Re: Pers. hygiene. Was: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child

April 1, 2009

thank you ruth i too have to give him all steps in sequence alot of the family does not understand they allways make rude comments on how he is old enough to do those things on his own stop treating him like a baby etc. sherryFrom: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) Pers. hygiene. Was: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 12:41 PM

>

> Sherry,

>

> I had to smile. I too have to do the wash your face/hands and brush teeth. The reminders have just become part of the routine to me. I was thinking of laminating s sheet with the steps for the morning on it.. I know slightly juvenile, but it may work. Of course, he will get odd looks taking a laminated sheet to college! lol. My sone is 11 and a darling joy that needs the more than occasional prompting

Don't forget this isn't all memory--there are sensory and coordination issues involved. Make sure he knows HOW to do all these things. My very bright son actually needed step-by-step instructions on how to wash his hair--wet hair all over, put shampoo into palm until palm is filled up, rub all over hair until it is sudsy all over, rinse off until it squeaks. Just that little bit made a huge difference. Also, I got him some cleaning pads for his face--rather than the splashing water method--and he started cleaning his face without reminders. So, experiment with materials. The smell and texture of things may really matter.

Ruth

April 1, 2009

Ugh! I just had this arguement with my mother-in-law about my son not getting

his shoes on himself, and he's not even 4 yet. I knew she wouldn't understand

about his DX, so made sure to show her the eval report from Feb. that said his

functioning is at a 2 & 1/2 year old level. And still we have to have these

arguements.

TJ

>

> >

>

> > Sherry,

>

> >

>

> > I had to smile. I too have to do the wash your face/hands and brush teeth.

The reminders have just become part of the routine to me. I was thinking of

laminating s sheet with the steps for the morning on it. I know slightly

juvenile, but it may work. Of course, he will get odd looks taking a laminated

sheet to college! lol. My sone is 11 and a darling joy that needs the more

than occasional prompting

>

> Don't forget this isn't all memory--there are sensory and coordination issues

involved. Make sure he knows HOW to do all these things. My very bright son

actually needed step-by-step instructions on how to wash his hair--wet hair all

over, put shampoo into palm until palm is filled up, rub all over hair until it

is sudsy all over, rinse off until it squeaks. Just that little bit made a huge

difference. Also, I got him some cleaning pads for his face--rather than the

splashing water method--and he started cleaning his face without reminders. So,

experiment with materials. The smell and texture of things may really matter.

>

> Ruth

>

April 2, 2009

My son is 13....he didn't learn to tie his shoes until maybe 9...and he still has a hard time...the kids all wear them loose and just slip their feet in...good and bad...My son is so awkward with his fingers and handling small things. Had him test but they say "nothing is wrong"...LOL

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: T <juice00000@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Pers. hygiene. Was: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 6:08 PM

Ugh! I just had this arguement with my mother-in-law about my son not getting his shoes on himself, and he's not even 4 yet. I knew she wouldn't understand about his DX, so made sure to show her the eval report from Feb. that said his functioning is at a 2 & 1/2 year old level. And still we have to have these arguements.TJ> > >> > > Sherry,> > > > > > I had to smile. I too have to do the wash your face/hands and brush teeth. The reminders have just become part of the routine to me. I was thinking of laminating s sheet with the steps for the morning on it. I know slightly juvenile, but it may work. Of course, he will

get odd looks taking a laminated sheet to college! lol. My sone is 11 and a darling joy that needs the more than occasional prompting> > > > Don't forget this isn't all memory--there are sensory and coordination issues involved. Make sure he knows HOW to do all these things. My very bright son actually needed step-by-step instructions on how to wash his hair--wet hair all over, put shampoo into palm until palm is filled up, rub all over hair until it is sudsy all over, rinse off until it squeaks. Just that little bit made a huge difference. Also, I got him some cleaning pads for his face--rather than the splashing water method--and he started cleaning his face without reminders. So, experiment with materials. The smell and texture of things may really matter.> > > > Ruth>

April 2, 2009

>

> My son is 13....he didn't learn to tie his shoes until maybe 9...and he still

has a hard time...the kids all wear them loose and just slip their feet

in...good and bad...My son is so awkward with his fingers and handling small

things. Had him test but they say " nothing is wrong " ...LOL

My son didn't tie his shoes for the first time until he was 13. And he's

forgotten and I'm having to re-teach him. My son always passed the tests for

small motor skills too. Anyway, we lucked out and got a great OT, and he found

it was the MANUAL DEXTERITY, left-right, and bi-lateral (top-bottom)

coordination that is actually causing the problem. He has several years delay.

