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Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child

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wow that sounds awesome, we too have a chore chart for my son who is 11. he earns stickers and then after five days of full stickers he gets a special reward. he does part but not all and he always has to be reminded, he too does not respond to things being taken away he says i didnt want to play with it anyway, or i can wait a week to ride my bike. i started time outs sometimes it works but not always. he doesnt use is dx as an excuse either . I would love to get to the place where i dont have to tell him step by step what he needs to do in order to get it done and done decently, but we are not there yet, i have to even tell him when he needs to wash his face, hands and nose, he doesnt seem to realize when he needs to clean his face.sherryFrom: Bobbie <riveryak2003@...>Subject: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Monday, March 30, 2009, 7:23 PM

Something financial works with my son. Taking things away or time outs do not. If I take something away, he did not want to play with it anyway. Or he'll count down until he gets it back be it a week or month.

He neve uses Aspergers as an excuse. I have a chore chart that has how muchhe gets for each chore and a spot at the bottom

for "Fines" He gets an allowance deduction as his punisment.

bobbie in NJ

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my son does not say things like that, he always says i didnt know or i forget, it slipped i didnt mean it. sherryFrom: sandra-drew@... <sandra-drew@...>Subject: ( ) whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Sunday, March 29, 2009, 8:21 PM

I just found out my son has Asperger's but I'am having problem find a way to discipline him with out being to hard on him. I have tried time out, grounding,taking a way a favorite toy, and spanking,etc i just don't want my son to think the can get away with every thing just because he has a Asperger's and he has tried the line on me before like he would say well i can not help hitting my brothers because because i have Asperger's or he would say i can't help not doing what I'm told what to do because i have Asperger's, so can any one help me with this question what is the best way to discipline a child with Asperger's

Thanks, Sandie

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Wow...it is amazing to hear again and again that there are similarities in our

kids. Our daughter is exactly like you describe. She is totally immune to most

punishment. She says, " That's ok, I'll play with that another time. " When we

have threatened to take things she is connected to away, her common response is:

" forever? " . We try to use positive discipline when we can, but we are not

perfect.

>

> From: Bobbie <riveryak2003@...>

> Subject: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's

child

>

> Date: Monday, March 30, 2009, 7:23 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Something financial works with my son. Taking things away or time

outs do not. If I take something away, he did not want to play with it anyway.

Or he'll count down until he gets it back be it a week or month.

>

>

>

> He neve uses Aspergers as an excuse. I have a chore chart that has how muchhe

gets for each chore and a spot at the bottom

>

> for " Fines " He gets an allowance deduction as his punisment.

>

>

>

> bobbie in NJ

>

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Sherry,

I had to smile. I too have to do the wash your face/hands and brush teeth. The

reminders have just become part of the routine to me. I was thinking of

laminating s sheet with the steps for the morning on it. I know slightly

juvenile, but it may work. Of course, he will get odd looks taking a laminated

sheet to college! lol. My sone is 11 and a darling joy that needs the more

than occasional prompting

bobbie in NJ

>

> From: Bobbie <riveryak2003@...>

> Subject: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's

child

>

> Date: Monday, March 30, 2009, 7:23 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Something financial works with my son. Taking things away or time

outs do not. If I take something away, he did not want to play with it anyway.

Or he'll count down until he gets it back be it a week or month.

>

>

>

> He neve uses Aspergers as an excuse. I have a chore chart that has how muchhe

gets for each chore and a spot at the bottom

>

> for " Fines " He gets an allowance deduction as his punisment.

>

>

>

> bobbie in NJ

>

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bobbie too bad u are in nj my son is also 11, some days just seem like he is sooooo much younger than his cronilogical age but i just keep going on, i too had thought about the laminated thing but i havent tried it yet maybe i will it could not make things any worse. he does have a sticker chart but he isnt keepimg up with that either so now i have to remind him to wash face brush teeth comb hair all of that and did u put the sticker on the chart, hee hee sherryFrom: Bobbie <riveryak2003@...>Subject: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's childTo:

Date: Tuesday, March 31, 2009, 7:35 PM

Sherry,

I had to smile. I too have to do the wash your face/hands and brush teeth. The reminders have just become part of the routine to me. I was thinking of laminating s sheet with the steps for the morning on it. I know slightly juvenile, but it may work. Of course, he will get odd looks taking a laminated sheet to college! lol. My sone is 11 and a darling joy that needs the more than occasional prompting

bobbie in NJ

>

> From: Bobbie <riveryak2003@ ....>

> Subject: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child

>

> Date: Monday, March 30, 2009, 7:23 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Something financial works with my son. Taking things away or time outs do not. If I take something away, he did not want to play with it anyway. Or he'll count down until he gets it back be it a week or month.

