Re: ()new and need advice

[Guest guest]

My son is 12 and has AS, he struggles with social issues, He has one girl at school that continual gives him a hard time(teasing,etc.). They got into an argument and he got a half day of detention, 2 days later with the same girl, he was trying to be nice and was telling her how to make an explosion, he found the directions on the web(we now have web blocking device), the in his words the girl started to act snobby, and he told her he could kill her with his fingers. I felt like I could just die, he doesn't mean any of that stuff he says, I think he was trying to impress her. The school has suspended him for 2 days, I can understand they feel like he needs to be punished, but I don't see how that will help. This is not something he has control over, I have started reading a book by Lavoie, and says it like punishing him for having glasses. I guess

my question is what would you do? And I thought I heard that they can't punish him for like other kids, because of his ARD or 501? Please give me any advice that might help.

Thank you all in advance

Becky

Cypress Texas

From: G <fnofsports@...>Subject: RE: ( ) just don't know what to do about summerAspergers Treatment Date: Saturday, April 18, 2009, 3:24 PM

There are also a lot of camps either specifically made for aspies, or have tons of aspies (like at least a 1/3). These camps will help kids learn to socialize a bit better, and just have fun. They also generally have at least 3 to 1 (frequently close to a 2 to 1) counselor ratio, so it would practically be like having his own person, at least some of the time. Now with all that said, these camps aren't everywhere (the ones that I know of are in CO, MN, TX, NC, OH, CA, and a couple in the Northeast) so not sure where you are from but there shoud be one nearby within a few states, but might not be. And even worse they can get a bit expensive (like $800-3,000) so not sure how feasible that is for you.

From: willafularmory (DOT) comDate: Sat, 18 Apr 2009 11:07:55 -0700Subject: ( ) just don't know what to do about summer

I have no idea what to do with my boy this summer. Isee other people talking about putting their ASD kidsin all kinds of programs and I just don't know how theydo it.He is so *impossible* around other kids. They try to engagewith him and he's actively hostile. Another mom of a HFAkid speculates that it's because he feels unsuccessful withsocializing. Probably so, but I have no idea what to do aboutit. We've done so many interventions and nothing helps. Hejust gets worse and worse. The kids he grew up with stilltry to play with him, but he's so unpleasant to them, Idon't know how long they'll put up with it.If it was just that he didn't like people and wanted to bealone that would be one thing, but I know that's not true.I think he's horribly lonely and he's only going to getlonelier.We get 48 hours of respite care a month, which isn't reallyenough

to send someone with him as an aide.Willamom of Bam, 7 1/2, HFA

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[Guest guest]

you need to request an IEP review meeting and discuss these behaviors and how they school is going to deal with it. They need to conduct an FBA (Functional Behavior Assessment) and a positive behavior plan. He should not be punished for behaviors that are a product of his disability.

In a message dated 4/19/2009 10:27:54 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, gudalj@... writes:

My son is 12 and has AS, he struggles with social issues, He has one girl at school that continual gives him a hard time(teasing,etc.). They got into an argument and he got a half day of detention, 2 days later with the same girl, he was trying to be nice and was telling her how to make an explosion, he found the directions on the web(we now have web blocking device), the in his words the girl started to act snobby, and he told her he could kill her with his fingers. I felt like I could just die, he doesn't mean any of that stuff he says, I think he was trying to impress her. The school has suspended him for 2 days, I can understand they feel like he needs to be punished, but I don't see how that will help. This is not something he has control over, I have started reading a book by Lavoie, and says it like punishing him for having glasses. I guess my question is what would you do? And I thought I heard that they can't punish him for like other kids, because of his ARD or 501? Please give me any advice that might help.

Thank you all in advance

Becky

Cypress Texas

From: G <fnofsportshotmail>Subject: RE: ( ) just don't know what to do about summerAspergers Treatment Date: Saturday, April 18, 2009, 3:24 PM

There are also a lot of camps either specifically made for aspies, or have tons of aspies (like at least a 1/3). These camps will help kids learn to socialize a bit better, and just have fun. They also generally have at least 3 to 1 (frequently close to a 2 to 1) counselor ratio, so it would practically be like having his own person, at least some of the time. Now with all that said, these camps aren't everywhere (the ones that I know of are in CO, MN, TX, NC, OH, CA, and a couple in the Northeast) so not sure where you are from but there shoud be one nearby within a few states, but might not be. And even worse they can get a bit expensive (like $800-3,000) so not sure how feasible that is for you.

From: willafularmory (DOT) comDate: Sat, 18 Apr 2009 11:07:55 -0700Subject: ( ) just don't know what to do about summer

I have no idea what to do with my boy this summer. Isee other people talking about putting their ASD kidsin all kinds of programs and I just don't know how theydo it.He is so *impossible* around other kids. They try to engagewith him and he's actively hostile. Another mom of a HFAkid speculates that it's because he feels unsuccessful withsocializing. Probably so, but I have no idea what to do aboutit. We've done so many interventions and nothing helps. Hejust gets worse and worse. The kids he grew up with stilltry to play with him, but he's so unpleasant to them, Idon't know how long they'll put up with it.If it was just that he didn't like people and wanted to bealone that would be one thing, but I know that's not true.I think he's horribly lonely and he's only going to getlonelier.We get 48 hours of respite care a month, which isn't reallyenough to send someone with him as an aide.Willamom of Bam, 7 1/2, HFA

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[Guest guest]

Hi.

I'm sure you'll get some great advice here.......

I, unfortunately, don't have any. It's hard. YOU know your kid and how wonderful they are and what they mean and what they don't mean. We, as parents, also understand the schools' view. What do we do? It's such a personal thing. Some people go in and fight and explain over and over and over to the staff what their kids meant and how they need to be understood.