His fine motor skills are actually ABOVE his age several years. So, no wonder

he always passed the tests. Just mentioning this in case you think it might be

your son's problem. Not that finding out really made that much difference,

other than people not being able to say it isn't real. But, I mean the

treatment isn't any different than for small motor skills, which is mainly just

practice.

Ruth

April 3, 2009

Ding..ding..ding...a bell just went off when you mentioned manual

dexterity!!! I am always wondering how my son can be so good at video

games and so bad at putting the toothpaste on the toothbrush, can't even

begin to tie shoes, zip clothes, etc. He's good with scissors but hates

to write. He had neat but very slow printing, now fast but horribly

sloppy printing.

Thanks for the insight!

> >

> > My son is 13....he didn't learn to tie his shoes until maybe 9...and

he still has a hard time...the kids all wear them loose and just slip

their feet in...good and bad...My son is so awkward with his fingers and

handling small things. Had him test but they say " nothing is

wrong " ...LOL

>

> My son didn't tie his shoes for the first time until he was 13. And

he's forgotten and I'm having to re-teach him. My son always passed the

tests for small motor skills too. Anyway, we lucked out and got a great

OT, and he found it was the MANUAL DEXTERITY, left-right, and bi-lateral

(top-bottom) coordination that is actually causing the problem. He has

several years delay. His fine motor skills are actually ABOVE his age

several years. So, no wonder he always passed the tests. Just

mentioning this in case you think it might be your son's problem. Not

that finding out really made that much difference, other than people not

being able to say it isn't real. But, I mean the treatment isn't any

different than for small motor skills, which is mainly just practice.

>

> Ruth

>

April 4, 2009

My son is 13 1/2....and he gets so "pissed" when I remind him to wash his face, use the toner, brush his teeth. He says...."I know" in a nasty voice. So I stopped reminding him about the toner and washing his face...ugh..you should see the pimples...he is going thru that hormone teen stage and growing up like a weed...When I say, now look at all those pimples....and you like girls...he says I don't care. And, you know what ...I don't think he cares...he doesn't care about school, grades, homework. Nothing. He just likes his music, going to the Y to work out and his Xbox. And, he does like having his friends over.

He is a slob...he drops everything and leaves it there...and I am constantly telling him to put it away or hang it up. He would wear the same dirty clothes every day...he is down to 2 pair of jeans he likes...so I have to wash one while he wears the other. He will wear the same socks day in and day out ...no matter how much I tell him that is not good for his feet. He is so picky with socks...even ones that come in the same package. He doesn't like the feel of the seam by the toes. Ugh! And, that is how he is with underwear. And, his jeans he wears too low becuase he doesn't like anything tight on his waist....

I am so tired and burnt and spent...he is in trouble all the time and nasty to me. I wish I could find a school and send him away. That is terrible to say as a mom. I love my son...but I don't like the way he acts and he is failing in everything and so nasty. I don't even want to be near him. And, I am so afraid he is going to get in trouble with these girls. And, our neighbor boy up the street hates him and he and his sister call him names. It is going to be a very very long summer.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Pers. hygiene. Was: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 12:41 PM

>> Sherry,> > I had to smile. I too have to do the wash your face/hands and brush teeth. The reminders have just become part of the routine to me. I was thinking of laminating s sheet with the steps for the morning on it.. I know slightly juvenile, but it may work. Of course, he will get odd looks taking a laminated sheet to college! lol. My sone is 11 and a darling joy that needs the more than occasional promptingDon't forget this isn't all memory--there are sensory and coordination issues involved. Make sure he knows HOW to do all these things. My very bright son actually needed step-by-step instructions on how to wash his hair--wet hair all over, put shampoo into palm until palm is filled up, rub all over hair until it is sudsy all over, rinse off until it squeaks. Just that little bit made a huge difference.

