Re: School Crisis: Help !!

[Guest guest]

Pam.

I am no expert...change is very very difficult for some of our children...and my son is not too too bad with it..but others can not deal with it at all.

So, I would say the MOST important thing at this point is to get her calm, free of some or all of this anxiety. Anxiety, stress and change are all part of life....but at the moment I think you need to work on getting her calm and feeling safe.

Does she had a paraprofessional with her all day in school? Does she have a mobile therapist?

I know my son went thru some of what your daughter is going thru and would refuse to go to school....but I found the more I kept him home the worse it was to go back. Can you get her to go for 1/2 day or maybe one class. Can you get her a paraprofessional....who will be with her all day?

I have worked with a girl who has AS and when she starts getting anxious, melting down, etc. we take her out of class...go for nice long walks around the school and talk and talk and talk. If she calms down, we go back to class...if not we take her to a quiet place where she can read or whatever. The teachers are great...they all know.

Remember...baby steps...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...>Subject: ( ) School Crisis: Help !! Date: Friday, April 24, 2009, 11:52 PM

Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her. Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we are caught up in red tape. My daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of schoolthe bigger the problem becomes. Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.What stops me next week taking her into her small math class and providing her with predictable work she can manage and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her pets, take some breaks etc. How could the school refuse this? The more we change her programing (the school suggested after schoolhome instruction) the more

complicated we make it.I even looked at another school today, but this is anotherchange with kids she won't know. It was a sweet school for kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still the workshe would be expected to jump into there. I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place. What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for their criticism. Pam

[Guest guest]

I think that is the solution for her. No matter what school she is at I think

she needs this kind of support. I tried to advocate (with a lawyer) for this in

third grade and instead got in class support. What a school district. My husband

is panicing too. I think our best bet is to move get a rental in supportive

town but he is totally overwhelmed with this idea. It is a big change for both

her and him but I have been at this since kindergarten.

Can you help me understand what this person's qualifications

would be and training and what this person would provide?

Janice I am going to see if they will let her in for one period

with reduced work. These folks at the school are such ridgid

thinkers they may keep her out at home instruction at this point saying she went

over 20 days. The only thing in my favor is that our peditrician won't sign off

that she is health impaired. Unfortunately

I don't like our therapists plan which is for another school

30 miles from here. I just don't like the idea of the long commute.

And even so she would need this kid of support there. She would

want to eat with the aide instead of in the big room.

If you help me understand what the support staff would provide

and their training I am going to talk to our therapist about this.

Pam

--- , rushen janice <jrushen@...> wrote:

>

> Pam.

>  

> I am no expert...change is very very difficult for some of our children...and

my son is not too too bad with it..but others can not deal with it at all.

>  

> So, I would say the MOST important thing at this point is to get her calm,

free of some or all of this anxiety. Anxiety, stress and change are all part of

life....but at the moment I think you need to work on getting her calm and

feeling safe.

>  

> Does she had a paraprofessional with her all day in school? Does she have a

mobile therapist?

>  

> I know my son went thru some of what your daughter is going thru and would

refuse to go to school....but I found the more I kept him home the worse it was

to go back.  Can you get her to go for 1/2 day or maybe one class.  Can you get

her a paraprofessional....who will be with her all day? 

>  

> I have worked with a girl who has AS and when she starts getting anxious,

melting down, etc.  we take her out of class...go for nice long walks around the

school and talk and talk and talk.  If she calms down, we go back to class...if

not we take her to a quiet place where she can read or whatever.  The teachers

are great...they all know.

>  

> Remember...baby steps...

>  

> jan

>

>

> Janice Rushen

>  

> " I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope "

>

>

>

>

> From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...>

> Subject: ( ) School Crisis: Help !!

>

> Date: Friday, April 24, 2009, 11:52 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.

> She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her.

Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we are caught up in red tape. My

daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.

> Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another

> change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of school

> the bigger the problem becomes.

>

> Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.

> What stops me next week taking her into her small math class

> and providing her with predictable work she can manage

> and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and

> would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her

> pets, take some breaks etc.

>

> How could the school refuse this?

>

> The more we change her programing (the school suggested after school

> home instruction) the more complicated we make it.

>

> I even looked at another school today, but this is another

> change with kids she won't know. It was a sweet school for

> kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still the work

> she would be expected to jump into there.

>

> I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that

> the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and

> calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.

> To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place.

>

> What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for

> their criticism.

>

> Pam

>

[Guest guest]

First, what has the "child study team" done so far to remedy the problem? Has an FBA been done to find out what the problem is? If she is overwhelmed with her work, what has been done to address that in the past? If she has a LD, what has been done to address her needs?

A child who has so much anxiety as to be missing school might need meds. You said "even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication..." I think you would be surprised at how well meds can help with anxiety. And it does not take a year for them to work. With my oldest ds, when he was in school, he started escalating with anxiety and it was becoming difficult to take him anywhere. It kind of feeds off itself. Anyway, we tried meds (zoloft, in his case) and within 10 days, we noticed such a wonderful change. I don't think that is a long wait. And the longer you wait, the longer the wait for it to work. High anxiety is one thing but it seems to me from your email that she is past that and now on to "severe" anxiety.

With my ds, once we started the meds, the calmer he got, the more he was willing to try. The more he met with success, the more confidence he had and the less anxiety he had. Again, self feeding cycle.

As to whether you can take her in for math class, you should plan all of this with the team. I would not just show up and hope the math teacher does a good job. I would also not want to put her back in a situation that you know is toxic without some sort of support(s) in place to prevent a repeat.I would start at step one and look at both educational and medical. First, I would see a good autism doc to discuss meds as a possibility to address the overwhelming anxiety. Step one with the school is to request a full educational evaluation. If one has been done and she has an IEP already, request an FBA. If that has been done, request one from an autism specialist. Also, view the situation from "least restrictive environment" (LRE) on out. Find the LRE she can deal with right now. Give the meds a few weeks time to work and if she is getting home tutoring, let that go on for now. Make a plan for increasing her LRE like you suggested with the math class by going in for partial days/classes and moving up from that. The difference I would want to see, though, is not just go back to what is making her so upset but to be sure that there are appropriate supports in place when she comes back in. Do what it takes to ensure her success. You can always wean off the supports over time as she gains confidence.

If the school is balking at providing something, I'm not sure what the problem is in order to address that part of your post. But I would just say that being unable to go to school is a major crisis and to deny services and supports at this point seems a bit "wrong." I would get an advocate and look into the procedures for filing complaints if they are refusing to address her needs.

