Re: Further thoughts on UPDATE on starting teacher relationship...

[Guest guest]

If you think calling would help, then call instead of email. Sometimes meeting in person is best as well - whatever is going to work with the people you are dealing with. Try everything once, twice if it works. <g>

This will continue to happen A LOT to you regarding the "if he would just..." comments. Once with my oldest dd (who has add) the teacher said, "I know she has A.D.D. but if she would just pay attention to what she is doing..." LOL. I mean, how comical to say that but it really happened. So you can see that there is an obvious disconnect. In the same way that our kids can "repeat" the steps but not perform the steps, people can tell us, "yes I understand he has an executive dysfunction...but why can't he just do that?" So in a way, it's the same kind of problem. If you think they could grasp it better that way, then explain it like that. But some won't get it.

I just had this go on the other day with my 20 yo at the end of the SOP meeting. They had been telling my 20 that in order to take his ACT's, he had to bring in a check and sign up on the form with the sped teacher. Well, he didn't do that. So throughout the year, they have been reminding him. They bring him in and ask him to retell what he needs to do in order to take that ACT. Well, it doesn't happen, he doesn't "follow through." So now we are at the end of the year and I am now there wondering why they didn't get him set up to take the ACT before now and they look at me and say, "But we told him, and he could repeat the steps...blah blah blah." What I prefer to reply in these situations is to say, "Exactly, and he has a "communication" disability which means he can often repeat back to you what needs to happen but not be able to make it happen." Then they brought him in and to "prove" to me that they had told him what to do and he could repeat it, they had him repeat to them what he needed to do and he did it. Big sigh. Then they said to him, "So you need to make it happen then!! You know what to do!" as if he is just being lazy. Big big sigh. And he's 20 now, so look how long I have to deal with this sort of thing? I often want to yell, "But you are the sped people!!" They should get it. But not all of them do. They can tell you what it means to have this or that disability or learning problem but seeing it in real life is not the same thing. There is that disconnect.

You just have to keep repeating these things. I also like to follow up with documentation just to let them know I did not pull this "theory" out of thin air. In this case, I am not going to bother because he is almost done with this great sped system...and so what's done is done in our case. But if this were middle school or high school, or he had another year in this program, I would come home, write my notes, write a follow up letter restating the main points and I would add notations or copy information from various sources.

One time I wrote a reply that was rather long for a different situation (which you shouldn't do but there were so many issues going on at once, so I tackled them en mass.) But scattered throughout my reply were notation numbers, like you do in a research report. Then at the bottom of the page, I would list sources (names of books, links to webpages, etc.) That way, I could state the factoid, then if the person didn't believe it or wanted to read more about it, they could do so. This went over really well with administration but the teacher was unavailable to learn. lol. It was a long year, a bad year. But I gave it everything I had. lol.

Anyway, you sound like you are doing the right thing. It's just a process and not a one time event. You have to keep advocating. I should make you a button or something that says, "Be the inservice you wish your school provided to the staff." lol. But basically, that is your role. And as he gets older, people will often think of you as hovering and annoying. But you have to show up anyway and take the crap. And smile at the same time. Yeah. Do that.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) Further thoughts on UPDATE on starting teacher relationship...

Just had a lightbulb moment based on what someone said--"I'd call"--and also I was feeling kinda weird writing a few e-mails in a row without talking. Maybe the problem is that I'm writing instead of calling, or at least favoring writing so much? After all, I'd never say all lot of this in person or would say it a little differently. I tend to write instead of call since I have an office-mate at work, so it is easier. But, maybe I should try switching, or mostly switching, for awhile and see what happens? What the heck, I have NOTHING to lose LOL. My boss won't like it, but we do have a handy hallway. And, at least in this case, I already have all my thoughts written out, so I can keep them in front of me to make sure I cover everything. I'm curious how others would re-word my first paragraph to discuss such a topic in person? I could just skip it and let my thoughts on his other issues speak for themselves. Do you all think this might be better?This was my first paragraph. Good morning, -----. Thank you for e-mailing me about -----. I understand exactly what you mean about him telling you what he thinks you want to hear but not following through. This is a classic example of his Aspergers. You are correct that when you strip everything else away ----- does not take ownership and responsibility for his daily classroom objectives. This is because he is not able to do so. If he could do this he would have no need for a 504 plan and would not be being considered for an IEP. Ruth

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