>

>

>

> He neve uses Aspergers as an excuse. I have a chore chart that has how muchhe gets for each chore and a spot at the bottom

>

> for "Fines" He gets an allowance deduction as his punisment.

>

>

>

> bobbie in NJ

>

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Oh, I got my hopes up when I saw the title to this post. I hoped someone had the

answer! I certainly don't.

I was flabbergasted when my 13 y.o. DS's behavior analyst told me last week that

she had no clue as to how to motivate/discipline him. Great! I thought she was

the expert!

Generally, at home, he is cooperative and pleasant. However, at school he

refuses to do any work and is constantly in trouble for not completing classwork

and homework.Sometimes he will do his homework, but more often than not, it is a

struggle to get him to do anything.

We take away his computer time, TV time, he doesn't care about much else.

Sometimes, financial incentives do work, but hot always.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

>

>

>

>

>

>

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i agree absolutely amazing how much our children have in common but we are spread out all across the country and even the world. sherryFrom: friedart <friedart@...>Subject: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Tuesday, March 31, 2009, 5:18 PM

Wow...it is amazing to hear again and again that there are similarities in our kids. Our daughter is exactly like you describe. She is totally immune to most punishment. She says, "That's ok, I'll play with that another time." When we have threatened to take things she is connected to away, her common response is: "forever?". We try to use positive discipline when we can, but we are not perfect.

>

> From: Bobbie <riveryak2003@ ...>

> Subject: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child

>

> Date: Monday, March 30, 2009, 7:23 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Something financial works with my son. Taking things away or time outs do not. If I take something away, he did not want to play with it anyway. Or he'll count down until he gets it back be it a week or month.

>

>

>

> He neve uses Aspergers as an excuse. I have a chore chart that has how muchhe gets for each chore and a spot at the bottom

>

> for "Fines" He gets an allowance deduction as his punisment.

>

>

>

> bobbie in NJ

>

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My son used his Asperger's as an excuse...and I tell him....yes you do but we are not going to use that as an excuse. We are going to work on developing better ways to cope or whatever...and I go on to explain....

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: sandra-drew@ sbcglobal. net <sandra-drew@ sbcglobal. net>Subject: ( ) whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Sunday, March 29, 2009, 8:21 PM

I just found out my son has Asperger's but I'am having problem find a way to discipline him with out being to hard on him. I have tried time out, grounding,taking a way a favorite toy, and spanking,etc i just don't want my son to think the can get away with every thing just because he has a Asperger's and he has tried the line on me before like he would say well i can not help hitting my brothers because because i have Asperger's or he would say i can't help not doing what I'm told what to do because i have Asperger's, so can any one help me with this question what is the best way to discipline a child with Asperger's Thanks, Sandie

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>

> Generally, at home, he is cooperative and pleasant. However, at school he

refuses to do any work and is constantly in trouble for not completing classwork

and homework.Sometimes he will do his homework, but more often than not, it is a

struggle to get him to do anything.

>

> We take away his computer time, TV time, he doesn't care about much else.

Sometimes, financial incentives do work, but hot always.

What has worked for us is throwing away traditional discipline and finding other

ways to learn consequence. We take away the question if there isn't meant to be

a question. For example, instead of threatening to take away TV etc., simply

tell him you have to do X before you get computer time. He will get used to

doing X and stop fighting it so much over time. This is a technique called

collaborative learning, if you want to look it up. There is a book called

" Positive Everyday Routines " .

Ruth

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My son did this, too, at school. I used to try rewards and punishments, but

eventually realized that it wasn't working because what was going on at school

had more to do with his disability and was not something he could control.

We eventually moved him to a private school that specializes in AS because his

grades were dropping and he was becoming extremely anxious. He was shutting down

in classes that were noisy or too chaotic or where he had to take a lot of

notes, but did well in math where there was a lot of structure and the rules

that made sense to him. It was very frustrating to see his grades drop because

he wasn't doing the work, or only half doing the work, or not bothering to turn

papers in - when he was also very intelligent. My son loves to draw - he would

draw for hours every night, but he shut down in his art class at the public high

school and spent classtime reading the dictionary and not talking to anyone. He

just could not handle the noise and smells in the room and he couldn't follow

his teacher's verbal instructions. He couldn't do assignments that asked him for

his opinion, his favorite something, or what a character in a book felt. These

assignments didn't make sense to him. His spirit was being crushed in the public

schools, especially starting in 7th grade.

