Re: Suggestions on Articles, Cases Supporting Social Skills in Middle School?

[Guest guest]

Looking for the same... Anyone?

>

> Hi All,

>  

> Does anyone have any suggestions on articles or cases supporting social skills

for a child with Aspergers in middle school.

>  

> Any help would b greatly appreciated.

>  

> Thanks,

> Luz

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Looking for the same... Anyone?

>

I don't know about articles. I think you have to get a pragmatic communications

expert, either an SLP or an autism specialist of some sort, to do an evaluation

that shows the need.

My 14yo son with AS is just now getting access to our school district's autism

team, including an evaluation (and we are also doing our own autism evaluation

with a local children's hospital dev ped dept autism clinic), so I'm waiting to

see what happens. At least with my school district, I know just showing them an

article would do the trick. After 14 years, I don't exactly consider myself a

newbie at autism, but they don't want to hear it from me.

I've never been able to get him social skills training at school district

expense (I don't think they have anything at the school) except for a semester

in 6th grade when he was having his social problems caused class disruption. I

really can't believe an autism specialist would have the nerve to try to say a

autistic middle school student doesn't need social skills in the school

environment, but we will see.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. As an aside, I'll let everyone know how this

evaluation goes, since I know there are many of us getting very late responses

from our school districts. Aside from the misery of what my child has been

going through as a result of the school district's refusal to deal with his

problems, I can't help being intellectually curious to see what they will do!

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Here is a link to a Lego based social skills group in NJ. They are a great group of people

http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=news/health & id=6560904

Hope the link come through properly.

Bobbie in NJ>> Hi All,> > Does anyone have any suggestions on articles or cases supporting social skills for a child with Aspergers in middle school.> > Any help would b greatly appreciated.> > Thanks,> Luz>

[Guest guest]

My son has been assessed and does qualify for need; one of his diagnoses is

Pragmatic Language Disorder along with CAPD, ADHD and DCD. He had SLP support up

until grade 6, but after that, services simply drop off in the Public School

System here in Alberta, Canada.

Our son - when evaluated, however, - does " not meet the criteria for ASD at this

time " although described by his pediatrician as " Aspergers-like " . There is no

continued support for kids like my son in middle school. Teachers are doing

their best to follow suggestions provided, but are also limited in both skill

and time to assist. Individual insurance through employer would provide us with

extremely limited time and reaching a therapist who is available to take on

clients is a joke.

> >

> > Looking for the same... Anyone?

> >

> I don't know about articles. I think you have to get a pragmatic

communications expert, either an SLP or an autism specialist of some sort, to do

an evaluation that shows the need.

>

> My 14yo son with AS is just now getting access to our school district's autism

team, including an evaluation (and we are also doing our own autism evaluation

with a local children's hospital dev ped dept autism clinic), so I'm waiting to

see what happens. At least with my school district, I know just showing them an

article would do the trick. After 14 years, I don't exactly consider myself a

newbie at autism, but they don't want to hear it from me.

>

> I've never been able to get him social skills training at school district

expense (I don't think they have anything at the school) except for a semester

in 6th grade when he was having his social problems caused class disruption. I

really can't believe an autism specialist would have the nerve to try to say a

autistic middle school student doesn't need social skills in the school

environment, but we will see.

>

> Anyway, those are my thoughts. As an aside, I'll let everyone know how this

evaluation goes, since I know there are many of us getting very late responses

from our school districts. Aside from the misery of what my child has been

going through as a result of the school district's refusal to deal with his

problems, I can't help being intellectually curious to see what they will do!

>

> Ruth

>

[Guest guest]

>

> My son has been assessed and does qualify for need; one of his diagnoses is

Pragmatic Language Disorder along with CAPD, ADHD and DCD. He had SLP support up

until grade 6, but after that, services simply drop off in the Public School

System here in Alberta, Canada.