Also, I got him some cleaning pads for his face--rather than the splashing water method--and he started cleaning his face without reminders. So, experiment with materials. The smell and texture of things may really matter.Ruth

April 4, 2009

My son is 13 1/2....and he gets so "pissed" when I remind him to wash his face, use the toner, brush his teeth. He says...."I know" in a nasty voice. So I stopped reminding him about the toner and washing his face...ugh..you should see the pimples...he is going thru that hormone teen stage and growing up like a weed...When I say, now look at all those pimples....and you like girls...he says I don't care. And, you know what ...I don't think he cares...he doesn't care about school, grades, homework. Nothing. He just likes his music, going to the Y to work out and his Xbox. And, he does like having his friends over.

He is a slob...he drops everything and leaves it there...and I am constantly telling him to put it away or hang it up. He would wear the same dirty clothes every day...he is down to 2 pair of jeans he likes...so I have to wash one while he wears the other. He will wear the same socks day in and day out ...no matter how much I tell him that is not good for his feet. He is so picky with socks...even ones that come in the same package. He doesn't like the feel of the seam by the toes. Ugh! And, that is how he is with underwear. And, his jeans he wears too low becuase he doesn't like anything tight on his waist....

I am so tired and burnt and spent...he is in trouble all the time and nasty to me. I wish I could find a school and send him away. That is terrible to say as a mom. I love my son...but I don't like the way he acts and he is failing in everything and so nasty. I don't even want to be near him. And, I am so afraid he is going to get in trouble with these girls. And, our neighbor boy up the street hates him and he and his sister call him names. It is going to be a very very long summer.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Pers. hygiene. Was: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 12:41 PM

>> Sherry,> > I had to smile. I too have to do the wash your face/hands and brush teeth. The reminders have just become part of the routine to me. I was thinking of laminating s sheet with the steps for the morning on it.. I know slightly juvenile, but it may work. Of course, he will get odd looks taking a laminated sheet to college! lol. My sone is 11 and a darling joy that needs the more than occasional promptingDon't forget this isn't all memory--there are sensory and coordination issues involved. Make sure he knows HOW to do all these things. My very bright son actually needed step-by-step instructions on how to wash his hair--wet hair all over, put shampoo into palm until palm is filled up, rub all over hair until it is sudsy all over, rinse off until it squeaks. Just that little bit made a huge difference. Also, I got him some cleaning pads for his face--rather than the splashing water method--and he started cleaning his face without reminders. So, experiment with materials. The smell and texture of things may really matter.Ruth

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April 4, 2009

>

> Ding..ding..ding...a bell just went off when you mentioned manual

> dexterity!!! I am always wondering how my son can be so good at video

> games and so bad at putting the toothpaste on the toothbrush, can't even

> begin to tie shoes, zip clothes, etc. He's good with scissors but hates

> to write. He had neat but very slow printing, now fast but horribly

> sloppy printing.

Yes, this is exactly how it is. At 14, my son's delays put his weak areas at

about 7yo/8yo level, so he is getting to where he " can " do things. But it is

uncomfortable for him and he has to go very slow and may spill or jerk. So, he

avoids things because they are difficult for him or he knows nearby people will

be impatient or laugh. He compensates by writing large and it is pretty sloppy.

He started preferring typing on the computer in early elementary. He can zip

and button, but you have to give him time. I have to plan ahead, because there

is no hurrying out the door with him!

Ruth

April 4, 2009

>

> He is a slob...he drops everything and leaves it there...and I am constantly

telling him to put it away or hang it up.