What's going on at school, I think, isn't so much a behavior problem that needs

to be punished. The failure to participate in class or finish homework is more

like the symptoms of AS where our kids have problems with executive functioning

and interpreting the hidden messages in speech and body language. They need

written instructions and can't follow verbal instructions. They need detailed

handouts with lecture notes provided and can't be expected to just listen to an

instructor and take notes in a blank notebook. As soon as we moved him to a new

school where he got the appropriate accommodations, he was a completely

different kid. He was doing homework and participating because the assignments

were appropriate for his disability. He was also much, much happier.

If your son has an IEP, you can try asking for alternatives to some assignments,

more help with social skills, extra time on projects, having written

instructions for projects, to have someone check up to verify that he has turned

papers in, a notetaker or maybe a tape recorder. Find a way to help him as he

struggles to make sense of school. Don't punish him.

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In a message dated 3/31/2009 6:56:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time, kyliemonty@... writes:

Generally, at home, he is cooperative and pleasant. However, at school he refuses to do any work and is constantly in trouble for not completing classwork and homework.Sometimes he will do his homework, but more often than not, it is a struggle to get him to do anything.

Has the school conducted a Functional Behavior Assessment and developed a positive behavior plan? Pam :) New Low Prices on Dell Laptops - Starting at $399

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I would tell him, "It doesn't matter if you have asperger's or not. No hitting!" Let him know the rules apply to everyone the same. If he can't stop hitting, then he has to leave the room.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child

I just found out my son has Asperger's but I'am having problem find a way to discipline him with out being to hard on him. I have tried time out, grounding,taking a way a favorite toy, and spanking,etc i just don't want my son to think the can get away with every thing just because he has a Asperger's and he has tried the line on me before like he would say well i can not help hitting my brothers because because i have Asperger's or he would say i can't help not doing what I'm told what to do because i have Asperger's, so can any one help me with this question what is the best way to discipline a child with Asperger's Thanks, Sandie

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Maybe you could write the directions out to various things he does all the time. That way you don't have to tell him step by step.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Monday, March 30, 2009, 7:23 PM

Something financial works with my son. Taking things away or time outs do not. If I take something away, he did not want to play with it anyway. Or he'll count down until he gets it back be it a week or month. He neve uses Aspergers as an excuse. I have a chore chart that has how muchhe gets for each chore and a spot at the bottomfor "Fines" He gets an allowance deduction as his punisment.bobbie in NJ

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Exactly! You need to figure out why he isn't doing the work at school. And there may be more than one reason why. My older ds was the same way - he would shut down and "refuse to do his work." In each situation, you could usually take a look at the assignment and figure out what his problem was. He would shut down instead of explain what was wrong. Sometimes these kids can balk if they are faced with a "whole page" of endless problems - either these are problems they can easily do and in that case, "Why do I have to keep doing these stupid things?" or they are problems the kid is having trouble doing and they might be thinking, "I will never be able to do all these problems..." and give up before they start. This is why there are sped teachers. My ds's would chunk his assignments for him, provide encouragement along the way, tutor him when necessary, even out his work (some hard, some easy, some middle of the road) and other ideas as necessary. Other reasons for shutting down could be just overwhelmed by the whole class/school day or any part of it. My ds could not finish his last two years of high school at school - he just couldn't do it anymore. So he was tutored at the library instead. You won't know until you do an FBA and figure out what is going on what kinds of things might work in fixing the problem.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

Re: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child

In a message dated 3/31/2009 6:56:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time, kyliemonty writes:

Generally, at home, he is cooperative and pleasant. However, at school he refuses to do any work and is constantly in trouble for not completing classwork and homework.Sometimes he will do his homework, but more often than not, it is a struggle to get him to do anything.

Has the school conducted a Functional Behavior Assessment and developed a positive behavior plan? Pam :)

New Low Prices on Dell Laptops - Starting at $399

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My daughter hits when she doesn't use words about what bothers her. I too tried

consequences no impact. Many sensory things in the house bother her and she hits

instead of asking me to stop it. I try to work on often triggering her purposely

to work on her her communicating frustration. You have to be careful not to be

provoking them. I will say I don't want to provoke you. I just want you to stop

hitting when you see me doing something that bothers you (using a cleaning

products she doesn't like any smells). Her behavior is so predictable I can go

to a soap dispenser and predictably she will try to hit me if I use it in front

of her (she has some OCD stuff). I will say just tell me not to use it, it

bothers you. We can work on this like an exposure therapy. Exhausting there must

be an easier way. But this seems to have impact. She directly has to be taught

do this not this.