>

> Our son - when evaluated, however, - does " not meet the criteria for ASD at

this time " although described by his pediatrician as " Aspergers-like " . There is

no continued support for kids like my son in middle school. Teachers are doing

their best to follow suggestions provided, but are also limited in both skill

and time to assist. Individual insurance through employer would provide us with

extremely limited time and reaching a therapist who is available to take on

clients is a joke.

Well, I certainly sympathize, since we're in a similar situation. There is

acknowledgment of the problem, but no services awarded, so the teachers do their

best with limited training and time. We also can't find much qualified help

through our health insurance as far as on-going therapies go. Evaluations have

been okay.

I've kind of come to the conclusion that, since I can't really get them to read

and absorb the lengthy evaluation reports, it is going to have to be me to

encapsulate everything as it specifically applies to my son and so provide the

" article " for them to read. I like some of the suggestions I've gotten. Maybe

if we ever get SPED support, I will get some more help, but for now I think that

is how it is going to have to be.

Someone needs to write a book on this, you know, the real nitty gritty of

getting teachers to understand your child's needs on an everyday level. Most of

these books, many of which are great, still leave a lot for the parents to pull

together for their individual child.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Why is it so hard to get services? I agree with Ruth's suggestions.

You can also ask for a Functional Behavior Assestment, a trained specialist

measures what your child does compared to other kids, say at lunch. Our speech

teacher used a test that tested for social knowledge and our daughter scored

above average.

This is the problem our daughter is great at retaining knowledge

but she can't sustain a conversation.

My new strategy is to pick only one skill I want to see improved

for middle school and that is for my child conversation skills.

I want to see them pair her up at lunch 1:1 and facilitate.

Even if it takes me all year to get this set up, and it probably

will, it will get me focused too.

I like Michele Winner's books and DVD's. Sometimes (rarely)

my daughter will watch the DVD with me. It is funny.

She has kids young and teens and they talk about mostly

how to communicate with your eyes, your body, how to think about what others are

interested in, staying on topic.

My daughter will need 1:1 practice on these skills for the next

three years at least.

I don't even want a group social skill class since it is only once a week. I

don't want anymore having her talk just with adults either

because they are talking about her interests and kids are not like that.

Jed Bakker has a book about social skills for teens. In the book he lists all

the skills kids need, conversation skills, emotional regulation, classroom

behavior, phone skills etc. But there is not much on the basic " social

perspective " and I think this is basic for middle school age kids.

In dealing with the school we sometimes have to be as concrete as

we have to be with our kids.

I am being funny but we have to tell them " Teach this one skill real good this

year " Anything more abstract the school will become glassy eyed

Good luck,

Pam

[Guest guest]

>

> Ruth,

> I wrote a one page " bullet point " for my ds's teachers one year. It was all

about his hyperlexia. It seemed to me that they understood that part of his

disability the least and it was used against him a lot. So anyway, I think

writing short bullet points for them is a great idea. You can do that with

reports as well. Make copies, hand them out at meetings. If you think nobody

will actually read what you've typed, then stand up and read it during a

meeting.

Yes, encapsulating the evaluations in bullet lists was one of the ideas I was

going to use. Shouldn't have to do that but...

By the way, I always do one of those written intros for my AS son. It gets the

teachers' attention and interest for a short while, but quickly dies. I won't

stop doing it, but it is definitely just a first step. First step of what, I'm

still figuring out.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

that is kind of scary to me i worry so much that girls or others in general will take advantage of my son and although he is only 11 i worry for his future as well. He just doesnt understand alot of things he needs to ya know? sherry

> One thing I found interesting was at a conference where the speaker (I think it was Lavoie) discussed friendships and kids with AS or ADHD. He explained that our kids can go from 0 to 60 in two seconds...so for instance, they meet someone and that person says one nice thing to him and suddenly he feels this is his best friend. But in real life, we don't make friends that way and we don't make a best friend in one meeting.

>

> >

> > Looking for the same... Anyone?

