Re: Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public School

[Guest guest]

>

> > Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of

everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue

to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

>

Hi . What you need to do is call another IEP meeting and keep calling

them until you come up with an IEP you feel like will work for your daughter.

You aren't supposed to have all the answers in one meeting. You can call as

many meetings as you want and you should do that until you come up with a

workable plan. Sounds like you need an FBA.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

My ds was like that. We finally tried medication (zoloft) and it worked great. His anxiety was reduced enough so that he could try new things and not go crazy about it.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public School

It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is still the idea of putting my child in the environment that she fears the most. Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the "school" way. She is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to her. She tells me, "No, I'm afraid I won't like it." She didn't even want to watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home, how on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out into the community and she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences with the same group of people like she would have at school. In my area the hs support group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and such. Her socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really struggling with both. Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. in FL

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[Guest guest]

Thanks, Roxanna!

Mc

"You have to love your children unselfishly. That's hard. But it's the only way"-Barbara Bush

http://elkhollowacademy.blogspot.com/

From: Roxanna <madideas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public School Date: Tuesday, April 7, 2009, 1:27 PM

My ds was like that. We finally tried medication (zoloft) and it worked great. His anxiety was reduced enough so that he could try new things and not go crazy about it.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public School

It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is still the idea of putting my child in the environment that she fears the most. Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the "school" way. She is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to her. She tells me, "No, I'm afraid I won't like it." She didn't even want to watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home, how on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out into the community

and she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences with the same group of people like she would have at school. In my area the hs support group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and such. Her socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really struggling with both. Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. in FL

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.43/2043 - Release Date: 04/06/09 06:22:00

[Guest guest]

My DD has tried public school, private, faith based school and a very

small charter school. This year we chose to homeschool via a public

cyber school and I too have all the same fears and concerns you have. I

will say this, DD has made the honor roll for three semesters in a row

and her anxiety level has dropped incredibly. My feeling is

homeschooling her is helping her to build the confidence in her

abilities without the anxiety of trying to 'fit in'. When she is strong

enough, I will try traditional schooling again but, for now, sending

her to public school would be like sending a baby lamb into the lions

den. DD is also on a small dose of anti depressant........it helps.

- In , " Roxanna " <madideas@...> wrote:

>

> My ds was like that. We finally tried medication (zoloft) and it

worked great. His anxiety was reduced enough so that he could try new

things and not go crazy about it.

>

> Roxanna

>

> The government's view of the economy

> could be summed up in a few short phrases:

> If it moves, tax it.

> If it keeps moving, regulate it.

> And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

> Reagan

> ( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public

School

>

>

> It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have

mixed feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and

the staff. I think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS

right here at our local school. It seems to me they are a caring,

skilled team. What worries me is still the idea of putting my child in

the environment that she fears the most. Not only that, but she will be

hard pressed to do things the " school " way. She is frightened of

everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to her. She

tells me, " No, I'm afraid I won't like it. " She didn't even want to

watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this

child going to handle a school day full of nothing but change,

transition, and one new thing after another? I am so completely torn

about what to do. If I keep her home, how on earth will she learn to

accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out into the community

and she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences

with the same group of people like she would have at school. In my area

the hs support group is not very active. Not many play days at the park

and such. Her socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she

is really struggling with both.

>

> Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and

terrified of everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid

that if I continue to homeschool her she will never learn to be

independent and live on her own. Any thoughts would be greatly

appreciated.

>

> in FL

>

>

>

>

>

>

------------------------------------------------------------------------\

------

>

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.43/2043 - Release Date:

04/06/09 06:22:00

>

[Guest guest]

Small doses of zoloft works great for OCD too! My son is on a small dose of Prozac (generic) and it helps. He is also on Adderall XR and it REALLY helps. Everyone can tell when he has not taken his meds. LOL.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <madideas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public School Date: Tuesday, April 7, 2009, 2:27 PM

My ds was like that. We finally tried medication (zoloft) and it worked great. His anxiety was reduced enough so that he could try new things and not go crazy about it.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public School

It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is still the idea of putting my child in the environment that she fears the most. Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the "school" way. She is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to her. She tells me, "No, I'm afraid I won't like it." She didn't even want to watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home, how on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out into the community

and she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences with the same group of people like she would have at school. In my area the hs support group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and such. Her socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really struggling with both. Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. in FL