Pam

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Thanks for your replies, Pam and Roxanna.

Since January, I have been told that an FBA would be done. I have met the

behaviorist. She has observed him in at least two settings, one on one with the

principal and in class. She is the one who said she is at a loss as to how to

motivate him!

So she gives me " the plan " a week ago. I will check his organiser and check his

homework each day and the teachers would all initial his entries in his

organiser at the end of each class. We had been doing this on and off for the

past year, so it is nothing new.

Before this, at his last IEP a month ago, she asked me to step back and let her

work it out with him. That was a resounding failure.

I did ask for her " report " before the last IEP meeting, but was told I would get

it at the meeting. Just a few observations and a few ideas. Nothing on paper. No

plan as such.

Should I expect to see a formal FBA report? Should the teachers all be advised

to follow it? I have checked the certification site for Behaviourists and cannot

find her name there. Should I question her qualifications?

To cap it off, on Monday and Tuesday, he was found to be " discourteous/not

following directions/uncooperative/openly defiant " so he had a detention

yesterday.He was very upset on Monday afternoon and after he had spent some time

in his room, I found, spelt out in Lego blocks on the floor, " I'm Dumb " . The

poor kid!

Kylie

>

> Exactly! You need to figure out why he isn't doing the work at school. And

there may be more than one reason why. My older ds was the same way - he would

shut down and " refuse to do his work. " In each situation, you could usually

take a look at the assignment and figure out what his problem was. He would

shut down instead of explain what was wrong. Sometimes these kids can balk if

they are faced with a " whole page " of endless problems - either these are

problems they can easily do and in that case, " Why do I have to keep doing these

stupid things? " or they are problems the kid is having trouble doing and they

might be thinking, " I will never be able to do all these problems... " and give

up before they start. This is why there are sped teachers. My ds's would chunk

his assignments for him, provide encouragement along the way, tutor him when

necessary, even out his work (some hard, some easy, some middle of the road) and

other ideas as necessary. Other reasons for shutting down could be just

overwhelmed by the whole class/school day or any part of it. My ds could not

finish his last two years of high school at school - he just couldn't do it

anymore. So he was tutored at the library instead. You won't know until you do

an FBA and figure out what is going on what kinds of things might work in fixing

the problem.

>

>

>

> Roxanna

>

> The government’s view of the economy

> could be summed up in a few short phrases:

> If it moves, tax it.

> If it keeps moving, regulate it.

> And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

> Reagan

> Re: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a

Asperger's child

>

>

>

> In a message dated 3/31/2009 6:56:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

kyliemonty@... writes:

> Generally, at home, he is cooperative and pleasant. However, at school he

refuses to do any work and is constantly in trouble for not completing classwork

and homework.Sometimes he will do his homework, but more often than not, it is a

struggle to get him to do anything.

> Has the school conducted a Functional Behavior Assessment and developed a

positive behavior plan? Pam :)

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

> New Low Prices on Dell Laptops - Starting at $399

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.35/2034 - Release Date: 04/01/09

06:06:00

>

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You should ask for the FBA report from your case manager (in writing if you

think that is necessary). See if you like what is in there. If you like what is

in there good, can they try it out asap. FBA's are iterative, the next step is

to get it into the IEP and into practice. You request an IEP meeting with the

FBA consultant present. If you don't like what is in the plan then what....?

You can challenge the school to enlist an AS FBA consultant.

But also you know what needs to be done it sounds like so you can write a one

page (so they don't get glassy eyed) list of accomodations for your son, work

broken down, a few problems at a time, half of the math problems. less written

work, less motor skill tasks, positive reinforcement throughout the day. Tell

them you want this in the IEP too. Once it is in the IEP it needs to be

followed.

Hmmmm who found him to be all these things. Anyway you need in the IEP a

behavioral plan that basically says to use positive reinforcement techniques

with your son only.

> To cap it off, on Monday and Tuesday, he was found to be " discourteous/not

following directions/uncooperative/openly defiant " so he had a detention

yesterday.