> >

> I don't know about articles. I think you have to get a pragmatic communications expert, either an SLP or an autism specialist of some sort, to do an evaluation that shows the need.

>

> My 14yo son with AS is just now getting access to our school district's autism team, including an evaluation (and we are also doing our own autism evaluation with a local children's hospital dev ped dept autism clinic), so I'm waiting to see what happens. At least with my school district, I know just showing them an article would do the trick. After 14 years, I don't exactly consider myself a newbie at autism, but they don't want to hear it from me.

>

> I've never been able to get him social skills training at school district expense (I don't think they have anything at the school) except for a semester in 6th grade when he was having his social problems caused class disruption. I really can't believe an autism specialist would have the nerve to try to say a autistic middle school student doesn't need social skills in the school environment, but we will see.

>

> Anyway, those are my thoughts. As an aside, I'll let everyone know how this evaluation goes, since I know there are many of us getting very late responses from our school districts. Aside from the misery of what my child has been going through as a result of the school district's refusal to deal with his problems, I can't help being intellectually curious to see what they will do!

>

> Ruth

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

>

>

>

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>

[Guest guest]

First step of a long path...maybe down the road things will get easier for parents advocating for their kids. When they forget or lose interest, it's time to show up and light it up again. Maybe a "middle of the year" meeting would be a good idea? Just check in, find out how it's going, any problems?, etc. It "should" be easier once he gets into sped so you can rely on a sped teacher and use that person as the main "go to person." Of course, then you eliminate all the fun you've had with 504 man. lol.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) Re: Suggestions on Articles, Cases Supporting Social Skills in Middle School?

>> Ruth,> I wrote a one page "bullet point" for my ds's teachers one year. It was all about his hyperlexia. It seemed to me that they understood that part of his disability the least and it was used against him a lot. So anyway, I think writing short bullet points for them is a great idea. You can do that with reports as well. Make copies, hand them out at meetings. If you think nobody will actually read what you've typed, then stand up and read it during a meeting. Yes, encapsulating the evaluations in bullet lists was one of the ideas I was going to use. Shouldn't have to do that but...By the way, I always do one of those written intros for my AS son. It gets the teachers' attention and interest for a short while, but quickly dies. I won't stop doing it, but it is definitely just a first step. First step of what, I'm still figuring out. :)Ruth

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.32/2030 - Release Date: 03/30/09 08:40:00

[Guest guest]

>

> It " should " be easier once he gets into sped so you can rely on a sped teacher

and use that person as the main " go to person. " Of course, then you eliminate

all the fun you've had with 504 man. lol.

I can only hope, am afraid to hope. Thanks for the good advice. I definitely

need to stay more in touch. I just can't figure out what this should look like

for jr/sr high school. The teachers are just really unapproachable. More on

another post.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

He had several ideas for working on these kinds of problems. I haven't read the book recently so just off the top of my head, the gist of the problem as he explains it is that our kids do not have a good memory. They don't remember experiences and then relate them to similar experiences (generalize). This means that they then don't build up a repertoire of skills via experiences. So each time something happens to them, it is like the first time for them. This explains the "0-60" concept. They do not have the life time of experiences to fall back on or the perspective taking skills that we have after years of experiences.

He used several examples in his talk that I attended. I think one was about dealing with death and how as children, we build up experiences in how to deal with death - our pets die, our friend's pets die, our grandparents die, our great aunt, etc. We are also exposed to people dying in the news - stars, political figures, etc. Plus we read stories and watch shows dealing with death experiences. So by the time we are an adult and our spouse dies (or something similar), we have a lifetime of skills with which to fall back on in how we can handle this. But for a person with these social deficits, each time they face a death experience, it is the first time for them. There is no scaffolding under them to support them. So they react with all the intensity of someone who has never faced this before.