I think the problem at your end is more than just one change. I think a series of changes from various points is necessary to address her problems. I don't know her, obviously, and don't know what you've tried in the past either. So this is just my opinion from reading your post. I have dealt with school refusal and severe anxiety in my oldest ds (hfa) so I can "feel your pain" in this situation.

Also, there are some good articles online about school refusal problems if you want to google them.

And remember too, change is inevitable. You can't sanitize her life. If changing to another school or changing some aspect of the situation is necessary to produce a better outcome in the end, then it's important to lead her through to get to the other side. I don't know if moving is your answer or not, obviously, but whatever is happening at this moment is not working and so therefore, you will have to have change in order to find a solution. She's going to have to adjust and adapt to some kind of change in order to remedy the problem.

Roxanna

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." ~ Mark Twain

( ) School Crisis: Help !!

Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her. Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we are caught up in red tape. My daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of schoolthe bigger the problem becomes. Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.What stops me next week taking her into her small math class and providing her with predictable work she can manage and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her pets, take some breaks etc. How could the school refuse this? The more we change her programing (the school suggested after schoolhome instruction) the more complicated we make it.I even looked at another school today, but this is anotherchange with kids she won't know. It was a sweet school for kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still the workshe would be expected to jump into there. I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place. What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for their criticism. Pam

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.287 / Virus Database: 270.12.4/2078 - Release Date: 04/24/09 07:54:00

[Guest guest]

The child study team sat on there hands and waited until we clocked

up 20 days and then offered home instruction. I got her into

a pyschitrist, she sees a therapist. The problem is not that

she can't do her work it is that she can't do it and

feel calm.

Roxanna: what has the " child study team " done so far to remedy the problem?

Has an FBA been done to find out what the problem is? If she is overwhelmed

with her work, what has been done to address that in the past? If she has a LD,

what has been done to address her needs?

>

She needs meds we are getting on that. We may start next week

on medication.

> A child who has so much anxiety as to be missing school might need meds. You

said " even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication... " I think you would

be surprised at how well meds can help with anxiety. And it does not take a

year for them to work. With my oldest ds, when he was in school, he started

escalating with anxiety and it was becoming difficult to take him anywhere. It

kind of feeds off itself. Anyway, we tried meds (zoloft, in his case) and

within 10 days, we noticed such a wonderful change. I don't think that is a

long wait. And the longer you wait, the longer the wait for it to work. High

anxiety is one thing but it seems to me from your email that she is past that

and now on to " severe " anxiety.

>

>OK no Math ....

>

> As to whether you can take her in for math class, you should plan all of this

with the team. I would not just show up and hope the math teacher does a good

job. I would also not want to put her back in a situation that you know is

toxic without some sort of support(s) in place to prevent a repeat.

>

OK sounds good!!!

> I would start at step one and look at both educational and medical. First, I

would see a good autism doc to discuss meds as a possibility to address the

overwhelming anxiety. Step one with the school is to request a full educational

evaluation. If one has been done and she has an IEP already, request an FBA.

If that has been done, request one from an autism specialist. Also, view the

situation from " least restrictive environment " (LRE) on out. Find the LRE she

can deal with right now. Give the meds a few weeks time to work and if she is

getting home tutoring, let that go on for now. Make a plan for increasing her

LRE like you suggested with the math class by going in for partial days/classes

and moving up from that. The difference I would want to see, though, is not

just go back to what is making her so upset but to be sure that there are

appropriate supports in place when she comes back in. Do what it takes to

ensure her success. You can always wean off the supports over time as she gains

confidence.

>

thanks so much!!!!!!

> If the school is balking at providing something, I'm not sure what the problem

is in order to address that part of your post. But I would just say that being

unable to go to school is a major crisis and to deny services and supports at

this point seems a bit " wrong. " I would get an advocate and look into the

procedures for filing complaints if they are refusing to address her needs.

>

> I think the problem at your end is more than just one change. I think a

series of changes from various points is necessary to address her problems. I

don't know her, obviously, and don't know what you've tried in the past either.

So this is just my opinion from reading your post. I have dealt with school

refusal and severe anxiety in my oldest ds (hfa) so I can " feel your pain " in

this situation.

>

> Also, there are some good articles online about school refusal problems if you

want to google them.

>

> And remember too, change is inevitable. You can't sanitize her life. If

changing to another school or changing some aspect of the situation is necessary

to produce a better outcome in the end, then it's important to lead her through

to get to the other side. I don't know if moving is your answer or not,

obviously, but whatever is happening at this moment is not working and so

therefore, you will have to have change in order to find a solution. She's

going to have to adjust and adapt to some kind of change in order to remedy the

problem.

>

> Roxanna

>

> " Suppose you were an idiot.

> And suppose you were a member of Congress.

> But I repeat myself. "

> ~ Mark Twain

> ( ) School Crisis: Help !!

>

>

>

>

>

> Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.

> She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her.

Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we are caught up in red tape. My

daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.

> Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another

> change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of school

> the bigger the problem becomes.

>

> Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.

> What stops me next week taking her into her small math class

> and providing her with predictable work she can manage

> and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and

> would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her

> pets, take some breaks etc.

>

> How could the school refuse this?

>

> The more we change her programing (the school suggested after school

> home instruction) the more complicated we make it.

>

> I even looked at another school today, but this is another

> change with kids she won't know. It was a sweet school for

> kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still the work

> she would be expected to jump into there.

>

> I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that

> the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and

> calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.

> To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place.

>

> What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for

> their criticism.

>

> Pam

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> Version: 8.5.287 / Virus Database: 270.12.4/2078 - Release Date: 04/24/09

07:54:00

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.

> She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her.

Pam, FWIW, my son went through a period in 6th grade where he was severely

bullied and here is what we/the school did. Actually, it was all the school.

First thing, I think you need to identify exactly which girls it is that are

doing the bullying. Actually, this part was me and needs to be you. Talk to

your daughter and get names. If she is like my son, she is so down that she

will not worry about tattling and will do so. Then the school can keep them

away from your daughter. This will also give them a concrete target for their

anti-bullying program, which I am sure they have--all schools do now. I've been

through this story before. They talked to all the kids together and

individually. Part pep talk on citizenship and part a laying down of the law,

so to speak. They sent the ringleader away for a semester. The rest of them

received detentions when they forgot themselves and attempted to bully my son

again. They stopped all attempts at bullying fairly quickly. My son himself

said things were MUCH better. When the ringleader came back, my son said he has

never bothered him at all. Lastly, they moved all the seating around so my son

never had to sit near any of the bullies in classes (it involved quite a few, so

don't think they can't do this when it seems like it is " all " the 5th grade

girls).

