Guest guest Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 ((Hugs)) to you, Sherry! I think we can all empathize! This is why we MUST have some kind of respite!! Where do you live? I know we have considered opening our home to AS kids for one weekend a month or so. We did this when we lived in CA, but now we live in MO and do not have the networking we did there. It quite literally saved our sanity to have our kiddos (one at a time) go for a weekend with a trained person whom we trusted. It was good to ALL involved - LOL - and gave us time for our other "ignored" kids. Marilyn in MOFrom: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone@...>Subject: ( ) ready to pull my hair out"SUPPORT GROUP" <Aspergers Treatment >Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:56 AM hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 These kidos are hard to manage. I only have one child. You would think with one child with Asperger it would be managable. But she is like your son creating chaos in the wake of her path. There is no way I can keep up with her. One (extreme I realize) strategy I use is to lock up her stuff in a spare room. And the only way she can use stuff is thru me. It's a behavior method. If he goes into the bathroom fine. He doesn't clean up fine. He wants his TV or gameboy or whatever fine you want him to have it...first the two of you are going to go into the bathroom and clean up. He doesn't want to fine. He doesn't have to. And you aren't punitive about it. You want to help him clean up and get his computer power cord pack. You are not trying to punish him your helping him. This stratgey slows done the rate of chaos. He may get mad and think that he is the only one being so restricted and think it is unfair. It can't be punitive. It has to be presented as helping him get organized with his life. Which it is. This requires so much involvement on our part. It is exhausting. For the weekend morning wakeups. I don't know. If he likes TV or the computer restrict it to the mornings but only if he leaves everyone else alone. I know some people have found Asperger behaviorists that talk to them about these unwanted behaviors. But it is expensive and would have to be ongoing. There is no simple fix. It would give you support you need so it's not all you. I walk around the house like the jail warden with my keys in my pocket. It is ridiculous. I had every door keyed. I restrict access to the pets if I have to. She use to throw hay all over the floor and make big piles and leave it. I locked up the hamster too. I feed them of course I even have locked up extra toliet paper rolls. Oh my gosh. She learned if she doesn't want to ask me for a kleenix then stop pulling them all out of the box. Pam > > hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created > saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts > things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. > sherry > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 Thanks pam we have had a really rough day, i finally said that's it no tv and then he wanted to go for a walk, i said no not until you do what i asked you to, his room was completely destroyed, but he didnt do it. so now we have managed to get his room cleaned and we will be going for the walk in a few minutes. My son is the only child i have with any type of disorder. i also have 2 daughters only one of which who lives with me she is 13, and then my fiancee who lives with us has 3 boys which come to visit on wed after school thru the night then return for 3 weekends out of the month. So our lives are somewhat more complicated then most but with one child so easy to set off it has become very tough, and with Children and youth getting in the mix because the mother of the other boys said my josh did things inappropiately with her boys we have even a bigger mess. i am sorry that my emails are so long, i just really need for some one to hear my side and say hey ive been there i know what you live with i may not be able to help but i know how ya feel. it seems every one around just wants to close their eyes they say they want to help but i dont see where anyone is ready to jump in now and help. It just gets so very frustrating. thanks for the suggestions i will try them. and thanks for just the support. SherryFrom: susanonderko <susanonderko@...> Sent: Saturday, April 25, 2009 9:39:14 AMSubject: ( ) Re: ready to pull my hair out These kidos are hard to manage. I only have one child. You would think with one child with Asperger it would be managable. But she is like your son creating chaos in the wake of her path. There is no way I can keep up with her. One (extreme I realize) strategy I use is to lock up her stuff in a spare room. And the only way she can use stuff is thru me. It's a behavior method. If he goes into the bathroom fine. He doesn't clean up fine. He wants his TV or gameboy or whatever fine you want him to have it...first the two of you are going to go into the bathroom and clean up. He doesn't want to fine. He doesn't have to. And you aren't punitive about it. You want to help him clean up and get his computer power cord pack. You are not trying to punish him your helping him. This stratgey slows done the rate of chaos. He may get mad and think that he is the only one being so restricted and think it is unfair. It can't be punitive. It has to be presented as helping him get organized with his life. Which it is. This requires so much involvement on our part. It is exhausting. For the weekend morning wakeups. I don't know. If he likes TV or the computer restrict it to the mornings but only if he leaves everyone else alone. I know some people have