It is the same with making friends - how we build up knowledge about what makes a good friend, how it feels to lose a friend or argue with a friend, etc. By the time we get into more intimate relationships as an adult, we have plenty of "friend" experience to use in determining who is a real friend, how friendships work, and on and on...But when this doesn't work correctly for people with these deficits, they can intensify a relationship in seconds because they feel that way. They don't have the perspective taking skills to know how to have a relationship without going from 0 - 60.

I hope this makes a little sense. The basic idea behind "fixing" these things is to help the person/child connect these experiences. Keeping journals, spending time talking with them when something happens and reminding them, "This is like what happened last year when...." Going through photo albums and talking about past experiences so they stay in your memory bank longer or more often and helping them relate things together. I think for someone older, the only thing you might be able to do is talk to them about what they want in a mate. What makes them happy and what kind of person makes them happy. But sometimes they may not want to discuss any of that.

I personally have gotten the book "Ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives" for my dd's. I think I will get the other one for men for my oldest ds. It's not so much that they will suddenly learn how to have relationships or what is important. But it is a neutral third party telling them things they need to consider before they enter a long term relationship. Other than that, I do spend a lot of time talking to my ds's about friendships. My 12 yo is always dealing with his "friends" who half the time are not friendly at all but little snots. I don't trust them at all while ds thinks they are the greatest. So I try not to be the "gloom and doom" one but once in a while I point out things like, "Are you sure you want to go play with him today? Last time you went there, he treated you badly and you came home very upset." Most of the time, my ds will go anyway. But I feel better having discussed a previous problem and he goes knowing it might go badly again and to be more prepared for that. Who knows if any of it works in the end, though. lol.

Roxanna

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." ~ Mark Twain

( ) Re: Suggestions on Articles, Cases Supporting Social Skills in Middle School?

Wow, this is so on target, the zero to sixty...now what does he say about fixing it! I am ordering the book right away.This weekend, DS, 24, brought home a new friend from JobCorps and he turned out to be a very nice kid! Polite, sweet and well mannered. And he and son got along really well. This kid is a real builder-upper, commenting several times about things he and son have in common, like wrestling. I had to laugh on the way home with them, in making general conversation I asked him if he had a girlfriend at JC or at home...he responded, "No ma'am. I'm a virgin." Hard to keep from laughing out loud, he is 23!On the other hand, much of the weekend was taken up with DS talking to and seeing new girlfriend. She is a mother of two babies from two different daddies! One and two years old, she scares me!!!! But just like you quoted, although he had never even MET her in person till this weekend, he calls her "baby" makes long range plans, has even discussed marriage, I am sure! How can they have so little judgement! Yikes. Usually this scares most girls off, but I am sure that she would like to have some help with the babies. She does live at home with her two parents who according to DS are "very protective." > Roxanna wrote:> One thing I found interesting was at a conference where the speaker (I think it was Lavoie) discussed friendships and kids with AS or ADHD. He explained that our kids can go from 0 to 60 in two seconds...so for instance, they meet someone and that person says one nice thing to him and suddenly he feels this is his best friend. But in real life, we don't make friends that way and we don't make a best friend in one meeting. > > >> > Looking for the same... Anyone?> > > I don't know about articles. I think you have to get a pragmatic communications expert, either an SLP or an autism specialist of some sort, to do an evaluation that shows the need. > > My 14yo son with AS is just now getting access to our school district's autism team, including an evaluation (and we are also doing our own autism evaluation with a local children's hospital dev ped dept autism clinic), so I'm waiting to see what happens. At least with my school district, I know just showing them an article would do the trick. After 14 years, I don't exactly consider myself a newbie at autism, but they don't want to hear it from me. > > I've never been able to get him social skills training at school district expense (I don't think they have anything at the school) except for a semester in 6th grade when he was having his social problems caused class disruption. I really can't believe an autism specialist would have the nerve to try to say a autistic middle school student doesn't need social skills in the school environment, but we will see. > > Anyway, those are my thoughts. As an aside, I'll let everyone know how this evaluation goes, since I know there are many of us getting very late responses from our school districts. Aside from the misery of what my child has been going through as a result of the school district's refusal to deal with his problems, I can't help being intellectually curious to see what they will do!> > Ruth> > > > > > ----------------------------------------------------------> > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com > Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.29/2024 - Release Date: 03/26/09 07:12:00>

