) is in a good mood, and in the mood for saying "Yes, " and going along with everything his big brother suggests, then life is good. But the second Caleb wants to "change it up", all hell breaks loose. wants to be in control of their play AT ALL TIMES. If they're playing cars, and Caleb tries to make some other cars

his, or change to decide that they're going to go THIS way instead of THAT way... gets angry, and will often lash out. Before he started taking Concerta for ADHD, this would QUICKLY escalate to punching, hitting, kicking, etc... and then would typically burst into tears and run off to his room to cry and scream and have an absolute temper tantrum that would carry on for who knows how long.***the relationship between my boys is a REAL problem for us, and honestly a driving force behind knowing that SOMETHING more was going on, because this goes WAY WAY WAY beyond normal "sibling rivalry"Further to this "control the play" thing, ha... I remember my older sister babysitting him one night, and we came home long after he'd gone to bed, and she told us they did ok. But that at one point, they were playing lego in his room. They were both making something, and were digging through the bin of lego to find the pieces they wanted to

use for their creations. Each and EVERY time my sister would find a cool piece she wanted to use, would reach over and take it. She said it was cute the first few times, and became incredibly annoying after a while. This is NOT unusual for , as it's something he tries all the time.7. ANXIETY!! Oh my gosh. The problem here is that his fear, or anxiety, paralyzes him from doing things. Examples? A little while ago, his school had a primary dance. K-grade 3, from 3-4pm, right after school. It was COMPLETELY organized, they played dancing "games" with the kids (Freeze dance, dance to the YMCA, etc). It wasn't a leave everyone to their own devices to dance with other people kind of dance at all. He was SO SO SO excited about this dance. Talked about it for a week leading up to it, even paid the $2 fee out of his own money. The day of the dance comes, and 3:05pm I get a phone call from the school, from . All he was saying was "Mom,

you have to come and get me." I could tell he was upset, and was trying hard not to cry. I asked what was wrong, and he repeated "You have to come and get me." I am mere moments away from the school, so I drove over and before I had even stopped my car in the parking lot, he was running out the front door of the school, coat and hat on, backpack on. He was OUT of there. I took him back inside, thinking we at LEAST had to let someone know we were leaving, and tried to talk to him about why he had changed his mind, and didn't want to go to the dance. He couldn't tell me. He said he didn't know how to tell me, he was just scared. A boy from his class came out and tried to convince him to come, his teacher tried to ask if we wanted to come in together and just sit and watch, but nope - he'd already made up his mind. So we left. Worst fault, he was upset that he missed out on it This happens a lot. Where he WANTS to do something, and will get excited

about doing it, but then the anxiety will stop him, and he won't want to do it anymore. Once, we were going to head in to the cabin with some of my husbands family, and apparently had it in his head that we'd go in on our skidoo (which, by the way, took me jumping up and down in our yard with encouragement, surely looked at by the neighbors as a complete loon lol, to even get him to sit on and go for a short ride with his Dad!). Well when we got to my husband's cousins shed, where we were all meeting to go, he realized that our skidoo was broken and therefore we'd have to go on something else. He LOST it, and didn't want to go. He ended up riding in on a quad, just like ours, but NOT ours, and almost didn't come. I had to pick him up and sit him on the back, using the strategies I always have to help him calm down and overcome his anxiety, in order for us to have him join us. At the end of it all, he really enjoyed himself. But he DOES miss out

on a lot of things I think he'd REALLY enjoy, if he'd allow himself to. If that makes sense?This anxiety has also crossed over into his nut allergy. Something he's grown up with, and has always known how to keep himself safe, etc... is now a point of anxiety for him... to the point that he now questions if the food WE give him is safe, and "can I see the ingredients? "8. Rigid would be an understatement. HATES transitions of any kind. HATES change. The other day, his brother finished his breakfast first, and went into the bathroom to wash up/brush his teeth before he went to get dressed for school. I suggested that while he waited, could go upstairs and get dressed and by the time he got back, Caleb would be out of the bathroom, and then could go in and wash up/brush his teeth. He looked at me like I had two heads and said "But every morning I always wash up and brush my teeth after breakfast and BEFORE I go get dressed. I

can't go upstairs yet!" In school, 99.9% of the "behavior" they dealt with was a transition of some kind. This could've been from the music room back to the classroom, or something "simple" like a change from one activity to another.When he was 2... i had him in mom and tot swim lessons. The 30min session was split up between two pools. 15mins in the "big pool", and 15mins in the kiddie pool. would SCREAM for the first, oh, 14mins... and once he was warmed up to the big pool, we'd have to get out. I stopped going to this with him after about 3wks, as it wasn't fun for him OR me :(9. "OCD" type behaviors... we've always noted things like, he HATED having his hands dirty, even when he was little, and would want them washed immediately, or as he got older and more independent, would run directly to the bathroom to wash his hands after EVERY time he ate, no matter what. Still does this. Each night at bedtime, he has to have me fix his