It does sound like the school is making this way too complicated. This may be a

simple bullying problem that needs to be fixed. Most schools are well trained

in this. With all the inadequacies we have run into with our schools, this is

not one of them. They took care of this bullying problem wonderfully. Your

school may too, once they figure out that that is the problem.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

I don't know what state you live in.....I live in PA. I am a paraprofessional...I have a college degree and get school training...Act 80 days...go to conferences...read and read whatever i can get my hands on and talk to the Sped Teachers and Asst. Superintendent and Supervisors.

I am a one on one with a different type of child but often I am placed with a 17 yr. old girl with AS and very OCD and stressed. Her stress levels have increased tremendously. Finally we pushed it so she doesn't have to take the darn PSSA's. We eat lunch with her in the large cafeteria..it took a while....but when she is stressing we take her out of class.

I was with her on Friday. She was so stressed about the concert...she started gagging...that is the new thing...sometimes she ends up throwing up. poor thing. I walk and talk with her and build her up....she felt better and went to chorus....I watched them all sing...(beautiful) and when they were finished ...she ran off stage and up to me...and asked how they sounded....just like a 5 year old...

The bus she takes ...a little earlier than the other ones never showed up. But I helped her remain calm...I went to the office and they called transportation and said it was late. i then gave her my cell phone to call home. Her mom came and picked her up. All went well.

It is very exhausting...and I am tired by the end of the day....i am with the kids all day long...high school...but I would not have it any other way.

I eat lunch with them...and when my student or this other student is having a bad day...I don't take lunch or leave them....I am there for them. Supporting them all the way and this is what your child needs ...someone with her...someone she is comfortable with...someone to advocate and protect her and get her to try new things..but with baby steps. This is what i do.

Push, push, push for it. Scream for it. Here in PA...parents have the more power than they really know...and I bet you do to. When you go in to the IEP meetings...never go alone...go with many....they send many...so should you. Go with your husband, Advocate (get a pushy one...one with great knowledge) go with your lawyer...Stand up for your child. Read wright's law....be prepared....print out articles or studies to back you up. You probably don't realize it ...but you are so full of knowledge of Aspergers and what they really need....the school doesn't. And, whatever you do...Don't let them Intimadate you. You have the UPPER HAND!!! The law is behind you. Tell them they are discriminating against your daughter and that she needs this assistance in order to learn...

Go in Strong and DON't BACK down. Don't sign any thing there....take it home and look it over...find a friend who is an educator ...maybe that tutor....tell us what the IEP says...Roxanna know mucho (lots).....don't be afraid to make waves...they don't want to do more than they have to...just make them....it is your child's right.

And, if they don't want to go along...play hardball and go above them ....administrators. school board, local, state and federal.....if you have to...go up the chain...

Jan

P.S. And, your husband is right...don't move...just shake up the school...wake them up!!!!

Who cares...they are not your friends...your child will not have these same teachers next year...they are not your buddies....some may care...and other don't....so do whatever you have to do...even if it being a pain in the Butt!

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"> > > From: susanonderko <susanonderko@ ...>> Subject: ( ) School Crisis: Help !!> > Date: Friday, April 24, 2009, 11:52 PM> > > > > > > > > Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.> She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her. Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we

are caught up in red tape. My daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.> Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another > change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of school> the bigger the problem becomes. > > Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.> What stops me next week taking her into her small math class > and providing her with predictable work she can manage > and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and > would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her > pets, take some breaks etc. > > How could the school refuse this? > > The more we change her programing (the school suggested after school> home instruction) the more complicated we make it.> > I even looked at another school today, but this is another> change with kids she

won't know. It was a sweet school for > kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still the work> she would be expected to jump into there. > > I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that > the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and > calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.> To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place. > > What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for > their criticism. > > Pam>

[Guest guest]

Yes, and a FBA should be done. But I still think she may need a para...girls can be sneaky....they are in my school...we have to keep an eye on 4 of them....and even moving their seats....having a para in the room and the teacher ...they still were able to pick on this girl who has a hearing problem. This is the 2nd girl they have picked on this year. I am going to talk to them myself...on my own...when the girls are separated...they are okay but the 4 together ...omg...they are awful ..even to the teachers and these girls are 17.

My son has had some problems with girls this year (7th grade-13)....and I have told him that she can not call the house, he can not hang with her and to stay away from her. I have told all his teacher and the Asst. Principal as well as my neighbor who is a monitor. I have also told my son to go to his favorite teacher if there is any problem. The hallways can be AWFUL...they are crowded and pushing...and anything can happen....same thing on the bus which is why my son rides the smaller bus.

Another thing...my son never "tattled" ...never even thought to but these kids tattle on him all the time. Maybe it is the stress of the situation....or they are afraid to...etc. I finally said to him...why would you not stand up for yourself.....do you realize these girls would tell on you in a second ...but you never tell on them...all the stuff they do to you.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) Re: School Crisis: Help !! Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 10:12 AM

>> Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.> She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her. Pam, FWIW, my son went through a period in 6th grade where he was severely bullied and here is what we/the school did. Actually, it was all the school. First thing, I think you need to identify exactly which girls it is that are doing the bullying. Actually, this part was me and needs to be you. Talk to your daughter and get names. If she is like my son, she is so down that she will not worry about tattling and will do so. Then the school can keep them away from your daughter. This will also give them a concrete target

for their anti-bullying program, which I am sure they have--all schools do now. I've been through this story before. They talked to all the kids together and individually. Part pep talk on citizenship and part a laying down of the law, so to speak. They sent the ringleader away for a semester. The rest of them received detentions when they forgot themselves and attempted to bully my son again. They stopped all attempts at bullying fairly quickly. My son himself said things were MUCH better. When the ringleader came back, my son said he has never bothered him at all. Lastly, they moved all the seating around so my son never had to sit near any of the bullies in classes (it involved quite a few, so don't think they can't do this when it seems like it is "all" the 5th grade girls).It does sound like the school is making this way too complicated. This may be a simple bullying problem that needs to be fixed. Most schools are well trained in this.

With all the inadequacies we have run into with our schools, this is not one of them. They took care of this bullying problem wonderfully. Your school may too, once they figure out that that is the problem.Ruth

[Guest guest]

Jan would you mind giving be a basic job description of the

paraprofessional and what her basic responsibilities would

be for a girl with AS with NLD and anxiety. No acting out. All internalized.

Getting good grades. Can't cope with it all.