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[Guest guest]

Wow! That is amazing insight. Just amazing. I have to print this and think about

how this impacts us. thanks so much!!!! Pam

" They don't remember experiences and then relate them to similar experiences

(generalize). This means that they then don't build up a repertoire of skills

via experiences. "

[Guest guest]

This makes sense! For the first time, I can " see " how he " sees " anyone friendly

as " BFF! " I have felt like such a scrooge to constantly pointing out to remember

this bad thing or that bad thing, but I see how he needs to connect those

relationship dots.

We are going through the same thing with this job hunt. Someone will say that

they will help him get a job and in his mind, he's got it. That first of all

they will do it, most people make this polite offer and then nothing happens and

then that they can even have any effect! It is all very much the same. Thanks

for this great example.

This seeing patterns and connections carries over to so much in his life,

everything from math, number lines, driving, behavior, and consequences. Isn't

it all about seeing the finished puzzle while he's still looking at the right

corner piece wondering where it goes. Thanks,

SUe in Tn

> > >

> > > Looking for the same... Anyone?

> > >

> > I don't know about articles. I think you have to get a pragmatic

communications expert, either an SLP or an autism specialist of some sort, to do

an evaluation that shows the need.

> >

> > My 14yo son with AS is just now getting access to our school district's

autism team, including an evaluation (and we are also doing our own autism

evaluation with a local children's hospital dev ped dept autism clinic), so I'm

waiting to see what happens. At least with my school district, I know just

showing them an article would do the trick. After 14 years, I don't exactly

consider myself a newbie at autism, but they don't want to hear it from me.

> >

> > I've never been able to get him social skills training at school district

expense (I don't think they have anything at the school) except for a semester

in 6th grade when he was having his social problems caused class disruption. I

really can't believe an autism specialist would have the nerve to try to say a

autistic middle school student doesn't need social skills in the school

environment, but we will see.

> >

> > Anyway, those are my thoughts. As an aside, I'll let everyone know how

this evaluation goes, since I know there are many of us getting very late

responses from our school districts. Aside from the misery of what my child has

been going through as a result of the school district's refusal to deal with his

problems, I can't help being intellectually curious to see what they will do!

> >

> > Ruth

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ----------------------------------------------------------

> >

> >

> >

> > No virus found in this incoming message.

> > Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> > Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.29/2024 - Release Date: 03/26/09

07:12:00

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.32/2030 - Release Date: 03/30/09

08:40:00

>

[Guest guest]

>

> This makes sense! For the first time, I can " see " how he " sees " anyone

friendly as " BFF! " I have felt like such a scrooge to constantly pointing out to

remember this bad thing or that bad thing, but I see how he needs to connect

those relationship dots.

I'm constantly amazed at how all these " behaviors " really are coming from

physical neurological problems. But how do you explain things like this to

people like teachers and school administrators without coming off sounding like

a nutcase? This is my problem.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

"Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives"...good book. I can say in my earlier years, I did most of them! Duh!!!

My son has an excellent memory. Shocks me what he can remember, even from a very early age. I think the problem is what he "remembers" in terms of social situations probably isn't accurate. So if two people have an interaction and my son and I witness it, what I remember vs. what he remembers could be very, very different. I think the hardest part (but I'm getting better at it) for me is stopping to consider what he might not be getting in regular, everyday life. I learned the subtle- and not-so-subtle social skills along the road of life. They are 2nd nature to me. But even with a son w/ Aspergers, it's hard for me to remember sometimes just how much I have to break down for him. I'll usually figure it out after I'm getting mad and putting it all together what happened and realizing he didn't get it. It's helpful to really talk this

stuff through (being mindful not to overdo it or he'll tune out) b/c now sometimes he's catching when he doesn't get something and will say it.