blankets "just so". Daddy tries, but doesn't do it right. If his blankets aren't "just so", he gets upset and WILL NOT go to sleep. When he was a toddler, he'd spend 30mins at a time picking up "lint" off the living room floor.10. He's 8.5yrs old and can't tie his shoes. Further to this, he's so "awkward" when it comes to motor stuff. Running he's awkward, has never even come close to "matching up" with peers his age. Riding a bike is something that's always, and continues to be, a struggle for him. Throwing a ball is something that his father has worked with him on a lot, but he's still pretty awkward with it. Handwriting is another one. He received OT on this in grade 1, ONLY because the teacher at the school we moved into was FLOORED by how awful it was, and there was already a boy receiving some OT for his handwriting, so she had sit in, and implemented the same techniques with both boys. 11. Narrow minded interests. I may end

up lumping a couple different things into one here, but he really loves art (drawing especially). He ADORES Lego (and is INCREDIBLY good at it. He has, from the time he was VERY young, completely blown us away on the things he creates. It's ALWAYS 100% symmetrical! !). He really enjoys space (his entire room is covered in all things space), computers/video games (another thing he's VERY VERY good at) and he is *OBSESSED* with stuffed dogs. He has a stuffed dog that he's had since the Christmas he turned a year old, and that thing goes with us everywhere. I finally had to enforce a rule that he can carry it around the house, but it doesn't leave the house with us anymore. He has since collected tons of Webkinz, all dogs, and a couple other dog "stuffies", as he calls them. He still plays with them like a young child would (as in, they need hugs and kisses at bedtime, they want to come with us to the grocery store, "Puppy says that you should do this",

etc.). This is about it. We've tried to get him involved in other things, but he just isn't interested. I don't know if it's partly because he's really not interested, partly because he knows that he is awkward when it comes to sports things, or partly anxiety based fears. My thinking is that it's all of the above.12. Personal space continues to be an issue for him, however he has come a REALLY long way in the last few years. Kindergarten was awful for this, and his teacher spent A LOT of time working with him on teaching him where his "personal bubble" was. We often need to remind him, but he's come a long way.13. He often has a blank look on his face, and i sometimes worry he's sad. But when I ask him what's the matter, he says "Nothing. I'm smiling on the inside."14. Impulsive actions... this has ALWAYS been perceived as ADHD, and who knows? Maybe he has Asperger's AND Adhd??? But reading about Asperger's could give some of

these impulsive actions a whole new light. When he was a toddler, this manifested itself as him randomly shoving a young child at the playground. Or purposely knocking over a glass of red wine at my parents house. In preschool, it was perceived as "totally random acts", as they always figured it was unprovoked, as would walk across the room and shove a child. This led to preschool being spent playing computer by himself, and the preschool teacher telling the other kids to "leave alone" (sigh). It was often noted that it was as though was trying to "initiate some sort of social interaction" with the kids by hitting or shoving. In elementary school, it was OFTEN during transitional times (between classes, between activities, etc), and again, I believe, another way for him to "strike up" a social interaction. Poking a girl with a pencil, throwing a block at a child's head, etc. And when you'd ask him about those children, he'd tell you

he liked them. He has always struggled with understanding the effects of his choices on other people's feelings, and, sadly, at his last school, was all but written off as the "bratty kid who never learned from his mistakes". Despite my constant battles, and almost a trip to the superintendant had we not moved (for issues with the resource teacher turned resource teacher/vice principal, who was making inappropriate comments towards , and had completely shattered his self esteem), they wasted so much time going over the rules with him, and telling him the difference between right and wrong. TOTAL waste of time. Interestingly enough for , when he saw the psychologist at age 4.5, he told us had a "delay in impulse control", but that he had a STUNNING knowledge of the differences between right and wrong for a child his age. Again, I always viewed this as yes, can RECITE them to you, but applying them in the moment is something all

together different. There were so many heartbreaking moments for me... the day he choked a boy at school transitioning from music class back to the classroom, he came home and COLLAPSED in my lap in tears, and said "Mommy, I try so hard to be a good boy, but I just can't help it". He often felt remorse after something happened, and it was always viewed as "him just being worried about getting into trouble." To me? It was that he just didn't GET it.15. Sharing isn't in his vocabulary. Especially with his brother, or younger children, I find... but even when a friend will come over, he REALLY struggles to "let go" and let them have turns with things. I have always had to keep a CLOSE watch over the boys while they play together, and really truly encourage sharing. is VERY possessive of his things, and even of things that aren't his... if he likes it and it fits into something he's doing, he's been known to hide things that aren't his under