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.43/2043 - Release Date: 04/06/09 06:22:00

[Guest guest]

I feel your fear, I felt the same way, and I will never regret to have pulled my AS out from public school when she was 12. After months of residential program to make her function again and repair the public school system effect, she was homeschooled for a year, then we found small private school where she did very well considering her circumstances, the intellectual challenge worked like therapy, senior year was tough because she just gradually did not sleep at night, we were late and sometimes she was falling sleep in class. I am grateful the people at school were understanding as to her lateness and she could graduate. At 18 she is currently a freshman in a high ranking College, living in campus with her anxiety and OCD plus social issues, despite her challenges her academic load is the best therapy and she has just been placed in the Honors program. There was a time when I even doubted if she would finish HS. It is a very difficult to deal with her AS issues and I never know what will happen tomorrow, the only thing I am certain is that I saved her by pulling her out of public school. I am sorry I did not do it before she was 12.Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeedFrom: "dunadd12" Date: Tue, 07 Apr 2009 02:05:45 -0000< >Subject: ( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public School It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is still the idea of putting my child in the environment that she fears the most. Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the " school " way. She is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to her. She tells me, " No, I'm afraid I won't like it. " She didn't even want to watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home, how on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out into the community and she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences with the same group of people like she would have at school. In my area the hs support group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and such. Her socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really struggling with both. Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. in FL

[Guest guest]

I think you are right in wanting her to develop some independence - yet, I feel

your pain in your need to protect her as well.

My son is very rigid as well and I have found that advance notice of transitions

helps. I do my best to let him know about what is coming next. The school is

on board as well - his teacher always lets him know when a transition is coming

(i.e. going to music or gym). He also has a para with him to help with the

transitions. Of course he now finds that the notification of transition is part

of his routine as well, and he will point out if you " forget " to too him about

something coming up. It's like he is learning what is coming up (he knows when

he has gym and music, etc. and he knows what he does before that - so when it's,

say, journal writing time, he knows what will come after that and he now

anticipates the cue that a transition is coming.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

>

> It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed

feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I

think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our

local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is

still the idea of putting my child in the environment that she fears the most.

Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the " school " way. She

is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to

her. She tells me, " No, I'm afraid I won't like it. " She didn't even want to

watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going

to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing

after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home,

how on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get

out into the community and she is around people but there are not a whole lot of

experiences with the same group of people like she would have at school. In my

area the hs support group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and

such. Her socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really

struggling with both.

>

> Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of

everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue

to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

>

> in FL

>

[Guest guest]

More info for us. NYU is developing a home school curriculum for AS/nld

can you believe it. Google NYU child study see Dr. Geller web page

and paper she wrote on what an AS kid needs and etc. Not soon enough for us

right?

Pam

[Guest guest]

Could the school let you daughter have a shadow, someone that would be with her all day and help her with her work, etc.? Maybe this would give you both peace of mind. It helped my son when he was in elementary school. pj

From: dunadd12 <dunadd12@...> Sent: Monday, April 6, 2009 9:05:45 PMSubject: ( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public School

It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is still the idea of putting my child in the environment that she fears the most. Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the "school" way. She is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to her. She tells me, "No, I'm afraid I won't like it." She didn't even want to watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home, how on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out into the community

and she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences with the same group of people like she would have at school. In my area the hs support group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and such. Her socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really struggling with both. Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. in FL

[Guest guest]

My daughter goes thru this cycles of high anxiety and school refusal.

She doesn't want to leave the house. She will see our therapist

and we finally found one that advocates at school. And this is mainly

to make sure they know of the problems.

We treat this anxiety in a way like the OCD community, we get her

to school and out of the house in just small portions of a day.

It is exhausting at times, and I have not been able to return to

work. But there are lots of ideas that can be tried.

The OCD community likes to use pictures of a clock and cross off

portions of time that MOm will be away from home or portions

of time that the child will be in school.

I have tried so many things to get her and keep her in school.

I have gone to school at recess (when she was in first grade).

I take her out of school for lunch for a special mom and

daughter lunch if she will go in for the morning. Her work is reduced,

she gets breaks, she has in class support I could go on and on.