Recess and lunch stressful. Sometimes work is too stressful even though she can

do it. Girls ignore her. She is stressed to

eat at lunch because she is not engaged with the girls.

She looks fine it's all internalized.

I don't mean to ask you to spend a lot of time on time. Just a general

description.

She has in her neuropsch report that she needed an aide. Breaks

but she doesn't want to be wierd so she doesn't take them. c

But no not an aide like someone that can't do for themselves.

An aide like comfort support.

How would you describe that?

thanks so much for what you provided already!

Pam

- In , rushen janice <jrushen@...> wrote:

>

> I don't know what state you live in.....I live in PA.  I am a

paraprofessional...I have a college degree and get school training...Act 80

days...go to conferences...read and read whatever i can get my hands on and talk

to the Sped Teachers and Asst. Superintendent and Supervisors.

>  

> I am a one on one with a different type of child but often I am placed with a

17 yr. old girl with AS and very OCD and stressed.  Her stress levels have

increased tremendously.  Finally we pushed it so she doesn't have to take the

darn PSSA's.  We eat lunch with her in the large cafeteria..it took a

while....but when she is stressing we take her out of class. 

>  

> I was with her on Friday. She was so stressed about the concert...she started

gagging...that is the new thing...sometimes she ends up throwing up.  poor

thing.  I walk and talk with her and build her up....she felt better and went to

chorus....I watched them all sing...(beautiful) and when they were finished

....she ran off stage and up to me...and asked how they sounded....just like a 5

year old...

>  

> The bus she takes ...a little earlier than the other ones never showed up. 

But I helped her remain calm...I went to the office and they called

transportation and said it was late.  i then gave her my cell phone to call

home.  Her mom came and picked her up.  All went well.

> It is very exhausting...and I am tired by the end of the day....i am with the

kids all day long...high school...but I would not have it any other way.

>  

> I eat lunch with them...and when my student or this other student is having a

bad day...I don't take lunch or leave them....I am there for them.  Supporting

them all the way and this is what your child needs ...someone with her...someone

she is comfortable with...someone to advocate and protect her and get her to try

new things..but with baby steps.  This is what i do.

>  

> Push, push, push for it.  Scream for it.  Here in PA...parents have the more

power than they really know...and I bet you do to.  When you go in to the IEP

meetings...never go alone...go with many....they send many...so should you.  Go

with your husband, Advocate (get a pushy one...one with great knowledge) go with

your lawyer...Stand up for your child. Read wright's law....be prepared....print

out articles or studies to back you up.  You probably don't realize it ...but

you are so full of knowledge of Aspergers and what they really need....the

school doesn't.  And, whatever you do...Don't let them Intimadate you.  You have

the UPPER HAND!!! The law is behind you.  Tell them they are discriminating

against your daughter and that she needs this assistance in order to learn...

>  

> Go in Strong and DON't BACK down.  Don't sign any thing there....take it home

and look it over...find a friend who is an educator ...maybe that tutor....tell

us what the IEP says...Roxanna know mucho  (lots).....don't be afraid to make

waves...they don't want to do more than they have to...just make them....it is

your child's right.

>  

> And, if they don't want to go along...play hardball and go above them

.....administrators. school board, local, state and federal.....if you have

to...go up the chain...

>  

> Jan

>  

> P.S. And, your husband is right...don't move...just shake up the school...wake

them up!!!!

> Who cares...they are not your friends...your child will not have these same

teachers next year...they are not your buddies....some may care...and other

don't....so do whatever you have to do...even if it being a pain in the Butt!

>

>

>  

> Janice Rushen

>  

> " I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope "

>

>

> >

> >

> > From: susanonderko <susanonderko@ ...>

> > Subject: ( ) School Crisis: Help !!

> >

> > Date: Friday, April 24, 2009, 11:52 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.

> > She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her.

Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we are caught up in red tape. My

daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.

> > Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another

> > change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of school

> > the bigger the problem becomes.

> >

> > Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.

> > What stops me next week taking her into her small math class

> > and providing her with predictable work she can manage

> > and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and

> > would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her

> > pets, take some breaks etc.

> >

> > How could the school refuse this?

> >

> > The more we change her programing (the school suggested after school

> > home instruction) the more complicated we make it.

> >

> > I even looked at another school today, but this is another

> > change with kids she won't know. It was a sweet school for

> > kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still the work

> > she would be expected to jump into there.

> >

> > I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that

> > the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and

> > calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.

> > To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place.

> >

> > What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for

> > their criticism.

> >

> > Pam

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Janice one more question ..my daughter is 11 and does not want to

stand out as different ..what could a paraprofessional do to make this less

stigmatizing for her?

One argument the school makes is that my daughter would not want

someone with her.

Pam

> > >

> > >

> > > From: susanonderko <susanonderko@ ...>

> > > Subject: ( ) School Crisis: Help !!

> > >

> > > Date: Friday, April 24, 2009, 11:52 PM

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.

> > > She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting

her. Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we are caught up in red

tape. My daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.

> > > Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another

> > > change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of school

> > > the bigger the problem becomes.

> > >

> > > Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.

> > > What stops me next week taking her into her small math class

> > > and providing her with predictable work she can manage

> > > and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and

> > > would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her

> > > pets, take some breaks etc.

> > >

> > > How could the school refuse this?

> > >

> > > The more we change her programing (the school suggested after school

> > > home instruction) the more complicated we make it.

> > >

> > > I even looked at another school today, but this is another

> > > change with kids she won't know. It was a sweet school for

> > > kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still the work

> > > she would be expected to jump into there.

> > >

> > > I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that

> > > the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and

> > > calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.

> > > To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place.

> > >

> > > What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for

> > > their criticism.

> > >

> > > Pam

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

The most important thing at this point would be getting her back into school...even if it is just for one class or a shortened day. I agree with Roxanna that a FBA should be done around the school refusal issue and a plan of action written. Pam

In a message dated 4/25/2009 9:39:03 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, madideas@... writes:

First, what has the "child study team" done so far to remedy the problem? Has an FBA been done to find out what the problem is? If she is overwhelmed with her work, what has been done to address that in the past? If she has a LD, what has been done to address her needs?

A child who has so much anxiety as to be missing school might need meds. You said "even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication..." I think you would be surprised at how well meds can help with anxiety. And it does not take a year for them to work. With my oldest ds, when he was in school, he started escalating with anxiety and it was becoming difficult to take him anywhere. It kind of feeds off itself. Anyway, we tried meds (zoloft, in his case) and within 10 days, we noticed such a wonderful change. I don't think that is a long wait. And the longer you wait, the longer the wait for it to work. High anxiety is one thing but it seems to me from your email that she is past that and now on to "severe" anxiety.