found Asperger behaviorists that talk to them about these unwanted behaviors. But it is expensive and would have to be ongoing. There is no simple fix. It would give you support you need so it's not all you. I walk around the house like the jail warden with my keys in my pocket. It is ridiculous. I had every door keyed. I restrict access to the pets if I have to. She use to throw hay all over the floor and make big piles and leave it. I locked up the hamster too. I feed them of course I even have locked up extra toliet paper rolls. Oh my gosh. She learned if she doesn't want to ask me for a kleenix then stop pulling them all out of the box. Pam > > hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created > saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts > things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. > sherry > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 we live in Pa, and i dont believe we have anything like that here. His dad does take him sometimes but it almost seems like when he comes back he is harder to handle, but it is tough no matter what. I just want to cry i love this child so much i just cant grasp why why does he have to act this way. why cant i get him to understand that he is annoying to others, obnoxious to some and that he seems to have no respect, and then the laughing in very inappropiate times is just ugh. he just laughs more when you tell him to stop, when you tell him to stop other behaviors that may be bothering others he keeps on doing it as if you said nothing, or you talk to him and tell him not to do something because it may upset one of the other children he does it anyway and then acts ( and maybe he doesnt) like he doesnt know that he did something wrong. I have been told by professional that he is master of manipulation and he has attention seeking behavior. i just want it to stop. this whirlwind seems to only subside for alittle while and then i think okay finally peace then bam the whirlwind, tornado is in full force again. But thank god i can get online and cry laugh smile think omg they are dealing with the same thing, or omg i feel the same way. Thanks to all you parents who know exactly how i feel right now or even on a day to day basis. good luck to you all i know we need it. SherryFrom: Marilyn Whitfield <whitfieldmimar@...> Sent: Saturday, April 25, 2009 9:15:20 AMSubject: Re: ( ) ready to pull my hair out ((Hugs)) to you, Sherry! I think we can all empathize! This is why we MUST have some kind of respite!! Where do you live? I know we have considered opening our home to AS kids for one weekend a month or so. We did this when we lived in CA, but now we live in MO and do not have the networking we did there. It quite literally saved our sanity to have our kiddos (one at a time) go for a weekend with a trained person whom we trusted. It was good to ALL involved - LOL - and gave us time for our other "ignored" kids. Marilyn in MOFrom: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>Subject: ( ) ready to pull my hair out"SUPPORT GROUP" <Aspergers Treatment>Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:56 AM hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 Sherry.... I totally hear you....now where in PA???? I live in Pa too...in the Poconos....do you have wrap around services for him???? Alot of what you talk about ...my son was like too! You said he was 11? Right? I think he will get better ....it comes with maturing....I think our children are way behind in maturity than NTs their age. I have noticed how much my son has changed over the last couple of years... He did and still does a lot of what your son does...some things have greatly lessened...we are working on it...it is VERY difficult. I guess in a way I am bless...I only have him... His dad needs to stop indulging him and set limits. Why doesn't he? Does he not understand AS, does he deny it... I would say if his father continues this then he needs to have your son full time...and see what it is like. But that doesn't solve it ...your son sounds alot like mine...very attention seeking...acts like a clown when around others for their attention ...also he thinks they might like him better if they think he is funny and entertaining. But I have noticed this changling a little...maturity and self-esteem help in this area. My son is on medicine....if he is not...then no one can stand to be around him....so for me he needs the meds. And, look at it like this.....our children's brains are wired differently than others...and these meds. help him. So think about the meds. You may have to try different kinds until you find the right one and right dosage. It can help him and you both. You do need a break and I understand that...I also understand the giving in...I also understand the loving of your child but disliking (hating ...sometimes) how they act. Don't give up hope and sneak every moment you can...sit and close your eyes for 5 min...every hour if you have to ...go somewhere in your mind peaceful and quiet. Hang in there and let me know where in pa you live. jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>Subject: ( ) ready to pull my hair out"SUPPORT GROUP" <Aspergers Treatment>Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:56 AM hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 I so can relate...just last night had the good ol 'why oh why' cry. It was a bad day. My DH is not even yet 4, I am afraid of everything the future holds for us. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} for us all. TJ > > > From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone> > Subject: ( ) ready to pull my hair out > " SUPPORT GROUP " <Aspergers Treatment> > Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:56 AM > > > hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created > saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts > things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. > sherry > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 thank you, i will try the timers , my son loves to get into that whole debating game it seems he thinks he will wear me down eventually and give in to him and yes i have caved but have come far in the last 2yrs, but have lots farther to go yet. sherryFrom: susanonderko <susanonderko@...> Sent: Saturday, April 25, 2009 5:34:42 PMSubject: Re: ( ) ready to pull my hair out Sherry I think with some of these kids life has to be very very structured. I would let your husband take him so you get a break and just try to get a behavior plan in place when he gets back. We can help you with that here. One behaviorist told me to get timers at radio shack so the TV automatically went off. Make things black and white. I am too flexible myself I have had to get more firm myself to keep things consistent. I learned the hard way, if I am flexiable she thinks that means everything is up for debate (which she loves). > > we live in Pa, and i dont believe we have anything like that here. His dad does take him sometimes but it almost seems like when he comes back he is harder to handle, but it is tough no matter what. Pam > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: Marilyn Whitfield <whitfieldmimar@ ...> > > Sent: Saturday, April 25, 2009 9:15:20 AM > Subject: Re: ( ) ready to pull my hair out > > > > > > ((Hugs)) to you, Sherry! I think we can all empathize! This is why we MUST have some kind of respite!! Where do you live? I know we have considered opening our home to AS kids for one weekend a month or so. We did this when we lived in CA, but now we live in MO and do not have the networking we did there. It quite literally saved our sanity to have our kiddos (one at a time) go for a weekend with a trained person whom we trusted. It was good to ALL involved - LOL - and gave us time for our other "ignored" kids. > > Marilyn in MO > > > > > From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone> > Subject: ( ) ready to pull my hair out > "SUPPORT GROUP" <Aspergers Treatment> > Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:56 AM > > > hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created > saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts > things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. > sherry > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 we live in a very small town called blooming valley but it is half between Erie and Meadville. my son is very much the clown but he does things that others think is gross or weird, and he is thinking he is funny, i have tried to tell him but behaviors continue. yes he has wrap around services and i have thought about him on meds he used to take them but took him off over the summer to see how he could do he did very well for a while but the regression in self maintaining at home and in school has become blatantly obvious, i discussed briefly with my live in partner about possibly going back to meds. i think though too now that the obsessing is getting worse and the flat out defiance with some more than others is so significant that this is not cute nor funny.sherryFrom: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Saturday, April 25, 2009 5:15:56 PMSubject: Re: ( ) ready to pull my hair out Sherry.... I totally hear you....now where in PA???? I live in Pa too...in the Poconos....do you have wrap around services for him???? Alot of what you talk about ...my son was like too! You said he was 11? Right? I think he will get better ....it comes with maturing.... I think our children are way behind in maturity than NTs their age. I have noticed how much my son has changed over the last couple of years... He did and still does a lot of what your son does...some things have greatly lessened...we are working on it...it is VERY difficult. I guess in a way I am bless...I only have him... His dad needs to stop indulging him and set limits. Why doesn't he? Does he not understand AS, does he deny it... I would say if his father continues this then he needs to have your son full time...and see what it is like. But that doesn't solve it ...your son sounds alot like mine...very attention seeking...acts like a clown when around others for their attention ...also he thinks they might like him better if they think he is funny and entertaining. But I have noticed this changling a little...maturity and self-esteem help in this area. My son is on medicine.... if he is not...then no one can stand to be around him....so for me he needs the meds. And, look at it like this.....our children's brains are wired differently than others...and these meds. help him. So think about the meds. You may have to try different kinds until you find the right one and right dosage. It can help him and you both. You do need a break and I understand that...I also understand the giving in...I also understand the loving of your child but disliking (hating ...sometimes) how they act. Don't give up hope and sneak every moment you can...sit and close your eyes for 5 min...every hour if you have to ...go somewhere in your mind peaceful and quiet. Hang in there and let me know where in pa you live. jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>Subject: ( ) ready to pull my hair out"SUPPORT GROUP" <Aspergers Treatment>Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:56 AM hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 i so agree, my son is 11 but i too worry alot about the future for him.sherryFrom: T <juice00000@...