Example: this morning we were going to school and he was joking about something and then I started joking too, but I was saying it in a serious tone. It was subtle, but I think an NT person could've told I was kidding. He gets really mad at me and says "Gosh, mom, I was just joking. You can't ever take a joke. You just get mad." and I said "actually, Dylan, I was joking too, but it was really subtle so it sounds like it was hard for you to notice. I was just playing around too." and then he laughed and continued on with his joke. It's great that he's communicating what he's experiencing! That's some progress, for sure!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Roxanna <madideas@...> Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 7:53:58 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Suggestions on Articles, Cases Supporting Social Skills in Middle School?

He had several ideas for working on these kinds of problems. I haven't read the book recently so just off the top of my head, the gist of the problem as he explains it is that our kids do not have a good memory. They don't remember experiences and then relate them to similar experiences (generalize) . This means that they then don't build up a repertoire of skills via experiences. So each time something happens to them, it is like the first time for them. This explains the "0-60" concept. They do not have the life time of experiences to fall back on or the perspective taking skills that we have after years of experiences.

He used several examples in his talk that I attended. I think one was about dealing with death and how as children, we build up experiences in how to deal with death - our pets die, our friend's pets die, our grandparents die, our great aunt, etc. We are also exposed to people dying in the news - stars, political figures, etc. Plus we read stories and watch shows dealing with death experiences. So by the time we are an adult and our spouse dies (or something similar), we have a lifetime of skills with which to fall back on in how we can handle this. But for a person with these social deficits, each time they face a death experience, it is the first time for them. There is no scaffolding under them to support them. So they react with all the intensity of someone who has never faced this before.

It is the same with making friends - how we build up knowledge about what makes a good friend, how it feels to lose a friend or argue with a friend, etc. By the time we get into more intimate relationships as an adult, we have plenty of "friend" experience to use in determining who is a real friend, how friendships work, and on and on...But when this doesn't work correctly for people with these deficits, they can intensify a relationship in seconds because they feel that way. They don't have the perspective taking skills to know how to have a relationship without going from 0 - 60.

I hope this makes a little sense. The basic idea behind "fixing" these things is to help the person/child connect these experiences. Keeping journals, spending time talking with them when something happens and reminding them, "This is like what happened last year when...." Going through photo albums and talking about past experiences so they stay in your memory bank longer or more often and helping them relate things together. I think for someone older, the only thing you might be able to do is talk to them about what they want in a mate. What makes them happy and what kind of person makes them happy. But sometimes they may not want to discuss any of that.

I personally have gotten the book "Ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives" for my dd's. I think I will get the other one for men for my oldest ds. It's not so much that they will suddenly learn how to have relationships or what is important. But it is a neutral third party telling them things they need to consider before they enter a long term relationship. Other than that, I do spend a lot of time talking to my ds's about friendships. My 12 yo is always dealing with his "friends" who half the time are not friendly at all but little snots. I don't trust them at all while ds thinks they are the greatest. So I try not to be the "gloom and doom" one but once in a while I point out things like, "Are you sure you want to go play with him today? Last time you went there, he treated you badly and you came home very upset." Most of the time, my ds will go

anyway. But I feel better having discussed a previous problem and he goes knowing it might go badly again and to be more prepared for that. Who knows if any of it works in the end, though. lol.

Roxanna

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." ~ Mark Twain

( ) Re: Suggestions on Articles, Cases Supporting Social Skills in Middle School?