We have been at this for the last 6 years.

As our advocate told us we have to decide what it is we

want. Do we want to stay in our town or have an out of district placement. It's

not easy to get an ODD placement.

We don't want our DD home instructed we want some way to

have her part of some community she can cope in.

And this is mainly because she is very avoidant of things that

are hard for her and we want to try and build her confidence.

Pam

In , Mc <dunadd12@...> wrote:

>

> I think they possibly can. We have not had our meeting yet and she'll have to

have a number of tests and evaluations. What is terrifying me is that the mere

mention of going to school will bring on a complete meltdown. The mere mention

of having to go anywhere without me-or even staying home with her father while I

run errands-sends her into a fit. Even with a shadow she'll most likely spend

her entire day in the corner singing to herself. i am beginning to think she's

going to have to have medication-like zoloft-to help her cope.

>

>

>  in FL 

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> From: Patti Journey <pjpoo78363@...>

> Subject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public

School

>

> Date: Wednesday, April 8, 2009, 4:33 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Could the school let you daughter have a shadow, someone that would be with

her all day and help her with her work, etc.?  Maybe this would give you both

peace of mind.  It helped my son when he was in elementary school. pj

>

>

>

>

>

> From: dunadd12 <dunadd12 (DOT) com>

>

> Sent: Monday, April 6, 2009 9:05:45 PM

> Subject: ( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public School

>

>

>

> It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed

feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I

think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our

local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is

still the idea of putting my child in the environment that she fears the most.

Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the " school " way. She

is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to

her. She tells me, " No, I'm afraid I won't like it. " She didn't even want to

watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going

to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing

after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home, how

on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out

into the community and

> she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences with the

same group of people like she would have at school. In my area the hs support

group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and such. Her

socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really struggling

with both.

>

> Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of

everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue

to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

>

> in FL

>

[Guest guest]

I could be way off base but here's a thought...

My son used to have a hard time transitioning when he was younger. I was given advice from many to give him warnings before we were going to transition "five minutes until we have to leave the house", for example. In the 1st or 2nd grade, Dylan said "Mom! Don't tell me that! When you tell me that I worry about having to stop the whole time and it makes me sad. Just tell me it's time to go and then I'll go." Talk about a light bulb moment! So I confirmed "you don't want me to give you any warnings?" and he said "no". This made sense to me too since he perseverates on things.

Do you think going to school so much to see your daughter actually makes things worse? I wonder if the interruptions are making it harder for her to settle into a routine at school? I know that's completely not your goal, but I wonder if in some ways it's making it worse? I know for my son, he needs that clean break or the transitions are too hard.

Again, I could be off base. Sounds like you have professionals involved but I also know I've been given advice from some professionals and they were way off base.

Knowing how many of our kids can perseverate, I wonder if it's now "normal" for her to not go to school, have anxiety over it, etc... when maybe it's not a true clinical issue but a perseveration of sorts? Do you think that's possible? I guess maybe it could've turned into a clinical issue at this point, but maybe something to consider?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...> Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 7:48:30 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public School

My daughter goes thru this cycles of high anxiety and school refusal.She doesn't want to leave the house. She will see our therapistand we finally found one that advocates at school. And this is mainly to make sure they know of the problems. We treat this anxiety in a way like the OCD community, we get herto school and out of the house in just small portions of a day. It is exhausting at times, and I have not been able to return to work. But there are lots of ideas that can be tried.The OCD community likes to use pictures of a clock and cross offportions of time that MOm will be away from home or portionsof time that the child will be in school.I have tried so many things to get her and keep her in school.I have gone to school at recess (when she was in first grade).I take her out of school for lunch for a special mom and daughter lunch if she will go in for the morning. Her work is

reduced,she gets breaks, she has in class support I could go on and on. We have been at this for the last 6 years. As our advocate told us we have to decide what it is we want. Do we want to stay in our town or have an out of district placement. It's not easy to get an ODD placement.We don't want our DD home instructed we want some way to have her part of some community she can cope in.And this is mainly because she is very avoidant of things that are hard for her and we want to try and build her confidence.Pam In , Mc <dunadd12@.. .> wrote:>> I think they possibly can. We have not had our meeting yet and she'll have to have a number of tests and evaluations. What is terrifying me is that the mere

mention of going to school will bring on a complete meltdown. The mere mention of having to go anywhere without me-or even staying home with her father while I run errands-sends her into a fit. Even with a shadow she'll most likely spend her entire day in the corner singing to herself. i am beginning to think she's going to have to have medication-like zoloft-to help her cope.> > > in FL > > > > > > > > From: Patti Journey <pjpoo78363@ ...>> Subject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public School> > Date: Wednesday, April 8, 2009, 4:33 PM> > >