Jan, would it help to think about the disabilities behind these behaviors so you

could come up with strategies to combat them? For example, he is not a " slob " ,

he has executive dysfunction. He will need more than being reminded to put

things away. Maybe talk to one of his professionals, I remember you have

mentioned he has several, about strategies, about coming up with a plan of

action, a home program, to tackle this problem?

> He would wear the same dirty clothes every day...he is down to 2 pair of jeans

he likes...so I have to wash one while he wears the other. He will wear the same

socks day in and day out ...no matter how much I tell him that is not good for

his feet. He is so picky with socks...even ones that come in the same package.

He doesn't like the feel of the seam by the toes. Ugh! And, that is how he is

with underwear. And, his jeans he wears too low becuase he doesn't like anything

tight on his waist....

And these are sensory issues. Can you analyze what exactly is bothering him and

come up with alternates that work better? For example, have him " wash " his face

with Stridex pads if he can't tolerate splashing water on it, figure out what

socks he can tolerate and stock up on those. Or there are shoes (LandsEnd for

one) that are made to be worn without socks (have odor control built into them).

> I am so tired and burnt and spent...he is in trouble all the time and nasty to

me.

Hang in there, Jan, you can do this! I think you need to communicate some of

this stuff to all your son's professionals and put them to work. These problems

are fixable. And maybe you do need a little vacation by yourself. Is that

possible? I know you probably feel like slapping me for suggesting such a

simplistic solution LOL. We all need to be able to have more time for outselves

but can't because there is nobody to take over for us and disaster strikes if we

aren't there. But we all need to keep trying to get away.

Ruth

April 4, 2009

{{{Jan}}} Please don't jump. <g>

Teenagers are really very terrible to live with at times. If we gave birth to teens instead of babies (besides the obvious discomfort in doing that!), we wouldn't have kids. We would see how nasty they can be and run and never do that again!

Just scream at us and then take a deep breath and take one step at a time. Sometimes thinking of everything at once is overwhelming. So don't do that.

I have a good friend who says something like, "When they are at their ugliest, that is when they need love the most." Well, I can see her following that mantra. Not me. lol. But I want to be good...so I repeat it a lot and try hard. If it is so hard for you to deal with, imagine how he feels inside himself? It's hard. A lot of us have lived through a bad teen experience and we are still alive. Sorta. lol. You will make it!

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) Pers. hygiene. Was: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 12:41 PM

>> Sherry,> > I had to smile. I too have to do the wash your face/hands and brush teeth. The reminders have just become part of the routine to me. I was thinking of laminating s sheet with the steps for the morning on it.. I know slightly juvenile, but it may work. Of course, he will get odd looks taking a laminated sheet to college! lol. My sone is 11 and a darling joy that needs the more than occasional promptingDon't forget this isn't all memory--there are sensory and coordination issues involved. Make sure he knows HOW to do all these things. My very bright son actually needed step-by-step instructions on how to wash his hair--wet hair all over, put shampoo into palm until palm is filled up, rub all over hair until it is sudsy all over, rinse off until it squeaks. Just that little bit made a huge difference. Also, I got him some cleaning pads for his face--rather than the splashing water method--and he started cleaning his face without reminders. So, experiment with materials. The smell and texture of things may really matter.Ruth

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April 4, 2009

Should I just let him go...I mean stop pushing him so hard...let the school see what is really happening....I have to push and push and push and then I end up doing all his writing for him....I have tried all kinds of incentives, taking away, rewards, being postive and nothing seems to affect him.....he doesn't care. I feel like taking absolutely everything away...tv,phone,xbox, computer, and maybe even his Ipod. I don't know...all I know is I am tired and so is my husband....

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Pers. hygiene. Was: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child Date: Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 12:41 PM

>> Sherry,> > I had to smile. I too have to do the wash your face/hands and brush teeth. The reminders have just become part of the routine to me. I was thinking of laminating s sheet with the steps for the morning on it.. I know slightly juvenile, but it may work. Of course, he will get odd looks taking a laminated sheet to college! lol. My sone is 11 and a darling joy that needs the more than occasional promptingDon't forget this isn't all memory--there are sensory and coordination issues involved. Make sure he knows HOW to do all these things. My very bright son actually needed step-by-step instructions on how to wash his hair--wet hair all over, put shampoo into palm until palm is filled up, rub all over hair until it is sudsy all over, rinse off until it squeaks. Just that little bit made a huge difference.