Wow, this is so on target, the zero to sixty...now what does he say about fixing it! I am ordering the book right away.This weekend, DS, 24, brought home a new friend from JobCorps and he turned out to be a very nice kid! Polite, sweet and well mannered. And he and son got along really well. This kid is a real builder-upper, commenting several times about things he and son have in common, like wrestling. I had to laugh on the way home with them, in making general conversation I asked him if he had a girlfriend at JC or at home...he responded, "No ma'am. I'm a virgin." Hard to keep from laughing out loud, he is 23!On the other hand, much of the weekend was taken up with DS talking to and seeing new girlfriend. She is a mother of two babies from two different daddies! One and two years old, she scares me!!!! But just like you quoted, although he had never even MET her in person till this weekend, he calls her "baby" makes long range

plans, has even discussed marriage, I am sure! How can they have so little judgement! Yikes. Usually this scares most girls off, but I am sure that she would like to have some help with the babies. She does live at home with her two parents who according to DS are "very protective." > Roxanna wrote:> One thing I found interesting was at a conference where the speaker (I think it was Lavoie) discussed friendships and kids with AS or ADHD. He explained that our kids can go from 0 to 60 in two seconds...so for instance, they meet someone and that person says one nice thing to him and suddenly he feels this is his best friend. But in real life, we don't make friends that way and we don't make a best friend in one meeting. > > >> > Looking for the same... Anyone?> > > I don't know about articles. I think you have to get a pragmatic communications expert, either an SLP or an autism specialist of some sort, to do an evaluation that shows the need. > > My 14yo son with AS is just now getting access to our school district's autism team, including an evaluation (and we are also doing our own autism evaluation with a local

children's hospital dev ped dept autism clinic), so I'm waiting to see what happens. At least with my school district, I know just showing them an article would do the trick. After 14 years, I don't exactly consider myself a newbie at autism, but they don't want to hear it from me. > > I've never been able to get him social skills training at school district expense (I don't think they have anything at the school) except for a semester in 6th grade when he was having his social problems caused class disruption. I really can't believe an autism specialist would have the nerve to try to say a autistic middle school student doesn't need social skills in the school environment, but we will see. > > Anyway, those are my thoughts. As an aside, I'll let everyone know how this evaluation goes, since I know there are many of us getting very late responses from our school districts. Aside from the misery of what my child has been going

through as a result of the school district's refusal to deal with his problems, I can't help being intellectually curious to see what they will do!> > Ruth> > > > > > ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -> > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com > Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.29/2024 - Release Date: 03/26/09 07:12:00>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.32/2030 - Release Date: 03/30/09 08:40:00

[Guest guest]

I love this post, !! I, too, often forget… and find

myself thinking in the back of my mind “Why is he lying to me about this?” or “Why

is he making up a story?” or “Uh, that’s NOT what happened?!!?!”… and then

reminding myself that his perception is VERY different from mine. We end up

talking things through, and when I break it down and explain it to him, often

he’ll say “Oh, well I didn’t know that” It’s comforting to know that there

IS something we can do to help, and that in time, our kids really do seem to “get

it”

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of MacAllister

Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 4:34 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Suggestions on Articles, Cases

Supporting Social Skills in Middle School?

" Ten

Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives " ...good book. I

can say in my earlier years, I did most of them! Duh!!!

My son has

an excellent memory. Shocks me what he can remember, even from a very

early age. I think the problem is what he " remembers "

in terms of social situations probably isn't accurate. So if

two people have an interaction and my son and I witness it, what I

remember vs. what he remembers could be very, very different. I

think the hardest part (but I'm getting better at it) for me is stopping to

consider what he might not be getting in regular, everyday life. I

learned the subtle- and not-so-subtle social skills along the road of

life. They are 2nd nature to me. But even with a son

w/ Aspergers, it's hard for me to remember sometimes just how much I have

to break down for him. I'll usually figure it out after I'm getting

mad and putting it all together what happened and realizing he didn't get

it. It's helpful to really talk this stuff through (being mindful not to

overdo it or he'll tune out) b/c now sometimes he's catching when he doesn't

get something and will say it.