> > > > > > > > Could the school let you daughter have a shadow, someone that would be with her all day and help her with her work, etc.? Maybe this would give you both peace of mind. It helped my son when he was in elementary school. pj> > > > > > From: dunadd12 <dunadd12 (DOT) com>> > Sent: Monday, April 6, 2009 9:05:45 PM> Subject: ( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public School> > > > It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is still the idea of putting my child in the

environment that she fears the most. Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the "school" way. She is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to her. She tells me, "No, I'm afraid I won't like it." She didn't even want to watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home, how on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out into the community and> she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences with the same group of people like she would have at school. In my area the hs support group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and such. Her socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really struggling with both. > > Do any of

you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.> > in FL>

[Guest guest]

thanks for the input. You are helping me

clarify this issue, so I can be concise with the

child study team so thank you.

What is happening is that she gets stressed and then ends

up having a panic attack

about something (sensory overload increased by anxiety).

Then she does not feel safe at school, and then she gets

upset that she doesn't have a girl friend (as a comfort)

and is really sets into motion that school is too hard.

Because of the AS she doesn't want to talk about panic

attacks or any kind of insight like that in therapy.

Although we try.

For us it is worth it to struggle to get to school simply because

she does not want to leave the house for anything.

So it is not only school refusal for us. And she can manage

in classes most of the panic happens at recess & lunch.

My daughter may also need to be medically treated for anxiety.

So we don't want to torture her if she feels she can't cope with a full day. We

are putting our faith in the NYU Asperger Institute

to help us figure this out late this spring.

Pam

>

> I could be way off base but here's a thought...

>

> My son used to have a hard time transitioning when he was younger.  I was

given advice from many to give him warnings before we were going to transition

" five minutes until we have to leave the house " , for example.  In the 1st or 2nd

grade, Dylan said " Mom!  Don't tell me that!  When you tell me that I worry

about having to stop the whole time and it makes me sad.  Just tell me it's time

to go and then I'll go. "   Talk about a light bulb moment!  So I confirmed " you

don't want me to give you any warnings? " and he said " no " .  This made sense

to me too since he perseverates on things.

>

> Do you think going to school so much to see your daughter actually makes

things worse?  I wonder if the interruptions are making it harder for her to

settle into a routine at school?  I know that's completely not your goal, but I

wonder if in some ways it's making it worse?  I know for my son, he needs that

clean break or the transitions are too hard.

>

> Again, I could be off base.  Sounds like you have professionals involved but I

also know I've been given advice from some professionals and they were way off

base.

>

> Knowing how many of our kids can perseverate, I wonder if it's now

" normal "  for her to not go to school, have anxiety over it, etc... when maybe

it's not a true clinical issue but a perseveration of sorts?  Do you think

that's possible?  I guess maybe it could've turned into a clinical issue at this

point, but maybe something to consider?

>  

>

>

> " Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one

out. "

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...>

>

> Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 7:48:30 AM

> Subject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public

School

>

>

>

>

>

> My daughter goes thru this cycles of high anxiety and school refusal.

> She doesn't want to leave the house. She will see our therapist

> and we finally found one that advocates at school. And this is mainly

> to make sure they know of the problems.

>

> We treat this anxiety in a way like the OCD community, we get her

> to school and out of the house in just small portions of a day.

> It is exhausting at times, and I have not been able to return to

> work. But there are lots of ideas that can be tried.

> The OCD community likes to use pictures of a clock and cross off

> portions of time that MOm will be away from home or portions

> of time that the child will be in school.

>

> I have tried so many things to get her and keep her in school.

> I have gone to school at recess (when she was in first grade).

