Re: Help! My son has Asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle

[Guest guest]

OMG ROFLMAO I forgot yes Chase went through a phase like that LOL

Now.. It is just fine. LOL

-- Re: ( ) Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle

Hamburger helper? In hamburger helper, don't the noodles, like, TOUCH the hamburger??? A big NO-NO in our house! LOL

Liz

On Jan 6, 2008, at 10:33 PM, wrote:

Well I'll tell ya.. I am poor LOL Working .. Both my husband and I

Making.. OK money not.. Great.. ( EA supply teacher myself and working part time at a local store.. HUBBY is a woodworker..) we have five kids between us.. And one adopted child too boot LOL

And.. Well with braces.. Therapies etc..

Its working poor.. But I love it..

Poor.. Is a four letter word.. But I embrace it.

It makes movie night and board game night.. Quality time in our house..

The Swiss alps vacation.. Will just have to wait LOL OH and thank god for hamburger helper

The creators of that product.. Must have had autistic children LOL<SPLUMF~1.GIF>

[Guest guest]

Liz, too funny and too true! No meat and noodles mixed around here, no casseroles!! We have to have our own spoons and forks and don't mix them up.. Noah's are blue handled and n's are plain silver.. and meat does not touch anything, and no gravy on the meat...I'm SOoooglad I'm not the only waffle house around hehe Toni

Re: ( ) Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle

No kidding!! I'd NEVER get away with that -

dad, mom & older kids eat combo menus,

ds eats the same (all cooked SEPARATE and NOT TOUCHING on his

place) or eats a separate special dinner. He's not very big for his age, so

I need to do what it takes to get him to eat decently!!

J.

Liz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote:

Hamburger helper? In hamburger helper, don't the noodles, like, TOUCH the hamburger??? A big NO-NO in our house! LOL

Liz

On Jan 6, 2008, at 10:33 PM, wrote:

Well I'll tell ya.. I am poor LOL Working .. Both my husband and I

Making.. OK money not.. Great.. ( EA supply teacher myself and working part time at a local store.. HUBBY is a woodworker..) we have five kids between us.. And one adopted child too boot LOL

And.. Well with braces.. Therapies etc..

Its working poor.. But I love it..

Poor.. Is a four letter word.. But I embrace it.

It makes movie night and board game night.. Quality time in our house..

The Swiss alps vacation.. Will just have to wait LOL OH and thank god for hamburger helper

The creators of that product.. Must have had autistic children LOL<SPLUMF~1.GIF>

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

[Guest guest]

Ruthie, Please don't keep your ideas to yourself. 'They can't help me or anyone else that way. We all have our gifts and our challenges. Your Idea is Great!!! I never would have thought of random rewards allowance. It may just work for me too. Thanks. Jerri. Jewel <truegrittle@...> wrote: I don't know what happened here either but we need every comment, idea & concern on here. Keep it up Ruthie. Betty Roxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: You don't have to keep your ideas to yourself at all Ruthie. Please DON'T. Not sure where the problem occured because I've been sick all weekend but I will try to catch up soon. RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle There are a lot of people that know me and know what I am about, even on this website, so I think I will just leave it at that....I can read, and I feel I am pretty good at interpreting things. If you are not rich, I suggest using pennies, but your children DO need an allowance, and tying it to work is reasonable since we, as adults, get paid to work. Also, in case you are new, I was a single parent the first 6 1/2 years of my eldest sons

life, and actually lived on $20 a month after bills paid, so I know what it is like to be the poooooorest of the poor and I was in an abusive relationship and worked hard to get my life in order to BE where I am now-----I earned everything I have now but my SON got an allowance; in fact, during custody battles, our judge basically ordered it at one point, so regardless of the dollar or cents.....time outs typically do NOT work well for these kids, a long with lots of other things...that was my point; sounds to me like you still struggle with them which means it may be worth looking at something else.... Also, my eldest son lived in a treatment facility because my husband and I had to put him there---he was there for 30 months after living 2 1/2 months in the hospital first-----I learned a lot of my skills and ideas from numerous professionals over the years but one of the best things that ever was told to us (which was during treatment) was