Some schools come around and "get it". Some don't and it keeps getting worse.The older a kid gets,,,,,especially one that keeps getting misunderstood.....well, in my opinion, they "see" that they're getting blamed and targeted and misunderstood. They get mad.......some withdraw more and some don't. Ugh.

My son, in 5th grade, started to get angry. We had just seen "The Ant Bully" and he wrote in his notebook a phrase from the movie. He wrote it when he was mad,,,yes,,,,,and frustrated with how school made him feel......but he would never have done anything about it. It, to him I think, was like a diary.

Well,,,,,he wrote, "If you want a battle, I'll give you a war".

I hope you can see our side, but my husband and I giggled about it......this was him. Using phrases from movies and fitting them into his life.

Anyway,,,,,they freaked at school. Luckily it's a small school and they all understood Ian and our situation. But,,,,,,,,it just added to the downward spiral of his school experience.Ugh, again.

We ended up pulling him after 5th grade and it's been wonderful.This is not for everyone, obviously.

So,,,,I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. Keep sticking by your kid and explain to them, even if you don't think they are "getting it" what CAN be said and what can't. It will be okay.

Hugs.

Robin

Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

From: G <fnofsportshotmail (DOT) com>Subject: RE: ( ) just don't know what to do about summerAspergers TreatmentDate: Saturday, April 18, 2009, 3:24 PM

There are also a lot of camps either specifically made for aspies, or have tons of aspies (like at least a 1/3). These camps will help kids learn to socialize a bit better, and just have fun. They also generally have at least 3 to 1 (frequently close to a 2 to 1) counselor ratio, so it would practically be like having his own person, at least some of the time. Now with all that said, these camps aren't everywhere (the ones that I know of are in CO, MN, TX, NC, OH, CA, and a couple in the Northeast) so not sure where you are from but there shoud be one nearby within a few states, but might not be. And even worse they can get a bit expensive (like $800-3,000) so not sure how feasible that is for you.

From: willafularmory (DOT) comDate: Sat, 18 Apr 2009 11:07:55 -0700Subject: ( ) just don't know what to do about summer

I have no idea what to do with my boy this summer. Isee other people talking about putting their ASD kidsin all kinds of programs and I just don't know how theydo it.He is so *impossible* around other kids. They try to engagewith him and he's actively hostile. Another mom of a HFAkid speculates that it's because he feels unsuccessful withsocializing. Probably so, but I have no idea what to do aboutit. We've done so many interventions and nothing helps. Hejust gets worse and worse. The kids he grew up with stilltry to play with him, but he's so unpleasant to them, Idon't know how long they'll put up with it.If it was just that he didn't like people and wanted to bealone that would be one thing, but I know that's not true.I think he's horribly lonely and he's only going to getlonelier.We get 48 hours of respite care a month, which isn't reallyenough

to send someone with him as an aide.Willamom of Bam, 7 1/2, HFA

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[Guest guest]

>

> you need to request an IEP review meeting and discuss these behaviors and

> how they school is going to deal with it. They need to conduct an FBA

> (Functional Behavior Assessment) and a positive behavior plan. He should not

> be punished for behaviors that are a product of his disability.

Hi Becky. I live in southern Montgomery County, not far from you. I agree with

the above, but that will take some time. Meantime, the school should be able to

keep your son and this girl separated, starting immediately. They may not do

anything unless you ask.

My son got in a situation where he was being severely bullied in 6th grade. It

was very successfully resolved without any big meetings. I e-mailed the

homeroom teacher, and I copied all the other core teachers and the principal.

What I e-mailed was a description of what was going on and a statement that I

expected this situation to be resolved. And it was!

Just for ideas, this is how they handled it. The homeroom teacher talked to all

the kids involved as a group and then individually. It was kind of a pep talk

for good citizenship, but she also made it clear that this behavior was going to

have consequences. The " ringleader " was sent away for a semester. The few

times the remaining kids involved got tempted to bully my son, they were given

detention. I don't think that ever happened more than once with a student.

They removed the temptation by moving everyone around within each class so my

son did not have to sit near any of these kids. In general, they just kept a

closer eye on these particular kids. This particular school kept the lunch room

very closely supervised, so that really helped. If kids would start something

at lunch consistently, they would forbid those kids to sit at the same lunch

table for a time.

Hope this helps!

Ruth

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi.

> I'm sure you'll get some great advice here.......

> I, unfortunately, don't have any.  It's hard.  YOU know your kid and how

wonderful they are and what they mean and what they don't mean. 

> We, as parents, also understand the schools' view. 

> What do we do?  It's such a personal thing.

This reminds me of something our school did that really helped with all the

teachers constantly misunderstanding our son. It may be something you can do if

you can't get them to do a full-blown FBA. They did what they call a

psychological consultation. Actually, they have done this a couple of times.

It is kind of a mini-FBA that just results in observations and recommendations

rather than a full-blown behavior plan. They did it when my son's teachers were

freaking out over his creative writing (he writes adventure stories that they

interpreted as dangerous thoughts), thinking out loud (they referred to it as

talking to himself like he was psycho), and other aspie behaviors they didn't

understand. It definitely wasn't a full solution, but it did end all the

accusations. The school psychologist quickly laid to rest all their crazy

thoughts. It gave the school administration what they needed to manage the

teachers. Basically, it just shut them up and forced them to move on to more

constructive ways of dealing with my son. They couldn't pretend this stuff they

were trying to say might be true anymore. This happened while we were on a very

long waiting list for a neuropsych eval for the formal dx (when our son was in

6th grade).

Ruth