> I take her out of school for lunch for a special mom and

> daughter lunch if she will go in for the morning. Her work is reduced,

> she gets breaks, she has in class support I could go on and on.

> We have been at this for the last 6 years.

>

> As our advocate told us we have to decide what it is we

> want. Do we want to stay in our town or have an out of district placement.

It's not easy to get an ODD placement.

>

> We don't want our DD home instructed we want some way to

> have her part of some community she can cope in.

> And this is mainly because she is very avoidant of things that

> are hard for her and we want to try and build her confidence.

>

> Pam

>

> In , Mc <dunadd12@ .> wrote:

> >

> > I think they possibly can. We have not had our meeting yet and she'll have

to have a number of tests and evaluations. What is terrifying me is that the

mere mention of going to school will bring on a complete meltdown. The mere

mention of having to go anywhere without me-or even staying home with her father

while I run errands-sends her into a fit. Even with a shadow she'll most likely

spend her entire day in the corner singing to herself. i am beginning to think

she's going to have to have medication-like zoloft-to help her cope.

> >

> >

> >  in FL 

> >

> >

> >

> >  

> >

> >

> >

> > From: Patti Journey <pjpoo78363@ ...>

> > Subject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public

School

> >

> > Date: Wednesday, April 8, 2009, 4:33 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Could the school let you daughter have a shadow, someone that would be with

her all day and help her with her work, etc.?  Maybe this would give you both

peace of mind.  It helped my son when he was in elementary school. pj

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > From: dunadd12 <dunadd12 (DOT) com>

> >

> > Sent: Monday, April 6, 2009 9:05:45 PM

> > Subject: ( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public

School

> >

> >

> >

> > It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed

feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I

think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our

local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is

still the idea of putting my child in the environment that she fears the most.

Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the " school " way. She

is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to

her. She tells me, " No, I'm afraid I won't like it. " She didn't even want to

watch Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going

to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing

after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home, how

on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out

into the community and

> > she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences with the

same group of people like she would have at school. In my area the hs support

group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and such. Her

socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really struggling

with both.

> >

> > Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of

everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue

to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

> >

> > in FL

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Here's hoping you find some great support and helpful answers at the Aspergers Institute! Definitely keep us posted!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...> Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 7:58:15 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public School

thanks for the input. You are helping me clarify this issue, so I can be concise with the child study team so thank you. What is happening is that she gets stressed and then ends up having a panic attack about something (sensory overload increased by anxiety).Then she does not feel safe at school, and then she gets upset that she doesn't have a girl friend (as a comfort) and is really sets into motion that school is too hard. Because of the AS she doesn't want to talk about panic attacks or any kind of insight like that in therapy.Although we try. For us it is worth it to struggle to get to school simply becauseshe does not want to leave the house for anything.So it is not only school refusal for us. And she can managein classes most of the panic happens at recess & lunch. My daughter may also need to be medically treated for anxiety.So we don't want to

torture her if she feels she can't cope with a full day. We are putting our faith in the NYU Asperger Institute to help us figure this out late this spring. Pam >> I could be way off base but here's a thought...> > My son used to have a hard time transitioning when he was younger. I was given advice from many to give him warnings before we were going to transition "five minutes until we have to leave the house", for example. In the 1st or 2nd grade, Dylan said "Mom! Don't tell me that! When you tell me that I worry about having to stop the whole time and it makes me sad. Just tell me it's time to go and then I'll go." Talk about a light bulb moment! So I confirmed "you don't want me to give you any warnings?" and he said "no". This made sense to me too since he perseverates on things.> > Do you think going to

school so much to see your daughter actually makes things worse? I wonder if the interruptions are making it harder for her to settle into a routine at school? I know that's completely not your goal, but I wonder if in some ways it's making it worse? I know for my son, he needs that clean break or the transitions are too hard.> > Again, I could be off base. Sounds like you have professionals involved but I also know I've been given advice from some professionals and they were way off base.> > Knowing how many of our kids can perseverate, I wonder if it's now "normal" for her to not go to school, have anxiety over it, etc... when maybe it's not a true clinical issue but a perseveration of sorts? Do you think that's possible? I guess maybe it could've turned into a clinical issue at this point, but maybe something to consider?> >