to reward him unplanned (that can be the gift of 2 hours of your undivided attention if you do not have a dollar) but it worked and still does! If my son knows he is working for something, it is like EVERYTHING ELSE IN ASPIES head (like our youngest aspies, too); I DON'T CARE---I don't want money---I don't want to spend 2 hours with you....whatever it is, they don't want it!!! So, it was something we were told to try and it worked...... As for eggshells, I did not know we get to quit walking on them; we have been on them since before my son was born (with his abusive dad) and now, my son, both sons actually; you say the wrong thing or NO or not what they want to hear, and life is bad. Sorry to have participated.....I will TRY to keep my ideas to myself again for while.... Ruthie Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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[Guest guest]

ohh my parker hates his noodles touch meat all he will eat is the noodles..lol parker is so pickey ...

Re: ( ) Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle

Hamburger helper? In hamburger helper, don't the noodles, like, TOUCH the hamburger??? A big NO-NO in our house! LOL

Liz

On Jan 6, 2008, at 10:33 PM, wrote:

Well I'll tell ya.. I am poor LOL Working .. Both my husband and I

Making.. OK money not.. Great.. ( EA supply teacher myself and working part time at a local store.. HUBBY is a woodworker.. ) we have five kids between us.. And one adopted child too boot LOL

And.. Well with braces.. Therapies etc..

Its working poor.. But I love it..

Poor.. Is a four letter word.. But I embrace it.

It makes movie night and board game night.. Quality time in our house..

The Swiss alps vacation.. Will just have to wait LOL OH and thank god for hamburger helper

The creators of that product.. Must have had autistic children LOL<SPLUMF~1.GIF>

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

I don't think you are disagreeing about my "job" thing because that is exactly what I said. You just don't consider the work you do around the house as a job but you would pay him for some jobs around the house. So by whatever definition of job you want to use it is all about semantics.

Personally, I consider work around the house as a real job because it takes a real person (me) to spend my real time doing it. lol. I get paid in other ways than money but I get money too. Compensation is compensation whether it is money or some other form of reward. The general gist is that people work for a reward all the time (usually for money, but they also might be working for fame, fulfillment, etc.)

The important thing to consider is what is rewarding to the child. If you have a child who does not have a lot of interests, this can be a really tough thing! For my older ds with hfa, he had so few interests. That is what frustrated many teachers along the way. Usually they could easily punish kids - even sped kids. But they had trouble finding something that interested my ds so much that it would bother him not to have it. That is why the evil teacher showed up with a list of ways to punish him - she'd been thinking hard on it. lol. For other kids, a variety of rewards will suffice and you can pick and choose as any parent can usually do. But there are some kids who are tougher in that regard. Some will work for money, some for food, some for pokemon cards (or equivalent) and some are not motivated by much.

If your ds actually wants to please you, you are far ahead of the game since most kids with autism do not consider how other people feel which causes a lot of the social problems. I think it would be easier to get a child motivated if that child cared whether he/she was pleasing you. It would take a lot less thought regarding what ways to reward, IMO.

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle

What does he do that's hard to control? How old is he?

Liz (Mom of a 19 year old young man with AS)

On Jan 3, 2008, at 9:24 PM, cajabra wrote:

I don't know how to handle my son, and there aren't any support groups around where I live. I cannot get him to listen to anything we say, he is constantly whining, and just plain hard to control. I just don't know what to do anymore. We see a therapist every 2 weeks, and he is on medication. He is on concerta and zoloft. If anyone has any suggestions, it would be greatly appreciated, and if you need more info from me please contact me.

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[Guest guest]

My ds has such a limited diet that this a tough subject. He doesn't eat any meals - no meat at all. So we've not had a problem with foods touching since he has never filled a plate with enough food to do that or with enough variety of food to do that.