> Sent: Monday, April 27, 2009 6:09:09 PMSubject: Re: ( ) ready to pull my hair out I so can relate...just last night had the good ol 'why oh why' cry. It was a bad day. My DH is not even yet 4, I am afraid of everything the future holds for us. {{{{{{{{HUGS} }}}}}}}} for us all. TJ > > > From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone> > Subject: ( ) ready to pull my hair out > "SUPPORT GROUP" <Aspergers Treatment> > Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:56 AM > > > hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created > saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts > things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. > sherry > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 Sherry, I really thnk he should be back on meds....it proably took a long time for all the meds. to work out of his system. And, if he is OCDing..a small dose of Zoloft will help. Give it a try...my son's classmates know when he forgot to take his meds. ...and that is in only one day. Jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>Subject: ( ) ready to pull my hair out"SUPPORT GROUP" <Aspergers Treatment>Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:56 AM hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming. sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2009 Report Share Posted April 29, 2009 i can picture my son doing that , your son sounds sooooo much like mine.sherry From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Tuesday, April 28, 2009 6:35:31 PMSubject: Re: ( ) ready to pull my hair out My son has been stung a couple of times too! And, he has a tremendous fear of bees of all kinds. His father parked the car next to the Azela bush and my son refused to get out of the passenger door because of the bees so he climber over to the driver's side and out. Another thing our kids have in common!!! Jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>Subject: Re: ( ) ready to pull my hair out Date: Tuesday, April 28, 2009, 3:20 PM yes me too, i have gotten stung several times as a child and now as an adult i still get stung From: Vickie Boehnlein <banelineverizon (DOT) net> Sent: Tuesday, April 28, 2009 10:40:53 AMSubject: Re: ( ) ready to pull my hair out oh can I relate to this! My son has been stung by bees every summer since he was 3 years old. He is 10 now. He has an extreme fear of bees. We go through this every summer. Usually he freaks out more in the beginning of the summer and by the end of summer when the bee problem has gotten the worst he has adjusted a little bit. Until he gets stung and then we start all over again. The funny thing about this to me is that I am 39 years old and have never been stung by a bee until last summer. The same day my son got stung last year I just finished calming him down from his bee sting and went back outside and bam! I get stung for the first time in my life. At least I have a little more empathy for him now that I have lived it. LOL.Vickie> > > From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>> Subject: ( ) ready to pull my hair out> "SUPPORT GROUP" <Aspergers Treatment>> Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:56 AM> > > hi, i hope some of you have some suggestions, cuz at this point i really want to cry and pull my hair out all at the same time, my ds 11 with asperger's is absolutely driving me crazy his behavior is just plain irritating and i have tried several things, time out, taking tv away and even talking to him but he continues. he goes to the bathroom and refuses to do it the right way meaning he will not hold and aim he just stands there and where ever it goes is where it goes he doesnt seem to care that it is on the seat the floor the wall wherever and i even make him clean it up he goes about his business like no big deal , then we have a new kitten yes this kitten is very playful she can bite and scratch, i tell him to leave it alone and she will stop going after her but he continues to tease and torment this cat, he throws shoes pillows whatever he can get his hands on to try and get it to leave him alone, then he refuses to clean up the mess he created> saying it is the cat's fault, ugh! he gets up early on weekend and isnt quiet until he has gotten the whole entire house up and now everyone is upset, now i have to deal with angry siblings , angry partner and quite honestly my own anger, but the fact everyone is upset with him doesnt seem to bother him, he simply has no regards to others thoughts, feelings, or anything else. I have had a few professionals say he needs to be back on meds, but the meds cause him to lose sleep, lose his appetite, and i really want him to not become reliant on meds to control behaviors he needs to learn to cope with out , but at this point i am not certain i have the patience to try to change behaviors on my own, i dont want to send him to residential place, i fear him being away from me for extended period of time., oh yeah one more thing whenever we make plans he will pester asking every few minutes is it time, is it almost time when are we gonna leave. and he blurts> things out some he has no business saying to others some just cause it came to mind and he doesnt do this quietly he is extremely loud, TSS and teacher are trying to break the blurting and talking loudly as he is real bad at school with this issue. right now he is in his room said he was calling dad, as his dad doesnt live with us he wants to go there now because he knows i am very upset, but his dad doesnt set boundaries for him and this seems to exaceberate the problem behaviors. dont know if dad will even take him, but i do need a break, i do this every day and by the end of the week i need a break, is that wrong? I really love him and with all the attention he requires my other children havequestioned if i love them as much because i pamper josh as the other children have put it, i dont mean to pamper him more but there are times when to save a major meltdown or shutdown i try my best to help this issue. please help, the stress is overwhelming.