> > "Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out." > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __> From: susanonderko <susanonderko@ ...>> > Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 7:48:30 AM> Subject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public School> > > > > > My daughter goes thru this cycles of high anxiety and school refusal.> She doesn't want to leave the house. She will see our therapist> and we finally found one that advocates at school. And this is mainly > to make sure they know of the problems. > > We treat this anxiety in a way like the OCD community, we get

her> to school and out of the house in just small portions of a day. > It is exhausting at times, and I have not been able to return to > work. But there are lots of ideas that can be tried.> The OCD community likes to use pictures of a clock and cross off> portions of time that MOm will be away from home or portions> of time that the child will be in school.> > I have tried so many things to get her and keep her in school.> I have gone to school at recess (when she was in first grade).> I take her out of school for lunch for a special mom and > daughter lunch if she will go in for the morning. Her work is reduced,> she gets breaks, she has in class support I could go on and on. > We have been at this for the last 6 years. > > As our advocate told us we have to decide what it is we > want. Do we want to stay in our town or have an out of

district placement. It's not easy to get an ODD placement.> > We don't want our DD home instructed we want some way to > have her part of some community she can cope in.> And this is mainly because she is very avoidant of things that > are hard for her and we want to try and build her confidence.> > Pam > > In , Mc <dunadd12@ .> wrote:> >> > I think they possibly can. We have not had our meeting yet and she'll have to have a number of tests and evaluations. What is terrifying me is that the mere mention of going to school will bring on a complete meltdown. The mere mention of having to go anywhere without me-or even staying home with her father while I run errands-sends her into a fit. Even with a shadow she'll most likely spend her entire day in the corner singing to herself. i am beginning to think she's going to have

to have medication-like zoloft-to help her cope.> > > > > > in FL > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > From: Patti Journey <pjpoo78363@ ...>> > Subject: Re: ( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public School> > > > Date: Wednesday, April 8, 2009, 4:33 PM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Could the school let you daughter have a shadow, someone that would be with her all day and help her with her work, etc.? Maybe this would give you both peace of mind. It helped my son when he was in elementary school. pj> > > > > >

> > > > > > From: dunadd12 <dunadd12 (DOT) com>> > > > Sent: Monday, April 6, 2009 9:05:45 PM> > Subject: ( ) Social Interaction/ Homeschooling vs Public School> > > > > > > > It's the newbie again. We had our school meeting today and I have mixed feelings. I came home feeling very positive about the school and the staff. I think we are very lucky to have people so familiar with AS right here at our local school. It seems to me they are a caring, skilled team. What worries me is still the idea of putting my child in the environment that she fears the most. Not only that, but she will be hard pressed to do things the "school" way. She is frightened of everything. She doesn't even like for me to read a new book to her. She tells me, "No, I'm afraid I won't like it." She didn't even want to watch

Mickie Mouse because she had never seen it before. How is this child going to handle a school day full of nothing but change, transition, and one new thing after another? I am so completely torn about what to do. If I keep her home, how on earth will she learn to accept new things and to interact? Yes, we get out into the community and> > she is around people but there are not a whole lot of experiences with the same group of people like she would have at school. In my area the hs support group is not very active. Not many play days at the park and such. Her socialization is limited to church and Girl Scouts and she is really struggling with both. > > > > Do any of you have a child who is so rigid about new things and terrified of everything and everybody? How do you handle it? I am afraid that if I continue to homeschool her she will never learn to be independent and live on her own. Any thoughts would be greatly

appreciated.> > > > in FL> >>

[Guest guest]

Pam,

Your situation sounds much like what we have been thru with our 13 year old

daughter. The anxiety, the overloads, the feeling of not bring safe at school

--- we have coped with that daily, in increasing magnitude, over the last

several years. This year, C started developing intense migraines with nausea

which were debilitating and difficult for all of us. We've been through rounds

of medical tests and we seen a pediatric neurologist and while childhood

migraine syndrome can have a lot to do with hormones and plain old biology, we

definitely saw a stress component to her migraines.

I've tried a lot of the things that you have mentioned. C is on medication for

anxiety and depression, and that has helped some. We have tried having her

attend school for portions of days rather than a whole school day. We moved her

to a tiny private school, on the theory that the class size was so much smaller

that the environmental impacts would be less and the individualized attention

would help, and that helped SOME. I've had days where I've sat in the back of

the classroom just to reassure her, but so she'd be at school,. and days where

she knew i was sitting out in the parking lot.