Yesterday we had to go to a book store in the mall. I stopped at Starbucks and got him a strawberry frappachino (sp?). Well, you know they mix it and it has chunks of things in it. So here we are walking out of Penney's and suddenly I hear, ::::SPIT:::: lol. I thought it was a one time thing so I kept walking when I hear it again. ::::SPIT:::: People were starring. I thought I would choke him. I just grabbed his arm and started the mom talk about spitting in public, spitting on the floor, spitting an expensive drink from starbucks. LOL. He told me he doesn't like the little "flecks" in the drink. Ugh!

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle

Hamburger helper? In hamburger helper, don't the noodles, like, TOUCH the hamburger??? A big NO-NO in our house! LOL

Liz

On Jan 6, 2008, at 10:33 PM, wrote:

Well I'll tell ya.. I am poor LOL Working .. Both my husband and I

Making.. OK money not.. Great.. ( EA supply teacher myself and working part time at a local store.. HUBBY is a woodworker.. ) we have five kids between us.. And one adopted child too boot LOL

And.. Well with braces.. Therapies etc..

Its working poor.. But I love it..

Poor.. Is a four letter word.. But I embrace it.

It makes movie night and board game night.. Quality time in our house..

The Swiss alps vacation.. Will just have to wait LOL OH and thank god for hamburger helper

The creators of that product.. Must have had autistic children LOL<SPLUMF~1.GIF>

[Guest guest]

I think that's key here...all of our children are different. Some have dual diagnoses or more. It has taken my son years to get to the point of thinking about how others feel quickly enough before he says/does something to make the situation bad or worse. And I think he's most thoughtful around me. Since he hasn't had a lot of friends growing up, me and my parents have been filling in as playmate quite often. I'm not exactly sure what got us to the point we are now, but I know some of it is just him growing up in some regards. I never realized he would "mature" I guess. Therapists/evaluators/physicians/etc... would talk about him progressing to some extent through maturity

alone but I didn't believe them. He still has his awkward moments though. Like feeling compelled to act out a scene of a TV show he watched yesterday to our dental assistant this afternoon. And he had to go through the whole thing verbally about five times before he finally stopped (after me encouraging him to stop the entire time.) This is why I know he has Aspergers, but I suspect he has a mild form.

I've watched his coping skills evolve over time. I wish I had video of how he used to be. I guess I want other parents to have hope that your child can see real improvement over time. Unfortunately, I guess this won't affect all of our kids since they are all different, but I've seen such amazing improvement in Dylan's ability to cope in his environment. He still will do impulsive things like making strange sounds, humming, moving around aimlessly, etc... when it gets loud or he's overstimulated in some way. But he's a completely different kid than who he used to be.

We also spent our lunchtime together today with him explaining to me all the ways he thinks they could find a cure for cancer. Seriously. He is SO SMART. Most of the things he was describing to me they already do "burning it" (radiation), sending a "virus" into the tumor to kill it (chemotherapy), etc... but some of his ideas were truly unique. I'm amazed at his brain!

Re: ( ) Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle

What does he do that's hard to control? How old is he?

Liz (Mom of a 19 year old young man with AS)

On Jan 3, 2008, at 9:24 PM, cajabra wrote:

I don't know how to handle my son, and there aren't any support groups around where I live. I cannot get him to listen to anything we say, he is constantly whining, and just plain hard to control. I just don't know what to do anymore. We see a therapist every 2 weeks, and he is on medication. He is on concerta and zoloft. If anyone has any suggestions, it would be greatly appreciated, and if you need more info from me please contact me.