Ohhhh HUGS to your son he is not dumb. I know he is not he is working hard to

stay afloat in school. How about you write in legos you are smart cute adorable

brave

>He was very upset on Monday afternoon and after he had spent some time in his

room, I found, spelt out in Lego blocks on the floor, " I'm Dumb " . The poor kid!

best luck with this,

Pam

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Wow, that is really sad. An FBA is put into a written report. It should list behaviors, antecedents (what happened right before the behavior) as well as a pretty good indication as to why he is doing what he's doing. She should have observed him often and in a variety of settings, not just one or two or once or twice. So that coupled with her "I don't know how to motivate him" causes me to think she doesn't know how to do an FBA and/or isn't qualified with the correct training. I would request that the FBA be done again with someone who is an expert in autism behaviors. They may have to bring someone in for this if they don't have someone of staff who can already do this.

The worst thing I can think of is a poorly done FBA, really. We had one done by the school "autism expert" once and it was a total disaster. She knew very little about how to even do a real FBA, no training in behaviors and little training in autism. Naturally, she concluded that the problem was mine and had a list of things I should be doing at home to fix the school problem. lol. ugh.

I have had great FBA's done before as well. They are priceless in that you can really get an over view of what is going on. We had one done in middle school that listed things I didn't know were even problems. But that is what comes from observing over the course of a month plus knowing what to look for. So it is extremely helpful in identifying problems plus identifying causes as well.

The idea to keep doing more of what isn't working is a terrible idea. You probably know that already since it isn't working. Here are a few good places to read about FBA's.

http://cecp.air.org/fba/

http://www.fape.org/idea/what_idea_is/osher/main.htm

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

Re: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child> > > > In a message dated 3/31/2009 6:56:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time, kyliemonty@... writes:> Generally, at home, he is cooperative and pleasant. However, at school he refuses to do any work and is constantly in trouble for not completing classwork and homework.Sometimes he will do his homework, but more often than not, it is a struggle to get him to do anything.> Has the school conducted a Functional Behavior Assessment and developed a positive behavior plan? Pam :)> > > ----------------------------------------------------------> New Low Prices on Dell Laptops - Starting at $399 > > > > ----------------------------------------------------------> > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com > Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.35/2034 - Release Date: 04/01/09 06:06:00>

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I have not read the book yet,,,,but Lavoie has a new book out...

The Motivation Breakthrough ...6 secrets to turning on the turned out kid...

I have to start reading it ....for my son too!

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <madideas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009, 2:25 PM

Wow, that is really sad. An FBA is put into a written report. It should list behaviors, antecedents (what happened right before the behavior) as well as a pretty good indication as to why he is doing what he's doing. She should have observed him often and in a variety of settings, not just one or two or once or twice. So that coupled with her "I don't know how to motivate him" causes me to think she doesn't know how to do an FBA and/or isn't qualified with the correct training. I would request that the FBA be done again with someone who is an expert in autism behaviors. They may have to bring someone in for this if they don't have someone of staff who can already do this.

The worst thing I can think of is a poorly done FBA, really. We had one done by the school "autism expert" once and it was a total disaster. She knew very little about how to even do a real FBA, no training in behaviors and little training in autism. Naturally, she concluded that the problem was mine and had a list of things I should be doing at home to fix the school problem. lol. ugh.

I have had great FBA's done before as well. They are priceless in that you can really get an over view of what is going on. We had one done in middle school that listed things I didn't know were even problems. But that is what comes from observing over the course of a month plus knowing what to look for. So it is extremely helpful in identifying problems plus identifying causes as well.

The idea to keep doing more of what isn't working is a terrible idea. You probably know that already since it isn't working. Here are a few good places to read about FBA's.

http://cecp. air.org/fba/

http://www.fape. org/idea/ what_idea_ is/osher/ main.htm

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

Re: ( ) Re: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child> > > > In a message dated 3/31/2009 6:56:28 PM

Eastern Daylight Time, kyliemonty@. .. writes:> Generally, at home, he is cooperative and pleasant. However, at school he refuses to do any work and is constantly in trouble for not completing classwork and homework.Sometimes he will do his homework, but more often than not, it is a struggle to get him to do anything.> Has the school conducted a Functional Behavior Assessment and developed a positive behavior plan? Pam :)> > > ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -> New Low Prices on Dell Laptops - Starting at $399 > > > > ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -> > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com > Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.35/2034 - Release Date: 04/01/09 06:06:00>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.40/2039 - Release Date: 04/03/09 06:19:00

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