With my ds, once we started the meds, the calmer he got, the more he was willing to try. The more he met with success, the more confidence he had and the less anxiety he had. Again, self feeding cycle.

As to whether you can take her in for math class, you should plan all of this with the team. I would not just show up and hope the math teacher does a good job. I would also not want to put her back in a situation that you know is toxic without some sort of support(s) in place to prevent a repeat.I would start at step one and look at both educational and medical. First, I would see a good autism doc to discuss meds as a possibility to address the overwhelming anxiety. Step one with the school is to request a full educational evaluation. If one has been done and she has an IEP already, request an FBA. If that has been done, request one from an autism specialist. Also, view the situation from "least restrictive environment" (LRE) on out. Find the LRE she can deal with right now. Give the meds a few weeks time to work and if she is getting home tutoring, let that go on for now. Make a plan for increasing her LRE like you suggested with the math class by going in for partial days/classes and moving up from that. The difference I would want to see, though, is not just go back to what is making her so upset but to be sure that there are appropriate supports in place when she comes back in. Do what it takes to ensure her success. You can always wean off the supports over time as she gains confidence.

If the school is balking at providing something, I'm not sure what the problem is in order to address that part of your post. But I would just say that being unable to go to school is a major crisis and to deny services and supports at this point seems a bit "wrong." I would get an advocate and look into the procedures for filing complaints if they are refusing to address her needs.

I think the problem at your end is more than just one change. I think a series of changes from various points is necessary to address her problems. I don't know her, obviously, and don't know what you've tried in the past either. So this is just my opinion from reading your post. I have dealt with school refusal and severe anxiety in my oldest ds (hfa) so I can "feel your pain" in this situation.

Also, there are some good articles online about school refusal problems if you want to google them.

And remember too, change is inevitable. You can't sanitize her life. If changing to another school or changing some aspect of the situation is necessary to produce a better outcome in the end, then it's important to lead her through to get to the other side. I don't know if moving is your answer or not, obviously, but whatever is happening at this moment is not working and so therefore, you will have to have change in order to find a solution. She's going to have to adjust and adapt to some kind of change in order to remedy the problem.

Roxanna

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." ~ Mark Twain

( ) School Crisis: Help !!

Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her. Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we are caught up in red tape. My daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of schoolthe bigger the problem becomes. Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.What stops me next week taking her into her small math class and providing her with predictable work she can manage and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her pets, take some breaks etc. How could the school refuse this? The more we change her programing (the school suggested after schoolhome instruction) the more complicated we make it.I even looked at another school today, but this is anotherchange with kids she won't know. It was a sweet school for kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still the workshe would be expected to jump into there. I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place. What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for their criticism. Pam

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Access 350+ FREE radio stations anytime from anywhere on the web. Get the Radio Toolbar!

[Guest guest]

Does your daughter have a case manager that oversees her IEP? That should be her "go to" person when she is feeling stressed or having difficulties with peers. Part of the plan to get her back to school should be the utilization of this person and making her teachers aware of the situation. Perhaps letting her leave classes 5 minutes early to avoid lots of chaos and confusion in the hallways. The school needs to build a safety net for your daughter until she feels more comfortable. She should also be receiving social skills training that includes using strategies for potentially difficult interventions with others. Her day should be shortened at first or as much as she can tolerate. In regards to using an assistant, perhaps she could "share" an assistant that is already supporting other students and the support could then be tapered off over time. Pam

In a message dated 4/25/2009 8:28:42 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, susanonderko@... writes:

One argument the school makes is that my daughter would not want someone with her. Access 350+ FREE radio stations anytime from anywhere on the web. Get the Radio Toolbar!

[Guest guest]

So true Ruth! I wrote the director of speical services to ask

if we could meet and to propose a plan and the director told

me, thanks for your input but we make the proposals.

I can't agonize over this anymore. Luckily I have a compassionate

therapist that advocates and a very specific neuropsch report

from 2 years ago that spells out 2 years ago I was there

to address school refusal issues. Our school belittles

me when I try to be proactive.

On the other hand they are just trying to save money. It is probably

cheaper to have my daughter refuse school and need a few

months of home instruction than pay for the paraprofessional

that was proposed.

LDline has a wonderful report on kids with NLD and how they

predictably get overwhelmed.

I think our child psychitrist wants to get involved too.

What a financial drain this all is. It's got to be

done.

It's so tempting to think of home school but she does very little

work at home she needs someone other than me

Pam

> >

> > Okay...we meet our kids at the door...and we are there all day for them...we

go from class to class, sit with them...giving them emotional support, helping

them with school work if they need it....

>

> Jan, thanks so much for taking the time to post this. You have no idea how

much little descriptions like this can help us parent who are not in education

and not in the know. It is very hard to get people at one's child's school to

come right out and say what they do, for some reason. It is hard to get them to

discuss the options.

>

> Ruth

>

[Guest guest]

Ruth,

I don't know how others are or how other schools run....but I am there for the child....I will do whatever it takes .....I had to defend my student in 9th grade. This teacher wrote him up for skipping when we were in the next classroom doing the work. He wasn't feeling well, had just gotten out of the hopital, I had helped the sub take attendance, and told her where we were and I was with him the whole time and he was doing the math assignment. When the teacher came back to school...she wrote him up for skipping....and she waited till I was in the bathroom to hand him the pink slip. When we left class (we always leave a little early to go thru the halls with no kids)(my student is handicapped)....I saw the pink slip. I asked him what is this...and he told me...I was LIVID!!!! I took him to lunch. And on the way out....I ran into the Asst. Principal...I was so angry and livid that I told him the story. I told

him we did not skip class. He was with me. So, he said he would investigate it. He did. And, then he called us to his office a few days later....he told us he would have ripped the whole thing up except that the teacher had called his step-mom. His step-mom wanted him to serve the after school detention.....can you believe it.... So, I told the Asst. Principal...you know that means you will have to get him a bus to go home on since he rides the smaller bus. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! So, he gave him 1/2 day of inschool .....

I told a couple of teacher s in the school about this (because they asked me, "why is he in in-school) and they could not beleive what this teacher did. She was so bad....in fact, I never spoke to her again. She didn't like us para's ....she didn't want us in her classroom....why? Because she could not act the way she wanted...she was nasty to the kids and I was glad I was in there. Several times she yelled at the girl with AS....and I would have to take her out and walk with her. This teacher had no tolerance of those she did not like and it showed.....she had her favorites and it showed!!! And, I let administration know too! She is the only teacher that I have met in 3 1/2 years working for the district that I do not care for....Oh, wait...there is another....but she is on the east side and was my son's case manager. She was nasty. All the kids hated her. She did not recommend my son continue the reading

program. Well, we had him retested and he is back in with a GREAT teacher and he is doing really well.