C's best friend is in the same school, and while that helped somewhat, from C's

point of view, her friend was a comfort at times but couldn't really help her

with or protect her from the difficult issues that made school so hard for her.

Still, she has continued to feel high anxiety and we saw her migraines and

nausea increase, and our work with medication and weekly counseling and all of

the things we were thinking of didn't seem to help. C started talking (so

matter of factly it was heart-breaking) about wanting to die and thinking every

day about killing herself because school made her feel so horrible.

And here's what we came to, and maybe our thoughts will be helpful to you....

This is not a situation of " school avoidance. " That's where school is

essentially manageable but nevertheless the child doesn't want to be there.

Instead, we started to understand that C's situation was one where despite

trying as hard as she could, the whole dynamic of environmental stresses,

sensory overload, social dynamics, academic workload, and the feeling that she

wasn't truly understood and supported added up to a hugely impossible situation

for her. She wasn't " avoiding " a " normal " school situation -- she was reacting

to the reality of her experience -- which is simply far more stressful and

complicated than the NT kids experience.

We worried a lot about taking her out of school for the reasons you probably do

-- lack of opportunity to learn socialization skills, isolation, dependence on

home and parents... But ultimately we decided that she was hating school, hating

herself for feeling like she couldn't cope, she was feeling hopeless and

fearful, and she was totally isolated at school anyway, withdrawing from the

other kids.

Just 2 weeks ago we removed her from school. And the change in her has been

simply remarkable. We are homeschooling to finish out the year, are planning to

do a distance-learning program for next year (Laurel Springs School based in

Ojai, California) combined with a tutor (one of the teachers from this year we

really liked and SHe really liked) -- and we are shifting the " group social "

stuff to fun activities -- tai kwon do, art classes, some volunteer activities.

Our goals are several: to separate the academic learning (which she used to

love and has come to hate because it's all wrapped up with the idea of " school " )

and make it fun again; to give her social experiences that are positive (instead

of the constant negative ones she was having at school); to introduce her to

social and group situations in smaller, more manageable doses (ie, a one hour

art class twice a week) so she can re-learn to like those situations and develop

confidence in her ability to tolerate them. Most of all, after understanding

how truly miserable she was feeling and how it was making her physically ill, we

want to get her back to an emotionally and physically stable place so that she

has the mental energy to try different experiences and develop confidence.

I can't tell you the change in her, though, and it is a huge relief to see the

happy child we know. She's more relaxed, far less stressed and anxious,and she

hasn't had a migraine since we took her out of school.

We are only thinking ahead through next year, 8th grade. Maybe for high school

we will try to integrate her into the local high school through part time

classes and independent study. We'll see what she feels ready for. Once I

started researching, I was amazed at the really good options for alternative

school situations. For example, Many states have " home at school " options where

your public school provides you with the laptop and materials you need, your

child works with a teacher in your area but does the actual work at home, and

meets with a " class " one day a week, and can go on teacher-led field trips in

your area. (In my state, that's California Virtual Academy -- there may be a

similar program in your area.) I was so fearful about home-schooling because I

don't want to be my child's only teacher -- but there are truly lots of

innovative " school at home " programs that provide teachers via the internet,

then overseen by a parent or a local tutor. So once you decide to start

thinking outside of the classroom walls, you may find that there are more

options than you think.

It was a huge and difficult decision for us to make this decision, I can tell

you, and we have had all of the concerns I'm sure you are exploring. So I

understand the difficult place you are in, and how hard it is to figure out what

is best for your child.

Anyway, I thought I'd share this and I'd be happy to talk more directly in email

if you are interested since we seem to be in similar places! Good luck!

Diane

[Guest guest]

http://tinyurl.com/cn8h89

Great article! I included the link if anyone is interested in reading it.

Roxanna

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." ~ Mark Twain

( ) Re: Social Interaction/Homeschooling vs Public School

More info for us. NYU is developing a home school curriculum for AS/nldcan you believe it. Google NYU child study see Dr. Geller web pageand paper she wrote on what an AS kid needs and etc. Not soon enough for us right? Pam

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