the bed. And when you ask him about it, he really has no explanation of why he's done it. Again, so many times this was viewed as "selfish". But now, I see it all together differently !!!16. Inability to pretend, etc. I always have to constantly supervise play with his peers, UNLESS it was his friend in Calgary (who we miss already) who would come over and play a video game with him for hours on end and they could just lose themselves in that. Here? Life is different here. Kids here don't WANT to spend all day every day in the house playing video games. They want to go outside and play! This leads me to another topic which is of course - imagination. Nope, nathan's no good at it. His younger brother can go outside by himself and play in the land out back for hours, pretending he's this, or pretending to be doing that. Even playing in the sandbox for endless hours with scoop trucks, etc. But not . He'd rather stay inside and play his DS, or

draw, or build with lego. Those are the things he can control, and doesn't have anxiety about having anyone "break the rules" or having something go wrong. Control. Always gotta be in control. This also goes into playing a game, etc... he ALWAYS has to win. His stuff HAS to be the best. We've been trying to encourage some "game words", as in things like "Great job" or "good try" or even if he does win, things like "That was a lot of fun! Wanna play again?"... but you can tell it's forced for him. I'm ok with that... I've started to see already a few times where he's said "Good job" to his brother, and you can tell that it didn't come naturally to him, but at least he's thinking about saying it??17. Conversation skills... hehe. Yes, he uses language to share information with us, and not to talk about feelings. If you start talking to him about feelings, you lose him. You can see it in his face. Again with the never knowing how his actions make

someone else feel... he just doesn't get it. He misses non verbal cues in peer situations a lot, he doesn't know how to hold a "back and forth" conversation, we have to SCRIPT him through phone conversations with everyone (friends, grandparents, etc). He doesn't think about the fact that not everyone wants to do what HE wants to do all the time. When a friend will come over and say "wanna go outside and play?" it's as though is SHOCKED because quite frankly, he'd rather go upstairs and play lego, or "link up" on DS. He has been taking his DS to school, and plays that at lunch time. I asked his teacher if he was playing it WITH other kids, and he said sometimes... but mostly alone. Probably so he doesn't have to interact with other kids and can avoid the hassle. When conversations don't go his way, or when someone picks on him in class, he's been known to hide under his desk and cry, or his newest thing, go out into the hallway, and turn his back

to the class so they can't see that he's crying. Poor thing. Ok I'll stop, cause I think I could go on and on all day. I filled in the checklist in the back of this book, and you'd be SHOCKED at how many checkmarks there are.Am I on the right track? Is it possible for a child to have Asperger's AND ADHD? OR is it possible that 's issues are ALL related to Asperger's? Is Concerta something that's ever prescribed for Asperger's, and dealing with the "ADHD" type symptoms that go along with it, so we can better deal with the rest of things? Cause I can notice a HUGE HUGE difference in when he doesn't take the medication.Enough questions/comments for now. Thanks in advance for all your help/insight =)

March 9, 2009

I too recognize a lot... Our son is 14 (as) and his brothers are 10 and 3. His

10 yo brother idolizes him but he doesn't get it. One second they play nicely

and the next our oldest changes the rules and it turns into a screaming match.

We do talk to our 10 yo and try to make him understand. Not that we want him to

treat his brother special but to make him understand that it is not his fault.

He is the middle child and we make a point of giving him attention. I think he

is suffering because of his brother's autim.

Why do you feel your son has ADHD? To me all these symptoms point to Asperger's.

Petra

>

> After living with an " he has ADHD, go home and deal with it " comment, and then

a " delayed impulse control " suggestion, and then an official ADHD - primary

hyperactive impulsive diagnosis, and never quite believing that that was ALL we

were dealing with, I have come to believe that Asperger's is the answer. We are

currently awaiting an appointment with the Child Development section of the

local Children's Hospital, where our DR has, after my insistence, referred us

for an " ASOD " test (I'm not even sure what this stands for, but I know it's an

assessment for ASD's).

>

> I have the book " Parenting Your Asperger Child " , and after reading most of it,

I think it screams my .

>

> From the time he was young, here's some things I've noted that have led me to

this place in my thinking...

>

> 1. PETRIFIED of swings at the playground, didn't swing on his own on a swing

until he was 7yrs old, and loved it at that time, BUT only when you were " super

gentle " and allowed him to just slightly swing himself.

>

> 2. Over the top emotional reactions to just about everything. eg: stubbing his

toe is the END of the world as we know it.

>

> 3. We've always viewed him as " very sensitive "

>

> 4. Sensitive to loud noises since he was young. Most recently, his grade 3

class took a trip to a piano museum. The tour guide played a theatre organ (was

incredible !!). The rest of the class was so pumped up by the sheer VOLUME of

this thing (it was LOUD!). I had goosebumps it was so amazing. But, there was my

sweet boy, hands cupped tightly over his ears, rocking back and forth and

fighting off tears. This has *always* been the case.

>

> 5. Has NEVER liked crowds of any kind, or an over abundance of