> sherry> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2009 Report Share Posted April 30, 2009 My DS (4) is so terrified of flying insects that when a gnat went by his ear the other day, he wildly ran away into a freshly planted tree & knocked it out of the ground (separating the trunk from the roots). It was one of those times where we didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or sigh. I never thought I'd have to be offering to buy neighbors a new tree b/c of my son. Why do all of our kids have this? -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2009 Report Share Posted May 1, 2009 i don't know but my son 11 simply goes bezerk all he has to see is the flying motion and hear a buzz and he is totally freaking out. he got bit the other yr by a ladybug, unbelievable but it happen and now he is terrified of even ladybugs any that fly crazy as it sounds. From: Chester <tsnoo1@...> Sent: Thursday, April 30, 2009 2:23:29 PMSubject: ( ) Re: ready to pull my hair out My DS (4) is so terrified of flying insects that when a gnat went by his ear the other day, he wildly ran away into a freshly planted tree & knocked it out of the ground (separating the trunk from the roots). It was one of those times where we didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or sigh. I never thought I'd have to be offering to buy neighbors a new tree b/c of my son. Why do all of our kids have this?-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2009 Report Share Posted May 1, 2009 I hate moths myself.... powdery little buggers.... Yuck. Just thinking of them is disgusting..... ( ) Re: ready to pull my hair out My DS (4) is so terrified of flying insects that when a gnat went by his ear the other day, he wildly ran away into a freshly planted tree & knocked it out of the ground (separating the trunk from the roots). It was one of those times where we didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or sigh. I never thought I'd have to be offering to buy neighbors a new tree b/c of my son. Why do all of our kids have this?-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2009 Report Share Posted May 2, 2009 He he. My son got bit by an orange ladybug, too. Isn't that tha Japanese ladybugs? He freaks out, as well. Noticed that, not only do they bite, but they stink when they get smashed. he he. You said it perfectly - it's the "buzz" of any bug. he he. Sorry,,,,I shouldn't laugh. Especially when he freaks at a store or "out in public" and runs screaming. UGH. From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: ready to pull my hair out Date: Friday, May 1, 2009, 9:27 PM i don't know but my son 11 simply goes bezerk all he has to see is the flying motion and hear a buzz and he is totally freaking out. he got bit the other yr by a ladybug, unbelievable but it happen and now he is terrified of even ladybugs any that fly crazy as it sounds. From: Chester <tsnoo1 (DOT) com> Sent: Thursday, April 30, 2009 2:23:29 PMSubject: ( ) Re: ready to pull my hair out My DS (4) is so terrified of flying insects that when a gnat went by his ear the other day, he wildly ran away into a freshly planted tree & knocked it out of the ground (separating the trunk from the roots). It was one of those times where we didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or sigh. I never thought I'd have to be offering to buy neighbors a new tree b/c of my son. Why do all of our kids have this?-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2009 Report Share Posted May 2, 2009 omg been there done that,no go ahead laugh i think it is kinda funny sometimes too, but they dont ya know. sherryFrom: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> Sent: Saturday, May 2, 2009 10:16:53 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: ready to pull my hair out He he. My son got bit by an orange ladybug, too. Isn't that tha Japanese ladybugs? He freaks out, as well. Noticed that, not only do they bite, but they stink when they get smashed. he he. You said it perfectly - it's the "buzz" of any bug. he he. Sorry,,,,I shouldn't laugh. Especially when he freaks at a store or "out in public" and runs screaming. UGH. From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: ready to pull my hair out Date: Friday, May 1, 2009, 9:27 PM i don't know but my son 11 simply goes bezerk all he has to see is the flying motion and hear a buzz and he is totally freaking out. he got bit the other yr by a ladybug, unbelievable but it happen and now he is terrified of even ladybugs any that fly crazy as it sounds. From: Chester <tsnoo1 (DOT) com> Sent: Thursday, April 30, 2009 2:23:29 PMSubject: ( ) Re: ready to pull my hair out My DS (4) is so terrified of flying insects that when a gnat went by his ear the other day, he wildly ran away into a freshly planted tree & knocked it out of the ground (separating the trunk from the roots). It was one of those times where we didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or sigh. I never thought I'd have to be offering to buy neighbors a new tree b/c of my son. Why do all of our kids have this?-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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