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[Guest guest]

I would take one problem at a time. Figure out why he is having a specific problem and find a solution for it. Whining is not very specific so why is he whining? It might be for different reasons at different times. Some kids whine when they are overly tired, want attention, had a bad day at school, feel angry or cheated...etc. I would keep a log of when he is whining throughout the day and why you think he is doing it. Then you may start to see a pattern. But you can try to address the issues. Say he is whining every day at lunch because he hates meatloaf but you feel he must eat meatloaf. You have to decide how important it is for you that he eats meatloaf. If you insist he must, then you need to set up some kind of challenge/reward system perhaps to get him to eat it and then he can be happy with his accomplishments. He might eat two bites of meatloaf every day for 3 days and win a trip to the video store to rent a movie with you. Or a trip to the library and a bedtime story. Whatever floats his boat. Many times a big problem these kids can have is that they don't see the point. My ds's are both so bad about this. So if I explain, "Do this because..." and the reason is good enough, lol, they usually will do it. Another thing I do is stack the bad between good. So for instance, my ds does not want to do his math paper, I might say, "Let's get that math done so we can go to the store" knowing that he loves and wants to go to the store (he would consider that a worthwhile prize for getting his work done....) So you can design those things yourself according to what is rewarding to your own ds. If he whines when you tell him to get his shoes on so you can go somewhere that is not interesting to him, find something you can sandwhich between that trip to encourage him not to whine. Let him help you shop for groceries (many kids like having a short list and finding items) or do something that makes it more of an adventure within the trip. If you think hard enough, you can sometimes find ways to put a little bit of interest and fun into many activities that can be kind of boring. Even now, when my ds gets bored while we are out shopping, I will give him a task to do and that usually helps the complaining.

Also, make an activity list and post it so he knows what is happening when. Someone already discussed making a visual schedule but this is great, especially for younger kids. Make a visual schedule and then teach him to refer to it. You'd be surprised how much it can help with anxiety problems in younger kids just to know what is happening next or how to do what we are asking them to do.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle

I don't know how to handle my son, and there aren't any support groups around where I live. I cannot get him to listen to anything we say, he is constantly whining, and just plain hard to control. I just don't know what to do anymore. We see a therapist every 2 weeks, and he is on medication. He is on concerta and zoloft. If anyone has any suggestions, it would be greatly appreciated, and if you need more info from me please contact me.

[Guest guest]

I just replied to your first post but I wanted to add - try rewarding him for doing what you want him to do instead of taking things away when he is not doing what you want. Sometimes in the beginning you might have to work hard to find something to praise! lol. But even if he pauses in his tantrum, you can say, "I like how you got quiet so we can think of how to solve this problem." It might throw him off balance and make him think and give you time to redirect him. Talk to him as well. He may not have answers sometimes but there may be a reason he is refusing. Sometimes my ds refuses to do a paper for school (for example) and I will ask why. Yesterday he said he was just so tired of working on it. So I said, "Well, how about you do another math paper and we can work on this science paper tomorrow then?" He quickly agreed that this was a good solution. I got him to do some work and he got to postpone something he was not feeling like doing that minute. For little kids, maybe you want him to pick up his blocks but he starts whining and doesn't want to do it. You can make it game (How many blocks can you pick up in 3 minutes - set the timer and run!) or (how many blocks can we each get in a bag - I bet I can pick up more!). If he is bad with racing, find something fun to do after he's done to encourage him to do it (Hurry up so we can watch Sponge Bob!) or offer to help (I can see this is a very big mess! How about if I help you?). Try not to make it a tug of war so much as turn it into a challenge to figure out a different way to get him to do what you want. You know him best so I am sure you can think of some ways to handle him that might work.

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some advice on how to handle

What does he do that's hard to control? How old is he?

Liz (Mom of a 19 year old young man with AS)

On Jan 3, 2008, at 9:24 PM, cajabra wrote:

I don't know how to handle my son, and there aren't any support groups around where I live. I cannot get him to listen to anything we say, he is constantly whining, and just plain hard to control. I just don't know what to do anymore. We see a therapist every 2 weeks, and he is on medication. He is on concerta and zoloft. If anyone has any suggestions, it would be greatly appreciated, and if you need more info from me please contact me.

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