In fact my son just got his report card...he got 92 in science, 91 in Geography, 85 in math, 89 in Language Arts and 91 in ...but a 78 in Band...so he did not make the honor roll. But a lot of the work he really stuggles with and I am constantly after him all the time...if I let him go on his own...he would have all F's. He would never do anything or any homework. They did not put down his French grade (50) or the Spanish (30)....they give the kids 18 days of each. And, why? I don't know ...so they are well rounded...so they can see if they like it? Well, he hated it ...it was a lot of hand on projects ...such as making a Month calendar for your Birth month and everything had to be in Spanish. Then he had to make a poster. He didn't do either. So, guess who had to yell real loud....I had no idea he was failing and either did his Case Manager...the teachers did not follow his IEP ...no

communications...same thing in ART. So, he got to bring the stuff home to do and guess who sat with him and helped him...ME.

Anyways....this is what I do...I don't know about others...but my girlfriend is the same way with her student. And, you know what...the kids in the class...they accept me...they ask me for help which I am glad to do....I love being with the kids...maybe that is the difference.

Ask me anytime...I have no problem....I get training from the school, read everything and talk to the teachers and to you guys....

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: Re: ( ) School Crisis: Help !! Date: Sunday, April 26, 2009, 12:25 PM

>> Okay...we meet our kids at the door...and we are there all day for them...we go from class to class, sit with them...giving them emotional support, helping them with school work if they need it....Jan, thanks so much for taking the time to post this. You have no idea how much little descriptions like this can help us parent who are not in education and not in the know. It is very hard to get people at one's child's school to come right out and say what they do, for some reason. It is hard to get them to discuss the options.Ruth

[Guest guest]

Whooooaaaaa ...wait ...back up....and I reading this correctly.

What do you mean when you said that she said "We write the proprosals?" Wht proposals...the IEP? Help me hear...because if she is talking about the IEP's ....she is DEAD WRONG! It is the TEAM that writes it....not her and not one person..... tell me she was not speaking about an IEP...please....

If she is...then you need to go to the state...that is B.S.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...>Subject: Re: ( ) School Crisis: Help !! Date: Sunday, April 26, 2009, 5:19 PM

So true Ruth! I wrote the director of speical services to ask if we could meet and to propose a plan and the director toldme, thanks for your input but we make the proposals.I can't agonize over this anymore. Luckily I have a compassionatetherapist that advocates and a very specific neuropsch reportfrom 2 years ago that spells out 2 years ago I was thereto address school refusal issues. Our school belittlesme when I try to be proactive. On the other hand they are just trying to save money. It is probablycheaper to have my daughter refuse school and need a fewmonths of home instruction than pay for the paraprofessionalthat was proposed. LDline has a wonderful report on kids with NLD and how they predictably get overwhelmed. I think our child psychitrist wants to get involved too.What a financial drain this all is. It's got to be done. It's so tempting to think of

home school but she does very littlework at home she needs someone other than mePam > >> > Okay...we meet our kids at the door...and we are there all day for them...we go from class to class, sit with them...giving them emotional support, helping them with school work if they need it....> > Jan, thanks so much for taking the time to post this. You have no idea how much little

descriptions like this can help us parent who are not in education and not in the know. It is very hard to get people at one's child's school to come right out and say what they do, for some reason. It is hard to get them to discuss the options.> > Ruth>

[Guest guest]

There are several ways.....your daughter could share a Para.....that is what they were going to do with my son...another boy has a Para and they were going to have her work with both......

Another thing, which I do on my own, I help all the kids in the class, not just my student. If some are struggling I help them. I rather be busy. I have been with my student for 3 years now....he didn't want a para any more...but when I am not there or if I am late..he panics...hee hee...(in a good way). He misses me. In fact, I was not in the math class for a couple of days because I had to be with the other student as her para was out and I have worked with her....when I walked in the Math class...ALL the kids said...Ms. R...where have you been, Ms. R.... Ms. R...etc. etc. They ALL missed me...and I am not trying to brag ...but they did...even the "trouble" makers. I have befriended all of them. I do the work too...and they laugh! I take the tests with them ...hee hee. I tell them if you don't use the brain...you lose it....I even told them I am getting a cap and gown and graduating with all of them

next year. It is our joke.

So, I guess it depends on the Para they get for your child...and how he/she reacts with the kids....I now have my own son and 9 adopted ones....they come to me with problems...they feel safe and secure..they know i am there for them. If they tell me something in confidence...I keep it there (unless they were to say they were suicidal or being abused). They come to me with social problems....and I keep my eye on all of them.

And, the girl in our school who is 17 ...doesn't care she has a para...she has no friends....she would not make it w/out one.

And, the kids feel safe with me...we sit at a long table and eat lunch together...me with teenagers...ha ha...and I am in my let's say 50. Other adults say...omg, how can you do it...and I say ...how could I not.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...>Subject: Re: ( ) School Crisis: Help !! Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 8:28 PM

Janice one more question ..my daughter is 11 and does not want to stand out as different ..what could a paraprofessional do to make this less stigmatizing for her? One argument the school makes is that my daughter would not want someone with her. Pam > > > > > > > > > From: susanonderko <susanonderko@ ...>> > > Subject: ( ) School Crisis: Help !!> > > > > > Date: Friday, April 24, 2009, 11:52 PM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.> > > She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her. Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we are caught up in red tape. My daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.> > > Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another > > > change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of school> > > the bigger the problem

becomes. > > > > > > Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.> > > What stops me next week taking her into her small math class > > > and providing her with predictable work she can manage > > > and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and > > > would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her > > > pets, take some breaks etc. > > > > > > How could the school refuse this? > > > > > > The more we change her programing (the school suggested after school> > > home instruction) the more complicated we make it.> > > > > > I even looked at another school today, but this is another> > > change with kids she won't know. It was a sweet school for > > > kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still

the work> > > she would be expected to jump into there. > > > > > > I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that > > > the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and > > > calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.> > > To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place. > > > > > > What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for > > > their criticism. > > > > > > Pam> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

There are several ways.....your daughter could share a Para.....that is what they were going to do with my son...another boy has a Para and they were going to have her work with both......