Also, I got him some cleaning pads for his face--rather than the splashing water method--and he started cleaning his face without reminders. So, experiment with materials. The smell and texture of things may really matter.Ruth

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.41/2040 - Release Date: 04/03/09 17:54:00

April 4, 2009

Jan, I've been following your posts, and you describe my daughter's antics so well! You are not alone...she is so high maintenance at age 11 now, it is exhausting! Her clothing issues started at her age 5, in January of kindergarten year. She refused to wear sox, and still fights it, I too bought 7 sets of identical sox, she'd wear only 2 sets! Her famous response is"they don't feel quite right" geeeeeeez! Her feet smelled so bad. Shoes are a hassle-she lives in flip flops all year, except for winter, then she'll wear one pair of boots.

The same with underwear, nothing can touch her "privates" as she says. During 4th grade,she stopped wearin underwear totally. As long as she wore long pants, I ignored her.

The only reason she wears sox and underwear now is the peer pressure of middly school- she thought about changing for gym and maybe the other girls seeing her without appropriate underwear (bra and panties) and the gym tchr told her to wear sox for good hygiene (?) so she did! This semester she doesn't have gym, so she is back to no sox, no bra just a cami. And the underwear issue is crazy--back in Feb, we shopped for new panties, she tried on and chose her favorites from Penny's, I bought 14 identical, in diff colors, that she chose. Don't ya know, most "don't feel right" !..So, she'' rummage through the dirty laundry for the pair that is "perfect"! Yuk!

And her hygiene is atrocious! She has gone 6-7 nights fighting a bath/shower, hair greasy smelly, feetstink, botttom smelly. And the teeth, ugh! same fight.

We have finally worked to a compromise, with help from her therapist, to bathe every other night. If not, no extras, no screen time of any kind. She won't go more that 2 nights w/out a shower now..

As for clothing, she is terribly eccentric --wears her underwear low, below her butt so nothing touches the "privates",you know. then the long pants, which are 2 sizes too big, arepulled up just to cover the rear end, then her top which is also extra big, covers the whole package,. Sometimes she looks like she is wearing a diaper in there!

She will not wear jeans or slacks, only knits or sweats, that are baggy and "move". She won't wear a skirt either. But she will wear a dress, go figure, but only for a very special ocassion. Again, I have learned to buy several identical items, so I can wash some. Also, I have learned to get more wear mileage out of my purchases, by air drying all of her clothes, except underwear! That way I cut down on shrinkage!

I could go on and on...I no longer sweat theclothing issues, I just love her the way she is...she will learn (or not) her lessons in her own time, she won't take any wisdom from me!

We also struggle with school issues, classwork, homework, social stuff...i could go on....

Believe me, Jan, don't give up, we are out here fighting similar battles, you are so not alone!

Jillian

April 4, 2009

Jan and Jillian,

I have the nastiest 14 year old that I have ever seen in my life. She will wear underwear but won't change them. You want to talk about "YUCK", you need to see the seats of these panties. Brushing her teeth is a battle and wearing deodarent is crazy. I am 6 months pregnant and have had no morning sickness, but when this foul smelling girl walks by me, I am throwing up and screaming wash your "!@#, Right now". Her room is so musty, it is unreal.

I have taken away everything, and grounded her for the next month. She could care less about taking a bath or better yet combing her hair is battle.

This child is not mine, she was literally dropped off at my door step two years ago. The state refuses to take her back and her own family doesn't want her. I am just not prepared to deal with this nastines with a baby on the way. But this girl is making me sick.

From: jillian shimko <jillian_shimko@...> Sent: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:25:56 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Pers. hygiene. Was: whats the best way to discipline a Asperger's child