Re: Help! My son has asperger's with adhd and I need some...

[Guest guest]

Ruthie,

Your post reminded me of something that I read about "time in". That is when the parents spend at least 10 minutes per day doing something that the child wants. If the child is looking for attention, they get it with the "time in." The child gets to pick the activity.

Deb

here are a lot of people that know me and know what I am about, even on this

website, so I think I will just leave it at that....I can read, and I feel I am pretty good at interpreting things.

If you are not rich, I suggest using pennies, but your children DO need an allowance, and tying it to work is reasonable since we, as adults, get paid to work.

Also, in case you are new, I was a single parent the first 6 1/2 years of my eldest sons life, and actually lived on $20 a month after bills paid, so I know what it is like to be the poooooorest of the poor and I was in an abusive relationship and worked hard to get my life in order to BE where I am now-----I earned everything I have now but my SON got an allowance; in fact, during custody battles, our judge basically ordered it at one point, so regardless of the dollar or cents.....time outs typically do NOT work well for these kids, a long with lots of other things...that was my point; sounds to me like you still struggle with them which means it may be worth looking at something else....

Also, my eldest son lived in a treatment facility because my husband and I had to put him there---he was there for 30 months after living 2 1/2 months in the hospital first-----I learned a lot of my skills and ideas from numerous professionals over the years but one of the best things that ever was told to us (which was during treatment) was to reward him unplanned (that can be the gift of 2 hours of your undivided attention if you do not have a dollar) but it worked and still does! If my son knows he is working for something, it is like EVERYTHING ELSE IN ASPIES head (like our youngest aspies, too); I DON'T CARE---I don't want money---I don't want to spend 2 hours with you....whatever it is, they don't want it!!! So, it was something we were told to try and it worked......

As for eggshells, I did not know we get to quit walking on them; we have been on them since before my son was born (with his abusive dad) and now, my son, both sons actually; you say the wrong thing or NO or not what they want to hear, and life is bad.

Sorry to have participated.....I will TRY to keep my ideas to myself again for while....

Ruthie

Debbie Salerno

Maine Coon Rescue

Board Member

DNA Manager

Eastern Regional Director

Vice President

www.mainecoonrescue.com

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