Another thing, which I do on my own, I help all the kids in the class, not just my student. If some are struggling I help them. I rather be busy. I have been with my student for 3 years now....he didn't want a para any more...but when I am not there or if I am late..he panics...hee hee...(in a good way). He misses me. In fact, I was not in the math class for a couple of days because I had to be with the other student as her para was out and I have worked with her....when I walked in the Math class...ALL the kids said...Ms. R...where have you been, Ms. R.... Ms. R...etc. etc. They ALL missed me...and I am not trying to brag ...but they did...even the "trouble" makers. I have befriended all of them. I do the work too...and they laugh! I take the tests with them ...hee hee. I tell them if you don't use the brain...you lose it....I even told them I am getting a cap and gown and graduating with all of them

next year. It is our joke.

So, I guess it depends on the Para they get for your child...and how he/she reacts with the kids....I now have my own son and 9 adopted ones....they come to me with problems...they feel safe and secure..they know i am there for them. If they tell me something in confidence...I keep it there (unless they were to say they were suicidal or being abused). They come to me with social problems....and I keep my eye on all of them.

And, the girl in our school who is 17 ...doesn't care she has a para...she has no friends....she would not make it w/out one.

And, the kids feel safe with me...we sit at a long table and eat lunch together...me with teenagers...ha ha...and I am in my let's say 50. Other adults say...omg, how can you do it...and I say ...how could I not.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...>Subject: Re: ( ) School Crisis: Help !! Date: Saturday, April 25, 2009, 8:28 PM

Janice one more question ..my daughter is 11 and does not want to stand out as different ..what could a paraprofessional do to make this less stigmatizing for her? One argument the school makes is that my daughter would not want someone with her. Pam > > > > > > > > > From: susanonderko <susanonderko@ ...>> > > Subject: ( ) School Crisis: Help !!> > > > > > Date: Friday, April 24, 2009, 11:52 PM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Next week will be my daughter's fourth week of school refusal.> > > She is overwhlemed with her work and with the 5th grade girls rejecting her. Our child study team seems lost what to do. And we are caught up in red tape. My daughter has Asperger and NLD and lots of anxiety.> > > Even if I try to treat the anxiety with medication this is another > > > change for her and likely to take time. The more she is out of school> > > the bigger the problem

becomes. > > > > > > Moms ...help ...I was thinking my kid likes predictablity.> > > What stops me next week taking her into her small math class > > > and providing her with predictable work she can manage > > > and that's it for the day? The teacher is very nice and kind and > > > would probable allow my daughter to talk alittle about her > > > pets, take some breaks etc. > > > > > > How could the school refuse this? > > > > > > The more we change her programing (the school suggested after school> > > home instruction) the more complicated we make it.> > > > > > I even looked at another school today, but this is another> > > change with kids she won't know. It was a sweet school for > > > kids with LD's but it is a huge change and there is still

the work> > > she would be expected to jump into there. > > > > > > I met a wonderful special ed tutor this week and she was saying that > > > the important thing is that my daughter is happy again and > > > calmer. And to not worry at all about grade level work at this point.> > > To build her confidence and get her to a clamer place. > > > > > > What do you think? I'd appreciate feedback so I'm prepared for > > > their criticism. > > > > > > Pam> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

It's so silly what a game. It's all about budget. What they are saying is we

(child study, but for practical purposes the director)

are going to propose an education plan we can afford and you

parent can give us your feedback and we will consider it unless

it costs us any money and then we won't.

So social skills and a paraprofessional cost money and they want to cut cost so

that won't be allowed.

These issues of her being overhwelmed has been going on since preschool dispute

very good grades and testing (so far).

They may propose shortening her day year round,

reducing her workload drastically in class, and giving her scheduled breaks.

These ideas don't cost them money.

Maybe now after all this they will offer a faciliated lunch.

This will be there one concession to us. Their one added cost.

I bet they will propose this. It cuts them nothing.

Unfortunately my daughter's social isolation is not addressed

in this plan.

Well if this is what happens another idea I had was to " move "

closer to her cousins then at least she would have family to

play with after school. Any school district will do then if it is

this sreamlined program. She would go to school for some

academics and we would give up on her being accepted in the

middle school age years. We would focus on stress reduction.

Or we can go the legal route.

thanks for helping me think this thru.

Pam

> > >

> > > Okay...we meet our kids at the door...and we are there all day for

them...we go from class to class, sit with them...giving them emotional support,

helping them with school work if they need it....

> >

> > Jan, thanks so much for taking the time to post this. You have no idea how

much little descriptions like this can help us parent who are not in education

and not in the know. It is very hard to get people at one's child's school to

come right out and say what they do, for some reason. It is hard to get them to

discuss the options.

> >

> > Ruth

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Jan you are great!!!!! Wow. Our kids are so vulnerable. It makes me cry to read

this account at your school. But I am glad you

are there. We have had some bad incidents with teachers. Last years

teacher told my daughter she was going to throw her constant

companion (her stuffed dog and only friend according to her) away in the garbage

if she didn't put him away. And then another time she said she was going to get

a wheel barrel and take her to the nurse if she sees her put her head down

again. Wow! These are tough people.

I had to add to the IEP that breaks are OK, head down etc. I can't

believe it.

The principal did nothing. I even asked for a behaviorist to talk

to the teacher and it made a small change.

Wow if this happened now I would want to explode. But you can't.

You have to be professional and go thru the system.

I'm reading this book about happiness and the author said

that kids grow when they meet challenges. Of course our kids

are vulnerable. But they will have to deal with difficult

people too.

It's sad where is the compassion and caring. There are some

tough people out there.

Pam

> >

> > Okay...we meet our kids at the door...and we are there all day for them...we

go from class to class, sit with them...giving them emotional support, helping

them with school work if they need it....

>

> Jan, thanks so much for taking the time to post this. You have no idea how

much little descriptions like this can help us parent who are not in education

and not in the know. It is very hard to get people at one's child's school to

come right out and say what they do, for some reason. It is hard to get them to

discuss the options.