Example:

this morning we were going to school and he was joking about something

and then I started joking too, but I was saying it in

a serious tone. It was subtle, but I think an NT person

could've told I was kidding. He gets really mad at me and says

" Gosh, mom, I was just joking. You can't ever take a joke. You

just get mad. " and I said " actually, Dylan, I was joking too, but

it was really subtle so it sounds like it was hard for you to

notice. I was just playing around too. " and then he

laughed and continued on with his joke. It's great that he's

communicating what he's experiencing! That's some progress, for

sure!

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[Guest guest]

Oh, how I can relate to all of this! My son just had to answer a question for school...what is a friend? He wrote...someone who is there for you. The next question was who are your friends....he wrote Nick, jake (17 and neighbor ) Tim (from the gym, 20 years old) and (also 17). Tim is not a friend...he is nice to my son, smiles and says hello...but that is it. Jake and are ususally nice to my son and treat him like a little brother. Nick is his age and the ride the small bus together...he was over last weekend...but for some reason they got into a fight and now are not talking. Ugh. So, for the time being he has NO friends. Really sad. The neighbor boy won't hang out with him and hangs with the other neighborhood boy so that

leaves him out....and now the boy around the corner, we just found out was told he can not call or hang out with my son...why? I have no idea. I called to talk and left a message ....that was 5 days ago and she has not returned my call ...so I refuse to deal with her any more. I am so tired of these kids...we take them places, buy them lunch, etc. etc. and this is the result ...so now my son came home from school and went to sleep. And, the bad news is the two boys come down and skateboard in front of my house because it is flat there. And, the one boy (a black belt) hit and pushed my son down. But it was over the teasing he had been giving my son for a year now...asking him how his poppy is? (he passed away and he knew it). So, my son said 2x ..how is your dad....and this boy's dad just died....I guess my son had enough...well the kid ran up the street and punched and pushed my son down.....

The one thing he better watch out is that my son is getting bigger and working out....this boy has "social" problems I think and is very quiet and shy and has a hard time fitting in ...so he picks on my son....but not for long. I didn't bother calling the mother becuase she thinks my son is a tattle tale and this kid was not allowed to call or come over my house. "My kid is so Horrible"....if she only knew what I knew about her own son...his language, his text messages, the fact he got drunk, smoked week and was in the car when Jake had his first accident....but I not going to tell her a darn thing...

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"> One thing I found interesting was at a conference where the speaker (I think it was Lavoie) discussed friendships and kids with AS or ADHD. He explained that our kids can go from 0 to 60 in two seconds...so for instance, they meet someone and that person says one nice thing to him and suddenly he feels this is his best friend. But in real life, we don't make friends that way and we don't make a best friend in one meeting. > > >> > Looking for the same... Anyone?> > > I don't know about articles. I think you have to get a pragmatic communications expert, either an SLP or an autism specialist of some sort, to do an evaluation that shows the need. > > My 14yo son with AS is just now getting access

to our school district's autism team, including an evaluation (and we are also doing our own autism evaluation with a local children's hospital dev ped dept autism clinic), so I'm waiting to see what happens. At least with my school district, I know just showing them an article would do the trick. After 14 years, I don't exactly consider myself a newbie at autism, but they don't want to hear it from me. > > I've never been able to get him social skills training at school district expense (I don't think they have anything at the school) except for a semester in 6th grade when he was having his social problems caused class disruption. I really can't believe an autism specialist would have the nerve to try to say a autistic middle school student doesn't need social skills in the school environment, but we will see. > > Anyway, those are my thoughts. As an aside, I'll let everyone know how this evaluation goes, since I know there

are many of us getting very late responses from our school districts. Aside from the misery of what my child has been going through as a result of the school district's refusal to deal with his problems, I can't help being intellectually curious to see what they will do!> > Ruth> > > > > > ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -> > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com > Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.29/2024 - Release Date: 03/26/09 07:12:00>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.32/2030 - Release Date: 03/30/09 08:40:00