>

> Ruth

>

[Guest guest]

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...>Subject: Re: ( ) School Crisis: Help !! Date: Sunday, April 26, 2009, 8:42 PM

Jan you are great!!!!! Wow. Our kids are so vulnerable. It makes me cry to read this account at your school. But I am glad you are there. We have had some bad incidents with teachers. Last yearsteacher told my daughter she was going to throw her constant companion (her stuffed dog and only friend according to her) away in the garbage if she didn't put him away. And then another time she said she was going to get a wheel barrel and take her to the nurse if she sees her put her head down again. Wow! These are tough people.I had to add to the IEP that breaks are OK, head down etc. I can'tbelieve it. The principal did nothing. I even asked for a behaviorist to talk to the teacher and it made a small change. Wow if this happened now I would want to explode. But you can't.You have to be professional and go thru the system. I'm reading this book about happiness and the author saidthat kids grow when they

meet challenges. Of course our kidsare vulnerable. But they will have to deal with difficult people too. It's sad where is the compassion and caring. There are some tough people out there. Pam > >> > Okay...we meet our kids at the door...and we are there all day for them...we go from class to class, sit with them...giving them emotional support, helping them with school work if they need it....> > Jan, thanks so much for

taking the time to post this. You have no idea how much little descriptions like this can help us parent who are not in education and not in the know. It is very hard to get people at one's child's school to come right out and say what they do, for some reason. It is hard to get them to discuss the options.> > Ruth>

[Guest guest]

>

> So true Ruth! I wrote the director of speical services to ask

> if we could meet and to propose a plan and the director told

> me, thanks for your input but we make the proposals.

I just have to say that I'm really empathizing with you. My son's dx is a

little different AS/developmental coordination disorder/anxiety " emotionally

fragile " , so I can't say he is " just like " your daughter. But we have the same

problem of a bright, well-mannered child whose problems, for the most part, only

affect himself at school (different story at home, as you know). And he isn't

flunking classes or state testing and messing up their ranking. It is just too

easy for them to pretend his problems aren't there, and a lot of times I think

some people really do think I'm nuts! I'm glad you have supports. Our

neuropsych and others have also been indispensable.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

>

> There are several ways.....your daughter could share a Para.....that is what

they were going to do with my son...another boy has a Para and they were going

to have her work with both......

>  

> Another thing, which I do on my own,  I help all the kids in the class, not

just my student. 

Another option, related to this, is putting her in classes where they have

co-teachers. They do a lot of this at our jr/sr high school. As far as I have

seen, they only give paras like Jan to kids who have physical handicaps (like

being blind, etc.)--in our school district.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

>

> Ruth,

>  

> I don't know how others are or how other schools run....but I am there for the

child....I will do whatever it takes .....I had to defend my student in 9th

grade.

Jan, are you allowed to contact parents directly? You should contact your

student's parents and let them know what you do and how his/her days go. I'm

sure they would love to know. They may not have wanted the ISS gone through

with if they had known what all had gone on. They probably knew very little and

thought they were making their child take responsibility.

I had to laugh at the AP's response. I think ours would have done the same.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

My son went through a period like this in high school. He just refused to go to

school any more. This was a very scary time for our whole family. I spent many

sleepless nights wondering what to do. He was so very, very stressed. So first

of all, let me send you virtual hug.

The solution for us was to make a decision that he would never have to go back

to that kind of school setting. We ultimately to put him in a private school

that specialized in AS. This school has been just wonderful for him. He is a

completely different person than he was a couple of years ago. He has friends,

good friends. He is happy, more confident. The classes are very small and highly

structured. The kids there have similar learning styles, but have a wide range

of interests.

Maybe your daughter will be willing to try going to a new school if she thought

of it as a place to make a fresh start, in a place with no bullies, with

students that were just like her & would want to be her friend.

When he was at home and not going to school, we tried working with tutors from

the school district, but he refused to cooperate. We went through several

tutors. They would come once or twice and then stop showing up. I think he had

maybe 10 hours of instruction for the whole semester. The school district didn't

really have a plan for him. They just decided to wait and see, and then maybe

put him in the ED classes at another high school. I took him for outings on the

weekend to get him out of the house & to try to make him laugh a little. I tried

teaching him things on my own, with mixed results. I told him over & over that

the problem wasn't with him - the problem was with the school not matching his

learning style.

I considered online schooling, and tried one course, but he refused to do the

work & in his state he really wasn't able to do the work. I also looked at a

homeschooling group that met once a week for classes, but they were reluctant to

accept a new student after their classes had started. Then I found the private

school that was perfect for him. I enrolled him using my own funds, and then

after a couple of months when everyone could see that he was actually going to

school every day and seemed happy there, the school district picked up the bill.

We also started some anti-anxiety medication, which helped I think as he started

at this new school.

[Guest guest]

Ruth,

No, I didn't contact the step-mom...she wanted him to serve time...family life is not the greatest!!! So, I don't call ...I don't want to make things harder on my student...if you know what I am trying to say....sad but true.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: Re: ( ) School Crisis: Help !! Date: Monday, April 27, 2009, 1:12 AM

>> Ruth, > > I don't know how others are or how other schools run....but I am there for the child....I will do whatever it takes .....I had to defend my student in 9th grade. Jan, are you allowed to contact parents directly? You should contact your student's parents and let them know what you do and how his/her days go. I'm sure they would love to know. They may not have wanted the ISS gone through with if they had known what all had gone on. They probably knew very little and thought they were making their child take responsibility.I had to laugh at the AP's response. I think ours would have done the same.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

No...in our school you do not need to be physically handicapped...we have a total of 4 para's in our school...one is in an emotional support class all day and the other 3 of us are one on one's. My student is the only one with a physical handicap. The other is a girl with AS and the other is a boy ADHD and behavior problems.

I was thinking of getting one for my son....but I just learned he has made tremendous progress in the Reading program....and Math. He just had a math quiz and got an 86. All by himself....!

And, if the school were to say...well, it will make the child stand out more....like the child doesn't already stand out!! And, maybe with a para...this person could work on social skills with the child all day long...and help the child make friends, make conversations, etc. I know the girl who has AS would not make it thru the day w/out one and she stand out as being so different anyways. On top of it....she doesn't even care or notice.

So, I would not let the school pull that one on me...that it will make my child stand out. Maybe having one for a year....would be such an asset that the next year they would not need one....My student has come a long way ....looking back now I realize it. Today he got elected for West Best award. Why? Becuase of his improvement in attitude. And, he is coming out of his self...he laughs, smiles, jokes with me and we bicker back and forth (teasingly). I know I will cry next year when he graduates.....

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: Re: ( ) School Crisis: Help !! Date: Monday, April 27, 2009, 1:08 AM

>> There are several ways.....your daughter could share a Para.....that is what they were going to do with my son...another boy has a Para and they were going to have her work with both......> > Another thing, which I do on my own, I help all the kids in the class, not just my student. Another option, related to this, is putting her in classes where they have co-teachers. They do a lot of this at our jr/sr high school. As far as I have seen, they only give paras like Jan to kids who have physical handicaps (like being blind, etc.)--in our school district.Ruth